OJIBWEEQUAY   27,806
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The shame, then the spark

Friday, July 20, 2012

I LOVE all of you!!!!!!! You all made me realize it is a journey and I am not alone!!! After my shame blog I worked out hard every day! Running lifting etc.
And I took a moment to remember even though I look like this, Its still better then217

Eating clean-ish this week has slimmed my face abit

My cheat day...girls night with martinis and sushi


I'm ready to tackle this weight!!!!!

Sparkle friends! emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MRS.CARLY 7/20/2012 11:05PM

    As a person that has lost a lot of weight, gained half of it back and lost it again, I think the secret to maintaining your weight is monitoring it by paying attention to your clothes and the scales. AND of course seeing a little bit of a weight gaining and telling yourself "HOLD UP NOW" and nipping it in the bud before it gets to 20 or 30 pounds weight gain. It can be frustrating, but you know what to do to get it back down. You will probably lose 3-5 pounds in water weight the fist week or two!

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FITFOODIE806 7/20/2012 6:13PM

    You seem to enjoy life. I love it! And you look good while doing it!!

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CHRISKENANDKIDS 7/20/2012 6:10PM

    Awesome! :)

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VERONICAVW_140 7/20/2012 1:36PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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VLKSHA 7/20/2012 12:47PM

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PRINCESS1959 7/20/2012 11:35AM

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BLUEROSE73 7/20/2012 11:17AM

    You can do this. I know you can

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KNH771 7/20/2012 11:17AM

    Good for you! I'm glad to hear that you're in a better place. I fell off the food wagon for my birthday, and I'm preparing the kitchen for a re-start. Awesome how we have unlimited new beginnings!

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KKINNEA 7/20/2012 11:14AM

    Sweet!

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Don't we all have a shame blog at some point???

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

I never thought i'd gain this much weight back emoticon8pds! AHHHHHHHH! How shameful! I wanna write I do not really eat that bad...but going back over my food tracker I have emoticon I had some starting over pictures taken....again. And I'll tell ya the proof of 8 is there! I lift like a mad person but I have been half assing my running. I am getting back on it and doing weekly weigh ins and photos until this 8 is gone!!







The most disappointing shot


Even my face is getting fuller...the tell tale sign of weight gain


Well I am taking control today!


Sparkle friends emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GAELENEC 7/20/2012 8:35AM

    Awww.... it's hard to be disappointed in yourself. You've worked so hard to get where you are... and then you let your breath out for what feels like a minute, taking a brief rest, and then... poof! the bad rushes back in! And so does the guilt, and the self condemnation, and all the negative thoughts you ever had about yourself.

Me too. But I needed the rest to recharge, to gather my internal strength again, and most of all as a reminder of WHY I am pushing so hard! Cause I don't like being THERE!!!! lol

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MOJO_RISIN 7/19/2012 7:41PM

    all we can do is start fresh from where we are today, and move forward. in this journey almost everyone gains a bit - but u know what, it reignites your spark, it pisses you off, and it makes you rock it all over again - so it has it's purpose i suppose!!

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LISALGB 7/19/2012 2:27PM

    I think you look beautiful. But, I totally understand where you are coming from. You can do it!!
emoticon emoticon

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GREENEYES2020 7/19/2012 1:27PM

    OMG. We are on the same page, for sure! I am back to my ALL-TIME high! I hate falling into this cycle, where then I just keep eating crap. I gained back 20 lbs. within the last year. As soon as I take any break at all from exercise or eating right, I go right back to where I started. I need to start making steps to change things today!

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JESSICAMARIE12 7/19/2012 11:52AM

    You still look great!! I know you can loose those 8 pounds again! You did it before, you can do it again. We all go through times where we half ass our goals, or "cheat" on foods. Don't let it define you! Learn from it, and keep pushing!!!

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DANCINGGARDENER 7/18/2012 12:26PM

    Boozhoo sweetpea!

