NOTMILK   13,549
SparkPoints
10,000-14,999 SparkPoints
 
 
NOTMILK's Recent Blog Entries

Not Quite ready for a come back

Sunday, May 04, 2014

I have been gone for a while now. Actually - I haven't. I have been right here the whole time. I have come and gone and hoped that I would have time to focus. Hoping just isn't getting it done any more. I need to pop the clutch.

Since my last blog post 3 - yep THREE - years ago, a lot has happened in my life. Through it all my weight has slowly and steadily crept back up. I am not happy about that at all. I went through a separation and then divorce that lasted more than 2 years. My sons have both spent scary time in the hospital. I changed jobs after 12 years with a single company and I replaced just about every single thing in my life.

I have fallen, literally and figuratively, and I have gotten back up, broken and sore.

My family, the folks who have stayed at arms length 200 miles away in another city, came and picked up the broken pieces for me. The held each piece gently and, when I was ready, helped me figure out how to put the pieces back in place. I am blessed to have such an awesome mom, dad, siblings, step family, aunts & uncles, and, most of all, kids. They have tolerated, nay embraced, the crying, lonely, miserable, confused, hurt, unsure mess that I have been for the last 3 years. They held me gently and let me work through it all.

The only thing that hasn't truly changed is me. I am still here. Oh, I have new hobbies. I salsa dance now; it is amazing. I ski whenever I can; bought myself a pass to the closest hill and use it whenever I can. I have found some new friends to replace those I lost in the divorce and I am always looking to expand that group of people. Don't let me paint the wrong picture, life is on the up and up.

The only thing I have left to do is honor my body the way that I am honoring and respecting my spirit. I almost have the eat, pray, love life going on. It is now time for me. I promise to let me be me and to allow me to be and feel. To encourage myself to grow and to honor my self the way I fuss at my friends to care for themselves.

That's why I am back. I can't guarantee I will blog much or even post much. I am overwhelmed by the need to report every detail of my life; Facebook is almost more than I can handle let alone Linked In & twitter. But still, I am back. You'll see me around, trying to get a grasp on my reality. I'll read my old posts and consider establishing some goals that will work in my new way of living.

I'll start drinking my water again and cut back on my sweetened drinks. I'll start to work out again and find some pattern that makes sense with my world. I will be gentle with myself but I will be accountable.

That's why I am back, even though I never really left...

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHICAT63 5/31/2014 5:37PM

    Glad to hear from you, I missed this post. Have an awesome return because you can and will do this for YOU !!! emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
KNEEMAKER 5/4/2014 7:19PM

  You are a winner! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment


dreary gone Cheery with a change in perspective

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

It is a dreary day her in Cincinnati, we are expecting rain, storms and yuck. The west sky darkened on my way to work. eeww. Imagine my surprise, then when I went to turn right on red and looked to the left for a clearing (left is west at this moment) and saw a rainbow. Not just any rainbow, but a GIGANTIC INTENSE HORIZON TO HORIZON RAINBOW.
emoticon
yep - it was amazing.

As I was driving away I remember the Christian story about where and why rainbows exist. I wonder if other traditions and faiths have a similar story?

I gave me a moment to reflect on the concept. What may appear yucky, and what may be a downer at first is really a blessing, depending on your point of view. I think I need a different perspective on many parts of my life. I bet there are more rainbows than I am aware of...

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

UPTOWNFIBERGIRL 3/23/2011 2:14PM

    I KNOW there are more rainbows than you are aware of honey! Like watching your children grow up, become successful, insightful and full of love. Your thoughts are magical and lifted my spirits today. Even kept me away from the last powdered sugar donut in the bag! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment


Keeping track

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

In an effort to keep myself honest, I am going to try to blog more frequently about the goals I set. Blogging is not a goal, so if I don't make it, I am not worrying about that one.

Before I start on me - WOOOHOOOO!!!!
That kid that was in the wreck on Friday got HIRED by Walt Disney World and ACCEPTED to the Disney University! OMG!!!! That has been a dream of his for several years - he MADE it!

Seriously, I am about to cry I am SO proud!

He had to do an online interview and a phone interview (in which the phone turned off) and HE MADE IT!

