NU_ME_SOON   11,103
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I feel like crap

Tuesday, August 06, 2013

This is a short blog entry. I just want to say that I feel like crap because I am suffering from strep throat for like the 5th time this year. Strep throat takes me out the game. It feels like I have the flu. I an shivering with a fever, eyes on fire, and it hurts to move. Not to mention that my throat is driving me crazy. Ugh!!!!

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MOTHEPRO 8/7/2013 10:03AM


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TRYINGTOLOSE64 8/6/2013 8:59PM

    I hope you get to feeling better soon!!

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Been a long time

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Hi everyone. It has been such a long time since I have been on sparkpeople. I have missed everyone so much. I took a break ( a year long) from the site because I was not living the healthy lifestyle anymore. Even though my weight have stayed the center of my life and all I think about is losing weight I was living a lie. I was eating unhealthy and back to my lazy ways. It was so easy to get there. I kept telling myself that I was going to get back into the healthy lifestyle but it wouldn't happen. I would tell myself that this cheeseburger was on my cheat day or I'm eating this piece of pizza because my daughter begged for some little ceasers. Well that piece of pizza or that cheeseburger became another day of me being depressed in the end. However, while I was gone I did try to stay focused. I joined weight watcher again. I really love that program. I lose so good with them. My insurance was paying for it so I only had 20 weeks. It is something about going to the classes and having a coach that kept me on a good path. Once those 20 weeks was over I was back to my bad eating habits. Then my mother and I signed up for Medical weight lost. We signed up for 3 months. I didn't not like this program at all. I followed it to a T. I did not cheat at all and exercised everyday. I lost 5 pounds in 3 months and was so discouraged. I started to think that maybe I am destined to be a bigger person. Maybe I should just embrace my size and stop trying to change myself. This is what I started to say. I gained more weight. Any progress that I did make was gone. I went to the Doctor and just cried . Deep down I do not want to be this over weight person. I have child to live for. I'm looking forward to a long life. My doctor told me to consider gastric bypass. So right now I am in the process of that. I have to go 12 months on a 1500 calorie diet. This is not easy. I need all the help I can get. I am back on Sparkpeople because this website really did help me before. I need the help again.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


    Good luck!

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LILYPAD12311 7/11/2013 3:13AM

    Welcome back!!! We all have times where we have struggled,,,, those moments are tough but remember that you are tougher,,,, you have a plan,,,, now is the time to decide who you want to be and what you REALLY want to do....... Go for it,,,, and don't be so hard on yourself emoticon

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MOTHEPRO 7/10/2013 3:47PM

    Welcome back!

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FAERY_PRINCESS 7/10/2013 2:45PM

  Welcome back! I know I too have moments - days - months of falling off the wagon. I just remind myself that I have kids and really want to be there for things like high school graduation, college graduation, weddings, and grandchildren.
Also, for me, it's not the one piece of pizza that does me in. I can plan around it, if I am tracking my foods daily. It's when I don't track that the piece of pizza gets combined with more pizza and sweets and everything else, for me. I was eating the little ceasar's because I felt it was wasting $ if it didn't all get finished. My friend pointed out that it wastes more $ if I have health problems related to obesity. Since then, I am able to throw away that last leftover piece with no problem.
Keep up the hard work - your future with your daughter is worth it!

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Saturday, December 03, 2011

So a couple of people, that dont know I am on a lifestyle change, have came up to me and told me that it looks like i have lost some weight. It puts a huge smile on my face but I am my worst critic. I look at myself or look at my clothes and I honestly don't see a change. But today I did and I must share. I have never been able to wrap a towel around me when I get out the shower. I hate that. It was always a huge space where the ends of the towel was suppsoe to meet. Well today I went to dry off and guess what I was able to wrap the towel around me. Not only was I able to do that but there was no skin showing. It was fully around me. YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAA

I started dancing in the mirror and everything almost in tears.

That really made my morning

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TWYLIGHTWUNDER 12/30/2011 11:05AM


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SHERR513 12/12/2011 9:30AM

    Way to go! emoticonKeep up the good work! emoticon

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DRAGONFLY126 12/7/2011 6:54PM


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KATD13 12/7/2011 5:22PM

    Congratulations! That is so great!
My secret: I had resorted to using the kids beach towels - lol

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DRKEYEZ820 12/6/2011 2:14PM

    What an amazing feeling! Thats a HUGE NSV! WTG! Super excited for u! Those are the best little things that make us feel good!

