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Unexpected Valentine’s Day Gift – Truly from the Heart

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Early morning Valentine’s Day 2011 - just after midnight. I have been having fluttering sensations in my chest for three days now. I have been shrugging them off. Couldn't be my heart. Could it? A visit to the ER, a Halter monitor, a beta blocker, an appointment with a Cardiologist and a recommendation to get a good therapist was my gift on Valentines Day (along with the nice card and Nook Book Cover from my Hubby!)

Diagnosis: HEART PALPITATIONS emoticon

A Valentine’s Day chat with my featured Guest…My HEART!

Heart: Hello it’s me again dear.

Me: Yeah I feel you.

Heart: Yes you do. And do you know why?

Me: Well, maybe it’s best if you tell me. I mean, I just started exercising regularly last month and lost ten pounds!

Heart: You are the big shot Registered Nurse now. You should know.

Me: Alright but I am fresh off nursing school.

Heart: You are just full of excuses.

ME: Protective coping skills!

Heart: Well, it has been nice that you are giving me a workout and have cut out many bad foods but I really needed to give you some input and I thought Valentines Day was appropriate. There are some things we need to discuss and I am afraid that you will drop the good habits like you always do and go back to slacking. What are you thinking?

ME: I am scared out of my mind that you have been jumping out of my chest non-stop for the last 3 days. I mean, what the hell are you doing?

Heart: giving you a Valentines gift – a WAKEUP CALL.

Me: couldn’t you use something less scary?

Heart: Nope. I tried other things before and now I am saying you better get it together or you will hear from me in a much different way. And it will be much scarier, it may hurt and guess what – I could just stop beating all together if I want.

Me: control freak.

Heart: slacker…but I love you.

Me: well I love you too.

Heart: Prove it!

Me: Alright I’m listening.

Heart: Let’s talk about stress and how you deal.

Me: I have been feeling high strung lately. It has been hard for me to relax. Stress has been my middle name for almost three years now. ARGHHHHH

Heart: Remember the Flight or Fight hormones that they taught about in school? Stress causes the release of these hormones and it puts a lot of stress on me. Is it really necessary for you to be so uptight about little things and care so much about being perfect?

Me: sounds like I could use a good therapist.

Heart: Now you’re talking sense. I mean, you kind of are a control freak.

Me: yeah I know.

Heart: Well try to stop it – ok?

Me: I can try but I need to be in charge!

Heart: You need to relax.

Me: Sounds like I could use a good therapist…again.

Heart: OK let’s talk about your Girth –

Me: Oh that is not a nice way to put it.

Heart: Fine. Let’s rename it to “Over the Recommended limit of Body Fat” Well, yoyo mama, why is it that you have lost and gained incrementally since you were 16?

Me: ummmm I Dunno. Maybe a protective thing that goes deeper than body fat?

Heart: Girl, you know every thing there is to know about dieting and losing weight. You could write a book. You worked at Jenny Craig, you have been hot and you have been cold. So here you are at the highest weight you have ever been! How do you think I like that up and down stuff? Remember what you did to me when you were 16 and you took Dexatrim and lost 20 pounds in 2 weeks? Remember Remember Remember? In fact do your remember visiting the ER then? Many years ago. Remember I was palpating your chest then, too? Remember once you fainted?

Me: Oh yeah I remember that...vaguely. I blocked most of it out. But I was at my lowest weight!!! Boys were checking me out!!

Heart: Yea and you were a mess.

Me: But I was a hot mess!

Heart: sigh

Heart: Let’s talk about working out.

Me: Lets not.

Heart: Remember when you were doing Step aerobics regularly and lifting weights for about a year? Do you remember how we felt?

Me: (faraway dreamy look) yeah….


ME: I can’t remember. I think I was doing it for the wrong reasons. I wasn’t working out for my health but to look good. So when there was no particular reason to look good, I dropped it. It was easy to stop. It was harder to continue.

Heart: So now are you interested in looking good?

Me: Yes I suppose I have some pride in my looks somewhere deep inside. It sucks shopping in the Plus size department. But I am not interested in looking good for any one person.

Heart: Well that’s good. But now let’s talk about your diet!

Me: Well I have been eating better lately…

Heart: Yes you have and I thank you for it, however you have started eating better many times before and stopped. WHY DID YOU STOP EATING RIGHT?

Me: Um I don’t know. Maybe that same deep psych stuff.

Heart: You do know what caffeine does to me right?

Me: But I loooooveeee coffee! Yum Yum Yum! It wakes me up and if I don’t drink it – wow do I get a bitch of a headache.

Heart: 5 cups of coffee is not considered breakfast you know.

Me: Really – there is quality calcium in half in half!

Heart: Remember that Grandma couldn't drink coffee because of Heart Palpitations!??

Me: sigh. I thought she was being dramatic.

Heart: And your love of sweets?

ME: blame it on my parents who always had sweets and yummy stuff around!
Heart: Quit passing the buck – you are an adult now. In fact you are a Crone!

ME: Quit being mean!

Heart: Can you say “My Father is a Diabetic?”

