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What do I want to look back at and say?

Wednesday, February 03, 2010

But I'm here. Overall doing better, but this past weekend, I was a very bad panda... my new scrapbooking software sucked my will to do anything else. It's fantastically fun and I can let my creative juices flow!!

But as usual, I seem to be constantly climbing back up on the horse after the shiny/tasty objects lure me from the true path... but I keep coming back and overall I am staying more on track and getting more used to living on fewer calories. I am allowing myself a "no-count" day once per week and a no-exercise day too.

I have worked myself up to running 1.5 minute stretches @ 6 mph on the treadmill. I also have myself up to 2 minute 5% incline intervals @ 4 mph. These will continue to increase. So my endurance is rebuilding. I also did 30 Day Shred for the first time in for-frigging-evar this week... I am SO sore, but it's a good sore...

Didja' ever notice that there is "workout sore" and "sitting around sore"? I just realized that. One you can look back at and say, "I'm sore but it's worth it" and the other you look back at and say, "Well that was a waste." Heh. So I think I'll take the former and not the latter, tyvm.

2010 is continuing to be overall better than 2009. Not that things are perfect, and maybe I've readjusted my attitude... and I am determined to keep myself on the sunnyside of life... but after the awful thing that 2009 was, I guess I have no place to go but UP!

It's up and down but without the contrast neither would be worth living through.

I hit 17 months in Maintenanceville yesterday. I am still a few lbs more in weight than I would like to be, but I still have no problems fitting into my "skinny" clothes... and I only kept a few pieces of my old stuff anyway, my fave comfy shirts and jammy pants... that kinda thing. I wear sizes 4-10, which may sound weird, but you figure that the clothes were bought at a variety of stores/garage sales/secondhand shops (so they are older)... but it's all the stuff I've been wearing since goal... so it's okay. My friend Jess even got me the cutest top in a small that I can wear from Wally World... Miley Cyrus even... what can I say? I love it.

But you know, even though I know I'm maintaining well, I still live with the gripping fear of regaining and a self image of the fat girl... No matter what the scale says or the fact that my clothes fit just fine, I'm still the fat girl in my head. I see my skinny wrists and sculpted arms and feel my tight leg muscles... and I know at one level that I am thin and healthy, but my brain still sees/feels fat. Does it ever go away?

I guess the fear of regaining is healthy, helps prevent too much denial taking over... sigh.

I guess I need to scrapbook the weight loss. I'm kind of doing a piecemeal job of scrapping life, as the mood strikes me...

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUCHAHOOT 2/20/2010 10:25PM

    I love the idea of scraapping your weight loss journey. I think that would be great. 17 months maintaining!! YOu rock! emoticon

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ANNIEONLI 2/5/2010 3:32PM

    Funny...i was thinking with the same fat girl mentality the other day too..what is with us? I don't think it will ever go away, and maybe that is a good thing - it will keep us from gaining too much back, right? Being that fat friend/fat sister gives us empathy toward others in the same situation...unless they never knew you before, you know...then they just think you are the skinny chick, and don't know the struggles in your head. Like I said, i was thinking this same thing the other day...

you are still maintaining, never ever giving up and that is the most important thing. Sista's in Maintenance....always Jenni. emoticon emoticon

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COOP9002 2/3/2010 2:51PM

    Don't be too hard on yourself. I agree with you that the fear of regaining the weight you lost can be healthy, as long as you don't let it consume you.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

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Just walked tonight... better on the scale..

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

I just did a mile walk @ 3.5 miles... but you know that was just what I needed. Just watching my favorite show and walking was wonderful. I didn't think that much, I just walked and let it be.

The scale was friendly today too! 146.2... so I am moving in the right direction. I really only want to lose another 4 lbs or so... and I'm only 1.2 from my goal.

Maintenance is a weird place... the journey never ends... and it's easy to slip up and watch those pounds creep up on you...

