Thursday, August 19, 2010
(a few lyrics from my current theme song by Dar Williams...)
I know change is a bad thing,
Breaks me down into a sorry sad thing
Not some iridescent grateful butterfly...
...It's a sad and a strange thing.
But it's time and I am changing.
Into something good or bad, well that's your guess.
I'm my own sovereign nation,
Dedicated to a transformation,
Marching on with this target on my chest...
The last 18 months or so have been very very hard and I really am getting myself back together. I could list all that has gone on, but to dwell on what I am getting over is just a waste of time... and I don't need sympathy. I just know that I can look back and I have learned a lot... I am quite content with that.
Now I am working to stand up strong and brush myself off and go forward. Sometimes I slip back, other days I make remarkable progress... but as Dar says, "It's Alright."
I am having a great week (so far) meeting goals of staying in calorie range, exercising everyday, getting my 10K steps in, etc. I am very happy about that.
I am getting reconnected with the most important people in my life too after being so wrapped up in my own ball of pain for 18 months. It's getting better.
And making good choices helps me to spiral upward into more and better choices... what a great system! I had really been starting to go the other way.
Friday, August 06, 2010
A lot of emotional stuff getting worked through lately and the stress of that is getting eaten and not exercised out. I know this. So I'm constantly battling this emotional stuff and trying to stay on track and it's not easy. But it's getting better, but there are always more challenges on the horizon, as life goes.
Daughter and hubby have moved in with us since the living situation with the godmother was rapidly deteriorating. Both sides were messed up, but I have a stronger duty to my daughter and could not let her be homeless. One week in, the stresses are pretty much what I would expect... getting them to do their dishes, etc. So we go on. Now to get them both working.
Son is actually starting to step up a little bit... hopefully he can get some good momentum before going back to school this year... sigh.
Hubby is gone until Sunday at GenCon (huge gaming convention) and I so wish I could be there with him... but not this year.
I have decided to withdraw from the LARPing just because it takes up so much time. I love it, but prepping a new game every month plus playing several is more than I can keep up with... and it's strange in that you have e-mail to keep up with, it's a constant thing. With the Army and some of the other stuff I've been going through, it's too much.
A couple of food reviews... the Betty Crocker Warm Delights Minis are tasty and not unreasonably calorie or fat laden. MMM.
I tried the new cantina tacos from Taco Bell last week and really didn't like them. First, they put them into cold corn tortillas... and they kind of fall apart. Second, there is hardly any vegetable to them and way too much cilantro. (I'm not a fan of large amounts of cilantro.)
Just under 3 months until I go to Officer Basic for the Army... eep.
Friday, July 23, 2010
I have been sleeping great every night and yet have been still feeling tired all week. I have no motivation to stay on track... and thanks you my dear hubby, I realized why last night.
This is one of those stretches where I work 12 days straight... 5 in my regular job, then have 2 for the Army, then 5 more in my regular job.
And on top of that, I haven't been able to just stay home for 26 days straight.
I'm just exhausted on a deeper than physical level. I need the recharge that only being at home can give you.
So for the next two days I will be home alone with the cats. I can do what I want when I want or NOT. I have mounds of wonderful fresh food to eat and a few little treats... and just some time. Hubby & son are heading off to visit the mom-in-law for the weekend...
This sounds so glorious to me... I can barely "squee" enough... I will miss them, but a couple of days to myself will be fabulous.
Definitely on the docket: watch the next True Blood disc from Netflix, probably watch Pride & Prejudice (1995, BBC) again, knit, spin, sleep (lots of that), cooking, coffee by the bucket... yep... or NOT...
and exercise. definitely. exercise.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
...I'm an emotional eater...
Nearly 2 years into maintenance and I just figure this one out. DOH! (ala Homer Simpson)
I have been having some emotional turmoil going on the last few months and on many an occasion, I have found it quite easy to just throw the good eating out the window... luckily I haven't created any huge weight gains that couldn't be reversed easily. But it certainly gives me another demon to battle, another caution flag to keep watch for.
On the brighter side though, I have gotten up twice this week at 5:30 to exercise on the treadmill. I have had more alert days all week because of it. I just grab part of my favorite portable breakfast while I warm up with a moderate walk (a Fiber One bar and cheese stick) since I cannot exercise on an empty stomach unless I want to be sick.
I'm not coming near to my goals but I will keep striving.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
the whole diet and exercise thing fell rather apart. No counting and I didn't exercise much... not proud of it, it is what it is and all I can do is restart now. But better momentum is sustaining me now.
Don't know how things will go this weekend since I have drill. I just have to stop falling to flinders on the weekends.
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