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MAMACAT2_3 12/6/2011 2:12PM

    That must feel SOOOOO good!! I have recently started to notice the same thing...I could never wrap the towel all the way around, and now I just about can, or just barely can!! Soooo so proud of you and all of your hard work, keep it going!!


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WINNIE1978 12/3/2011 11:47AM

    Love those non-scale victories!!! I've always bought the "bath sheet" size towels because they are bigger!

emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 12/3/2011 11:47:21 AM

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BOYRANDI 12/3/2011 11:14AM

    emoticon emoticon

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My thoughts for the moment

Friday, November 18, 2011

I have been reading a lot of blog on SP that is suppose to be motivational but deep down inside they are making me depressed. I am happy for all the people that took on the challenge to lose weight and won at it. I read one today about a lady that went from 380 to 108.. Boy she look good. You wouldn't think she was same person. I just sat there and stared at her pictures of before and after. She told how she did it. She said that she didn't change what she ate but changed how she ate it. She portion control. I also read another blog from a lady that lost 50 pounds and in her pictures she was holding a 50 pound bag of dog food. She was talking about how heavy that bag was and couldn't believe that she caring that around. Then i look down at my body and say how come that not working for me. I portion control. I exercise and walk more but I have only lost 16 pounds. What will it take for me to reach that 50 pound weight lost or even that 100 pounds. I have not given up on this journey. I want to experience that joy that people receive when they reach they goal. IDK maybe I need to get more serious with this. I am kinda playing around with it but then get somewhat mad when I don't see a weight lost. I do go to the gym for an hour and half for two days a week but the other days of the week I am not doing no type of exercise. I keep telling myself that I am gonna work out with my DVD but don't. I do manage to get exercise in on the weekend because my parents have a lot of exercise equipment. I need to stop making excuses and start doing the work to see the results that I wanna see.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MAMACAT2_3 12/6/2011 2:17PM

    I totally feel you on this! I have been 'stuck' doing this for little pay off for such a long time!! But you have to keep in mind all of the little changes you're making. They really do add up! If I think back to the way I ate, and my lack of exercise years ago, I am miles and miles further on this journey in comparison!!! If you refuse to quit, and give up, you will make it there, I know you will!!

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GOLFLADY11 11/29/2011 10:18AM

    I think that 16 pounds is a significant weight loss! Good for you in accomplishing that. I have slacked off on my exercise just lately too and I know it is not good. It would be good for both of us to buckle down now before the Christmas goodies start showing up everywhere. Good luck - I'm rooting for you. Try to do something everyday or at least every other day. I have only lost 12 lbs but at least that is staying off and heading in the right direction. emoticon

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Why I am stressed out

Sunday, November 13, 2011

I have been reading a lot of blogs and articles about stress and depression lately. I'm trying to understand both. Even though I have never been diagnosed with depression I know that I suffer from it. I wont go to the Doctor for help about it because I dont want my family to look at it weird. I am a very blessed person that is somewhat close with my family. This is something that I have never expressed with them. i have also had a family member that has committed suicide and I know the effect that it takes and I dont want to add that pressure or stress onto my mom. This blog is not about this but thought I should share.

Anywho I have been very stressed lately. I am a mother, I work full time, and I go to school. I hardly see my daughter because of that. When I see her it is to basically put her down for bed and to wake her up in the morning. I hate that. But when I decided to go back to school I knew that it would be hard. My daughter is two years old and I figured that it was better for me to go back now and get my degree then do it later when she needs me. She is young now and really dont know what is going on. Plus it makes my heart smile when she sees me and she runs right in my arms screaming mommy mommy with a huge smile on her face.

I am in school only taking two classes. When I signed up for the classes I thought that the classes was gonna be very easy. Boy was I wrong. I have not had a weekend free yet. I am always running to study groups or meeting with my teachers or just studying like crazy. I feel like my brain is full and can not take any more knowledge. However i am no where near close and have a while to go before I am done. *Side Note* On the days that I go to school I also go to the gym. I am sneaking and doing this. My mother watches my daughter for me when I am in school. She is tired because she works two jobs herself. She is always telling me she needs a break so because of this I havent told her that I have a membership at the gym. She thinks that i am n school for those four hours while in real life 2 of those hours i am at the gym. This stresses me out also because I keep watching over my back hoping that she dont figure out that I am not at school.

