Am I failure??

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Today is my baby's birthday!!! Oh this girl! She is 2!!! She was counting to 10 today in the car and I started getting all mushy!! Awe! WHen its the last baby it seems to make each birthday more weepy!!!! And she is such a peach!!! '
I am in ultra, super, cannot stop this momma from running mode!!!! It's what has always helped me lose weight before! But I am old now! And the dang scale is not moving! AND I ate 6 brownies today! I have issues people!!My nutrition was off today which seems to happen on my long run days. I eat breakfast, a snack while running and then I am super queasy after. WHen the stomach issue subsides I eat like I just ran a marathon!! Today it was chicken and broccoli lo mein. I made it and it was delish! I tried eating more broccoli then noodles but I caved and ate 2 servings! Oh well! I was hungary!
The oldest baby knows that we should have cake on birthdays! And kept chanting cake! So we made some homemade brownies. Less oil and less sugar. It still didnt keep me from eating 6!!!!!
I was determined to utilize those brownies and went out for a little jog and made it 2.25 miles! It is still so hot here at night! For a total of 10 miles today. Meh not bad!
But I couldnt help but think of my goal for today. I wanted to be at pre baby weight by this date. Which is between 165-167. Yes I am still 179! Damn that number!!! Still 14 pounds away! I kept asking did I fail?? Because I am not 165 today??? Did I fail because I am not in a size 8???? Ahh well fat brain would say, hell yeah! But rational brain says, hell no!!
I still have the goal of 8 and 165 but its gonna take ma a little more work and a lot more miles!!

Its not failing when I wear my shorty shorts running and not think twice about it...

...or wear a tank and only have one roll

...and grow pumpkins!


Sparkle peeps!

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BEACHMOMMY87 7/31/2011 7:15PM

Sexy Legs! Great attitude! You are not a failure!! Way to go! Report Inappropriate Comment

NODOOVERS 7/30/2011 12:29AM

great legs, mama! and i might have to go eat a brownie from my freezer (where i hide them from myself), but i won't be runnin it off,,,YOU RULE and should be so proud of yrself for yr awesome workouts! Report Inappropriate Comment

EMMANYC 7/29/2011 10:38AM

Definitely not a failure. But I, too, am having trouble with my habit of "training with one foot in the refrigerator". I deal with the mindless munchies by eating 94% fat-free popcorn. Since you seem to have a craving for sweets after your long runs, what about trying a sweet but healthier alternative like a big bowl of berries topped with bio-active yogurt (either sugar free or naturally-sweetened). The one-two-three punch of volume (from the fruit), protein (from the yogurt) and sweetness (fruit and yogurt) might help. Or something less healthy but still satisfying like sugar-free chocolate pudding? Report Inappropriate Comment

BETTERJULIA 7/29/2011 10:16AM

You are amazing not a failure - keep ROCKING it!!! Report Inappropriate Comment

BELLE0308 7/29/2011 6:44AM

It is hard...isn't it. First of all, don't get down on yourself beacause you haven't failed at anything. In fact you have succeeded in much. I understand what you are saying though. I have been dealing with various issues that have thrown me backwards quite a bit. For one thing I tend to go gung ho on a new work out and then I pull something and have to wait that out a little. This gets me back into the lazy habit. As far as eating goes I have been mental over fried green tomatoes lately and since I can only have them in the summer...you see the issue. Truthfully I think it will ALWAYS be a struggle. I feel that I will always be fighting the feeling of being a failure when I go through rough patches. What I also know for a fact however is that if I stop moving forward because of my backward steps then I will simply go back to square one. Today is fresh and new and a chance to make different choices and you have done SO well! Its in you to KEEP doing well. Report Inappropriate Comment

NEWCCBARBIE 7/29/2011 6:19AM

Um, no. No failure here...move along folks! LOL You're doing awesome. You are probably on to something with regard to your long run days...you burn more calories so your calorie differential might be super high. Which would explain why you're so hungry afterwards. You might have to try calorie cycling. Report Inappropriate Comment

LOIDAEG 7/28/2011 11:47PM

I agree with Miquey73! Definitely not a failure! =) Keep it up! You look fab and work so hard! brownies sound so GOOD! Reason why I don't bake much, I eat too many of what I bake. lol Report Inappropriate Comment

MIQUEY73 7/28/2011 10:29PM

Definitely not a failure! The only way you could fail is if you stopped trying. Keep up the great work! Report Inappropriate Comment

DIY~The spandex experiment, Assignment#7 The proof is in the squat

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Squats burn!!


