Tuesday, June 05, 2012
OK, two days in a row I've kept it together, which is quite an accomplishment considering what I have been doing lately. Calories in a reasonable range. Got my exercise in. Ate my veggies. Haven't gotten to the de-cluttering part yet, but that will come. I did get an appointment with someone to come fix the garage door (it is out of kilter since I spent a fortune getting the foundation fixed. Guess it raised the house enough to throw that off.), and e-mailed my piano tuner, since the piano is not only seriously out of tune, but has two keys sticking now. At least I accomplished something, even if the house and yard do still both look as if a bomb hit them. I was going to mow tonight at least, but instead got on SparkPeople, got distracted catching up with friends, and here it is almost 10PM with the lawn still long, and the house not a smidgen tidier. Oh, well. I can't do everything at the same time it seems. That's OK. If I can get the diet and exercise thing going again, that will be a major accomplishment.
A friend at work today handed me a diet book that worked for her. Unfortunately, I left it lying on my desk. It sounds like it will fit well with Spark--no "banned" foods, and a recognition that life is what happens while one is trying to improve one's outcomes, along with an insistance that it is not a diet, it is a life-style intended to keep one going, with modifications, for the rest of one's life. That is a lot of ones, I know. The pronouns got the better of me. Anyway, it is worth looking at. I'll probably start reading a little tomorrow at lunch, instead of re-reading the fantasy novel I am in the middle of.
I also need to take this computer to town so I can get on WiFi. A friend has written a book, and has forwarded a copy of it to me, and there is no way I can down-load it on dial up. She has warned me it is still in its editing stages, so I'm not expecting absolutely smooth, but unlike other people I have known to write books, she actually has an agent and a publisher, which bodes well for its quality. Too many people publish through vanity press, without benefit of professional editing or input, and I seem to know all of them. Some of them have really good ideas, and would be interesting, even engrossing, if they had just been edited by someone who was not too emotionally involved in the work to be able to do "slash and burn" when necessary. I can appreciate the problem, because I do the same thing when I am writing. I go off on a tangent, and wander around the point much longer than I need to. Sort of like I'm doing now--I go on my Writing Rambles. Oh, well, I like to hear myself talk, so that's OK, too. And I'm not publishing these Rambles and expecting all my friends to buy a copy. Unless all of you would like to send me some money? Wonder what one of these blogs would be worth?
Sunday, June 03, 2012
OK, going to Iowa to help my Mom move, only to find out that she had no intention of actually moving last weekend, really took it out of me, but that is really no excuse for this last week.
I drove five hours on Saturday, only to get there and find that almost everything was already packed, but Mom had made up her mind (in spite of being given the key and told she could start moving by the landlord) that he might not want her to move until this week, when the lease on her new apartment officially started. She couldn't have mentioned this BEFORE I drove all that way? After I got there, I called my daughter, who was in Kansas (a 6-7 hour trip) with her in-laws interring the ashes of her DHs grandparents last weekend to NOT come to Iowa when she got back. Since Mom had also called her and told her she needed help, she was going to come back from Kansas on Sunday and immediately start for Iowa that evening. Mom's comment? "I wish you hadn't done that. I really would have liked to see Cara." Aaaarghhhh!!
Anyway, I had Monday off as a holiday and had already asked for Tues and Wed as vacation days, thinking I had so much that needs done around here, and work should be fairly quiet. We are really short staffed at work, and I wasn't sure it would work out (my job was quiet, but the patient floors were needing extra staff), but I did get those days off. Came back home on Sunday, and just laid around on Monday. Told myself I would get things done Tues and Wed. Laid around doing nothing on Tues and Wed. No energy at work Thurs or Fri either. And of course, eating myself into the ground and not getting any exercise. I was really ashamed of myself, even as I was doing it, but I did it anyway.
Took a look at the Almanac, and discovered that June 4 and 5 are good days to start a diet to lose weight, so I decided to give myself the rest of the weekend "off" and start full steam ahead again tomorrow. I'd better. A couple pairs of pants I had grown back into are getting tight again, and I gave the bigger ones to Good Will.
