Sunday, May 16, 2010
What do I do? I go out and run/walk and keep a decent pace. Running is hard... but I always feel so good afterwards I feel alive and vital, like I could conquer the world single-handedly. Hooah!
Life is so much calmer this year than last year... I find it hard to blog much because nothing is like last year. My hand-journaling has gone down by a huge factor. I just can't work myself to get too upset about much. I have my worries but they are just minor annoyances.
Yes, my daughter got married and let us know by text message the next day, she's 18, can't do much about it, don't want the drama llamas. I know I gave her a better example than that. Yep.
One of the songs that spun up on my mp3 player was "Not a Pretty Girl" by Ani DiFranco. It really describes how I feel right now.
I am not a pretty girl
that is not what I do
I ain't no damsel in distess
and I don't need to be rescued
I am not an angry girl
but it seems like I've got everyone fooled
every time I say something they find hard to hear
they chalk it up to my anger
and never to their own fear
and I have earned my disillusionment
I have been working all of my life
and I am a patriot
I have been fighting the good fight
It's funny but a lot of the points of why I joined the Army in my 40s seem to cross in those lyrics. I am a patriot, #1 reason for my joining. I am fighting the good fight, another reason. I am not a pretty girl and don't want to be one... which has nothing to do with physical looks, but more a state of mind. I like the fact that the Army expects me to be strong and powerful...
My losing the weight in 2008 was the beginning of a long journey into myself and what I am truly made of. The mental & emotional battery of 2009 was a furthering of that journey into some very dark corners of my psyche. 2010 is solidifying what I gained in each of the past couple of years into new directions for my future.
This year I feel stronger in every way that I can imagine.