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The two voices in my head

Tuesday, February 07, 2012

They have been fighting in my head over the weekend and they still are. The one is the good voice, the best part of myself who keeps saying "Focus on your goal, you're so close!", "Come on, think about all the success you've had so far!", "You can definitely do this, you're strong!"
And then there's the other. My weak, inner self who has emerged recently from the deepest end of my mind. "So what, you'll be living like this for the rest of your life? Counting calories and fitness minutes?", "You haven't been under this weight since your early 20's. You can't do this at your 36!", "Come on, admit it! You're bored of all these things and you want to go back to eating whatever you want without having to check its nutritional value first!", "You'll be back to square one on the first day you dare to let yourself do this, so why bother to continue?"

Guess who's winning... You got it right. If the good voice was in charge of the situation, I probably wouldn't blog about it. But this bad voice has taken control of everything in the past few days.

I keep searching for motivation everywhere. To other SP members' pages, to "before and after" pics, to quotes, to old pictures of myself, to my closet, to all the places that I've found motivation all these past months. But I guess it was never there. It was always inside me and for some reason I'm not aware of, it just vanished!
I don't want to exercise, all my DVDs seem boring, the weather is terrible and I can't go out to walk, the treadmill looks like the most boring thing I've ever done in my whole life and a gym is just not affordable at the moment. As for food, the "evening monster" has woken up again! I follow my meal plans perfectly up until 5 pm. And then disaster strikes! I know it's emotional eating, I know which feelings I'm trying to "eat" by turning to food, but I just don't seem to be able to do anything about it.

The worst thing is that the scale has already started going the wrong way. And I know how easy it is to just let go and see it climbing all the way back up again in no time! I've seen it happening before and I don't want to relive this experience. So, I'm trying to add a third voice to the battle. The one of sense and logic.

"You started this journey with only one goal in mind: HEALTH!"
"The yo-yo effect on your weight is the worst thing you can do to your health. You've been there and you know the results."
"You keep preaching everyone in the family about healthy nutrition and exercise. Do you want to look like the teacher who didn't learn his lesson?"
"Think about how strong you've become. Which woman do you want to be, the one who couldn't go up the stairs to her first-floor apartment without huffing and puffing or the one who runs all the way up to the third floor? It's your decision."
"Going back on old habits like eating mindlessly in front of the TV, right? Is that the example you want to set for your children?"

Well, well, well! This voice sounds like a strong one. Sounds like it could win this battle. If I could add just a slight bit of motivation, maybe a pinch of inspiration, a new plan, a fresh goal and maybe one or two rewards, I think the recipe could be successful!

I'll keep trying. No matter what happens, I'll keep trying. I don't know which voice will win in the following days and right now I could really use all the support I could get. But I promise myself I won't quit. I'll continue getting up right after the fall. Putting my pieces together until I complete the puzzle. Because even if I never reach my goal, I deserve to know that I have done my best.

"Quitting wrinkles the soul like age wrinkles the body."
Since I can't do anything about the age wrinkles, I think I'll spare my soul of them.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

STRIVER57 2/9/2012 3:46AM

    you can, you will. maybe change up the music too? or try some different healthy food? only eat fruit or apple sauce after 8?? some silly new rule that will be different ...
at goal and having a bit of trouble too ...

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CANNIE50 2/9/2012 12:20AM

    Well, the new, healthy, sensible voice has said it all. Maybe you are just truly tired. Everything is harder when we are tired. Perhaps, if at all possible, you can go to bed a little earlier (this helps with the nighttime eating, also - believe me, this is an area I have way too much experience). Maybe, instead of exercising for 30 or 40 minutes or more, if that is what you are used to doing, you just do several 10 minute sessions of something different to shake things up. It is so good you blogged about this - I hope it helped to sort some things out. Please take care.

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AEROBISAURUS 2/7/2012 10:54AM

    You can do this. Have you ever considered getting a magazine subscription to Womans Health, Fitness, or Shape? Having a new articles and exercises plus new motivation, and success stories from real people with the same eating issues and lack of motivation we all face from time to time. I had someone give me really good advice. Do not keep beating yourself up about the past you can't change that, instead focus on the present moment and work to do the best you can in that moment. You got this! Just so you know you are not at all alone in your battle or your feelings. I'm 31 and still battle with eating issues, I'm an emotional eater too and it hits me after 5 also. We can stick this out together. I'm here if you want to talk. Make today a great day and give yourself props and focus only on the positive!! emoticon

Comment edited on: 2/7/2012 10:55:10 AM

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WALKINGTHETALK 2/7/2012 9:07AM

    Wouldn't you like to just punch that negative voice right in the voice box?! My negative voice has been winning lately too, so I don't know that I can necessarily help, HOWEVER I would like to say that you have been an inspiration to me, and simply knowing that you are out there cheering me on helps to pick myself up and keep going. I want you to know that I am here cheering you on too!