Yesterday was my youngest granddaughter's 12th birthday. Spend the afternoon with my SIL, her, and three of her BFFs. Nothing like a gaggle of giggling pre-teen girls to lift your mood. Today, I went to church in the morning, then took her to Art in the Park this afternoon. This is a gathering of local artists that happens every spring. Lots of stuff to look at, although I think I enjoyed it more than she did. She wanted to play on the rocks and look for clam shells, so we did that for awhile, too.
I had taken everything out of my car so I would have lots of room to help Mom move (sigh), and decided that I was going to vacuum it while it was empty. Found a total of 30 cents on the floor--two dimes and ten pennies--so I am richer tonight than I knew I was. I also found a $20 bill in a purse under the front seat!! Good grief, I hadn't even missed it. Took the drivers side mat out, banged it against the concrete, and chunks of dirt just flew. I thought of Pat and her salted mats immediately. Mine isn't salt, just good old Missouri mud. I thought of washing them, but it sounds as if it might really rain here tonight. I hope so. We really need it.
Mom called, and apparently my one brother who was free to help this weekend managed to get her the rest of the way moved, and she is all happy because they were having a BBQ, and when she refused to come, my brother brought her some food. I hope it lasts, but I know my mother well.
In the meantime, Pat was talking about getting her house and her mind straight, and Aaaak talked in her blog about the difference between what she manages to get done when she is "doing" instead of "thinking", and I am feeling like I really am ready to start again tomorrow. Tracking food, exercising, and yes, getting this house and land cleaned up and pleasant to live in again.
Best go finish the laundry now. Seems like I do a lot of blogging while waiting for the laundry. Guess it's a good thing I get my clothes dirty on a regular basis, huh?
Thursday, May 24, 2012
These last couple of weeks have been just frantic. I need to be getting to bed now, but still have clothes in the dryer anyway, and thought I would put the time to good use.
Tuesday, went to a Medicare "boot camp" (seems to be the in catch phrase right now), and learned a lot. I'll need to be applying in a year, so I'm starting to gather information. One thing I found out is that my mother is probably paying twice what she really needs to for insurance. I called her, and asked precisely what she had, and she didn't know. Didn't know whether she had Part B, Part D or both, or whether her "other" insurance is supplemental or secondary, and in talking to her, I'm afraid it might be just plain old full insurance. She says it is what Dad had set up, and he died at the age of 62, within months of retiring. Found out who we need to talk to in Iowa to sort this out, and am going to talk to my brothers this weekend.
My daughter's birthday was yesterday, so we went out for dinner. Had a great time. Unfortunately, my SIL's mom couldn't come. His grandpa lives with them, and isn't doing well at all, so one of them had to stay home with him. I don't think he will be with us much longer. His sister wasn't there either. She is in Amsterdam. She is an artist, and is doing some kind of artist exchange thing. Don't really understand it, but it sounds cool, and what a great opportunity!! She will be there for three months, so she will really get to see and get to know the country.
Tonight I had dinner with a friend who is also having a frantic time. Her mother has been seriously ill, is now in rehab and still confused and occasionally combative. One of the things we have in common is mothers who should really never have had children, but who grew up in a time when it didn't occur to them they had a choice. In the meantime, she has found a publisher for her first book, and is working as fast as she can to edit it, make changes suggested by the publisher, and get it ready to go. It sounds like it is going to be really good. AND, her husband (a fellow Sparker, although he hasn't been here lately) ran his first 5K last Saturday, and is planning to continue running.
She gave me an insight that I needed about that. I said that I am not at all sure I will ever actually be able to run three miles. My knees and hips give out before I have gone more than 100 yards. She said he didn't literally run the whole thing, but he ran a lot of it, and had cut down considerably on his overall time to do it. I realized that I have been getting into all-or-nothing thinking again, and that I also can sign up for a 5K without putting pressure on myself to HAVE to be able to run the whole thing. Do I think there is a law or something? Is somebody going to force me to keep running when I can't any more? Not likely. The only person putting that pressure on me is...me.