HA! The only "chick" in the man room!


Finished my 45 minute leg routine with some cardio!
10 minutes on the stair climber!

15 on the bike!

I ate a nectarine instead of another handful of cheerios while deciding on lunch!! ANd yes I drink outta mason jars! easy way to track water!!


I love sweating! And even though I didnt run for 45 minutes today I still feel like I worked out hard!! I have 6 miles of speed training tomorrow!

Sparkle peeps!

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ME_HERE_NOW 7/28/2011 2:40PM

i love your posts! Report Inappropriate Comment

SEESTARS 7/27/2011 10:07AM

Dang girl! That's some awesome workout. No wonder you are feeling your legs today. Good luck on your speed training, you are gonna kill it! Report Inappropriate Comment

BEACHMOMMY87 7/27/2011 9:15AM

Great!! I'm sure you got a good burn & sweat!! Totally agree mason jars ARE a great way to track water!! Report Inappropriate Comment

MAMADWARF 7/26/2011 10:07PM

My girls drink out of those jars too. they make ice tea and lemonade etc and use them all the time! lol, thats funny! Report Inappropriate Comment

JENN03275 7/26/2011 3:48PM

Great job! I love to sweat too! Makes me feel that I am getting toxins out of my body! That totally rocks, you being the onl chick in the mans room! Show them who is boss!! Keep up the good work!! Report Inappropriate Comment

NEWCCBARBIE 7/26/2011 3:42PM

Nice! Report Inappropriate Comment

BLUEROSE73 7/26/2011 3:32PM

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BETTERJULIA 7/26/2011 3:17PM

Love it! Report Inappropriate Comment

GEMINIAN1 7/26/2011 2:54PM

only chick in the man's room Report Inappropriate Comment

VOLLEYGIRL77 7/26/2011 2:48PM

That's awesome! Love that mason jar idea! Report Inappropriate Comment

The Hangover

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Ahh the dreaded Hangover!!! The dreadful affects of alcohol happen for 2 days. Not just the initial consumption of the vodka tonic(my fav)but the day after also!! Why is it BK fish sandwiches sound so normal to eat when your head is throbbing??
Oh no. I dont have one of THOSE hang overs. Havent had one since...um maybe my wedding reception??? No, the hangover I am referring to is a FOOD hangover. Yes its true! It happens! To me anyway.
I always seem to start the day with gusto!!! And that was exactly how it started yesterday!!! I ran 9 miles and thought any negativity would magically disappear! Ahhh endorphins, love you! But unfortunately they creeped back!!! Hubby wanted tacos for dinner! Trust me I dont mind tacos but they really are not my favorite. He on the other hand, can eat 10!!!! What I love is the sour cream!!!! And regrettably for my waistline, I found this new stuff with jalapeños in it!!! Stop!! Never buy it!! You will end up eating it on lettuce like me!! I ate so much I couldnt even eat dessert! Well until hours later that is! Frozen yogurt...in chocolate almond????? YUM-O!
That was last night. This morning I was feeling bloated and sausagey while I was sitting with Hubby eating pie with my coffee Funny how things can just flow to the next!!! I was on a frenzy today! Needless to say there is no pie, no sourcream and no fro yo left!!! AHHHHHHHHHH! I dont even feel mentally able to calculate it all to even add to my tracker! In the midst of it all, I fit in a 4 mile run.
Then had a moment of clarity

I caught a glimpse of my side profile in the bathroom of our gym. I look smaller! No really, LOOK! I was dumbfounded! I know I ate at least 4500 -5000cals the past 2 days!!!!! And I didnt magically turn into that fat blobby thing from star wars!!! That realization shook me to the core! I will look like that blob if I dont CUT IT OUT!!!!
My chicken is roasted, veggies in water and meal plan started. A new week and this time I am starting without the hangover.

