Tuesday, July 06, 2010
I went a sci-fi/fantasy/gaming convention this past weekend. It was a wonderful time, so much so, that we plan to drive in Indianapolis next year for 4th of July weekend. The people were great, the event was great... but I still come away rather troubled.
Conventions, such as the one we attended are a slice of what is known as "fandom"... fans of books, movies, games, tv series, etc. We all gather and share our oddments and for a short time feel like we are "with our own people." We are mostly comprised of the geeks and nerds and misfits you might remember from high school, the ones who knew way more about computers, programming, dungeons & dragons, etc... and read those weird books about elves and dwarves or singing spaceships... a highly head-bound bunch... I reflect and I am troubled.
I love "my people," I feel more at home with them than in most places I go in daily life. Even with my birth family, I have always been a little different, still loved but different... not really the black sheep, perhaps the purple paisley sheep with black accents. From when I entered school, I was always different and never being one to conform, I had some very rocky years until I found my niche... and even still, it's not always easy.
At the con, I was truly one of the smallest women there. Downright skinny if you look at it honestly. My hubby was also small in comparison. Mind you, con-goers tend to the extremes, and mostly to the overweight.... really overweight. There are many obvious health problems amongst con-goers of this demographic. Most of the foods being consumed are unhealthy: fast food, sugared sodas, candy, etc. It makes me sad to see people who are generally so smart act so dumb.
I am not sure I get the reason as to why those in fandom are prone to be fat... I am trying to understand that. But then again, I was fat in fandom too, not realizing (or not wanting to realize) how fat I really was.
Then we get to the other thing that has been rolling around in my head... my self-perception of late. Though I wear a size 6 from Old Navy... I still am 204.6 lbs in my head. I think that is starting to change though. What really brought out the stark contrast was on Sunday at the convention, I was wearing a t-shirt and blue jeans like most everyone there... I would see myself reflected in the mirrors by the doors of the panels as I passed by them, I saw a very thin woman looking back at me. And even though she has been me for 22 months now... I am still not sure who she is.
The journey never really ends... it's always going on somewhere in your mind, soul and body.
Monday, July 05, 2010
I hope everyone had a great holiday weekend! We went to Indianapolis for a great science fiction/fantasy convention and hung out with fellow geeks, it was great!
I didn't make all of my goals 100%, but I feel I did pretty well on my first week of the new regime... It's a challenging one, so I am happy with it. I will do better this week.
The real overall goal is to get up and get moving more than I have recently and I certainly achieved that. I dropped about a pound and have arrested the upward creep. I am also eating a lot better than I was... with lots more salads and fresh fruits.
So it's a new week and I decided to start off my week with a bang... and I did, burning almost 500 calories in 79 minutes. I walked treadmill for 54 minutes and did a Jillian Michaels dvd.
I feel positive.
Thursday, July 01, 2010
I'm not 100% on my stated goals, but I'd say I'm about 95%. That is good.
My calorie burn is almost 1100 for the week already. I have been short of 10K steps 2 days and exercise 1 day. Not too bad. Jillian Michaels vids are at 3 so far this week... and running on TM once.
But it's building up and I am feeling my momentum return.
We are heading to Indianapolis tonight for a convention, it should be fun!!
Lots of things to prep. Got healthy snacks ready to go: soyjoy bars, beef jerky, fruit and my water bottle.
The thing that has been really plaguing me the last few days, though, is the mindset that I'm still fat. I'm not, my weight has crept up a little, but I still see myself as 200 lbs even though I can wear size 6 jeans and dresses.
I know at one level that I am slim and healthy, but I look down at my thighs and see them as size 18s... so on another level, I still don't KNOW it.
My family laughs at me, but they don't understand that once you get that fat mindset in your head, it's not easy to lose. My husband gets it at least a little from that perspective.
I am not that fat girl... who just didn't give a crud about herself. But man the mindset is hard to alter.
Sunday, June 27, 2010
I was going to reset my goals last night, but I was too wiped out.
I am feeling better this morning, so I have it all set to go. The only one I took out of my list from the other day was the committing to 2 shorter Jillian Michaels vids 2x a week. Not to say that I won't but 30 DS with her longer vids 2x week I think.
Today I take the day off from real accomplishment. I plan to knit, exercise, mow the lawn, eat tasty healthy fuds and relax a bit before another month of non stop fun gets under way.
July is very busy. I work Mon-Thurs this week, then head to Indianapolis for a sci-fi/gaming convention for the weekend. We will return Monday the 5th. Then I work Tues-Friday of that week and go to St. Louis for the weekend with my daughter. The next week is a full one, followed by Reserve Drill. Then another regular week followed by my LARP game. So in about 4 weeks I can have a day off and go nowhere.
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