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Turning dreams into GOALS: whatever you visualize continually, you shall have.

Wednesday, September 07, 2011

Recently, I read a post on a message board, in which a woman wondered whether she was having a midlife crisis. I read through her post and realized that her feelings of despair stemmed from the fact that she believed she hadn't accomplished anything significant in her life, and as a result, felt unremarkable and ordinary. She lamented that when she died, she would die with no legacy, because she never did anything of importance.

Many people responded to commiserate and express similar feelings, which made this thread even more tragic. I HAD to add my perspective. I told her to stop thinking so much about things she didn't like, and didn't want; and to start thinking about things she liked and wanted instead, and focus on those things as her goals.

She replied back that she had no goals because doing so leads to discouragement. Another common problem!
Worry is a form of negative visualization. Do NOT engage in it. When you start doing it, STOP, and instead visualize the most positive scenario possible, such as how it would feel to achieve a lifelong goal of some sort. Visualize yourself finishing a race, winning an award, playing an instrument, or climbing a mountain.

The best years of your life are still ahead of you. You have only achieved a small fraction of all the wonderful things that are possible for you. There is abundant JOY in your future. You have complete control of your thoughts, use them to your benefit and stop using them to your anguish.

Sadly, people engage in many self-nullifying beliefs and verbalizations. What should we be doing instead? Stop thinking about failures and weaknesses. We all have them. Think and speak only of success and positive achievement.

The fact is you have more goals than you acknowledge and you are overwhelmingly successful at achieving them. For example, one of your goals today was to visit this website read things that interested you. Every time you get in your car, it is a 100% deliberate act to achieve some sort of goal to go somewhere and do something - you don't end up driving your car down a highway by accident; you plan it. Almost everything you do during the course of your day happens because you thought about doing it first, and consciously or unconsciously began moving toward that goal. I would suggest that you consciously formulate bigger and more important goals.

If I could suggest one thing to you it would be to think about what you want in life and write it down. Write it down every day, because the very act of thinking about your goals will make them clearer to you, and they will change and evolve quickly. This simple act will give you focus and direction. Just thinking about what you want makes you more likely to get it - if you don't believe me, just start thinking about what you feel like eating today.

Thinking about what you want is not only the fastest way to make it happen, it is the ONLY way. Every single building and highway in existence today once existed only as a thought in someones mind. They exist because somebody thought about them, wrote down their thoughts, talked about them, and gradually developed the clarity and network it took for them to be built. Every human achievement from marriage to the great pyramids to landing on the moon happened because someone first thought about it, then continued to think about it until it came to pass. And know what else? Every single CEO at the top of her/his career today was once at the BOTTOM. At one time they were NOT EVEN IN THAT FIELD, because before they entered the workforce they were children!

Don't spend one single moment thinking or talking about things you don't like or don't want. NEVER visualize yourself failing in the future, and never dwell on past mistakes. You DO have goals, think about them and write them down.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


    that woman sounded very much like myself when I lived in Italy. I too had done nothing for myself, nothing of importance. I never even had had a boyfriend ad I was feeling really depressed. But when I realised it (I had nearly died in hospital) I chose to change. I shook myself and gave myself a big slap and chose to have a complete rebirth. I changed country, job, life. I started dieting and went from 196lbs to 111. I found myself a wonderful boyfriend (now husband). I still haven't done much for myself of my life by now, but I have a hell much more stuff I can think of than what I had then... and all because I had the courage to change. I think that if you really want something, the sky is the limit you can achieve, and the sky is infinite... so there's really no limits.

Thanks for writing this blog!

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2BEEFIT 10/9/2011 1:35PM

    I love this. I am so tired of worry and negativity that invades my life. I realize now I need to close the front door on it! :)

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BAISHOFSPADES 10/9/2011 1:57AM

    This is incredible! Thank you so much for writing this! emoticon

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SECRETFUN 9/11/2011 8:22PM

  This is extremely well written, dear.

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MBSHAZZER 9/10/2011 5:05PM

    I know it's been totally overused... but this is true! Whether you think you can or think you can't... you're right! It's all about perspective!

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LAURACONNER 9/9/2011 9:44PM

    This is what i needed to focus on. I had just been talking with my family lately and i had said that i am done with negativity and i only want to be positive as i get older. I feel that as we get older in life you are either one or two things - BETTER OR BITTER!! and i want to be better than what i am right now. emoticon

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DANDELIONESS2 9/8/2011 12:41AM

  This really helped me today Janine. I am actually in tears for reasons too complicated to explain. But exactly what I needed to hear today. Thank you!