*sigh*
that is so cool


********************
So to recap the task at hand:
1 – burn 550 more calories a day than I consume. Treadmill is about 250 for a run, So I have an extra 300 to burn EVERY DAY.

Started the day with Coach Nicole. Evening spiraled out of control (worked until almost 8) and had 3 glasses of wine with dinner - YIKES! Started well, not so good of a finish. Need to correct today.


2 – Run 3+ times per week. Running in a few minutes, did not make it to the treadmill last night

4 – EVERY morning:
Crunches + 5 (5 more than the day before) , Pushups +5, Jump rope 5 minutes, 10 minute with Coach Nicole or another Spark video, 20 minutes yoga
Did 10 mins of video, did not do the rest. Again need some correction

5 – Get some measuring cups to travel with. Yep, gonna get honest about restaurant food! Calories will be in the bottom 100 of my range.

Going to the store after work tonight.
*****************

So in all, yesterday was not so successful. Ok, it was really bad. Tonight when I get out of work I am going to the store for a jump rope, measuring cups and maybe even a mini scale. Then I will come back and work out. I am going to try to work off some of last night this morning too. Already did my crunches and some stretching. Heading to the treadmill now...

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JRIMM4 10/26/2010 2:50PM

    Congrats to your son! Super exciting news!

Even if you did not meet all your goals yesterday you remained accountable to them and thats part of what keeps us going, that what shows you care and have the desire to succeed. It's when a person chooses not to be accountable even afterwards that it time to worry.

JR

Report Inappropriate Comment
KARBRUCE 10/26/2010 11:24AM

    Great blogs, Great goals an greater than great news about the son!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
TREASURINGLIFE 10/26/2010 9:28AM

    That's awesome news about your son!!!! :) Wooo-whooo!!!

And as for you, all you can do is try to make today a better day. Progress...not perfection. Remember that.

Have a GREAT day!! :)

-Michelle

Report Inappropriate Comment
CINCYDORA 10/26/2010 9:25AM

    Don't beat yourself up too much. It looks like you made a decent start yesterday so it wasn't a complete loss. It wasn't as though you spent the entire day on the couch eating potato chips.

Report Inappropriate Comment
_COSMOPAULATAN_ 10/26/2010 7:43AM

    Yay!!! How super exciting. I'll be looking forward to more of your blogs :)

Report Inappropriate Comment


Closing in on my birthday – Changes are needed

Monday, October 25, 2010

My birthday/goal day is only a few weeks away and I have not made the progress I had wanted to make. In retrospect, it is because I got lazy. Yep – that’s me calling it like it is. I have not been consistent enough to reach the goal I set. However, it only takes 21 days to build a habit and, fortunately, there are 23 days between now and my birthday. That means there is still time!

What needs to be done.
1 – I need to drop the last 5-8 pounds (depending on the day)
2 – I need to keep my water consumption up (that is one thing I am doing right)
3 – I need to do more than run. Running 2.5 miles 3 times a week is not enough to dump the last of the weight.
4 – I need to figure out how to track better on the road. I always eat my salad and veggies, but restaurant food is hard to portion. I must figure that out.
5 – I need to put the salad first at home. My consumption at home is getting pretty lazy as well, got to step it up.


To do it. The “wants” above are nice, but they are not “SMART” goals. Effective goals must be specific, measurable, attainable, realistic and timely. Below is how I intend to make it happen.

1 – burn 550 more calories a day than I consume. Treadmill is about 250 for a run, So I have an extra 300 to burn EVERY DAY.
2 – Run 3+ times per week
3 – HIKE on Saturdays 3+hours
4 – EVERY morning:
Crunches + 5 (5 more than the day before)
Pushups +5
Jump rope 5 minutes
10 minute with Coach Nicole or another Spark video
20 minutes yoga
5 – Get some measuring cups to travel with. Yep, gonna get honest about restaurant food! Calories will be in the bottom 100 of my range.

I figure that I need to break it down so I am totally accountable to myself. If I make it, great, if not, I will be VERY close. (I am not really worried about it) Plus, if I do this, on the magic 40 day when my world begins anew, I will have some amazing habits that will serve me well in the next decade. And that is really what this journey is about - Making sure that in my 40s I give my body and my "self" the respect it deserves.