My most stressful thing that I have to endure is my job. OOOOOOOOHHHHHH how I want a new job. I am putting in applications all day everyday like crazy. I have spoken before about how my job is like hell because of my boss. She is a miserable woman who makes it her life duty to make my life a living hell. When I hear people speak about there job in a joyous light I get really jealous. I have bad luck like everything in my life always goes wrong but why do I have to live in hell EVERYDAY!!!! Its not just my boss its the company also. Its just terrible. For example last Friday we was suppose to get paid. Notice that I said suppose. On Thursday the payroll department sent out emails letting us know that we would not be getting paid because they was unaware of the Veterans Holiday. EXCUSE ME. Is this a new holiday. Was this holiday just added to the schedule yesterday. I could have promised this this holiday came around every year so please someone explain to me how they can just tell me the day before I was SUPPOSE to get paid that I will not be getting paid. They are acting like this is no big deal. Soooooo how am I suppose to feed my daughter. How am I suppose to put gas in my car to even get to the job that is so stupid they don't realize that a holiday is coming up. How am suppose to do anything. I DON'T KNOW. Do I have money to fall back on. NOPE!!! I do not. I completely dead broke and sitting here right now how I am gonna get to work tomorrow. MY HEAD HURTS!!!!

It seem like I can not catch a break. When I get stressed I eat. I want chips and cookies and anything that I know is not healthy. Since I cant pay healthy food or even unhealthy food I am depressed. I keep crying every second. I'm happy, I'm sad, I'm angry, I'm confused.

What can I do to make myself feel better. I'm not sure.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

STSCOTT11 11/16/2011 9:24AM

    REACH OUT FOR HELP...don't go it alone.
Your office may have a program where you can confidentially phone a professional to talk about your problems.
Hey...what your going through is not uncommon.
ANYONE would be stressed with all that weight on their shoulders.
If anything read about HOW TO MANAGE STRESS, how to COPE with depression. By the way, being depressed about something that's going on is quite different from being CLINICALLY depressed. Someone who is clinical NEEDS MEDICAL ATTENTION and could be in danger if they don't get treatment.
In your case...if you have an elder at your local church...Pastor...TALK TO THEM.
What you need to do is EMPOWER YOURSELF...the only way you can do it is keep seeking solutions for the problems and REACH OUT.
You said your blessed with the family you have...if so...they would be the first people I would go to. Loving people UNDERSTAND, COMFORT, SUPPORT, sympathize and empathize their beloved through the dark times. ANYONE you believe would shun, criticize or reject you...IDK.
I think what you should try is TRUST IN THEM...that they are the loving people you proclaim they are. REACH OUT TO THEM.
If nothing else...they can be your MORAL SUPPORT.
As for your wanting to eat it away...I don't blame you. But you will be just compiling your problems WHEN you get your next GOOD JOB. You will get there and be sad you didn't devise a plan to pull through.
Here's what I suggest...Buy single size snacks and when you HAVE TO have something EAT ONE and ONLY ONE.
Count to 10 before you eat ANYTHING that's a snack. See if you still want it after the number 10 OR if you can TALK YOURSELF INTO walking in place...or stretching OR even better...PRAYING & PRAYING for GOD for help and send a guardian angel.
I hope what I said was HELPFUL. emoticon

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SHERR513 11/16/2011 9:05AM

    Stay strong don't give up! I know it seems rough right now but it gets better! You will see and when you look back you will wonder how you made it. Be encouraged! emoticon

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WINNIE1978 11/14/2011 5:46AM

    I am sorry that you are so stressed with work, money, and everything else. The best thing that you can do is keep up with school so that you can eventually get out of the job that you hate. Better yourself for you and your daughter. I know it's not easy, but it will be worth it in the end.

Hang in there!

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    Don't give up. You can make it & will. As a woman who has two girls who are almost grown, you will be glad you took the time to go to school while your daughter is still little. You will find...she will need you much more when she's a teenager than she does now. I know you feel bad about not seeing her much, but you are worth putting yourself first. Again...Don't give up. emoticon

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TAZIAH 11/13/2011 9:17PM

    I know it's hard to work and go to school and have a family, but sometimes we just have to find the time to do something that will really make us smile. Take that beautiful daughter of yours out on a walk or to the park! Watching her play and laugh is sure to put some joy back into your heart! Hang in there. What you're doing now is creating a beautiful future for both of you, so stay strong and positive! emoticon

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