Thursday, February 23, 2012
I almost didn't track it, and I almost didn't blog. Remember how happy I was with myself yesterday for tracking before I ate, and then not eating the Girl Scout cookies? I'm not so proud today.
It's my own fault. I didn't eat enough breakfast this morning, and didn't take enough food for lunch, so both meals were around 250 calories--not enough to sustain me. Consequently, when I went to the grocery store this evening (for saran wrap, TP, and some fresh fruit) I ended up buying ice cream (low cal, but...), a Lean Cuisine pizza (370 cal, but...) and two candy bars. Remember, I have GS cookies in the house, so did this make sense? Not so much. I just let myself get into a bad situation when I was hungry, tired and stressed.
I came home thinking that I would eat the pizza and a big salad for dinner, but instead ate the pizza, the candy, AND...about 8 GS cookies. Then I realized a storm was blowing up. I was supposed to go to Choral Union rehearsal, but the woman who usually needs a ride didn't tonight, and with the weather going bad, I just couldn't talk myself off the couch.
So here I sit, well above my calorie limit for the day, without exercise for the day, vowing to stop eating THIS VERY MINUTE and to get back to eating right again tomorrow. Won't get a change to go to the gym then either, so I'd better pay attention to the food.
And no, I'm not goofing off not going to the gym on Wed, Thurs and Fri. Those are just evenings when I don't really get a chance, and since I already get up at 5:30 AM to get to work on time, if youthink it is going to happen in the morning, think again. I still generally can hit the gym or go for a long walk four days a week, so I think I'm doing OK there. It's the food that gets me every time.
Damn, woman, get it together.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Long day today. It started at 6AM, and I finally got home at about 8:30 PM. I knew that some of what I had eaten wasn't the best, but was telling myself that really, I was low on calories for the day and could have another Girl Scout cookie. Sure am glad I tracked before I ate it. My calories are right at the middle of my range for the day, and what I didn't get done today was exercise. Time to stop now. And I am going to. I keep hovering at the edge of One-derland, and I swear I am going to be firmly there by Sunday's weigh in. Girl Scout cookies, get thee behind me!
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
I did it. In spite of a totally crappy day, I ate right, exercised, and tracked everything.
I found out today that my job is likely to be cut by 20% come summer and the new budget. The same thing is apparently happening to a lot of people, in an organization that is the largest employer for miles around, and which is currently under a hiring freeze. I cannot afford to have this happen. I guess the good news is that so far nobody has been laid off--which the University has been known to do without warning in the past.
I spent the rest of the day seriously depressed, especially after I did a quick job search not only for the University, but for the immediate area. There just isn't anything out there.
In spite of it all, I kept it together and ate well. I went to go to the gym only to discover that while I had a Tshirt, socks, and shoes, I had no shorts or jeans with me. I didn't think they would appreciate my fuchsia undies, so I came on home. It was almost enough to convince me to skip exercise for the day, but I made myself a promise just three days ago that I wasn't going to allow myself to make excuses, that being unmotivated was not going to keep me from doing what I need to do to have a healthy (if poverty stricken) retirement. So, I went for a walk of almost three miles.
I have to admit, the first half of the walk was in a blue funk, and I didn't really notice anything about me. On the way back, though, I was beginning to feel a little better, and started looking around at what is getting green and what is beginning to bud in this remarkably mild winter. I guess exercise really is magic for depression. I'm still worried and stressed, but feeling a lot more settled and able to cope.
Monday, February 20, 2012
I came home sick today (mostly, I have to admit, sick of work, since my cold is noticably better), and have spent the afternoon wanting to eat something--anything. In fact, I signed onto SparkPeople a couple hours ago, thinking that I can't easily eat and type at the same time. So far it's working.
I think my big problem with overeating isn't craving, isn't emotional eating, isn't feeling deprived. Today, and many days, the big problem is that I just want the sensation of the food in my mouth, the taste and texture and temperature sensations. Today, for instance, I am feeling relaxed and happy, and am definitely not hungry. I just want to taste something sweet or salty or fatty. I can't let myself get started, because believe me, and apple or orange is NOT going to provide the sensory experience that I am actually desiring.
I am a very sensual person, as I suspect many of the overweight are, and I want to have the feelings involved in tasting something really good. So, now the trick is to substitute another, non-self-destructive sensory experience, right? And it needs to be cheap--not a spa or even a masseuse. I think I will go take a nice long hot lavender-flavored bubble bath. AFTER I do a 20 minute walk on my WiiFit, since the weather has now turned nasty and a real walk is out of the question. That should satisfy my cravings, don't you think?
What do you do to settle the sensual creature you were born to be?
Sunday, February 19, 2012
What would I do without my SparkPeeps to keep me up to speed? This time it is two women who I had never met before. They gave me a much needed kick in the butt.
The first was Crissa1669, and her blog about what to do about the blahs--which I have had big time for a couple months now. She was talking about all the people complaining about not feeling motivated (that would be me), and basically gave a talk on "you don't need to be motivated. You just need to DO IT." She got me thinking. There are a lot of things I am not motivated to do. Go to work, wash the dishes, etc., and yet I do them. So why am I not being consistent about doing this? Because I don't want to? Wah, wah, wah.
The second was a SparkFavorite post (sorry, I don't remember her name) about being half-way there--at 134 lbs lost. She was talking about doing it everyday, whether she felt like it or not. Exercising, eating right, tracking, blogging. And OK, I've had a cold this last week, but I could have done something.
In point of fact, I haven't been consistent about anything for the last couple of months. I've been exercising fairly regularly, b ecause I have found I enjoy it, but my eating has been out of control, I haven't been tracking lately, and although it helps keep me on track, I haven't been blogging.
So, today is the day I start over again, all the way. I have walked for 80 minutes today, and ate well for breakfast and lunch, and intend to do the same for dinner, and tracked all of the above. I have also decided that I am going to start blogging every day again, even if only a line or two, to keep myself honest. In other words, expect to be hearing from me a lot more in the future, and expect it to be good news.
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