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Grades are posted, and I'm registered for fall

Monday, August 08, 2011

I got straight As in summer school (gasp).
My english teach said I had the best research paper and presentation in the class- she LOVED my topic on the overprescription of SSRIs, and all my horrifying statistical evidence.
I'm registered for my FINAL courses: math, and a "dummy" class, film appreciation. The dummy class was because I needed a class to satisfy the art/humanities requirement, and I couldn't bear the thought of that ghastly art history class (withdrew from it once already). I also didn't want another writing intensive class, like ethics or literature or religion, while I was taking math.
I'm peeved that I even need another art class, because I already took Intro to Drawing (4 credits, got an A), but later found out it doesn't fulfill the art requirement! And the recently completed "Landscape Drawing" also doesn't!
I also enrolled in my coordinated internship, but because I have over 5 years of verifiable industry experience, there is no real requirement other than PAYMENT for the credit. After fall semester is over I'm done, I graduate.
SO- right now- refocusing on my health! Making appointments for various things: just did my womens annual, looking for an opthalmologist, etc.
Oh, and my 2nd consecutive primary care physician tried to prescribe me SSRIs!!! One week after I research the overprescription of SSRIs, and after I told her that the reason I dumped my last doctor was because she wanted to give me SSRIs. WOW! I am not depressed! We didn't even TALK about depression or anxiety... we talked about menopause, diet and exercise, my skin problems, and my broken toe! I swear, they give out these extremely risky, permanently damaging psychotropic drugs like they're CANDY!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MUSICMOM1958 9/6/2011 9:07AM

  Congratulations on finishing a successful semester! It is fun to go back to school as a non-traditional student. I went back to school at the age of 48 and am now almost finished - with a 4.0 GPA so far. I will get my Bachelor Degree and teaching license in May of 2012! You can do this! emoticon

Thank-you for sharing your weight loss story. It give hope to those who are still struggling.

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BELLALUCIA 8/15/2011 1:23PM

    You go girl. I plan to go back to school as soon as I hit my weight loss goal, in 1 or 2yrs most likely. Wish me luck!

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SECRETFUN 8/12/2011 9:48AM

  Congrats on the grades (and I would love to read your paper).

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JGILBERTMDY 8/10/2011 3:29PM

    Congratulations on the stellar grades!!!!

I hope you at least get to watch some good films this semester!

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MBSHAZZER 8/8/2011 4:31PM

    Congratulations! It must feel great to have gotten straight As, even with your nightmare "professor". And I know you must be relieved to have one final semester left.

What's up with the SSRIs??? I swear, I think doctors just want to prescribe stuff to avoid having to talk to patients!

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PHEBESS 8/8/2011 4:29PM

    YAY - big congrats on all As!!!!!!!!!!!! And even bigger congrats on your final semester!!!!!!!!

And yeah, shopping around for a decent dr is frustrating - good luck!

(That's crazy that those two classes don't count for art!)

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Just let me get through this week....

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Just let me squeak by.
One day at a time.
No tears. Stay calm. Think POSITIVE and be HAPPY.
This is the last week.
I will make it. I will finish everything, and I will do an excellent job, and get good grades. I will get my As.
The rain will come and next week will be cooler. I will be outside, enjoying life again.
I have time to do this...
I have time to do this...
I have time to do this.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PHEBESS 7/28/2011 8:30AM

    Hope you are doing well - you have just today and tomorrow, then the week is over - you can do this!

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SECRETFUN 7/25/2011 11:12PM

  do it dear.

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MBSHAZZER 7/25/2011 1:12PM

    You know, I was giving your situation some thought over the weekend (I'm not a weird stalker, I swear! I have a life! It's just that a long time ago, I had a boss that was like your instructor, so your last blog brought up a lot of "stuff" for me).... at any rate, she is trying to rattle your cage. If you let yourself care and be rattled, she has won. I know this is WAAAAAYYYY easier said than done, but if you can try to not let it bother you - to realize that this woman must have a horrendous dialog going on her head at all times and is likely mentally ill - it may make your situation more bearable.

Good luck!


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PHEBESS 7/25/2011 12:30PM

    Sending you lots of good wishes and creative thinking!

