Wednesday, February 03, 2010
But I'm here. Overall doing better, but this past weekend, I was a very bad panda... my new scrapbooking software sucked my will to do anything else. It's fantastically fun and I can let my creative juices flow!!
But as usual, I seem to be constantly climbing back up on the horse after the shiny/tasty objects lure me from the true path... but I keep coming back and overall I am staying more on track and getting more used to living on fewer calories. I am allowing myself a "no-count" day once per week and a no-exercise day too.
I have worked myself up to running 1.5 minute stretches @ 6 mph on the treadmill. I also have myself up to 2 minute 5% incline intervals @ 4 mph. These will continue to increase. So my endurance is rebuilding. I also did 30 Day Shred for the first time in for-frigging-evar this week... I am SO sore, but it's a good sore...
Didja' ever notice that there is "workout sore" and "sitting around sore"? I just realized that. One you can look back at and say, "I'm sore but it's worth it" and the other you look back at and say, "Well that was a waste." Heh. So I think I'll take the former and not the latter, tyvm.
2010 is continuing to be overall better than 2009. Not that things are perfect, and maybe I've readjusted my attitude... and I am determined to keep myself on the sunnyside of life... but after the awful thing that 2009 was, I guess I have no place to go but UP!
It's up and down but without the contrast neither would be worth living through.
I hit 17 months in Maintenanceville yesterday. I am still a few lbs more in weight than I would like to be, but I still have no problems fitting into my "skinny" clothes... and I only kept a few pieces of my old stuff anyway, my fave comfy shirts and jammy pants... that kinda thing. I wear sizes 4-10, which may sound weird, but you figure that the clothes were bought at a variety of stores/garage sales/secondhand shops (so they are older)... but it's all the stuff I've been wearing since goal... so it's okay. My friend Jess even got me the cutest top in a small that I can wear from Wally World... Miley Cyrus even... what can I say? I love it.
But you know, even though I know I'm maintaining well, I still live with the gripping fear of regaining and a self image of the fat girl... No matter what the scale says or the fact that my clothes fit just fine, I'm still the fat girl in my head. I see my skinny wrists and sculpted arms and feel my tight leg muscles... and I know at one level that I am thin and healthy, but my brain still sees/feels fat. Does it ever go away?
I guess the fear of regaining is healthy, helps prevent too much denial taking over... sigh.
I guess I need to scrapbook the weight loss. I'm kind of doing a piecemeal job of scrapping life, as the mood strikes me...