Me: Yes that hits the spot too.

Heart: Matter of fact, let me introduce you to my friend Meno-pause!

Me: Hello menopause? My name is Renee. I am 45 years old! Nice but maybe not so nice to meet you. I learned in Nursing school that the hormones that made me a mother also protected my heart. So now I am "waning" into a new stage of life (unfortunately Crone does not bring up images of aging beauty). What good stuff is in store for me to replace this loss?

Menopause: Sorry dear, those mama hormones are NO LONGER NECESSARY! So you will lose them along with your fertility and that's just too bad for you. Oh and your bones become brittle too. Less support for all your GIRTH. So deal with it CRYBABY!

Me: Menopause is so mean!

Heart: Yes she is always cranky. But now that you are approaching menopause, you have to think more about me! When we were young I could work around it – even when you broke me so many times in the past – I got over all that, and mended - right???

Me: Yea – slowly though.

Heart: you were never patient. So lets talk about your TERRIBLE SLEEP patterns.

Me: I hate that I can’t sleep at night.

Heart: Yeah it sucks for me too. I like to sleep, that when I repair. I need you to figure it out. Maybe by cutting the coffee and late night meals and managing stress, you can find a way to get some better Zzz’s

ME: What no Ambien?

Heart: Very funny. OK maybe for a little while.

Me: Hooray!

Heart: One last thing. Your blood pressure can be high. I know that concerns you especially knowing the strain that it puts on me, your veins and arteries and your kidneys. Now this is something that I have worked around for years but I cannot protect you if the pressure causes a clot or embolism. Stroke sucks and you have seen the effects of it first hand in your nursing. Do you want to end up talking out of the side of your mouth?

Me: geez no. I have been trying to watch sodium.

Heart: True. But the stress that you put us under really seems to be the catalyst for your BP to rise. The older you get, the less durable your arteries are. Luckily you have low cholesterol. But that doesn’t mean you couldn’t throw a clot. A direct result would be a stroke, CAD or Pulmonary Embolysm which is a clot thrown to your lungs that will suffocate you. You literally drown.

Me: Scary…and so graphic!

Heart: So now that I put the squeeze on you for Valentines Day what are you thinking?

Me: That I have been a moron. And that I am lucky that you have been pretty strong through all the things I put you through. And that no damage has occurred and your EKG is normal except for those palpitations. And that you have settled down a lot since we visited the ER yesterday morning.

Heart: I really hope I don’t need to do this again.

Me: Nor I.

Heart: And your other organs actually asked me to speak for them too. Your lungs are heaving more, your liver has had to filter more fat than normal, your pancreas is already stressed and is thinking about slowing insulin production, your kidneys are slower with the raise in blood pressure, your bowels hate sugar, your bones have more pressure than ever on them, your skin has stretched and most of all your brain is very hard to reach.
Me: I see that. Thank you. This really has been a blessing in disguise – the ultimate Valentines Day gift from the Heart.

Heart: You’re Welcome! I knew you would see things my way!


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ANGELGREGZION 3/29/2011 9:33PM

    Wow, I loved this!! I am going to save this to read it every now and then as my own reminder. By the way I am having heart palpitations tonight & did a search and this is why I found your blog. And my name is Rene too. And I recently wrote a blog about how we love ourselves. Nice to meet you! Oh annnd I used to work for Jenny Craig!! emoticon

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QUILTINGB52 2/16/2011 12:14AM

    This is a good listening to your body! Hope you heard it loud & clear and follow through.....

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Nurse Gibson Coming Around Again!

Thursday, January 27, 2011

My name is Nurse Gibson, (or Renee) and I am happy to be starting SparkPeople again. I am a 45 year old mother of a teenage girl, wife, performing songwriter and RN.

I started SparkPeople a couple years ago and lost about 40 pounds. I was quite happy with the tools and support on this free site. During Nursing school, I fell into my bad habits and gained the weight back and a few more.

I am proud of my success in my Nursing career, I passed my Boards and am now a Psychiatric Nurse, as of July 2010. I work second shift and realize that this is an opportunity to get into better habits. My daughter is also interested in a healthier lifestyle, so we are a Mother Daughter Spark team.

I find the hardest thing for me is late at night, after a stressful evening at work, I wind down and tend to eat late. When I come home, I have been jumping onto Spark to input my food intake and it seems to motivate me and keep me away from snacking. I also have been making sure that I snack before I leave work, otherwise 6 - 7 hours have passed since I ate dinner. So I am naturally hungry.

The key for me to losing weight is PLANNING. Other habits I am aware of that don't work:
- eating in front of the TV
- lack of fiber
- lack of water
- sweet tooth
- half and half in my coffee
- motivation to move and have an exercise program - which is probably the biggest factor and is also tied into planning. Sparkpeople has helped me here in the past.

Positives for me
- I do not drink sweet carbonated beverages
- I have a good knowledge of nutrition
- I am in good health - knees and all
- I am making more money to afford better foods
- family support
- success in the past
- I am athletic

OK - thanks for your support!


Starting Nursing School!

