Friday, November 09, 2012
Ok... before you continue reading... I must warn you that this may sound silly to many of you, but this fun way of thinking about all this is helping me... and perhaps it just might help someone with some of the same issues I deal with... the Why Bother issue, the low self-esteem, no confidence, is it really worth it? ... those ways of thinking... well... this is how I'm going to fight it right now.... Besides, this is MY blog... So... Here I go......
Aloha! Renee' here again. The real Renee'. I'm a wonderful mom, a terrific wife, healthy, fun-loving, thin, sociable, enjoy outdoor activities. I'm active, willing to try new fun things, including really learning to surf :) ! I can climb a flight of stairs (or several) with no issues. I can wear anything I like, and I enjoy shopping for myself when I need something new to wear. I am smart, I am pretty, I am sexy! I am fun to be around. I enjoy dancing, and creating art, and writing, and going for long walks on the beach... even if they are crowded. :) I have no problems physically fitting in anywhere! I love amusement parks and pool parks! My husband can even lift me up! I love doing things with my kids and husband, I am confident, self-assured, and truely happy and the joy of the Lord is my strength.
Then there's another "me" she's the one I see in the mirror, the inner fat demon girl who tells me "why bother." She tells me to give up, that I'm not worth it, that no one likes me because I'm fat and that even if I was skinny no one would like me. She tells me I can hide behind fat... use it as an excuse to stay away. She tells me I should be embarrassed to look like this. She tells me I'm ugly and ain't nothing I can do about it... Then she tells me to console myself with food... and lots of it. She says the only joy I can truely have is found in a donut, or in a large pizza or in any food as long as there is plenty of it. She tells me I'm not done eating until my stomach hurts. She tells all the time to just give up the dieting forever, that it does no good anyhow. She tells me to stay at home all the time, so we can be alone with the food. And if we go out to eat, she tells me to eat a lot because we must get our money's worth... She's always telling me to throw in the day since it's often already blown. She tells me I can't go on a vacation, especially to a beach, or to a high school reunion, or to most social gatherings... what would people think of how fat you are, she says. We don't need to be around people. They just see you and think of how fat your are and talk wickedly behind your back. She tells me I actually prefer to lay on the couch and eat, that it's much more fun than ANY exercise I might think about doing. She makes me feel worthless and hopeless. She tells me she is my only true friend and that she loves me, but she truely hates me.
I hate her. I'm going to call her Myrtle.... So it's time to get rid of Myrtle. I have a plan to do it... I'm going to rid myself of her one little bit at a time... like in a horror movie. I'm going to ignore everything she says and I'm going to chop her up slowly and burn all the little pieces. It's gonna take a while, and there may be days where I feel like I just can't do it anymore, but I will find the strength somehow. I have declared war on Myrtle. There will be many battles... small ones that I'm taking one at a time... and I will beat her. Good-bye Myrtle! I am aware of you and I don't like you. I know what you are... soon to be history!
Saturday, October 06, 2012
So, I've done my inital weigh in for the start of this challenge... it was bad - 245.5 - but that is down from earlier this week (Monday) where I was 248.5... so I have lost 3 lbs this week. I have been doing better food wise... but wouldn't ya know it that day one of the challenge is leftover pizza and chili day. :) Ok... so I opted to make the chili cause it's a chili kind of day... highs in the lower to mid-50's, overcast, has been raining but stopped... and we have the fire ring out for later this evening. Along with marshmallows :). You just gotta have chili on the first REAL fall feeling day of the year... well we do anyhow. :)
But I'm ready for the challenge regardless. My treadmill is out and in front of a big window... my exercise bike is still in front of the big tv... and ready to be used, and I actually know where my exercise dvd's are. :) The thing is... where do I fit in the exercise? I hate exercising when I have an audience. Just a thing I have, so after work is kinda out... evenings are an option, but dang that's not a good time of day to exercise. When the family is in bed, that's where I wanna be, too. So there's the morning... getting up 1/2 to an hour earlier than everyone else. I have done this before, but don't adore it, although I am ALWAYS glad I did it and got it over with for the day. I imagine I'll be doing a combination of mornings and evenings.
