Friday, March 21, 2008
I have really been in a funk the last couple of days. Still managing to function, but I seem to be just going through the motions. Especially today, the weight of the whole world seemed to be on my shoulders. Everyone wanted something from me, and I just wanted to run away and hide. I even told me daughter that I feel totally alone in so many aspects of my life. All I could do was cry. I haven't cried that much in a long, long time.
The doctor put me on a new medication, clonazepam (Klonopin) that I started taking 4 days ago. I hope it starts working soon, but I know I need to give it time to get into my system. I had been on the generic version of Celexa, but it was giving me the shakes.
I don't think it's the medication making me feel this way, even though it has a sedative effect. There is simply a lot going on in my life that I am feeling overwhelmed. There is a lot of pressure at work, and family issues at home and with the extended family. I am so used to being able to help so many people that I am having trouble taking care of me.
My SparkPeople diet plan is going great! In fact, it is one area of my life that I actually feel like I have some control over. Finding the time (and energy) to get in exercise is another story!
I work two jobs. My full-tim position as a computer programmer can be very demanding an lately has been full of pressure. Part-time, I work as a clerk at a major department store. That job can certainly feel thank-less a lot of the time. But, working with the people there and with the customers (even as much as I complain about them) helps take my mind off of other areas of my life. It's almost like therapy.
Speaking of therapy, I have started seeing a counselor. I have only been to one session so far, but I know she can help me. She has before.
Maybe actually getting the words down here will actually help me by using it as an outlet as well. I hope I don't bore anyone with my rambling. Maybe someone will read it that is going through the same type of issues and know they are not the only one. At the same time, I am not looking for sympathy, but maybe someone who has been through this will offer ideas of what they did to help themselves through it.
I am going to persevere and get through this. I am worth it. And it will get easier.
Monday, March 03, 2008
At my high point, I weighed in at about 305 pounds! I was mortified. By making a few adjustments to my lifestyle, I was able to get down to 262 some time this past fall, but that's where I seemed to stall.
About a year and a half ago, my doctor mentioned that I might want to consider looking into a gastric bypass or some type of weight loss surgery. To be honest, this mortified me to even consider that my doctor would think I was to the point that I could not lose the weight without surgery. People that need that surgery are morbidly obese!! Wake up, Debbie!! You ARE morbidly obese!
With my new found reality, I earnestly looked into everything I could find on WLS, including the show Big Medicine on TLC. This all scared me more that the fact that I was included in the category of needing the surgery.
I never did call the surgeon.
What I did was start to make little changes here and there in what I was putting into my body and what I was doing with my body. I started working with a personal trainer, but have since stopped because of financial reasons. (But that is for another blog at another time.) Little by little, a few of the pounds started sloughing off.
My full-time job is at a desk in a one-story building. In August, I began a part-time job in retail that kept me moving 4-8 hours at a time. That's when the pounds started falling off a little more.
The last time I was at the doctor, was in October. At that point I was around 270 and he was pleased with my progress thus far. When he asked what I was doing, I could only tell him that I was paying a little more attention to what I was eating and that working my retail job had added movement and exercise.
Some time during the late fall of 2007, I reached a plateau. Give or take 3 to 5 pounds, I stayed about the same until I joined SparkPeople in late January.
Today, I had my annual physical. The doctor took a look at the weight the nurse recorded on my chart and was practically ecstatic! I was down about 22 pounds since I saw him in October. Again, he asked me what I was doing, and I told him all about SparkPeople! The look on his face when I told him it was free was priceless! The more I told him, the more intrigued he was. He even wrote down the website address so he could look into it.
There are a lot of his patients, he says, that won't do something like Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig or NutriSystem because of the cost. If SparkPeople meets his approval (and I can't see why not), I can be sure that he will be recommending the site to his patients. I told him that I had been on WW before and was actually within 5 pounds of goal before I had a major lifestyle change. With the knowledge I had from my WW experience, I recognized SP as being a sound nutritional resource. I think that even heightened his intrigue.
Needless to say, I left the office having passed my physical with flying colors and happy that I have most likely started to Spread the Spark through my doctor! That is a completely satisfied feeling! Now I know how all the people working at SP must feel!
Friday, January 25, 2008
I have been overweight for much of my adult life. At one time, I was following the Weight Watcher's plan and got to within 3 pounds of goal. Then I started working all kinds of hours and planning my meals did not seem to be a priority. It was more like grab what ever you can.
Now I say STOP!!!
I want to stop taking certain medications and enjoy my life.
I have a fabulous family. When the time comes, I want to be able to play with my grandchildren and be active.
I don't want to have to sit on the sidelines of life anymore! It's time to get in the game!
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