Excuse me, I have to run, my workout is calling and I miss it.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ZURDTA- 10/26/2010 5:54AM

    Goal-tastic!

Report Inappropriate Comment
EUPHRATES 10/26/2010 1:21AM

    GREAT job breaking down the goals into specific action steps - that's always what trips me up (intentions vs. how to get there).
emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
_COSMOPAULATAN_ 10/25/2010 8:26PM

    Run girl run!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
TREASURINGLIFE 10/25/2010 2:17PM

    Great blog!!!!!! YOU CAN DO IT!

- Michelle

Report Inappropriate Comment
UHYEAHABOUTTHAT 10/25/2010 2:01PM

    I never would have thought you're turning 40 soon. You look younger than that. I think your goals are reasonable and I think you will do better than you expect. You've got a good head on your shoulders and an AMAZING support system. We're all here to help you when you need it. :) You can do it!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
CINCYDORA 10/25/2010 1:54PM

    Good luck! Be sure to keep track of each piece so that when the 23 days are up you can list out the ones you were able to keep up with. That way if you miss one or two you can see that you accomplished so much so it was worth the effort.

Report Inappropriate Comment
L8AGAIN 10/25/2010 1:13PM

  When on the road, all you need to do is loose your pride. Last week I ate out with friends and as soon as the food came I whipped my digital scale, and measuring cup right out of my purse. Yes I did. I measured out one half cup of the hummus and ate it right out of the measuring cup with all my lovely, fresh little veggies. My diet buddy weighed out 4 oz of he chicken, ate it and asked for the rest to be boxed for take out.

This is a new tactic for me, but so far so good. I figure everyone saw how I was eating while I was gaining weight and I wasn't ashamed, there shouldn't be any shame in people seeing how I'm eating to drop this lard.

Report Inappropriate Comment
CHICAT63 10/25/2010 9:21AM

    It's the home stretch and you can do it ! Believe in yourself.

Report Inappropriate Comment
BUBBLEJ1 10/25/2010 8:48AM

    Good luck with your goals! You can do it!

Have you tried water jogging? It is a great alternative to running and it burns a heap of calories (700ish an hour), plus the resistance in the water really works those muscles. When I started doing it I dropped a bit of weight.

Report Inappropriate Comment
BONSAIAMAZONE 10/25/2010 8:39AM

    Congratulöations on your goals and your commitment! Maybe going for a swimm could help you reach them more easily. Just half an hour of breast strokes could help you burn more than a hike on saturday will.
Good luck and emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
CITYGIRL27 10/25/2010 8:32AM

    You've done so well, and I'm confident that you can "kick it into high gear" and meet these last goals before your b-day. I love that you are so focused in the home stretch!

Report Inappropriate Comment


Reality

Friday, October 22, 2010

Just wanted to let all my Spark Friends know that even with the "perpetually sunny" exterior, things in my life don't always go the way I want them to, the way I planned or even ... well. As a matter of fact, bad things happen to me too. I just try VERY hard to look at them for what they are, moments in time.

This morning, literally seconds after posting my happy LALALALA status, I got the phone call from the oldest child (18). He was in an accident.



I know a few things:

I know that all of you are going to look at this and send your support. For that, I am truly grateful.

I know that car is a goner, and I am not even a mechanic.

I also know, that my son is alive. He is going to sit down and have dinner with me tonight and he is going to go to bed here at the house in his own bed.

I know the day was still beautiful because when I went to get lunch today, several hours later, I walked out side and the sun was still up and the birds were still singing. The day was still amazing.

I reminded myself that bad things are only bad things if you let them be. I am sure that this experience will be of value and is a good thing.

I am really curious though, what will come of this? What lesson does he need to learn? Or is there someone he is supposed to meet when he takes the public bus down to campus? Will he one day need this experience in his past to help him though a situation? I wonder what amazing things we will see because of this.

The Universe is full of surprises, you know. emoticon

With that thought out there, have an Amazing weekend. Smooch the people next to you, hold hands, love. Above all, appreciate everything.
emoticon

PS - thanks, in advance, for all the love and support that I know you will give me. You all are AWESOME!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

_RAMONA 10/26/2010 2:55PM

    I was told recently that it's just not possible for me to be this darn positive ALL of the time... I think you'd be able to back me up on my position... YES! You are great, and I'm so glad your son wasn't hurt!