I too have been lifting weights and putting on weight because I've been working on other goals. I am up 11 pounds from my Sparky minimum. It's all a balance thing. Get Strong. Get Lean. Get Swift. Get Centered. Get Grounded.... It's hard to "get" them all at the same time. Sometimes you just have to shift focus from one goal to another. Bringing your focus back to Get Lean is just part of the gradual march forward.

You are amazing. You are beautiful. You are an inspiration to everyone you touch.
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JENN03275 7/17/2012 8:51PM

    You are still absolutely gorgeous! I recently gained 10 and wasn't thrilled either and half assing my runs too!! Great job nipping it quickly.

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CHRISKENANDKIDS 7/17/2012 6:42PM

    Hey, 8 pounds is a WHOLE lot better than 50. You're nipping it in the bud at just the right time. You can do it!

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KNH771 7/17/2012 3:05PM

    I think sometimes we expect (or hope for) a weight graph that looks like a slide, when really it's more like a mountain range with peaks and valleys. Hang in there! You're working hard and it will pay off.

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LPERKINS75 7/17/2012 12:33PM

    You are one gorgeous woman!!

I look at you and want to be you. Probably MOST other women feel the same.

However, with that being said, I know how to feels to feel like crap in ones own skin regardless of what other people say.

Hang in there, you can get it under control. This does not define you, it's just a challenge designed to make you a better version of you. :)

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VERONICAVW_140 7/17/2012 10:57AM

    I am making my 9month blog soon and I have some weight gain to tell of too! I know that gaining weight is normal during pregnancy BUT ever since I got put on bed rest I allowed myself to run wild with my eating.
We eat fast food pretty much everyday and I don't eat well when I am at work. I am up to 226lbs! Yikes. I am outta control!!!!
Everyday I keep telling myself that I am gonna get back on track but I end up eating like a small heffer when I get home in the evenings. Geesh!
I am hoping to reign it in and start eating healthier and normal portions starting today. emoticon

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COURTNEY055 7/17/2012 9:55AM

    I understand what you're saying! I've been on since April and in that time, I've lost 14lbs. and managed to gain 10 just by letting myself go and forgetting all I had learned. That's why my new mini goal is to lose the remaining 8. I've lost 2. I'm in the right direction and I have the tools now I just have to get going and do what I used to do! You can do it! You still look great, I think. And I agree, it is hard to face the fact that you've gained. But, just keep going and get back in your groove and that weight will melt off in no time! I'm trying and so far so good. Believe me, I felt the shame too. But, I'm getting there. i have a long way to go to reach my BIG goal, but baby steps, right? You can do it, girl!! Keep going!! emoticon

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NURSEWITT03 7/17/2012 9:54AM

    At least you owned up to it and are taking action. You can do it!

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KIMKO32 7/17/2012 9:48AM

    I "liked this blog" because it shows the vulnerability and that we are all really just human. We may fall, but the determination lies in what you do when that happens. You are very inspring here (and I think you look great). You recognize it....you own it...and you do something about it. Plain and simple. I am and have been struggling with my journey, but with focused people like you, I know I can make it as well. emoticon

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MOVIEGRL1737 7/17/2012 9:45AM

    Bluerose is right, and you can do this. You have the tools, and the strength to use them. emoticon

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BLUEROSE73 7/17/2012 9:42AM

    Good for you. Often it's hard to face the reality of weight gain, and do what needs to be done to get rid of it again. You can do this.

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Sometimes I'm a mean girl

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Yes I admit it. I am mean, rude and resentful...all in my head of course.

You know when ppl take pictures of them selves like this...

They do it because it makes them look thinner! Really it does...for them. In my case it only shows off how my size lg VS poplin shirt is bustin' its buttons.

