Tuesday, May 05, 2009
you would think that 4 full days of cardio and strength training would make me stay in shape and get stronger... it didn't... don't get me wrong, i had a BLAST with friends! i wouldn't change that for the world!!! i got to train with some of the very best, top Sensei's in my style, i wouldn't change that for the world...
but i lost some stuff...
control of my food intake
control of my alcohol intake
it was tough. i saw so many people that are SO much better than me... more in shape, better technique, quicker at learning, better endurance... there is a different way of doing the grading. someone in our dojo (who's katas i think are very good) didn't pass... i feel awful for him... but it makes me think... can i do my next belt???
i come home, i am TOTALLY (mentally, emotionally, and physically) exhausted, TOTALLY hungry, totally shocked, disappointed... so, what do i do??? um-m-m-m-m, let's see... how about some self-sabotage??? let's eat... A LOT, let's not exercise... let's eat some more... let's not go to the advanced night karate class... oh yeah, i have totally reationalized every behavior... but those are excuses...
i need to quit with the self-pity, self-loathing, and self-sabotaging!
sorry, this is not a warm fuzzy, rah-rah blog... i gotta find the "heart"... the "spirit"...
Lord, please help me...
Sunday, April 26, 2009
yup, you read right...the green-eyed monster reared it's head...
gregg brought home an article of this forty year old, single mother of three who is a cage fighter... he said, it reminded him of me... wow, definitely a compliment, but is he nuts???
first, besides looking a little thin, she looks great... in very good shape. she definitely knows how to defend herself, and OH MY GOODNESS, she is CAGE fighting! how cool is that?!!!
she is only a couple years younger than me. come to think of it, i was about that age when i was doing krav! no, i don't want to cage fight. (okay, maybe a little, it might be fun).. but she is obviously in great shape, and knows how to defend herself. she is close to my age, she has THREE kids, she is a single mom. she doesn't look like she has ANY self-pity. in fact, the opposite! she looks confident! very confident! and that is when the "green-eyed" showed up...
not to mention, it sure doesn't seem like she accepts ANY excuses! and boy, i have A LOT of excuses! some i do rationalize, but even so, if i really want the rockin' hot body, there would be no excuses... right? all of the walls that have been in my way... they are there to see how bad i really wants something... how bad do i really want it?
let's take a few steps back... what is "it"?... what is "it" that i want? maybe if i define it a bit better, i can get there faster...
i want to weigh 150 pounds, wear a size 8 or 6, whichever fits better for my body when i weigh 150 pounds. i want my body to be firm, toned and defined. i want my back and shoulders and arms to look awesome, i want a almost flat stomach, i want a nice tight butt, i want my legs to look beautiful. i want to wear make-up, and have a cute hair-cut that flatters my face. i want to be the best karate student i can be. i want to be able to do incredibly great katas, and not be embarrassed by my performance. i want to be a great sparrer. i want to do krav moves without thinking. i want endurance to do 4-5 hours of karate, or working out HARD, without much fatigue. i want to be able to defend myself and my family.
i want to look in the mirror and be proud of the woman i see, reflecting back at me.
okay, girl, you have defined, "it"... now get off your butt and do something about it... eat better, work-out, train in karate and krav A LOT more... accept no excuses...
"winners have just adopted the habits that losers don't like to do."
Sunday, April 26, 2009
relax... it is a beautiful day! i am going outside, going to listen to all of the great sounds of nature, smell nature, feel nature, all this from God's hand. i need to "drink it in"... get re-focused, and connect...
plan for the week...
okay, get off the computer, get your butt outside...
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
life is all about choices... guess you might think that i am being all "philoshopical" and all but, i know this to be true, and Joel Osteen reminded me of this again, on Sunday...
every day, i have the choice to have a good day, or a bad day. i have the choice to be happy or grumpy. i have the choice to face the world positively or negatively. i have the choice how i react to my circumstances. lately, i have been CHOOSING to be negative. i gotta STOP that!
so, i am choosing to be POSITIVE. it is 8:10 am and i already have baked a cake, done dishes, clean kitchen and dining room and living room. i am going to work out in about half an hour, i am going to PT for my back today, i am going to spend time with gregg today, i get to teach karate tonight and i get to do karate tonight! i am healthy, i have a great family, husband, kids, i have a wonderful home, food, friends, job, pets, i am getting more fit and in shape everyday and this is just the tip of the iceberg! i am blessed!
i am knowledgeable about health and fitness. i know how to get where i need to be physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually... i am on my way!
"winners have simply formed the habit of doing things losers don't like to do."
i choose to be a winner!
Sunday, April 19, 2009
boy, i fell off the wagon... HARD! i am so disappointed with myself. i really thought that i might have conquered the self-saboteur... nope! not yet. over these past few days, i have gone WAY over board, not even tracking myself. today, i went NUTS...
i do plan on getting back on, but it... no i mean, I.... suck! i gotta move on, get back on... one day off is okay every now and then, but it wasn't even that, it was like THREE days! including all my comfort foods of PIZZA and COLDSTONE ice cream!
i can do this...
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