{{{{{{{{{ HUGS }}}}}}}}}
Ramona

Report Inappropriate Comment
CHICAT63 10/23/2010 12:59PM

    Big hug, glad to hear he is ok. My girls are 17 & 19 and we constantly worry about car accidents. The main thing is that he is fine, and yes a car is a thing it can be replaced. Have a great weekend.

Report Inappropriate Comment
JRIMM4 10/23/2010 12:58PM

    So glad to hear that your son was not hurt in the accident - not fun experiences. Loving your take on the day as a whole.

JR

Report Inappropriate Comment
EUPHRATES 10/23/2010 11:04AM

    SO glad he's okay!
emoticon

See, there's reasons you're one of my "Friday Friends" this week (don't know if you saw that yet).

My mom was SUCH a worrier, that it was an amazing breath of fresh air to be around my first MIL, who taught me the phrase "no news is good news" - I'm much more likely to take a deep breath and say "Okay, what do we need to do?" in a crisis than panic. Go you for keeping things in perspective!

Report Inappropriate Comment
L8AGAIN 10/23/2010 10:45AM

  Notmilk, I also have boys, ages 17 and 19. My 19 year old totaled our car when he was 17 but came out without a scratch, so I get where you are right now. Terrified and grateful.

No one was in the car with our son. He was programming the GPS while driving, the road curved, he drove off the road and hit a tree. Thank goodness he was driving slowly. The accident taught both of my boys to never, never take their eyes off the road, not even for one second.they also learned that driving is a huge responsibility.

He has since told us he will always remember our reaction to the accident; the tears in our eyes, and our just wanting to hug him and not let go when we got to the accident site. That we didn't seem to care that the car was a goner. All that mattered was that he was fine and learned something in the process. And we've never brought it up since. He has mentioned it, but we have not and for that, he is thankful. He has had to pay the difference in the amount that his car insurance went up after the accident.

It sounds like your son will be taking away a huge lesson from his accident as well. He'll learn that first and foremost his mother loves him, there are consequences to his actions, and sometimes the consequences lead us in new directions we never could have imagined.

I'll be thinking of you both.

Report Inappropriate Comment
L8AGAIN 10/23/2010 10:45AM

  Notmilk, I also have boys, ages 17 and 19. My 19 year old totaled our car when he was 17 but came out without a scratch, so I get where you are right now. Terrified and grateful.

No one was in the car with our son. He was programming the GPS while driving, the road curved, he drove off the road and hit a tree. Thank goodness he was driving slowly. The accident taught both of my boys to never, never take their eyes off the road, not even for one second.they also learned that driving is a huge responsibility.

He has since told us he will always remember our reaction to the accident; the tears in our eyes, and our just wanting to hug him and not let go when we got to the accident site. That we didn't seem to care that the car was a goner. All that mattered was that he was fine and learned something in the process. And we've never brought it up since. He has mentioned it, but we have not and for that, he is thankful. He has had to pay the difference in the amount that his car insurance went up after the accident.

It sounds like your son will be taking away a huge lesson from his accident as well. He'll learn that first and foremost his mother loves him, there are consequences to his actions, and sometimes the consequences lead us in new directions we never could have imagined.

I'll be thinking of you both.

Report Inappropriate Comment
L8AGAIN 10/23/2010 10:45AM

  Notmilk, I also have boys, ages 17 and 19. My 19 year old totaled our car when he was 17 but came out without a scratch, so I get where you are right now. Terrified and grateful.

No one was in the car with our son. He was programming the GPS while driving, the road curved, he drove off the road and hit a tree. Thank goodness he was driving slowly. The accident taught both of my boys to never, never take their eyes off the road, not even for one second.they also learned that driving is a huge responsibility.

He has since told us he will always remember our reaction to the accident; the tears in our eyes, and our just wanting to hug him and not let go when we got to the accident site. That we didn't seem to care that the car was a goner. All that mattered was that he was fine and learned something in the process. And we've never brought it up since. He has mentioned it, but we have not and for that, he is thankful. He has had to pay the difference in the amount that his car insurance went up after the accident.

