Saturday, March 26, 2011
What an interesting storm of thoughts flooded through my brain tonight while on the treadmill, actually it was more in my summary post for my Couch to 5K training program I am doing to my Facebook account.
Today I saw a friend who I'd not seen in a few years. She is a dear person, I love her to pieces, but she has gained weight since I last saw her for very deeply painful reasons. So I got to give her encouragement that she can lose the weight she has gained... I hope I can be of some use to her on her healing journey....
I still want "She tried to be more useful than decorative" on any memorial to me... really...
And I have gotten to a strange point to where my body compels me to exercise... I can go one day without it, but on the 2nd day my body and brain get pretty insistent... rather like Poe's Raven tap-tap-tapping on my chamber door... then the Red Shoes drag me off somewhere to move the bod... it's so funny, really. But a GOOD funny.
So what is a painful but very real part of the perfect storm that set me on this road just over 3 years ago? It's when I got to wear a crown for being honest about preferring to knit rather than exercise. It was not intended to be a bad thing, but it somehow changed the way I looked at myself and my choices. I also got to thank the person who gave me the crown to wear.... and I really meant it. Though it was painful, it was painful because it made me look at myself... really look. It's a part of the journey, so though it's not pretty, it was real and it is part of what led me to where I am today.
I struggle everyday with calories and exercise, though the exercise part is somewhat easier because it more or less happens at some point in nearly every day... the Raven and the Red Shoes see to it. And I know that I have good habits ingrained, because today I went to lunch at a Chinese buffet with my friend and I chose Beef & Broccoli, a little bit of egg drop soup, sauteed mushrooms and two mini chicken egg rolls... so what I know goes with me everywhere. I had a bit of a splurge, a extra small piece of Dominos Pacific Veggie Thin Crust Pizza. So even though it's hard, the knowledge is a part of me now and that's a good feeling. I even managed to squeeze in half a mini cinnamon roll.
Somehow, "The Kids are Alright"... I worry and mostly I'm 80/20, right where I should be.
I continue to work towards a 5K and my APFT the following week, both in May. Although I think I'm gonna go crazy if we don't get some prolonged sunshine and warmth here in Missouri. Winter came back today... 30s and sleet/snow this morning and 2-5 more inches of snow due tomorrow... and no sunshine until later next week... and not getting back up even to the 50s until the end of next week. This is really making me want to move to a warmer climate. This has been the evile teaser spring of sundry doom... it gets warm for a few days and the sun comes out... and then it just goes cloudy again for days on end.
I know that I do suffer from some level of seasonal depression. As much as I think I would love Seattle, I think it might be too much for me emotionally. So in another way, going to Texas for a year, though the worst of Missouri winter doesn't sound so awful...
I just keep my Mom's encouraging words close to my heart, "Greet every day as a new adventure!" (I do that with a serving of her oatmeal clutched in my hot little hands... fortifying that.) I wish there was some way she could see the athlete I have become... and the Army Officer... and Public Health Nurse... I miss her so.
But still life is amazing and good, even when it gets tough...
Monday, March 07, 2011
I never used to think I was an emotional eater, tonight I just proved myself so wrong. I have been feeling distinctly blue the last few days... just not sure why. My eating over the weekend and tonight was fine and then I was just blow the calories way off the acceptable chart... but at least I saw the trend an correlated it to how I was feeling tonight, even AFTER I blew my calories.
I snacked a bunch after I had hit the top of my calorie range and felt ill instead of feeling the hollow in the pit of my stomach filled. I was just sitting in the living room feeling antsy, grumpy, bored, upset, depressed after having snacked on all the crap and realized that I wanted to move my body... so I perused my exercise dvds and grabbed up a long Jillian Michaels (Banish Fat, Boost Metabolism) and melted some of my negative energy away. Next time, I just have to remember that I need to move and not eat. Drowning my emotions in calories was a huge mistake, working out was not.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
I had a good week last week, good calorie burn for the week and even though I didn't meet my goals 100%, I felt good about what I did do.
I also revised my own goals to allow myself a day off of both counting and exercise during the week. What is funny is that on my "no count" day, I wasn't that high. It just goes to show that letting your hair down once in a while is okay and that you will prolly do less damage if you are consistent most f the rest of the time since you have the good patterns already established.
I got out with friends on both Friday and Sunday this past weekend and it felt great. My friend K. and I are planning to run a 5K in May, as previously mentioned. We now are planning to get together every weekend to work on our couch to 5K together. We have ourselves at the same point. It feels really good to be working towards a goal WITH a friend. Buddies are the best!
What is great is that K. and I have been on the weight loss train together, each choosing different methods, but still working together and cheering each other on. We are going to be our own "team" running this 5K... to be called "Through Thick & Thin"... and the proceeds of our run is a donation for cancer research. www.challengetocure.com I am forgoing the t-shirt, so the cost can go to the cause. Besides, I'm going to design shirts for K. and I!
So here's to a 2nd great week and meeting goals even more fully!
Thursday, February 17, 2011
MaintenanceVille can be sort of like being in a holding pattern over Pittsburgh... frustrating in some ways, because you always sort of feel like you are a little up and a little down without every really landing. You keep doing the right things, sometimes falling off the wagon, getting back on the horse and sometimes you just say "to heck with it!" and do whatever you want... then you feel bad, just like you did when you were in the losing weight phase and you beat yourself up again.
When you are actively losing weight, you have milestones, like hitting this little goal and that little goal... it's easier to set up a reward system and work towards the next goal.
In maintenanceville, what are your goals supposed to be? I didn't realize I was asking this question or needing an answer to it until I was on the treadmill the other night, working on a couch to 5K thing. It feels good to have a goal again, something to work towards and not something (for me) that is just Army PFT related, even though my goal is to stay constantly ready for it.
OMG, I just did a thoughtful post.. not just whining about my run times or my kids!!
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