And then how it looked super tight in the mirror



I was super pissy when I went to a meeting. And I was resenting all the women saying how good I looked(anyone looks good in high waisted jeans). I thought of course I look good in a room of women fatter then me emoticon
WOW bitchy eh? I almost regretted thinking it as soon as the thought appeared emoticon Who is this gal? Being so mean? Why are you being mean to a former YOU??? Yes these gals look like me 35pds a go. How would I have felt if someone thought that of me? Not so good. I have been so self conscious lately and really hating thy body. A friend text me and said "your lack of confidence is unbecoming"! So true!
She took this picture(we do fun crafty things sometimes)


I started immediately hating how chubby my face looked but stopped and remembered how it looked 35pds ago. Sometimes we are our own mean girl. Lets get happy!

Sparkle friends emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GAELENEC 7/12/2012 6:08PM

    My mean girl comes out in my head, towards other people, when I let her have her way with me. When I feel like crap about myself, she is ALL over that s%$$t! and jumps right in. And then moves in, takes over, and.... you get the picture.

When I am gentle and loving with myself, she's allergic and stays gone.

You're doing awesome. You're an amazing human being, and your progress is inspiring. So you had some bad thoughts.... you didn't say them out loud! Progress. Not perfection.

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POGOMOP 7/11/2012 10:33AM

    I find that thoughts like that are a way for my brain to feel more empowered, like I can say no to that donut, but you can't? no of course you can't because I'm awesome and you're not! I do it with everything though, I can manage better, file faster, drive better, pull in more money etc etc. I have a competitive spirit and meanness helps me ignore my insecurities so I can keep my head in the game.

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MOJO_RISIN 7/10/2012 9:41PM

    WOW - this is so insightful, i am also a mean girl, to myself, to others, of course in my head but these hurtful thoughts of others dont make me happy, and certainly terrible thoughts about myself dont make me happy either, lets let go of judgement and move on! woo!

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SKINNYMISSKASEY 7/10/2012 8:39PM

    You are not alone. I have thoughts like that in my head as well.

But the shirt does look great on you and I would have never thought it was too tight. Which, then again I like my stuff fitted and tight like that.

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ALOFA0509 7/10/2012 2:12PM

   
Effortless style, and beauty-- That's U always.. sorry your having a bad head case day!!

Your amazing sista emoticon

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NONIE_C 7/10/2012 1:57PM

    I think a huge part of this weight-loss/healthy-living process is learning to "see" ourselves differently, and learning to treat/talk-to ourselves with love, kindness, and compassion. I know only too well what my own inner mean girl sounds like. She is such a BEEE-ATCH (LOL), but I'm getting much better at shutting her the hell up, and I can tell you are on your way to that too.
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ODINRMC 7/10/2012 1:20PM

    Not seeing your pictures of you 35 lbs ago I only speak for the pictures ago. "Chubby" is nto the words I would use to describe those pictures, by any means. I get how you feel. I sometimes get the same way when I'm grocery shopping...especially when I see extremely large people buying regular soda. I constantly have to stop myself and remind myself that I am a few months of old habits from being those people...Were not better, we just made a choice. Keep on keeping on. Good Hunting!!!

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OFFDREA 7/10/2012 1:00PM

    Not everyone looks good in high waisted jeans, TRUST ME!
You wouldn't let anyone else talk to you like that, so stop letting yourself.

You look fantastic in all those pics, I know what you mean though. We are our own worst critic picking apart every little thing we see wrong. All we can do is try and get over it and embrace our success. You have come along way, focus on the positive!!!

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VERONICAVW_140 7/10/2012 12:36PM

    Atleast you are honest enough to say that those thoughts enter your mind. I think we have all said those kinds of things (to ourselves of course) at one time or another.
Fitness and attractivenes level are SO relative. What looks good to one person doesn't neccassarily look good to another. It's great for these ladies to think you look good. Their compliments are not unfounded. They REALLY DO think that you look great. But that doesn't mean that that is YOUR perception. And that is okay. You are allowed to view yourself how you would like to. I know when I was losing weight I would have liked to lose atleast another 10lbs but I had several people telling me that I looked great the way I was. The thing about it was that ME, MYSELF, and I am the only person that has to be okay with the way I look.
It took me a very long time to love myself as is. Not to say that I am not going to try and improve my body and be healthy. Only that I now can love myself enough to change my health instead of hating my body to the point that I feel like I HAVE to change.
You are a strong woman and I know that you are giving it the ol' college try to appreciate your body. Appreciating your body doens't mean you have to accept the way it currently looks. It just means that as soon as those negative thoughts enter your head, you are immediately combating them with postive ones. And it looks like you are doing just that. So keep it up. :)

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MYLADY4 7/10/2012 11:35AM

    You know you are your worst critic, we all think you look great and are a superwoman.