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I'm under so much stress, I feel as if I will POP

Friday, July 22, 2011

So this week, again, the sadistic teacher tortured me.
This was our last class before finals, and it is clear she does not want to give me an A. She is fighting hard to make me do poorly.
Out of a five hour class, the last one-on-one workshopping opportunity we have, she gave me 10 minutes, and divided the rest of the class between TWO students, almost doing their whole projects FOR them. More swearing, and more personal jabs. Example: looking at my art supplies, she quipped "You have such nice things, NB. The problem is, your work has to be good enough to support that."
Such a lovely lady.
She was angry that I showed up with my project almost finished. Most teachers would be thrilled by that, but she hated it when she saw that I was ahead of schedule. She found fault with my work (based on things that are NOT EVEN PART OF the program criteria) and told me my graphics were not standard or recognizable, when in fact THEY CAME DIRECTLY FROM OUR TEXTBOOK. When I told her this, she replied that she didn't want boring graphics from the 1970s (SHE picked the textbook, not me) and proceeded to demonstrate what she wanted. While I was trying to duplicate it, she told me I was doing it wrong, so I pointed to two examples where she'd done the EXACT SAME THING, and she only became more angry.

At one point she asked me why it was so important to me that I get an A! WTF! Threatening my grade? I said "because there's nothing higher." She laughed, and added "you know, you don't have to have the best drawing to get an A. You just need to be receptive". Meaning: I need to be receptive and if I heard her loud and clear, I have to do every single page over. It will take me ALL WEEKEND, literally. I have to throw away hours and hours worth of beautiful, beautiful work (better than hers, IMO) and do everything just like HER. Everybody in class has a unique drawing style, and she's fine with it. But MINE is unacceptible. Did I mention I have to write a 1500 word research paper by next week TOO? Yes, a six-page research argument for my English class. I had PLANNED to do it this weekend, but because of this lovely woman, I am suddenly WAYYY behind. It's 10:20pm now, I've been up since 4:30 this morning....
Our story continues -
She then ripped a student project from the wall, and destroyed it by scribbling all over it! Who knows whose project it was - it is gone forever now. As she was defacing it, she said to me "even YOU can do better than this" and made disparaging remarks about whoever drew it. What a shame! Someone had clearly put a lot of time and effort into it... I don't know anyone else who would be so disrespectful.
I really don't know how to talk to this woman. I have taken and passed this class at two different schools, and have done this type of work for years now, so I fully expected to do VERY well. When I defended my work by saying "this is how I was taught", she implied that I was a liar... I suppose she meant nobody would teach me to be so bad. Well, not only did it happen, it happened twice. I didn't make it up.
So if I don't draw like her, I'm just wrong. Anyone who doesn't draw like her is wrong. The other students in this class are okay ONLY BECAUSE she can use them to make me look bad, and herself look FAIR.
She also told me I had to use pencil for my drawing, but told the rest of the class the could use any media or mixed media. Hmm, different rules just for ME? Legal issue maybe??
I asked her what she needed for the final. She ignored me. I repeated the question three more times within one minute, sitting about three feet away from her. Finally another student answered, to avoid another one of her outbursts I guess.
She's so full of anger, she snaps pencil leads when she demonstrates drawing. One-right-after-the-other. She sets pencils down on the slanted table, and they start rolling toward the edge. So she picks them up and sets them down HARDER, but doesn't change the angle, so they keep rolling off the edge of the desk. She repeats this behavior multiple times every week, as if persistence will overcome gravity. Nuts!!! Then she slams the pencil down on the table, or throws it on the floor. She's like a ticking time bomb.
A ticking, swearing, cursing time bomb.
One of my classmates walked out after hearing one too many curses I think... she winced and looked over at me right when it happened, then packed her stuff and left.

Lovely teacher didn't answer the email I sent her yesterday. Information I need for my final. I will not call her, as she has asked, because I need documentation for the department head. So tonight I will email him, and he will MAKE HER reply to me via email.
I'm also sending him most of this blog.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PHEBESS 7/23/2011 5:58PM

    Wow! She definitely has psychological issues going on - and should NEVER teach again!

I'm so sorry you've had to go through this.

And if YOU don't have the A at the end of the class, make sure you turn in copies of all work to the dept head and ask for a grade review so that you get the grade you deserve.

Hugs, sweetie - her class is almost over, and then she's gone. While you will still be there.

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MBSHAZZER 7/23/2011 10:34AM

    This is an aggravating situation, to say the least! I am fuming just reading your blog. Definitely keep a log of everything and definitely contact the department head. It sounds like you are not getting an A anyway, no matter what you do, and if you go on record with the department head, it will be very hard for her to try anything retaliatory.

good luck....