Food... I'm ready. Going to keep carbs low (under 100 for now) and calories within reason. Going to shoot for 1000 to 1300. I'm striving for higher quality and less quantity. :) After today's chili indulgence... I'm gonna be strict.
This is the 3rd 5% challenge I've done. I've not lost 5% at all on the previous 2. :/ It's time I do. On December 1st, 2012, the last day of this challenge... I will weigh 233 or less.
Dear Fat Renee',
Love, Thin Renee'
Saturday, September 29, 2012
This blog is for my 5% Challenge Countdown Assignments. These 5% Challenges are by invitation only... and the teams are limited, so I feel lucky to be a part of it... It's time I actually make good and LOSE my 5% this time.
These are the Countdown Assignments:
1) Have you got your gym clothes, runners, water bottle, etc. ready to go? got what I have.
What is your exercise plan? to do something 5 days per week: SP 28 Day Bootcamp DVD... with a sprinkling of walking and samba reggae.
Do you know what diet you will follow? low carb again. It's been a while, but I always did well and felt wonderful with this plan. I'll be eating lots of fresh veggies, low carb fruits like berries and melons, lean meats like chicken breast, no skin, and drinking lots of water. I will totally be avoiding the "white" food group.
Found some recipes? have cookbooks and the internet. :)
Have you stocked up on the foods? I'll be grocery shopping next week.
Do you know how to connect with your team mates? yep
Did you put your Fall 5% Challenge Commitment on your page? I did.
2) Update the Sparkpage. I do that often... but it's time for a Halloween Re-do.
3) The Reasons:
What do you want to change? my fat person mentality... the way I look at food, exercise and myself.
How do you want to look? Duh. Thinner, healthier, ... good. :)
How do you want to feel? I want to feel good and confident about being in my own skin. no more embarrassment, no more low self-esteem, no more hiding.
What things will you be able to do in the future with a slimmer healthier body? Go up the stairs to my office without getting winded. Shop in regular sizes ... anywhere and totally ROCK anything I want to wear. Concentrate on tasks at hand instead of worrying what people might be thinking of me. Run into old friends and classmates and say hello instead of running the other way. Finally attend a class reunion. And everything I put in this poster I made years ago....
And list all the OTHER things that you want to change! I want to read more, dance more, be involved with more things, and spend less time worrying about the way I look and what other people think and spend more time living and loving life!
4) List ALL your trigger foods. Mostly sweets, but also Mexican food. I can just eat salsa and tortillas all day. Throw in guacamole and I'm in heaven. :)
What are the sources of the Triggers Foods? Usually stuff I have here at home. I have a family and can't eliminate some of their favorite foods just because I can't seem to control myself. Also... a local Mexican food restaurant... when my co-worker is wanting something from there, I have a very very very hard time not getting myself some guacamole and chips.
Describe the most common situations where you reach for the trigger foods or snacks. What room are you in? The living room. What time is it? Normally right after work. What are you doing? Relaxing and watching tv. Who is with you? I am usually alone because the kids are busy with homework. How do you feel? Tired, deserving of a treat and some chill time. Are you eating to feel better? Yes. Are you bored? Sometimes. By getting the food how does it make what you are doing better? Double the enjoyment :) a great show and great food. What should you be doing at that time? Chilling without food.
Do you see a pattern? Definitely. What types of foods are you reaching for? Usually leftovers from suppers and if there are none, then anything that's FAST. Does convenient access make a difference? Tremendously. How can you better handle the situations to avoid the triggers and not binge or eat more than you should. Willpower. I'm not hungry, really, most of the time, and if I am I should grab a fruit. and JUST THE ONE. Often my eating after work turns into a binge. :/
How will you not do that again? Perhaps not watch tv, I could read instead or maybe go for a walk... naaa.... for me that's not realistic. I should plan for my after work time.