It sounds like your son will be taking away a huge lesson from his accident as well. He'll learn that first and foremost his mother loves him, there are consequences to his actions, and sometimes the consequences lead us in new directions we never could have imagined.

I'll be thinking of you both.

Report Inappropriate Comment
NOTMILK 10/23/2010 7:33AM

    All - thanks so much, you are great. Really.

My mother-in-law taught me the phrase "It is only a thing" when I was newly married to her son and I broke a glass at her house setting the table for dinner. I was mortified. She was concerned that I might have cut my self. The glass... replaceable.

As for wheels, until he has money for another car, he'll be walking or taking the Metro :) so think of him every morning and afternoon. We have some REAL wierdos on the bus here in Cincy - Imagine the stories he will have to tell at dinner.
emoticon


Colleen - thanks, he may need a ride to school. I am sure he'll call you. He hates the bus :)



Report Inappropriate Comment
ZURDTA- 10/23/2010 5:43AM

    Wow... so glad your son is okay and when something like that happens, you just realise that 'things' don't matter - people do.

Report Inappropriate Comment
BARCLE 10/22/2010 11:09PM

    omg - what's really got me buzzing about this (apart from the fact that he is okay etc - that's just a given that I'm happy about that) is the part where you wonder what's meant to happen from this - I think like this too! It's amazing imagining the possibilities and how things are just meant to happen. I usually find that even when bad things happen it always comes right somehow in the end even if I never find out how. My example of that is when my cat Oscar (who was my baby) died. He was hit by a train and I was totally devastated. I put it into a different perspective though - did he die in order that it saved it being another family member or a friend? (a little bit different thinking but then that's me at times)

Enjoy the rest of your amazing day and dinner - Mr 18 may even let you give him that extra cuddle tonight emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
ANAJAK 10/22/2010 11:02PM

    Your son is probably feeling pretty lucky right now - not just because the accident only wrote off his car but also because he has you for a mama :) I'm keeping this in my stash (just in case I'll need to be like you when my boy is 18)

Glad you're all fine (except the car lol)

Report Inappropriate Comment
_DASH_ 10/22/2010 10:46PM

    wow. you are a breath of fresh air. i love your thinking.
and you are right. the most important thing is everyone is alive. a car is just a thing.

one time i was backing out of a parking space and not paying attention and i backed into someone's headlight who was coming behind me. when we all got out and i started profusely apologizing, the mom, dad and kid were ALL very quick to stop me and say, "are you okay? we're okay. it's just a thing. it doesnt matter. it's just a thing."

i never forgot that, and it gave me great joy in the world to know how human we can be at times. i love this blog so much and i'm so glad your son is okay. and i hope he does meet someone who changes his life in some way on that bus, or wherever. you made my day with this blog.

Report Inappropriate Comment
_COSMOPAULATAN_ 10/22/2010 10:40PM

    Well, I am glad that you have a solid mindset. I'm not a parent, but I'd be a tough one if I was. I would either A) Ask him what he would like his consequence to be or B) Let him know that the next car he purchases is with his own money.

Big hugs and support.

Report Inappropriate Comment
NEWLIFE422 10/22/2010 10:36PM

  I'm so glad he is OK! I am here if you guys need me!

Report Inappropriate Comment
CITYGIRL27 10/22/2010 9:34PM

    OMG I'm so sorry! You're 100% right that all that matters is that your son is okay and safe at home with you now - that makes it an awesome day.

And, your outlook is AMAZING. I love the line about maybe there's someone he's supposed to meet on the bus... LOL. I'm sure he won't see it that way (for now at least!).

Comment edited on: 10/22/2010 9:34:29 PM

Report Inappropriate Comment
UHYEAHABOUTTHAT 10/22/2010 9:24PM

    Oh wow! I'm sorry he was in an accident, but I am so glad he's okay. I love your sunny exterior but I can't say I ever thought you were like, delusional with your happiness! No worries there, my friend!
Your thoughts on your son's experience are interesting...like how you posted the question, who is he supposed to meet on the bus? (something liek that) That was a very good point. Weird, how everything fits together somehow.
:) You ARE awesome and so is your son. :)

Report Inappropriate Comment
GLORRE 10/22/2010 8:32PM

  A happy attitude is half the battle!

Report Inappropriate Comment


1 2 3 4 5 6 Last Page