Thursday, May 26, 2011
1. What do you look forward to most about Summer?
Sunshine, swimming, tanning, beautiful days
2. Are you going anywhere?
Unfortunately not, but hopefully next year!
3. Whats your favorite clothing item for warm weather?
Shorts and capris and t-shirts... used to love tanks, but my arms aren't presentable any more... yet.
4. Favorite summery color?
colors of the ocean!!
I love bright colors: turquoise, hot pink, lime green, orange
5. What activities do you enjoy doing in warm weather?
Swimming, tanning, cook-outs, enjoying the sunshine.
6. What are your goals for this summer?
This year it's just to get my daughter back on her feet and feeling great after her surgery.
7. Any movies you're looking forward to coming out/ watching?
I dunno... anything scary. :)
8. Favorite flower?
love basically all of them... especially the wild ones my kids bring me.
9. Would you rather the beach or a water park?
BEACH! no doubt!
10. Whats your favorite beach/water park destination?
I don't have one.. any beach would do at this point... it's been too long since I've seen the ocean.
11. What is your favorite thing about summer?
No school, warm weather, tanning, feeling great, loving the sunshine.
12. What is your favorite summer meal?
Anything on the grill, huge salads, lots of fruit!
13. What is one song that signifies *summer* to you?
Pretty much anything by Jimmy Buffett.
14. Whom do you normally visit in the summer?
The happy, loving the sunshine, younger feeling... ME!
15. What is one thing you dislike about summer?
Too short, also gets overly hot & humid in late summer.
16. What do you look forward to most about summer?
School's out for the kids, outdoor time, tanning, swimming, always the potential to visit a beach!
17. What big home projects do you have planned for summer?
a new pool. Ours died. :/
18. In your own personal words, define *summer* as you would like it to appear in an encyclopedia.
I can't word it any better than this quote, which is one of my all time favorite quotes EVER!...
"Summer is the time when one sheds one's tensions with one's clothes, and the right kind of day is jeweled balm for the battered spirit. A few of those days and you can become drunk with the belief that all's right with the world."
~Ada Louise Huxtable
19. What is your goal for the end of summer?
Melanie to be back to herself and feeling great, to not gain weight, or even better to LOSE a few more pounds!
I love summer!
Saturday, May 21, 2011
No weigh in.
Simply put: everything needs improvement.
Having a lovely day cleaning house tho. (see: sarcasm)
Have a great weekend!
Saturday, May 14, 2011
It has not been a good week...
Saturday was a kick in the gut.
Sunday I had a don't give a crap attitude and just ate whatever.
Monday was the same.
Tuesday I was supposed to work, but was able to be off to go with my daughter on her field trip... that was this week's wonderful happy highlight.
Wednesday I put in a good day at work at both my jobs. Came home and ate. then a mad dash to town for a white dress for my daughter. I hate those last minute "oh by the way" things... but we handled it. Got the dress, a slip, and shoes.
A realization happened this night as well. While my daughter was in the dressing room trying on several dresses and then modeling them for me. I was sitting in the only chair in the "foyer" of the dressing room, where there are huge mirrors on every wall... horrible for me. I got a good look at myself from all angles, and saw what others see... not me looking back at myself, but all those other ways to see me when I'm not looking. Back, side, front, it was an awful realization. In my mind's eye I'm not half bad... in my mind's eye a size 18 ain't THAT huge... but in those mirrors it was a different story. I do not look how I "see" myself at all. I am so much bigger than I feel, and I looked so old... so tired. It was depressing.
Thursday was a regular off day that was filled with eating, brooding somewhat over last night's realization, and laundry. Then we went to the graduation where my daughter was an usher. She was beautiful. I love her and her individuality even when she has to "conform"...
Today I was supposed to work, but my daughter got me up at about 4AM feeling quite nauseous. She sat by the toilet for a long time just knowing she was going to hurl and I did all a mom could do... hot/cold wash rags on her head and neck, pulling her hair back, holding her, giving her comfort by just being there. She never did hurl, but she kept rocking back and forth in pain. I know that feeling... needing to barf, but it just won't come, and you don't really want to anyhow... my poor baby. I then made her two cups of tea... Peppermint and Chamomile. We moved to the living room (with a trash can by her side) and she sipped the teas and finally felt at ease enough to fall asleep. it was almost 6. I called my co-worker after 7 and told her about my daughter's illness and that I was going to let her sleep and see how she felt when she woke up. My co-worker is such a sweet lady... she said I could just stay home with her, no worries... when Bethany did wake up at about 10:30, she wanted to stay home, so I did too. It was a lazy day for us, but I reckon we both needed it.
Bad thing is... I only worked one day this week, and I only get paid for hours I work.
I do not plan on weighing in tomorrow because the only thing I have done right diet wise is those daily spark workouts. I haven't eaten worth a hoot nor have I done much by way of cardio. :/ Last Saturday just really threw me for a loop and landed me in a major funk. I'm still fighting myself over the why keep trying it's not worth it mood. And those images of me in those mirrors... Which is something I really need to shake.... because I am worth it.
Tomorrow is Day 1 of a new week for me. I'm going to try to transfer my disappointed, depressed state into a state of getting angered about my current situation, and determined to really work hard to change it. I don't want to see an obese, tired, depressed person in that mirror any more. Nor do I want to be the fat mom when my oldest daughter graduates next year.
There are many things that would make it easier to do this... live in cooks, personal trainers, gym memberships, but alas, I have no money. or a friend. but I don't want to dive into that poor poor me drama right now.
So... this is something I have to do on my own. (that sounds like a new realization... but it's just reiteration) I have to be determined and be able to handle the gains as well as the losses. I MUST stick to my plans and remember my goals.... and why.
I'm also my own worst enemy. I would never be rude or mean to others (Lord knows the crap I take and put up with), yet I am rude and mean to myself way too often. And that is hard to admit because I'm not searching for a pity party... I'm just confessing.... venting.... releasing. I need to be my own best friend, but I don't really know how to do that.
Well... that's enough. I hate coming across as the high maintenance drama queen, which is how I'm feeling right now... but that is NOT me.... really!
**big releasing sigh**
I kinda wish life had a set point you could tag... and a re-set button when you screw up. I really need a do-over.
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