Friday, March 06, 2009
It's been a few weeks since my last entry, mainly because I have been sick, exhausted or in San Antonio TX for my Army Physical.... I may finally have gotten a little bit caught up on sleep...at least I hope so.
Miss M brought home either a really nasty cold/mild flu about 2 weeks ago and I caught it, of course. It really sucked my brain and energy levels! It was awful, I just sat at work unable to link coherent thoughts together.... getting distracted while staring at my desk. I even missed two days of exercise, really only one since I give myself one day off per week... and I came home early one day from work.
Then we went to my dad's for a night... and celebrated his 82nd and my brother's 50th birthdays... which was really a blast. We played card games and generally cut up and had a typical silly time.
The next morning, Sunday March 1st, I flew to San Antonio TX for my Army entrance physical. The big events for that were really on Mon & Tuesday... very busy, very exhausting, very fun in some masochistic way. I got recommended for a waiver for my history of heart surgery, which means I have been physically qualified with waivers. Now for my application packet to go up through the zillion layers of Army bureaucracy and see if I am selected. If I am, I will find out later in this month... the board meets on 3/17/09... prayers please!
The tour of Brooke Army Medical Center and the Center for the Intrepid was amazing, I would go active duty right now if I could! But if I am selected, I am going to join the Reserve Nurse Corps first and see how it fits (sort of Army Nursing with training wheels!). If I like it, I plan to go active duty in a couple of years once we have Miss M graduated from high school and settled into college. If active duty becomes a reality, we hope to live overseas again.
So I missed on of my days of exercise this week... but only sorta' since I walked 9500 steps without a treadmill on Monday.
I feel like the rest of this week has been getting rested up from being sick/short sleep/physically examined, etc... I was a total zombie at work the last two days, but I still managed to get 6 disease cases closed!
So my new mission is to change my life and become an Army Nurse.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
I had an urge today to look back and see where I was in my weight loss journey just one year ago.
I weighed 192 lbs, which was still about 12.5 lbs from where I started. But that is 50 lbs more than I weigh now.
It was amazing progress and I had no idea I'd end up where I am now... on the verge of 6 months' maintenance.
It's good to look back and take stock!
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Then I forget them once I'm done. I guess it goes to show that my brain works better when my body is moving. I'm not even going to try and remember what wonderful coherent thoughts I was having last night... I think that would break my brain.
Things are calming down with my daughter's situation, they will consider her again for the National Guard next year. She was grounded for a week and is on probation for a month... at the end of the month's probation, we will test her here at home and the results of that will guide our next actions. This has been gut-wrenchingly painful for our entire family. I felt much like that old anti-drug commercial in which the girl tears up the house with cast iron frying pan... "and this is what it does to your family... and your friends..." I just pray that she is starting to slow herself down and get the import of what has happened. I pray that she finds a better path and better friends and gets a sense of herself.
I have managed to maintain through the stress... I can be both an emotional eater and non-eater. When the stress is at its worst, I tend to not eat, but a situation wears on, that is when I start the eating. But I'm still not gaining or losing outside of normal daily fluctuations. I'm eating over my calorie level too but still working out like a fiend... so no net gain or loss.
My 6 month maintenance point will be on March 2nd and I will be in San Antonio, Texas getting my Army entrance physical. Yes, you read that right... I have decided to go into the Army Reserve as a nurse. I'm 43, but they will take you if you are a nurse in another medical field. My detachment will be right here in my hometown. They are willing to work around my history of heart surgery... I had a rare defect in my heart... and so barring any weird findings, I will be wearing combat boots soon (again... I was in the Air Force about 20 years ago).
I feel compelled to serve again and would have done so right out of nursing school, but my weight and the heart surgery were both issues at that time... so I didn't pursue it any further.
I have a sense of hope and movement again and pray that this isn't a calm between storms, as often seems to happen with my daughter. The saying, "Kids: can't live with 'em, can't shoot 'em" has been running rampant in my brain for weeks now. I like my boss's addendum to it: "Well you can shoot them but you would go to jail."
I also have my mom's saying running around in there as well, "God watches out for children and idiots." I have added my own addendum to this one as well... "Teenagers are both!" I now clearly understand why my mom said that so often.
After a very hectic November/December, I really had to cocoon myself to a certain extent since the first of the year. I had just too much "go" and not enough "slow"... I haven't been back to church choir yet this year or much at church. It's not anything that anyone has done... I just had to pull my energies back and regroup, unfortunately it sometimes takes longer to recharge than the length of time I was discharging my energies. My batteries are weird I guess. At least I am starting realize the cause and effect of this cycle and just doing what I need. I'm nearly ready to de-cocoon.
I have many blessings in my life: a (hopefully) stable job, a loving husband, children who drive me up a tree, a roof over my head, kitty cuddles galore from Monty, food to eat, exercise to do, etc.
It hasn't been the most auspicious start to the year, but we will muddle through.
Now to get better at push ups and sit ups for the Army...
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
...had I not had friends, family & a healthy lifestyle to carry me through.
I wish I could be grateful enough for the support I have gotten from friends and family around the world. It's been a hugely stressful week.
I just ask for prayers that my daughter can find her way and make better choices with clarity in her life. She needs all the help she can get.
Sunday, February 01, 2009
I am proving right now that when I feel bad, I DON'T eat. We have a family crisis going on right now... a crisis that makes me question our parenting... and leaves me not knowing what to do. I went from bursting with pride in my daughter to questioning almost everything she has ever told me. Her lies have been so skillful and there is so much that she hasn't told us, we don't know where to begin to separate fact from fiction.
What is true is that she has jeopardized the future that she has told us that she wants, that we truly believe she wants. We hope she will have a chance in the future to do it.
I am devastated right now. And I go from calm to crying without a lot of stopping in between. I am having to force myself to eat since I am sick over it.... so I'm trying to eat lots of healthy stuff at least.
I love my daughter and I just don't understand how we got here... but all we can do is try to find a way to move forward.
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