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I should so be getting work done...

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

... but my mind is everywhere else today... not in a bad way... just spacey.

I'm trying to blog everyday... I am happy, got myself back up to 14 push ups... it's a slow process, esp since my goal is 25.... but I have done 14 & 12 today in separate rounds... so I can do over 25 if I wait an hour in between... lolz.

Tonight is running on the TM... (enter doom doom doom music)... I plan to do 4-5 minutes rounds with a minute of running and keep that up for an hour.

I did double my TM time yesterday from Monday's total... 38 up from 19... so it is getting better.

I am going forward for me and a healthy future. Whether the Army ever calls, I can't control. I can control me, so I will just stick with that.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ANNIEONLI 1/20/2010 8:16PM


Time for new emoticons!
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SPINNER1010 1/20/2010 3:00PM

    Great attitude

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Coming back step by step...

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

I am so happy to have a battery back in my pedometer again... I know I will really get back on the horse with gusto now! I love that 10K steps per day goal!

I also stayed in calorie range... upper end, but in range on everything!!

So it's a good day.

Had a nice weekend... had some cheap retail therapy... like $15, but that's okay. I got a macrame jewelry kit... and made a cute necklace, anklet (which I gave to Madie), and earrings... still have some hemp twine left... we'll see what that becomes. I also found a mohair sweater at Dollar Tree... great for slopping about the house... not beautiful but eminently functional. Also got a new hardcover journal... and a datebook... and a Rubik's cube for my guys... and a couple of skeins of yarn...

Still working on the 2009 processing and I am feeling continually better. It's another step by step process... just like getting back to the good eating and exercise.

My back is also improving slowly. It's not so stiff anymore, but it's still kind of sore, but it's working it's way out.

This morning on the drive in, I put Ani DiFranco and it was a good start to my day. I was also wanting to hear a bunch of Kate Bush today... it was a busy day.

I feel like I'm fighting myself back to my life... and moving forward with that.

I am also seeing bits of hope... when it was kind of grey, if not dark before... so I'd say the dawn of new hope may be peeking over the horizon of 2010. The Army will happen or it won't... I have no control and I've just gotta give it up... and let go.

I'll control what I can... and let the rest just be.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KAYOTIC 1/20/2010 9:42AM

    Hope is good, hang on to that, and keep tracking your progress...you're on the right track!

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DALEALLEN 1/19/2010 10:41PM

    Yay! Keep up the good work.

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Processing... and stuff...

Friday, January 15, 2010

I got on the treadmill and had a good walk. The cold seems to be drawing off and my stamina is returning. The walk also helped my back.. it feels much better.

I did have some interesting songs spin up on my mp3 player:
1) Hundred Hearts (The Swimmers)
2) The Masochism Tango (Tom Lehrer)
3) Have We Learned Anything (Scott Andrew)
4) Prince of Darkness (Indigo Girls)
5) Solitude Standing (Suzanne Vega)
6) Melting in the Sun (INXS)
7) Survival (Joe Jackson)
8) Watch Me Bleed (Tears for Fears)
9) Rest In Peace (James Marsters, BTVS Musical Soundtrack)
10) Eli's Song (John Denver)
11) Would Not Come (Alanis Morrissette)

It's weird how my mp3 player sometimes seems to read my moods and stuff. I found myself alternately angry with my daughter and sad and hurt by her... she really put us through h*** last year and yet it hurt the way she just left. I want to scream, I want to cry, I want to run away... and this is just the tip of the emotional iceberg.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MOOKBALL 1/17/2010 3:24PM


Our children are ours to love and nurture, but we can only open their minds to possibilities, we cannot think for them. They must do that for themselves. Do not deny her the process and the pain, for without it her conclusions are meaningless.

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FISHING88 1/16/2010 10:28AM

    Processing emotions and hurts is so painful, but it is less painful than letting them affect your life without realizing it! I'm glad you are getting better and able to think through some things as well.

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Spinning my wheels...

Friday, January 15, 2010

I have been overall doing better with exercise and eating and the general "getting back on my program"... but it's frustrating when I have a really good week and then something happens to stall out my progress... usually things beyond my control.

