Hello dear SP friends! It's been awhile since I have been on here, I know. I guess things just really got to me and I was having a big pity party :( but, I am back and ready to get back to business.
I am so angry at myself for gaining back almost all of the 30 lbs that I had lost. What was I thinking?! Oh yeah, my plantar fasciitis got so bad that I decided to quit working out for awhile to let it heal. The problem was that it's been about 6 months and it is worse then ever!!! Just walking is a chore! So now, I am so totally out of shape it is ridiculous. I feel horrible and I have no energy.
Well, I am done with that! I am ready to get back in shape and get healthy. I know that my feet won't heal until I loose quite a bit of this weight so I will have to focus on eating clean and find some kind of activity that doesn't require me being on my feet..... swimming would be great if I can get over my phobia of being in a swimsuit in front of other people :) If any of you have any ideas.....I would totally love to hear them. Anyway, thank you all for not giving up on me. This time I am going to reach all my goals and I will be there to help and support all of you in your journey to reaching yours. Promise!!
WARNING: This blog is a going to be a downer so if you are not in the mood for it you might want to exit out!
Here it is, April 2012. I started seriously with Sparkpeople 1 year ago. I was doing so good!. I lost about 25 lbs and I was feeling great!! I'm not really sure what happened but things started going downhill and now I'm sitting here a year later feeling angry, tried and distraught. Not only have I gained back the 25 lbs but I have gained an additional 6 lbs! The biggest problem is that I can't seem to get any motivation back! Everyday I tell myself that this is the day I start again.....but inevitably, I fail. Do you know what it feels like to fail at something EVERY DAY?! I'm sure some of you do. I know we all have our struggles and I know that there are probably some of you that have been where I am at now.
I just don't know what to do now. I'm kind of at the end of my rope with nowhere to go. I have lost all faith in myself and my ability to accomplish anything. So now I'm wondering if I should just come to terms with the fact that I'm fat and forget about trying to lose weight and be healthy. But, I know that I will never be happy with myself like this. Everytime I look in the mirror I see what a failure I am.
I know that it's important to just keep starting over....but honestly, I don't have the energy. I finally got back to the gym today after being away for 3 weeks (being out of town and working created havoc with my workouts!) and I had a hard time just doing 30 minutes on the elliptical...without any incline! Instead of feeling energized by finally getting some kind of workout in, I just came home and cried and felt miserable.
Anyway.....sorry you have to listen to me whine. I just was hoping maybe someone has been where I am and had some wonderful advice for me. Maybe I just need someone to come over and kick my behind in gear! :)
I appreciate all of you dear sparkfriends! Don't know what I would do without you. Thanks so much for listening.
I haven't blogged for a really long time because I haven't had much to say. It's been pretty much one failure after another and who wants to talk about that?! SO, I have been trying really hard the past few weeks to get back on track and I have figured out something interesting. I think my husband is the cause of my emotional eating! Now don't get me wrong, my husband is a great guy. But, I am a people pleaser and I never really feel like I do anything right at home and therefore I am constantly stressed. He isn't trying to make me feel bad....he is just a tad obsessive compulsive about things. Anyway....My husband went out of town for 4 days and guess what?! I did SO GOOD on my eating! I was so happy and was feeling like I was finally getting back on track! Then he comes home and I start eating junk again! HOW DO I DEAL WITH THIS?
Now I have to deal with the fact that my husband just won 2 trips through work. In March we are going to Puerto Villartia and in April to Cabo San Lucas (hope those are spelled right). I am so excited to go spend some time on a beach in the sun but I can't go looking like I do now!! Gross!! EVen if I were to do everything right with diet and exercise, I still wouldn't be able to lose enough to notice by then. It's so discouraging.
I have been wondering if anyone has heard of Complete Nutrition and/or tried it? I know there is no magic pill but I just wondered if it might help me lose a little more a little faster. I don't want to do anything that isn't healthy for me (been there, done that), I just was hoping it might help me get going again.
First of all, I wanted to apologize to you all for being gone for these last few months. I'm sorry I haven't been there to cheer you on and give you my support :( I feel awful for that. I have been dealing with some issues that became too much for me and I kind of shut down from everyone and everything. The good news is that I have pulled myself together and I am ready to start again and get control of my life. Thank you to all of you who stuck with me during this difficult time. You don't know how much that helped me! I probably wouldn't be back if it wasn't for you and your support!
So, now I have to get my act together and get back to losing this weight. Unfortunately, the last few months really took a toll on me and I have gained back about half of the weight I had lost :( I definitely have my work cut out for me. But, I did it once and I can do it again. My question for you is.....do I reset my weight tracker to what I weigh now or do I just leave it where it is and just work towards getting back there? I really hate to see it go up but I know that I need to be honest with myself too. Any suggestions?
Again, thanks to all of you. I promise I will be here for you from now on and I will try to get caught up with how you all are doing!
I just wanted you all to know how much I appreciate you! I have really been struggling with a lot of things over the past couple of months and things are just getting worse instead of better. I am to the point where I have cut myself off from my family and friends. About the only contact I have is the little bit I still manage to do here on sparkpeople. I am failing miserably in every aspect of my life and I think I have truly hit rock bottom.
But, as I have sat here and read your struggles and successes, it has once again seemed to lift my spirits just a bit. It sure helps to know that everyone has their ups and downs and that none of us are perfect. I have read quite a few blogs from you guys about starting over and I have realized that is one thing that I do have control over....I need to put the past behind me (especially those 6 lbs I have gained back) and start over! I need to re-read The Spark and get back to setting goals for myself. I need to make myself go to the doctor and get my health issues under control....even though that thought is completely overwhelming to me. I'm certainly not doing anyone (especially my children) any good by just trying to suffer through it.
I feel so unloved and so unworthy of love and friendship....except when I am on sparkpeople. Here I feel like you truly care and want me to succeed. So for that, I want to say THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART. You have all made a huge difference in my life and at times I have even felt like you have saved my life. You are all a great inspiration for me and I am so grateful for each and every one of you. Please know that sharing your stories....good or bad...really do help others!