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ROSIE777 1/27/2010 12:43PM

    I am not there but I do know how it feels when you drop & slowly get it back. emoticon Don't loose heart you are dropping which is good.
..*) .*)
(.Rosie*, *)
(.* (.*

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OAKBORN 1/27/2010 12:22PM

    You are my nutty friend in her Snuggie Jedi robes and so very wise!

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ANNIEONLI 1/26/2010 10:19PM

    No "kidding" Sherlock! Up and down we go...was just thinking that this morning when I stepped on and saw a high number...which tomorrow will fluctuate to another again...and again...and again.

Stay the coarse! You will succeed!!!
4 to go to the happy maintenance place you like best!!!
Thanks for my pedo...I'm grabbing a pencil and paper and throwing it into my bag, juuuust in case I forget the other!XD

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Another week starts...

Monday, January 25, 2010

My weekend was great, though my eating wasn't. I gamed all day with the Camarilla... the game I ran went really well, I was so pumped that it went well. The Requiem game (vampire) was a blast and my character was made Sheriff of Columbia. (No I'm not really law enforcement... this is purely make-believe fun!)

Had kind of a nice Sunday... very quiet and got some stuff done.

I am digging in hard at work to clear my case backlog. It's going to take some time... but I will get it done. Just keep plugging away and all will be well.

I still haven't heard from the Army... but I'm continuing to rebuild to their standards... I managed 16 pushups... goal is 25. My situps have dropped back to 32 but that is still minimum, so I've not fallen below. I am able to run 1.25 minutes @ 6 mph... I will prolly be lengthening that to 1.5 minutes later this week.

It's all okay. I'm putting stuff into perspective and feeling better all the time.

It's also humorous today... I forgot to put my pedometer on this morning... so I kept counting my steps as I walked around the office... so I had a paper pedometer... I brought it home and showed it to hubby and son... they laughed with me.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ANNIEONLI 1/26/2010 7:13PM

    You are too funny with the paper and pencil pedometer!! You crack me up!!! The kiddies were playing with mine, and now it has been found and is sitting on my counter once again to be put to use tomorrow.

Keep going...building slow. I am trying a 10 minute sorkout each day...so far, my inner thigh muscles are crying today... emoticon

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Getting better and better!

Friday, January 22, 2010

OK, well considering that last week was kind of a waste due to back pain and a cold... this week has gotten continually better. emoticon

I have done treadmill 4 times this week, 19 minutes, 38 minutes, 42 minutes and then 54 minutes tonight.

I am rebuilding now... but I am really happy about it. I ran 1.25 minute chunks @ 6 mph... and I walked @ 5% incline (4 mph) in 2 minute increments... so it's better.

I also did pretty well on my audit with the state dept of health at work... and I worked really hard to get ready for it. And I need to continue that level of work to get caught up completely.

But now it's the weekend and time to think about running my Changeling game tomorrow and which of my two vampire characters I'm going to play tomorrow night. FUN!

Tonight's random playlist:
1) As Cool As I Am (Dar Williams)
2) My Lips Are Waiting (Ashanti)
3) Beautiful (Metasexual)
4) We Got the Beat (Go Go's)
5) The Eagle and the Hawk (John Denver)
6) Wild Cat Money (Kristina fran Duvemala Soundtrack)
7) Road to Dead (Paula Cole)
8) Constellation of the Heart (Kate Bush)
9) Tom Sawyer (RUSH)
10) Daw da Hiya (Ofra Haza)
11) Cascades (Scott Joplin)
12) You Are In My System (Robert Palmer)
13) No Love On the Street (Tim Curry)
14) Time Warp (Rocky Horror Picture Show)
15) Patterns (Simon & Garfunkel)
16) Uniform of Youth (Mr Mister)
17) Swamp (Talking Heads)

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

COOP9002 1/23/2010 12:46PM

    Sounds like you're on track. Hope things continue to go well for you.

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Definitely rebuilding after last week... but it's better.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

I have only burned about 600 cals so far this week... 1500 is my goal... and I've had 3 no-count or over calories days.... gah.

So be it. Weird week, but my energy is really surging back... and I did 42 minutes on the TM before pooping out... so be it.


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