Agree, be HAPPY with what you have accomplished.

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KKINNEA 7/10/2012 10:24AM

    Exactly, love yourself, girl! We love you!

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CHRIMSONFYRE 7/10/2012 10:21AM

    I think you look amazing, just try to love the body you are in, you will get where you want to be!

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JESSICAMARIE12 7/10/2012 10:20AM

    I find myself doing the same things!! I was in the gym yesterday (a first in a loooong time for me) and I had to mentally slap myself when I was looking around at everyone, judging. I had to tell myself that they made the effort to be here, and make themselves better, just like I did - so stop judging! :)

I also have a hard time with pictures. I am always saying that I HATE my pics because of my double chin!!! Once upon a time, I had perfected hiding that, but not so much anymore. LOL

But thank you for that, it's so true that we are our worst judges, and do the most harm to our own state of mind!! :) Good luck on working on your self!!! You can do it!!!!

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CATDUG19 7/10/2012 10:20AM

    great blog.

Sometimes we need to give ourselves a slap upside the head!

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MSMOSTIMPROVED 7/10/2012 10:19AM

    You look great! Sometimes we are our own worst enemy. I'm with you -- let's get happy!!!

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What is sexy??x52

Friday, July 06, 2012

Being inspired! Being inspired is one of the sexiest feelings! I LOVE athletes! They inspire the heck outta me! I love a life long dedicated to health and fitness person! Yeah some may lose 100 pounds and be in great shape....now. They may inspire some, but for me its the one that never gained weight and is an f en rock star at their sport!

And you know who I am lovin lately... Lolo!!!!!!!!

~photo Lolo Jones FB page http://on.fb.me/K5PjkU

I am such a gym rat! But today I did track intervals and a kick ass circuit!
Oh and I cut 4 inches off my hair! So short!

Squats on a balance board??? whew!

I am old school! Pushups the best for chest shoulders arms! And core!


I have been eating clean! Feels good! Chicken skewers and homemade guac!


Now that's a snack!


I'm not the skinniest gal out there but I am inspired to become one!

Sparkle friends emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KNH771 7/6/2012 11:07PM

    When the weather is nice I love to workout outside too! Great job on the eating clean. Not my strongest suit.

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DANNYFLY 7/6/2012 7:18PM

    what would you do without a gym? Its an honest question. I live 30 miles away from the nearest gym. I usually do pushups and situps and i run by the lake thats here.

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CHANGINGSAM 7/6/2012 4:01PM

    emoticon

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What is sexy??x51

Thursday, July 05, 2012

The 1 piece. I know gee! With a world full of fat girls wearing 2 pieces, I was so happy to be sporting my 1 piece suit today.

I'm no Torres...


But its nice to see my running legs coming back emoticon

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHANGINGSAM 7/6/2012 10:39AM

    Sexy! emoticon

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ALOFA0509 7/5/2012 10:32PM

    Awsum!!!!

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MRS.CARLY 7/5/2012 9:43PM

    Hot mama!!!

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MRS.CARLY 7/5/2012 9:42PM

    Hot mama!!!

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CHRISKENANDKIDS 7/5/2012 8:11PM

    You look great! My legs are just cellulite. You look awesome! :)

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JENN03275 7/5/2012 6:36PM

    Looks fabulous on you!!!

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VERONICAVW_140 7/5/2012 6:06PM

    Looks great! emoticon

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MYLADY4 7/5/2012 5:41PM

    WHOOOHOO those look like some powerful legs, look at that definition. You go girl.

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