In the meantime, my mother signed a lease on an apartment this week. Not a senior living apartment, which is what my daughter and I had tried to talk her into, where she would have people her own age around, and have planned activities to keep her busy. Nope. She is moving into a condo, with a garage (mom has never driven) in the town where my oldest brother and sister-in-law and their grown kids live. She has decided that my youngest brother and sister-in-law neglect her because they aren't up at her house visiting all the time and doing for her all the time. She thinks that this other brother and his family will be spending lots of time with her, and taking care of all her needs. If you think I am fed up with my dependent, narcissistic mother, you are right.
That means that we are going to Iowa to help her move this weekend. Just what we all wanted (and had time) to do, but at least she is dumping that house that she has never had the desire or knowledge to care for herself, and getting a landlord to do the caring for her.
In the meantime, I have a little notebook computer that belongs to the University that I carry around to different nursing homes (I work with a geriatric psychiatrist, and we spend three days a week wandering around mid Missouri seeing residents in different facilities). Yesterday, I was carrying it behind a nurse's desk to get report, when it was suddenly on the floor. Damn. It still worked, but the connection between the top and bottom of this mini-laptop computer was loose, and the protectors wouldn't slide back on. Took it to IT when we got back to the hospital, but that left me with no computer to use today. Well, OK, it was my responsibility, so I slid everything onto a flip drive, and took my own laptop, a regular sized one, to the nursing home we were visiting today. Some places, we are given a central room to use, take all the charts there, and can pretty much set up and stay in the same place all day. Not this one. It is large, and we have to go from hall to hall (five of them) looking for a place to sit and work on all of this stuff. Wouldn't you know? Then, at about noon, with only half of the charts reviewed and patients seen, my laptop started saying "low battery". Of course, I hadn't brought the power cord, so had to run back home, get it, and find a place to plug it in (not an easy task in this particular place). Aaaagh. I thought the full moon was two weeks ago. What??!!
Anyway, I am just rambling incoherently, I know, and need to go see if the clothes are dry. I may or may not get a chance to Spark tomorrow, and definitely won't this weekend (no internet access at my Mom's place), but have a good holiday weekend, and take care of yourselves. I'll see you Tuesday or Wednesday. I THINK next week will be less frantic. But that is what I thought about this week, too.
Sunday, May 06, 2012
Except for walking around in mis-matched shoes all day and not being able to sleep last night, this weekend has gone very smoothly for a Full Moon.
Started out with my granddaughter on Friday night and well into Saturday. We didn't do much, but I enjoy having her around. She came up with one of those magical things she says fairly often. We had had a late breakfast, so at 11AM, I wasn't too excited about getting lunch. All at once she piped up with "Grandma, I feel snackish. Is there something I can snack on?" Of course I offered to make lunch, only to have her replay, "No, my stomach isn't hungry. My mouth is just snackish." I love it. I'm going to bear that in mind as a way to decide whether I really need to eat, or just want to. What a great way to describe that sensation!!
Saturday evening, went to a concert by a group I used to sing with years ago. It was all music from Central and South America in honor of Cinco de Maya. The singing was good, but the highlight for me was a set by a bunch of percussionists on pan drums. If you aren't familiar with those, they are drums of different sizes and shapes that are tuned, and can play a full range of notes. There was a set of congas, a standard drum set, and some rhythm instruments in there, too. The Chorale was selling homemade vegetarian tamales as a fund raiser during the intermission, and of course I had to have one. The diet thing has not gone well this weekend, nor has the exercise thing, but oh, well, I'll catch up with myself tomorrow. There were also a couple songs by two guitarists who, er, should have put in a little more practice time. Both of them got lost in the music (as in, they lost track of where they were in the song, not as in they were really enjoying it), but that part of the program wasn't very long, and the rest was awesome. There are very few people left in the group from when I was with it, but they were saying "come back". Can't see it happening, because they do a full concert schedule (four concerts each season) which is more than I really have time for right now. Before the concert began, a woman who was also alone sat beside me, and we got to talking. Turns out we both like fiber arts (she knits and crochets and I crochet and do embroidery/needlepoint). At the intermission we got talking some more, and found that we have both sung in this group in the past, and in the Choral Union, the one where we screamed on stage just a couple weeks ago. Then it turned out that she works with someone I know from church, who also happened to be there. There are something like 100,000 people in this town, but it is not unusual to meet someone and have all of these connections. Now that we have had an extended conversation, I predict that we will continue to run into each other all the time, at least for awhile.