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We all fall, but you always get up - that is success in itself.

Hang in there emoticon

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BAKER1009 2/7/2012 8:03AM

    I wish I had something totally awesome to say here! For those of us that struggle with weight, I imagine this type of thing will always be a struggle.
Look at me, just 9 lbs away from my goal weight last May, and I am now almost 30 lbs from goal weight. But here I am, trying again. Like you, I know what to do, I just have weak moments. I know you and I were trying to help each other out, and we started out super strong in January, but I slacked as a friend, as a motivator, and for that, I'm sorry!

Let's figure this out together, let's do this!!

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WANT2BEFIT10 2/7/2012 7:48AM

    The little voice in your head that's tell you that you can't do this is a LIAR. YOU CAN AND YOU WILL!

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BUSYGRANNY5 2/7/2012 7:23AM

    Good for you...just keep on keeping on!!! emoticon

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ANNIEONLI 2/7/2012 6:54AM

    I've been there...a lot. It is part of ths whole big picture....and it is OK.

Whenever I hit these slumps, I focus on eating correctly and tracking my nutrition. Think about it...if your nutrition is on point, you will maintain or even lose during the slump, even if you take a break from exercising.

Breaks have a tendency to reset the body clock and are very important to listen to...embrace this time, do not beat yourself up, drink your water, and track your nutrition. Focus on those....like a mini Fast-break.

I've been doing this a long time...if you think I have been super-motivated the entrie time, well my dear, you are dead wrong. It goes in cyclical waves. When a wave hits - document it, blog it - eventually it will pass and then you will have a record of when, and why, and possibly you will see a pattern emerge!

Hang in there...ride the wave - this too shall pass!!
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Comment edited on: 2/7/2012 6:54:58 AM

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TWINNYGRAN 2/7/2012 3:06AM

    emoticon emoticon you've done a great job so far! Don't let the negative voice take over. emoticon

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One month pre-birthday plan!

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

In exactly one month from now - on 17th February - I'll be celebrating my 36th birthday! And I have so many reasons to celebrate this 36th year of my life. I am a completely different person than the one I was last year! The rest of the world can see the difference in the pictures but I can also see the difference inside me. There's so much more energy, self-confidence, motivation and optimism - yes, even that! I'm really happy and thankful to SP and my Sparkfriends for all I have accomplished.
But I recently read a quote about goal-setting. And it's something I've always believed:


So true! Having no goals in your life makes it hard for you to get off bed in the morning. It gives you nothing to dream of and nothing to expect. And during a health journey, like the one we're all here for, having no goals could mean staying at a standstill. This could lead to boredom, loss of motivation and eventually take us back to our old habits. Because - let's be honest about it - we haven't forgotten about our old habits! A temptation that we gave in to can lead to a bad eating evening which can lead to two days of overeating and not working out which can lead to a week of not being in the mood to do anything about it and then we all know what could happen! We have to admit it. Keeping the weight off and reaching our ultimate fitness goals is something we'll always have to work on. Can you think of a better way than small goal-setting?

So, I decided to work a bit harder for my birthday goal. In my original weight loss plan, I wanted to have reached 68 kilos by my birthday. Now, this sounds a bit difficult because the holiday gain - which I finally decided to track - set me back a little. But wouldn't it be great if I could see myself in "the land of the 60's" in a month from now?? If I could just step on the scale one morning and see the number "69" which I haven't seen for about 15 years? The plan is simple:
1. Finish the January jumpstart challenge by doing all the videos and 30 - 45 minutes of cardio each day.
2. Track my food every single day.
3. Do my best to drink those 8 glasses of water each day.
4. Make wise food choices and plan meals ahead.
5. Stay away from food temptations. And even if I give in, control the portion wisely!
Well, that's it! I wrote my goals and set up my monthly challenge. If anyone would like to join me on any of these, I'd be more than happy to share some motivation. Just let me know!

Land of the 60's here I come!

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BAKER1009 2/17/2012 7:56AM

    I think you did a great job! Enjoy your celebration today!!

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WALKINGTHETALK 1/18/2012 9:30AM

    I'll be celebrating 38 the day before you! You have great goals, I know you can do it! My original stretch goal had been to be at my goal weight by my birthday, which I am not even close to, so I think the idea of small goal setting is something I could definitely use - thanks for the thought provoking blog!