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Well the time for Nursing School is finally here! Today I went to Orientation 20 pounds lighter thanks to Spark. I am happy to report that my clothes are looser and my confidence higher.

I am a bit sad that I will not be able to Spark nearly as much, but I will check in to say hi to my friends and keep in line. I will not be tracking calories anymore, unless I get out of control. I plan to keep track of my cardio, because it will be important for me to get fitness into my new routine.

I was sitting around the room full of future nurses and I realized that these were the people I will be spending alot of time with for the next 2 years. Right now I don't even know their names! I imagine I will look around again next year and know most of them.

The truth was not padded or withheld - we will be busting our humps with classwork, tests, labs and clinicals. It will be hard and it will go fast. These 2 years will be over before we know it and then on to a job in the Nursing field. Everyone was excited about it but nervous too.

So onward I boldly go!


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AMYLIZZ727 8/19/2008 10:26PM

    Congratulations, that is fantastic! Starting somethinig new is always a little nerve racking but it will be so worth it. Good luck!

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LYNNEL38 8/19/2008 6:33PM

    Congratulations on your big step - it is a wonderful profession, but you will work hard. Good luck.

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Brain Neglecting Body!

Thursday, July 03, 2008

I have always taken my body for granted. It has taken me everywhere I wanted to go - sometimes unwillingly but it never complained until recently.

I was blessed with a strong body, tall and naturally muscular. I was never petite, even as a thin child, I was always solid and strong. I was a sickly kid and when my tonsils were removed at age 5, I started to get chubby. I think about that now, since I was sick constantly, I believe that my metabolism was off, even back then. But there was more to it.

My parents, like so many in their generation, were raised in a sugar glazed haze. Sweets were abundant in our house. Our meals were square, there was always a veggie with dinner and my mom was (and still is) good cook. But Dad loved sweets and there were always donuts and cookies in the house. My strong body grew sluggish and chubby with the abundance of carbohydrates.

So did Dad. He now has severe Type 2 Diabetes. It scares me. I am his Mini – me.

I knew my body was starting to complain about 5 years ago. I felt like I was in my 80s and not in my late 30s. I was afraid to go to the doctor because I was embarrassed and ashamed of stepping on the scale. I finally relented because I felt so bad. My doctor sent me to PT for tendonitis in my wrists and a chiropractor.

After a couple years treatment, I am back on track. I felt that I was given a 2nd chance. I have scoliosis (a spine curvature) so my back will always need extra care. But I am strong and my body is right there with me. I knew I had to start living better, and two months ago, my husband inspired me to start. At 256 pounds, my highest weight, I started my new lifestyle. I will not look back…ever.

Why did I let this happen? I can’t just blame my parents. Well here is a partial theory: I have always been cerebral, living in my head. I am a brain nurturer – an avid reader, creator of words and songs and I am always contemplating myself and other people. I took my body for granted. I was always mindful of what I put in my head, but never of what I put in my mouth - as if they were not connected!

I was reading a book by the wonderful Buddhist teacher Jack Kornfield and something he wrote really struck me. He mentioned that he spent years nurturing his mind with teachings and that he actually neglected his body - almost like a disconnect. He had to work on “finding” himself from the head down. He said that in the case of the “over thinkers” sometimes our energy gets stuck and we neglect all else. He said that many cases of mental illness are related to this extreme lack of balance.

I was never taught to nurture my body. I had to find this truth on my own. But I was always encouraged to nurture my mind. This is important for me to keep in mind while raising my daughter. Balance Balance Balance.

So here I am, after having lost nearly 20 pounds, coming to some incredible conclusions about why I have let this happen. I would never want to hurt someone, however I was mindlessly willing to hurt a very important part of me. I realize it is on a deep level and there is more to this lack of awareness. I was not aware of how I was feeding it or exercising it, I was just mindlessly going through the motions!

So finally, after 42 years, my body clicked on and I am finding who I am physically – from the brain down!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GLASJULZ 7/5/2008 5:49PM

    this is a wonderful reminder that we must love ourselves as we would love anyone else that we care about. Thank you for sharing!


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Support Systems

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Except for my hubby, who inspired me by his actions to start this...

I have told no one in my circle (except for my walking buddies) that I am changing my eating and exercise habits. I found that in the past, it sets me up to fail. I didn't want that pressure, to have certain people watch what I eat and to measure my every move. I imagine they will notice pretty soon and start asking questions. There are some definate saboteurs in my life and I would like to keep them at bay, right now. At least until my new habits are firmly established.

There are some people who understand more than others. But not everyone in my life gets it, especially if they have their own issues.

This is the first time that I have ever been quiet about "dieting" and it has been much much easier for me. I do have my support - especially everyone at Spark!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BWALTERS1 6/2/2008 12:43PM

  I've found the same thing to be true for me and some of the people in my life. I wish you continued success.
I have already found it hard to stay on task this last month or so because softball is in full swing and will be for the next 3 months for me. I have vowed to start going to the gym again this month. Wish me luck. THis week is going to be hard to get to the gym because I softball practices from 5 - 8pm each night this week.

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