Tuesday, September 07, 2010
I was not only shocked, but amazed when I went out shopping for a few new fall clothes today. You see I started my journy at a tight fitting size 28 pants and a 4-5XL shirt, and I had difficulty picking out anything to try on today because I wasn't sure what size I truly was.
I chose a few shirts and some pants and off to the dressing room I went and started to try some on.
I really like this one pair of pants that was high up on a rack and asked a sales lady to bring me down a size 24, well she came into the dressing room and told me that there wasn't any in that size, but she brought me a size 20 because these pants tend to fit a bit loose. My heart dropped because I thought there was no point in even trying on the 20 because I was currently wearing a 24 and it was only a bit loose. My sister had come along with me to help me choose some clothes and she encouraged me to at least try it.
So I took a deep breath and slowly started to pull them on....and low and behold, I could get them over my thighs....next I was able to pull them over my still ample behind, and next thing you know....I was able to do the button up!!! My eyes started tearing up because I can't tell you the last time I fit into anything that was size 20!! In fact I don't think I was even a size 20 in highschool!
I came out of the dressing room to show my sister, and she was shocked as well. She told me that they looked really good!
Well then I started to put on a few tops and they were all to big, and after asking the sales lady to bring me a few things in smaller sizes, she asked me why I had picked out so many things that were far to big for me? I didn't really know what to say, and my sister piped in and said "that is because she has lost over 100 pounds and is having a hard time believing it!" lol
I ended up finding a few nice tops and two pairs of size 20 pants!! I plan on taking some pictures and posting them soon!
After ringing my purchases through, the sales lady told me next time to stay away from the 3X's and size 22's! I never plan on wearing that size EVER again!!
It is amazing how great something like this can make you feel, and it has motivated me even further because I can't wait to buy a pair of size 18 pants!!
Monday, July 19, 2010
Something awful happened to me this weekend, I woke up at 6am to get ready to go to work and found my sliding glass door wide open and my wallet and keys stolen, and I immediately looked outside and saw that my Jeep had been stolen right out of my driveway!! Now I live in a small town and people leave their car and house doors unlocked a lot of the time because stuff like this usually doesn't happen!! I always lock mine because I don't feel safe otherwise, but apparently that doesn't matter because they can pry it open if they want to come in!!
I feel totally violated!!! I can' t believe that someone has raised their child to let them think that it is ok to enter someone's home and take things that they have worked so hard for???
I am definitely suffering from Post traumatic Stress disorder! I was kind of numb and shocked during the day yesterday and knew that once night hit, it would be hard, but I didn't know just how hard it was going to be!! I was at my parents house for dinner and left at dusk because I didn't want to go into my house when it was dark, but once I got home, I sat in my driveway (in my rental car), and couldn't go inside, it was an awful feeling to be afraid of my own home!!
My neighbour happened to come home too and saw me sitting in my rental car and dragged me out to come over to her house for a girl's night. We went and rented a few movies, and she ordered a pizza....and I don't know what came over me, if it was the stress or the fact that I was numb.....but in no time flat I had eaten four huge pieces and a few slices of garlic bread with cheese, not to mention the potato chips that I had eaten prior to the pizza even coming....I felt and still feel soooooo very sick this morning....it has been such a long time since I have binged like this! I am so worried that this trauma is going to cause me some difficulty with my eating....I know full well that I have always turned to food in stressful situations, and this by far is one of the worst!!
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Well.....don't know where to begin.....I have lost most, if not all of my motivation these past few weeks.....I have been at a standstill, and I can't seem to get out of this funk. I have managed to get in at least 1o-2omin of exercise a day mainly because I don't want to break my streak, but it is minimal and I barely break a sweat....and I have to force myself to do it. How can I go from looking forward to and enjoying exercising 45min to an hour a day to having to drag my butt to do 20 min and hating every minute of it???
I am very lucky that I have been able to just maintain the weight I have lost. I fluctuate a pound or two either way, but I have not lost anymore. My eating habits have not been the greatest either, work is the hardest because there is always so much crap there. And I have been eating out a lot more than usual, and that doesn't help. I was so good these past six months, noting much tempted me and I seemed to make great choices most of the time. Now I will eat something knowing that it is not a good choice, but I don't seem to care at the time, and after I just say to myself....why???
I was talking to my friend yesterday and I describe the battle that goes on my my head is like a commercial I remember seeing on TV once, It seems like I have these two little men sitting on my shoulders, one (an angel) is trying to motivate me by telling me that I have to smarten up and do this, or I will begin to slide the other way and the other man (a devil) is telling me, oh don't worry about it, your tired, take a break, go ahead eat it, you can always start again tomorrow. Well unfortunately the devil man has been winning, and I keep telling myself that tomorrow I will get back on track, but tomorrow comes and I don't, I still remain exhausted and unmotivated.....
This morning, I tried flicking that little man off of my shoulder and dragged my butt through 45min of my circuit training from my trainer which I used to love how it makes me feel, but today, I could not wait for it to be over.....and I don't like that I feel this way.
This has happened to me before on previous journeys and it has signaled the beginning of the end.....I usually can't re-motivate myself and stop exercising altogether and I go back to eating unhealthy and end up regaining all the weight I had lost and more.....and I refuse to let this happen....but I can't figure out how to re-motivate myself back to where I was a month ago???
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