Spark peeps!

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SEESTARS 7/27/2011 10:16AM

You are so right about that food hangover. And so good that you can listen to your body to konw what great feels like, and what bad food feels like. Why do we do that to ourselves? I think ATINYDANCER was talking about this in one of her blogs. More in the sense of emotional eating, but it really hit home. She equated it to punishing ourselves. I'm still trying to reprogram my brain to stop telling me I actually still like to eat that junk. Even when I know it will make me feel so bad later. And you don't JUST look smaller, You look downright SLIM! Report Inappropriate Comment

SPARTANBABE 7/25/2011 12:01PM

Whew, though Fat Brain was back for a moment, actually it sounds like it was, but it also sounds like you sent it packing with the scale! Spark on baby!!! Report Inappropriate Comment

COOKWITHME65 7/25/2011 6:11AM

That sour cream sounds wonderful. Good for you for getting in that run dispite feeling bloated and in between your "snacks" You look fantastic. BTW I love your salad wallpaper. Looks yummy! Report Inappropriate Comment

NODOOVERS 7/24/2011 11:46PM

it happens to the best of us-- but you look awesome and i know you can get back on track!!!! Report Inappropriate Comment

The sting of the chafe

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Wow was I having a MOMENT yesterday!!! I was still pissy when I woke up this morning! I REFUSED to step on the scale! I was still cursing 180 when I walked into the gym. I planned a run today. I didnt know how far or how long, just a run! No walking!! No dilly dallying around today! I was up at 05:45 but seriously, it was sooo humid that early to run outside!
I stepped on and took off! I settled into my long run pace, which is 11 minute miles. I used to run a smidge faster but refused to try and push it! I am finally injury free and I will not do something silly because I am in a bad mood!!
I hit 8 miles and thought ok girl you got at least 1 more! When I got to 9 I even considered another!! Well my soaking wet, AND dripping wetshorts said, ahhh maybe we should call it a day!
I actually felt relieved. Like OK, maybe I am not so fat? I ran 30.86(including some minutes of walking cool downs and 2 full miles of walking) this week! I lifted 3 times this week! And even did some elliptical and spin class! So are you still gonna call your self fatty??? Sigh, no. I know I dont LOOK fat or even feel fat most days. But that stupid scale is controlling my brain again!!! I have decided to put the blasted thing back in the truck! No weigh in until I FEEL some change!!!
I jumped in the shower and felt some old memories come back! No really FELT it! CHAfING! Ahhhhh! I chafe in odd spots like my collar bone and waist line! Its actually nice to have blisters and chafe streaks again!!
Sparkle peeps!

Chafe on runner!

I also whitened my teeth today!! It makes me feel PRETTY! HA

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LOIDAEG 7/23/2011 8:28PM

Oh girl you are so not fat! You look amazing! If I was to see you somewhere and you were a complete stranger to me I would be thinking to myself "dang she looks good! wish I looked like her!" =) I would hide the scale for awhile! The scale is NOT our friend! lol It takes awhile but I know someday we can get to the point where we can proudly say "I look amazing!" I have yet to get there too =) Report Inappropriate Comment

NEWCCBARBIE 7/23/2011 7:27PM

Yeah, the scale belongs in the truck...you might not consider yourself in "maintain" mode, but it might be useful to weigh in once a month instead. My husband is in recovery for food addiction and the folks in program aren't allowed to weigh themselves more than once a month because they feel anything more might encourage obsessive behaviors...the ones they're trying to stop. You certainly don't LOOK like you need to lose anymore (where's a sexy whistle emoticon when you need one). Report Inappropriate Comment

hating the scale and trying not to hate thy self!