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CANNIE50 1/17/2012 7:46PM

    36! 36 is the sexiest age for a woman. I am not saying it is all downhill from there, but 36 is a fabulous age for a woman so do all you can do so you can fully embrace it - you deserve to have a wonderful, healthy, strong, fit 36th year!

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ANNIEONLI 1/17/2012 4:45PM

    Oh Yay!!!!! You can totally do this with this new found determination! (ps - thanks for the comment on my blog too, and I added you as a friend too!) I like the new word of CHANGE you have undertaken as well! having this birthday goal was one I had as my first (secret) mini-goals and it was a great motivator when I first started Spark. Can't wait to see how you progress!

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SHANTODD420 1/17/2012 1:31PM

    Hiya lady great goals for our birthday lol. We are going to do this I know we can. I am slowly getting back on track after being sick again. ALl my food is tracked for the day. No deviating from the plan. Have a healthy day.

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FIT_MAMA_2_FOUR 1/17/2012 9:01AM

    Wow, you can do this!

My key is nutrition. No matter how hard I fight it, when I track my food, I lose weight.

Good luck with your goals and thanks for writing this-you have great points:)
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My word of the year for 2012

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

After my good Sparkfriend WALKINGTHETALK posted her blog about her word of the year, I liked the idea of having a word that could define the new year that's just begun. It sounded like new year's resolutions all wrapped up in one single word! So, I thought about it a lot and finally decided on my Word Of The Year 2012: Change.

Why did I choose this word? First of all, I believe that for me, my family, my country, change is inevitable. We have already faced challenges and we are sure to face many more in this year. We have already changed our way of thinking on many aspects of our lives - like jobs, education, housing, economy - and many of us have changed their whole lives, not always in an easy way. But those are the inevitable changes and I really pray that they are as easy as possible and for the better.

Secondly, it's about the other changes, the ones that we decide to make. I'd like to stress here that, by character, I'm really afraid of change. I like taking things for granted in my life. Anything unexpected really fills me with anxiety and fear. So is this an attempt to conquer my fear of the unknown? (Oops!That sounded too supernatural!) Probably.

So what do I want to change? Let's see...

1. Continue changing ME. The way I look and how I think. Something that I started last year and this site is the main reason for this change. But that's another blog that I have to right some day.
2. Help other people change themselves. Those who want to, of course. Offer the motivation and the guidance they need. How much I love doing that!
3. Try to change anything that I don't like in the way I live. This one may be hard but I'll do my best.
4. Grab all the inevitable changes that will come my way and make them chances for something new. Every cloud has a silver lining, right?

Change can be a really good thing. After all...



If there's anything we don't like around us, we must be the ones to make the first tiny step towards changing it. If you don't like the rudeness of the girl who works at the grocery store, for example, be the first to smile at her. Simply...



So, come on 2012.
"Take me to the magic of the moment
On a glory night
Where the children of tomorrow dream away
In the wind of change...
The wind of change
Blows straight into the face of time
Like a stormwind that will ring the freedom bell
For peace of mind."
(Lyrics from Wind of change - Scorpions)
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CANNIE50 1/11/2012 2:55PM

    Since change is inevitable, we may as well embrace it, and seek it out - good for you for taking charge and making changes. emoticon

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BAKER1009 1/11/2012 1:51PM

    Lovely idea! Lovely choice!
I'm right here for you, always!!
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MARIJO150 1/11/2012 9:14AM

    Wishing you a wonderful 2012 full of positive changes!

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For all my Sparkfriends

Friday, December 23, 2011

I was never the "internet" type of person. I always thought this kind of communication, through screens and keyboards, was weird. I rarely log in to my account on FB which I created just to look for some old schoolmates. I've never taken part in a "chat" and even texting through my mobile phone is something I rarely do.

But Sparkpeople is different.

When I first came here, I was skeptical about all these friend adds and comments and goodies and everything else that we do here on Spark. As time passed, there was nothing I enjoyed more that learning about people's stories, getting to know some of my Sparkfriends a bit better, meeting their families through pictures, learning about their countries and their habits, offering and receiving support and advice. I've "met" some wonderful people here. People that I would really like to meet in person one day but I know that's very difficult. My Sparkfriends mean a lot to me. And I am grateful for finding Sparkpeople and being able to get to know all of you.

So, with all my heart I want to make a wish for all my Sparkfriends.
May your Christmas be decorated with happy faces and bright smiles.
May your heart be filled with the warmest feelings like kindness, gratitude and joy this holiday.
May you all have your loved ones beside you.
May your prayers be answered in the best possible way.

