Monday, August 04, 2014
DAILY WEIGH IN = 180.6
Point of no return! Allowed the climb up to high maintenance range but have now gone over the top. It must stop here. Officially back to being overweight. I am in control. July was celebratory I might say. Free and independent summer month. Hmmm, what is it that I preached to my children - (with freedom comes responsibility!) Enjoyed but it is over. August brings a new routine. Back to work at school and embracing structure and scheduling. Hard to admit but maybe necessary. But the decision is made for me and I must manage how I deal with it - wisely, healthily or recklessly, riskily?!?!
So my summer break has been WONDERFUL, despite the added pounds. Of course I am not pleased with that part of it, but it is what it is and now I am moving on...hopefully forward movement into progress and backward on the scale. Lol
Instead of beating myself up about all the not-so-much-for-the-best choices I've made about eating or the look-at-what-you've-done-to-yourself attitude or the what-about-all-the-hard-work-it-took-you-t
o-get-here, let me just accept what is and move on to the motivating get-back-to-it and the do-this-for-yourself attitude that propelled me to this 50lb weightloss in the first place.
I have already "mourned" my losses of poor, poor pitiful me and the loss of food for comfort. That was an important process that I had to go through in the earlier part of this journey but I have moved beyond that. I have been living my life, the good and the bad and that has brought on some pounds...so back to basics and the "work" it takes to be healthy physically and emotionally.
I have learned to "drop the fairy tale." Life cannot be a vacation everyday. You can't get something for nothing. Hard work pays off. The truth is sometimes hard to hear. And all the other possible cliches I could come up with. But I also know that every inspirational cliche can be reality if I so choose.
So let's begin August...
Thursday, July 31, 2014
While I am still within 5 pounds of my maintenance range I am struggling internally. I thought my summer(off from my teaching job) would at least bring maintenance, but it looks like a trend totaling a +5 lb gain...I think I could have been happy with even that, but I am unhappy about my inconstancies of splurges, treats, binges, emotional eating episodes... If I had been consistent within range or even used well-planned, off-regimen ideas I would be happy with myself teetering from the low end to high end of maintenance weight. The inconsistencies scare me and make me concerned with total relapse and yoyo. Though I have basically maintained my weight for the last two years, relapse comes way too often.
Just as with weightloss, I "know" all the right things to do. For some reason I just cannot stay consistent. I have tried numerous approaches both psychologically and monitoring food intake. I keep searching and researching and finding techniques or should I say recalling techniques that help me through. Spark is a wonderful place for information, motivation , and inspiration, but something has just not completely clicked for me yet.
I have been trying out the No S Diet plan I found on the internet. I like a lot of what it has to offer from the website. I am contemplating buying the book. But I also know that I am leery about yet, another diet book. However, this one is based on lifestyle changes.
I have made lots of positive, consistent changes over the last three years and have no intention of ever going back to my old ways completely, but sometimes with all good intentions of not doing so, I find myself regressing. This is what scares me so. Over the last 2 years, I have fought a 5-15 pound battle most of the time, only maintaining for a few weeks at a time. And I KNOW why...
I will continue to search for my sweet spot. I thought I found it only a few weeks ago...
I know not to be too hard on myself. I know not to return to my old all-or-nothing attitude. I know there is no perfect way. I know my weight is still okay. I guess I really have identified the culprit as FEAR...now I must learn how to face it and deal with it in a healthy way.
Monday, June 02, 2014
Summer is usually a good healthy season for me. I am a school teacher/librarian so am off of work for 10 weeks. WOOHOO!
I use my summers to rest and rejuvenate MYSELF. I still wake pretty early and just sit with my coffee, my thoughts & prayers, and my iPad after DH goes off to work. I like exercising at a reasonable 8:30 am with my retired (so jealous of her) sister.
The low stress level amazingly changes my eating habits. However, daylight hours are so long I have to watch out for eating out of boredom. I also have to be wary of social and celebratory eating! I have finally realized what an emotional eater I am! I am still learning coping strategies for this, whether the emotions are positive or negative, I have to be prepared or the old monsters of bad habits return.
I am finally in maintenance mode of this journey but even now I am often battling a few pounds. It has taken years and the learning and work continue but instead of the 15 lb range, I've gotten to the 3-5 lb range of consistency. I am learning to to mange that 90/10 or 80/20 configuration of eating what I should and should not to maintain health and weight.
My last few months and blogs have been about my successes. But don't be fooled...!!! There have been SOME days that I fell, failed, busted...but I am learning to recover much easier, faster...
In fact today, this week is recovery...from a beach vacation, closing out work stress, family issues...I am at the high end of my maintenance range. Back to basics and starting my summer routine of eating and exercising consistently.
Hooray, it's summertime!
Wednesday, May 07, 2014
Fighting, Fighting, Fighting! Hungry all afternoon. Moody! Emotional! Not feeling full at all. Top range and maybe...over...later...I did it! Or should I say I didn't! I didn't eat anything else and stayed in range. Tomorrow is another day! And I can eat again...now was that sooo bad?
Hunger is a means to weightloss not a punishment or deprivation.
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