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_UMAMI_ 7/23/2011 9:39AM

    Gosh, this made *ME* mad. I have a best friend in grad school who is going through some issues like this. I was going to say: go see HER (the instructor's) boss! So I'm glad to see that that's exactly what you're going to do. Document it all and get your friggin' A---you know you deserve it. And she deserves whatever is coming to her. What a lousy instructor!

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Another downside to hanging new cabinets in a very old house

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Our new built in cabinets are hung totally level... on wonky walls. This is NOT a good look! I'm crestfallen. Our walls, floors and ceiling are all so UN-level, crooked, and bowed, that there is a VERY noticeable sloped look to the brand new cabinets.

We'd have to hang the cabinets on a slope to eliminate this, and make them LOOK level, but of course, that would look awful too, because then the cabinets wouldn't line up flush to eachother. I don't know which would be worse! We have installed gorgeous, heavy, 7" crown moulding too. I think it accentuates the problem.


Now I'm wondering what to do to camouflage the sloping visual line, and all I can think of is some kind of patterned wallpaper to try to create a 'reverse optical illusion'.

I hate wallpaper.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PHEBESS 7/11/2011 8:08PM

    I was thinking of one of those sponged-on finishes, like the ones here:

But yeah, not right now, way too hot!

If it drives you crazy, then you need to "fix" it somehow - because the kitchen is a place where you want to feel good about being in there. Otherwise, what's the point?

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MBSHAZZER 7/11/2011 6:31PM

    Hehe, I know it's frustrating, but we have that, too. Except in our case, the developer sloped the crown moldings to "even" things out... you can do that when you use styrofoam instead of wood for the moldings! LOL!

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SECRETFUN 7/10/2011 2:57PM

  As someone who can tell when things are off by 0.125 inch, I do think it would be wise to wait a day or so and ask a couple of other people to come in and look. Regardless it is going to bug you, and since you live there something will need to be done, but it might help you dream up other ideas. Outside eyes and time can help.

I agree on trying to go single color. Sometimes wallpaper and stencil can take the same amount of time and $ to hire out, so I encourage you to not rule it out yet. Also think about how much can wait until winter. If you can live with it a few more months it will be much cooler (although it could be cold), and you will have more time to decide exactly what you want to do. That said if in three days it is still driving you mad then doing something soon might be better.

As someone who has been told/shown, "Your dishwasher is level. Your cabinets and counter on the other hand...." I sympathize.

I also hate dust collectors, but given the older house, and the wonky, maybe you could put different sized items up top, literally changing the height based on the gap. Big gap: largish tea pot. progressively changing sizes of teapots based on gap size (does not have to be perfect, but various pots and roughly the gap size) Tiny gap: china cup.

So add some extra art or plants (that means you have to be able to neatly water though) or something that will balance it out, almost accentuating this gap you will not be able to actually hide. It will not hide it, but it could be take advantage of the wonkyness. I am thinking Alice in Wonderland the kids movie. Different sized cookbooks. Something that can vary in height naturally and fill the space. And potentially be cheap. As someone trying to get rid of clutter I cannot believe I am saying this. Here you have a space to fill and hopefully kind of forget, though, so it could work nicely.

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NOTBLUSHING 7/10/2011 11:49AM

    Phebess- thank you for the suggestion. Unfortunately, the slope is very pronounced and there is no way it could be overlooked by ANYONE. I have been brainstorming the possibilities, and repainting the crown moulding is one of them (currently a very high contrast look, so matching it to the walls might be enough to accomplish this). Several people have suggested stencils, but I am not Martha Stewart... I have no time for this and the thought of even trying to stand on a ladder for a few hours, wedge myself in, reach over the cabinets, and paint a decent looking pattern on the wall (no A/C, keep that in mind, H dripped disgusting sweat all over them just hanging them) makes me want to fling myself from a ledge. The wallpaper idea is enough of a headache. I might have to hire someone to do even that much.

Comment edited on: 7/10/2011 11:51:44 AM

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PHEBESS 7/10/2011 11:38AM

    Could you paint a design, like some of those "faux" finishes? You know, where you paint layers of tones over each other to make it look like old Italian stucco or something? That might be enough to camouflage the wonkiness of the walls vs. cabinets.

And is the crown molding in the same color as the wall, or contrasting? I'd think same color might also help camouflage.

Only other thing I can say is that you're very visual, and many people arent - so most people won't see how off it looks. Even though it's very apparent to you.

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