Last week & this week it has been this cold that has demanded that my body rest.... I have been so tired with it, though otherwise not feeling bad.

Additionally, my back has been bothering me this week and demanding TLC. So I lost 2 days this week to being tired and in pain.

Before this was my shoulder & neck pain that plagued me for nearly a month... before that hit, I was up to 19 push ups solid and I'm now trying to rebuild back to that too.

So when I talk about 2009 knocking me back, it was in so many ways.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FISHING88 1/15/2010 4:37PM

    Don't get too discouraged. Rest does you more good if you can figure out how to relax and enjoy that time instead of fighting it mentally and emotionally. You will be okay if you can rest and heal and then get back into your routine.

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KAYOTIC 1/15/2010 12:26PM

    I agree w/ Annie, your body is telling you to take it slow, and once your back pain is eased up you can work on those goals again. Not to say you can't do something if you're back is OK w/ it, just don't get down about what you can't do, try to be encouraged by what you can do, and when you're ready, you can wok on improving again.

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ANNIEONLI 1/15/2010 10:59AM

    OK - So concentrate on diet for now while things rest & heal up...you can control that part of your life, so think of the glass as half full in this case. Your body must be telling you something, so it's time to seriously listen. Do yoga instead, the stretching will help out the whole body and in a week's time you will be feeling a lot better.

Patience. Have patience. I know it's not what you want to hear, but sometimes it's another lesson we have to learn...again & again & again.

As for getting back into the pushup/strength thing...if the biggest loser contestants can bang out stuff like they do, them there is no reason that you won't be able to AFTER you have healed up. Take it easy for a bit - all is NOT lost. Muscle has memory and it will remember what to do within a weeks time.
emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 1/15/2010 11:00:28 AM

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The Army still sits glacier-like...

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Still no orders... Sunday is 6 months since I was commissioned. I've still done nothing, and they've not paid me for the privilege... so I guess it's a wash. I'm in their system somewhere... but nobody seems to know what is going on. Meh.

So I will continue to maintain. Yesterday was a no-exercise day since we went to a friend's house last night for dinner and hangingoutage. The thought of getting up early to exercise this week is even more remote than usual due to the cold that is still just annoying me by sucking my energy.

My lower back is hurting too... I did some back extensions and that helped.

I feeling like I'm starting to put the pieces back together after the life explosion that was 2009. Last year really has made me re-evaluate everything that I thought I knew and everything that I thought was solid. But I'm starting to breathe again.

I think things are turning around... and getting my eating and exercise back on track are an integral part of that.

However this song is kind of where I am:
Will Not Come (Alanis Morrissette)
if I make a lot of tinsel then people will want to
if I am hardened no fear of further abandonment
if I am famous then maybe i'll feel good in this skin
if I am cultured my words will somehow garner respect
i would throw a party still it would not come
i would bike run swim and still it would not come
i'd go travelling and still it would not come
I would starve myself and still it would not come
if I'm masculine I will be taken more seriously
if I take a break it would make me irresponsible
if i'm elusive I will surely be sought after often
if I need assistance then I must be incapable
i'd be filthy rich and still
it would not come
I would seduce them and still
it would not come
I would drink vodka and still
it would not come
i'd have an orgasm still
it wouldn't come
if I accumulate knowledge
i'll be inpenetrable
if I am aloof no one will know
when they strike a nerve
if I keep my mouth shut the boat
will not have to be rocked
if I am vulnerable I will be
trampled upon
i would go shopping and still
it would not come
i'd leave the country and still
it would not come
i would scream and rebel still
it would not come
i would stuff my face and still
it would not come
i'd be productive and still it would not come
i'd be celebrated still it would not come
i'd be the hero and still it would not come
i'd renunciate and still it would not come

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ROSIE777 1/14/2010 10:28AM

    Just keep the workouts going dear friend & hopfully you will here from them soon. emoticon

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JEANIEMARIE1946 1/14/2010 10:24AM

  Try to keep exercising.

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