And let's not forget the real reason why we celebrate Christmas.
Merry Christmas to everyone!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FIT_MAMA_2_FOUR 12/29/2011 1:53AM

    aww shucks. I fully agree with you. I am exactly the same(except I have never opened a FB acct or sent a text-teehee). Wishing you an awesome holiday season. Cheers to a great 2012...together:)

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NUMD97 12/23/2011 6:03PM

    I found your page (lovely, by the way) by following my own feed. SparkPeople is an amazing place, without question. While you're broaching the broad divide in the technouniverse, allow me to suggest something cheaper than a plane fare for you to "meet" more intimately with the SP people of your choice: Skype. It's an incredible medium and a wonderful way to bridge the gap in miles through video conferencing and it's still miraculously free!

All the best for the holiday season, and thanks for the wonderful blog.

Merry Christmas,

Nu

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CANNIE50 12/23/2011 2:45PM

    Lovely page, lovely blog, lovely you - have a beautiful, blessed Christmas.

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KEEPITUP05 12/23/2011 9:55AM

    Merry Christmas! emoticon

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BAKER1009 12/23/2011 8:27AM

    Right back at you, beautiful friend!!
Hugs,
Beth

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AMYISSUCCEEDING 12/23/2011 8:09AM

    Wishing you a Merry Christmas and a wonderful New Year.
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IFFUR77 12/23/2011 5:27AM

    merry christmas to you also
SP has change our lives in many ways
j~

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Weekly challenge results and my new goal

Monday, November 21, 2011

This is a bit early as I started my challenge last Tuesday and I should blog about it tomorrow. But my weigh-in day is always Monday and I thought I'd post the results a day earlier.
To remind you what it was all about I wanted to try and do the following for a whole week: eat no white bread and no sugar, do cardio 4 times a week and have my last meal of the day at 7 pm.

I thought the bread part would be the most difficult but, to my surprise, it wasn't! I liked whole wheat bread - even though it wasn't homemade - and those two days of the week that I made white bread for the rest of the family, I could actually resist the smell!
Sugar wasn't a problem at all, as I expected, since the only sugar I use is a teaspoon in my morning coffee and sometimes another one if I have an afternoon cup of coffee. I can't say I was thrilled with the sweetener I used but it was ok.
My Monday dance class helped a lot with my cardio. Beginning the week with a full hour of cardio was a great motivation which helped me add the remaining three days. Piece of cake!
The most difficult part was the last meal at 7! The first two days I actually did it! But I always go to bed between 11 and midnight and the hours were too many for me to resist grabbing something from the fridge or nibbling from somebody else's dinner plate! But, believe me, those two days that I actually did it, I woke up in the morning feeling lighter than ever!

All this weekly challenge was an attempt to see the number on the scale drop below 75 kilos which was a hard-to-break barrier before. Well, did it work?

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Morning weigh-in: 73.9 kilos! 1.5 kilos (3.3 pounds) lost!
I think it worked!

12.5 kilos (27 pounds) total loss so far! My ultimate goal is to get down to 65 kilos. So, it's time for me to set a new mini goal. And this is really important to me as it involves a health index and this whole journey is about health, right? So, according to BMI calculations I'm still overweight. I enter the "healthy BMI range" at 71 kilos. That makes 71 my new mini goal. Almost 3 kilos by Christmas. A goal to help me "survive" season's baking and family gatherings around holiday dinner tables!!!!

What do you think? Can I do it?

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SHANTODD420 11/21/2011 7:15PM

    congrats take it one day at time and one step at a time.

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SHANTODD420 11/21/2011 7:09PM

    Great Job and keep taking it one day at a time and one step at a time.

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BAKER1009 11/21/2011 9:31AM

    Great job beautiful!! Keep up the awesome work!

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FIT_MAMA_2_FOUR 11/21/2011 8:30AM

    emoticonOF COURSE YOU CAN DO THIS emoticon

You are sooooo close. You've been successful this far, so keep on going!

Thanks for the goodie. We've already made snowmen in the yard. If you look closely at my profile pic, in the background there are 4. 1 for each girl. We'll make many more over the winter.

Have a wonderful Monday!
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MARKSTIPANOVSKY 11/21/2011 8:25AM

    Thanks for sharing and good luck staying focused and reaching your goals this week. Have a nice week... Mark

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MINNA72 11/21/2011 8:23AM

    WHOA!!! Awesome job! I am so impressed with you!

Of course you can do it!

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