Write out your strategy to avoid the Triggers. I will drink more water and have a small snack ready specifically for this time... and NOT leftovers. With the cold weather coming, I could drink my coffee. I love coffee when the weather is cool. More importantly, I will stay focused on my goals... even the little ones like not pigging out after work in front of the tv. Yes.... that's one of my daily goals. :)
5) Knowing my numbers: I will fill this in on day one of the challenge.
October 6, 2012 Day 1 Current weight: 246
Target weight for this challenge: 233
By when? December 1, 2012
Calories per day: it says 1250 to 1600 when I enter my number in goals & progress, but I plan on shooting for more around 1000 to 1300
Calories to burn per day: about 200
6) Is there something you eat often that you have learned to cut the calories on? What works best for you? Do you have something you can share? I do the basics that most know of already.... removing skin from chicken, choosing lower fat and caloried salad dressings, eliminating sugared drinks (no sense drinking calories!) increasing WATER, cutting portion sizes on higher calorie foods, and increasing portion sizes on low calorie foods like fresh veggies. Using cooking sprays instead of butter when sauteeing or cooking. I find planning and measuring to be highly effective.
7) Clean out and tidy the frige, cabinets, and pantry. Assess the diet plan, make menus, make a grocery list, shop... Get the food in order. I will be working on doing all this this week.
8) List YOUR reasons/excuses on why YOUR diets and exercise plans have not been well executed in the past. I have problems with focus, portion control, laziness, giving in to temptation, negative self-talk, boredom, emotional eating, and time.
Write a strategy that will keep you on track....
focus: daily reminders and post-it notes everwhere I feel I need to be reminded.
portion control: measuring, planning and willpower.
laziness: stop it. yeah I wish it were that easy. I'd much rather watch tv or read than exercise.... but I have to be in contol, so ... stop it. I have to use my strength to get over the laziness....
giving in to temptation: will power to say no. I have it in me, and as long as I'm focused this one is fairly easy...
negative self-talk: stop myself in mid criticism and replace with positive self-talk....
boredom: learn to live with it and handle it. Find something to occupy myself, but remember there will be times of boredom... and that it is not a open invitation for eating...
emotional eating: write instead. don't take it out on food or myself, take it out on paper. Write when I feel like eating and I KNOW I'm not hungry....
and time: we all find time to do things we really want to do.... I can do this, too.
9) Track Your Progress with a Measuring Tape - will do and I'll post them on my measurements tracker.
10) Are you prepared to reach your goals? (Quiz) My result: You're well on your way to reaching your goals! But you could help yourself get there more easily by implementing a few changes, like enlisting a diverse support group, tracking your progress, and rewarding yourself along the way.
I scored not so great because of choices I made in the past, and I don't have everything all planned out just yet... namely my number, but I'll get those on day 1 of this challenge.
11) Join your Challenge Team and participate: Introduce Yourself, welcome others, read blogs and discussion comments and post a comment... Done!
12) Meet and greet members of your Challenge team... new members! ... Done!
Ok, well those are it... and I'm ready to get ready :) I still have the food to get in order: menu and grocery list making and the shopping... and I still have my initial weigh ins and goals to set from that. Participation will be daily. I am a Casual Traveler again for this challenge... and I am looking forward to reaching my goals!
Sunday, September 02, 2012
I have had this pic up on my page on and off many times. It's really how I need to approach my life a lot of the times. There are things I can control and things I can't and some things I should have controlled, didn't, and now reaping the consequences. But instead of falling into a depression again, I'm going to ride those waves and do the best I can. I'm learning to surf the waves of life. :)
Yesterday I think I did pretty dang well with my eating. I stayed within ranges and I felt terrific about it. Today, not so great. I am over by quite a bit... but, I'm still ok with it. My plan is to even out the calories tomorrow... and then continue on, with even more determination to not give in to temptation. I also weighed this morning... back up again: 247. It's hard to believe how heavy I am. I often don't "feel" that heavy... but I sure do look that heavy... ugh.
But, today is the last day I'll ever weigh 247! YAY!
Get An Email Alert Each Time OHANAMAMA Posts