Of course, I was revved after the concert, and I don't sleep well at the full moon anyway, so I was up until 2AM or so. I would lie down for awhile, concede defeat, and get up and putter some more. AND, I had to get up early this morning. I had to get to the grocery store to pick up something for the potluck I didn't get around to cooking for, and be at a meeting by 9AM, so I got up, got dressed and got going in a big hurry. Got to church, and discovered that I had put on mismatched shoes--one ruby red and one olive green. The good news is that I was wearing a long skirt, and I don't think too many people noticed. Felt like an idiot, but decided that wasn't going to keep me from the days' agenda.
After the meeting, the church service, the potluck, and a congregational meeting, it was still early enough to hit a play that several people had told me is excellent. They weren't kidding. Went to see "Murder at the Howard Johnson's", during which three people persistently gang up on each other in various twosomes to kill the third one. No humans were harmed in the creating of this play--they spend a lot of time making up bizarre plots and chasing each other around, but none of the murder plots is successful. It was hilarious, and very well choreographed. At one point, they are all out on the ledge of the hotel, and you can see them shuffling along the ledge though the windows, with city sounds in the backround. Of course there are four sides to the hotel, so when they got to the one side, they were walking carefully along the edge of the stage facing us, looking terrified that they would fall off to the concrete many floors below them.
Finally made it home about 5 PM, and am currently washing clothes so I have something to wear to work tomorrow. Two more years, and I can retire, and spend all of my time having fun, and doing all the things around here that didn't get done again this weekend while I was out having a life. I can't wait. Having to make money interferes with so many things I want to do. Talked to a retired friend at the concert who was saying that he doesn't know when he ever found time to hold a job. I so envy him. Ah, well, it will come in its own good time.
Monday, April 30, 2012
I realized today that this time is different. I've lost weight before, usually 20-30 pounds, but then have not only stopped losing weight, but have stopped trying to maintain where I am. This time is already different, because, although my weight loss has been stalled for several months now, I am still working at it.
Part of that is all of you. The encouragement, and the courage, of others who are making this journey, or who have already made it and are maintaining, gives me hope that I can also be that courageous. When I talk to all of you, I realize that I am not the only one who struggles with controlling my food, who fights to get sufficient motivation to just get up and get out and get some exercise.
Part of it is that I am beginning to get the hang of doing just a little bit. I have always come at trying to lose weight as an all-or-nothing proposition. I am beginning to not just say, but feel, that doing just a little bit each day is enough. I've done the strict "I will only eat this many calories" thing, and couldn't maintain it, and felt that if I couldn't do it all it wasn't worth doing at all. I've done the "I will exercise for an hour every single day" thing, and I hit the day when there really isn't time, and given up. This time, I have fallen off the chocolate wagon several times, and climbed back on. This time, I went the whole week last week doing not much exercise at all, but I've done an hour yesterday and today. I realized as I tracked my food for the beginning of the day that not only was it high fat and high sodium, at 3 PM I had not eaten one single vegetable of the four I promised myself each day. Oh, well. I made "Healthy Mousaka" for dinner (yum) and made a couple helpings of asparagus. Now I am up to speed on my vegies, and still within a reasonable number of calories for the day, in spite of letting things get out of control earlier.
In other words, I think I have finally found a way to make this do-able. I have modified my expectations of myself. Totally isn't necessary. Perfect isn't achievable. A little bit each day...that I can do.
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