Friday, July 22, 2011

SOOOOOO yes, I am a little scale obsessed!!!!!!!!!!!!! Please dont blog about me later and be like oh these self hating sparkers blah blah blah!!! I am having a moment!!!
I dont want to be 180! But yep, that's what I am!!!!!!!!!!! F word! What a fatty!!!!!!!I stomach flued out of the 200's and never went back, 190's never a second glance! Now 180!!!!! Oh 180!!!! I WAS 177 not so long ago!! But have been stuck at 179 forEVER!!! It is so obnoxious!! Meaning I am obnoxious!!! I cannot put the sugar down!! I was psyched all week that I hadn't gained a pound!! Even while on my cycle!!!! Which a gain is usually what happens! I was totally anticipating at least 178 next monday!!!!!
My real goal was to be my pre momma weight of 165-167 before my daughters 2nd birthday! Um yeah, not happening, seeing that its in 6 DAYS I feel more womanly the closer I get to 150!!! Being this tall, the less I weigh, the less big I look!! aarrrghhhh!
I KNOW I look different and I am not that delusional not to be happy with the results I have achieved! But when you weigh this much(yeah like the average male) its disheartening! I am not bashing the weight that I am at. For some its their goal weight, but its not mine. I want to be long and lean(just like the name of my favorite jeans). Not long and lumpy!
I need to put in more work to really see the change I want! I made icing before I blogged and ate 6 heaping tablespoons. Then stopped and said "can you taste this"? ahh no. I threw the rest away! And I wonder why I am gaining

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

VERONICAVW_140 7/23/2011 3:35PM

Hello friend!!! I've been in my own world the past few weeks. And by my own world, I mean, I've been eating like crazy and not exercising! Yup, that's what I had reduced my life to, eating and slothing(is slothing a verb?). Anywho, I've been in your shoes! It's AWESOME to lose inches but sometimes I really DO need to see the scale go down too! At my slimmest, I was 138lbs. I was extremely musclar and looked lighter than 138lbs which was fantastic but I would have LOVED to have seen the scale budge past that number! Now, of course, I would pass out if I saw a number lower than 175lb on the scale! It will happen. We just gotta give it some time and much more focus/effort! You're one hot mama as is but I am rootin for you goals to come true! :) Comment edited on: 7/23/2011 3:38:55 PM Report Inappropriate Comment

JSALERNO 7/23/2011 4:50AM

I'M SORRY YOU HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO STAY AWAY FROM THE SUGAR DRUG. PUT ON YOUR BIG GIRL PANTIES AND DO IT LIKE A WOMAN. JUST STAY AWAY. (THAT'S MY TOUGH GUY IMPERSONATION) HOPE YOU GET YOURSELF BACK ON TRACK I KNOW YOUR BLOGS HAVE BEEN AN INSPIRATION TO ME AND I'M ALMOST AT MY GOAL WEIGHT EVEN THOUGH I STILL HAVE CELLULITE TO BURN THROUGH. Report Inappropriate Comment

GEMINIAN1 7/22/2011 6:44PM

Hi Warning ... Warning ... Warning ** Unsolicited Advice ** You sound like: A) Dehydrated B) Blood Sugar Is Low Like you need a big fruit bowl ... front, center, & at attention. If possible; washed & peeled & ready to slam. Grapes, apples, oranges, cherries, bananas, nectarines, no? Report Inappropriate Comment

MONA_MONA 7/22/2011 4:06PM

I know what you mean about looking less big the smaller you are; I have always felt like a giant next to other women regardless of what I may weigh. Doesn't help when people tell you that you're big (meaning tall) or that you aren't fat or skinny. WTH? Have you tried measuring yourself? The scale might be up, but your measurements might be down. That seems to be the case for me sometimes. Report Inappropriate Comment

NEWCCBARBIE 7/22/2011 3:36PM

The scale doesn't always tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help it God...what's that saying about a picture saying a thousand words? Well, your pics say you're at a good healthy weight. Have you been tracking your body fat %? That'll tell you something there as well. Also, check your sodium intake...SP may say it's ok to take in up to 2300MG, but 1500MG is now the recommendation. Report Inappropriate Comment

CECE0330 7/22/2011 3:11PM

IMO, the heat plays a part. You know how things expand in heat & contract with cold? I swear our bodies do the same! Wonder if there's any study done on people being more bloated in summer? Anyway....hang in there! Drink a ton of water. Lots of fruits & veggies & lean proteins. Get some kick-butt workouts in there, and you'll be out of the 80s in a jiffy! Comment edited on: 7/22/2011 3:11:54 PM Report Inappropriate Comment