Tuesday, July 15, 2008
It's less than two weeks now until convention. I have no idea what to expect, but it's exciting as hell knowing that I'll be in an entirely new city, attending lectures by brilliant people from all over the world... and since I just sold my car, I'll have money.
Last night, I slept.
That's SUCH a good feeling!
Since I entered by second puberty, ten days ago, I have been seriously lacking in food and sleep. I was literally starting to feel like a strung-out junkie from the stress of ultra-low calorie days (where I struggled to break a thousand calories) and severe sleep disruption (even after turning to chemical means to knock myself out... it failed).
Last night, I made my usual dinner early: chicken breast and broccoli (no salt) and felt an improvement after eating. However, I had to throw away a lot of food I simply wasn't able to eat in the past week, so some grocery shopping was in order.
I made a point to buy a few things that are tempting to me (under ordinary circumstances), such as bagels and brie, and hummus. By the time we got home, I was starting to feel hungry, for the first time in over a week.
I knew exactly what I needed: carbs. The shakey feeling I always get from consecutive days of less-than-150-grams was not pleasant; and I wanted desperately to sleep soundly that night.
Half of a big, thick, soft bagel, covered with creamy brie, and a big glass of Virginia wine later, I felt like a sleepy, new woman; and sleep I did, for nine glorious hours. Admittedly, I did ingest two Benadryl to facilitate the process.
Yeah, the rut is still on, but this elk has her strength back.
Saturday, July 12, 2008
As of this morning, I have lost 125 lbs.
My last official stats update was way back in December. Maybe it's time for an update on how far I've come.
BUST: -12" (unchanged since December)
WAIST: -15" (down 3" since December)
HIPS: -15" (down 3" since December)
Upper Arm: -5" (down .75 since December)
Thigh: -10.5" (down .5" since December)
Calf: -5" (down 1" since Dember)
Down 7 sizes (one more since December).
It just goes to show, that even when you THINK you're not making any progress, or you're stalled dead in the water, when you stay the course you ARE making progress.
I can't believe my body has changed this much since December.
Only 25 pounds left to goal.
I have NO IDEA how long it will take me to get there now, it's been slow for many months. But by focusing on lifestyle changes, and making healthy choices along the way, you WILL achieve your goal.
Keep at it.
Best Wishes, NB
Wednesday, July 09, 2008
I'll be quite frank: I've not made good progress since about August last year. I've lost only ten pounds in ALL THIS TIME.
I've spent a lot of time agonizing over my apparent complacency and lack of focused effort. I suffered injuries in December and March that sidelined some of my activity. The combination of reduced exercise and reduced focus stalled me, and caused frustrating fluctuations in my weight. Every time I felt like I had my game back on, I'd drift again off that path. It happened so many times, I stopped believing in myself when I'd feel like I had my groove back... because I came to realize my groove would likely be gone again in a couple of days.
Well this past week, something happened. Things started to... change. I have no deep explanation for it, but I really, really want to say there is something hormonal about it.
This past week, I feel YOUNGER. I feel beyond energetic. I feel soooooo over my injuries. I feel... umm... frisky. In a very pronounced way.
I am lifting weights again, and feeling like a beast. Like King Kong on steroids.
My focus is back in the extreme. My appetite is GONE, and I'm once again struggling to hit my calorie goals. After many months of Hagen Dazs interruptions, THAT part is really amazing. Right now, the idea of ice cream has a decidedly negative appeal.
What's going on with my endocrinology? Why the sudden change? A month ago, there was only frustration and struggle; now I find myself in rutting season, transformed into an angry ungulate, gnashing my antlers to and fro, and laying waste to a forest full of helpless trees.
Oh, woe to my husband. I've got to go lift weights again and work out some of this aggression.
Monday, June 23, 2008
I have no idea why, but tonight I was overcome with a desire to give Michelle Obama a makeover. Specifically, I wanted to get rid of that poufy hairdo and give her something sleek and modern... like Rhianna's hair today on The View.
Then I started thinking to myself, well, let's have a look at Cindy McCain. However dated Michelle's hair looks, Cindy's got her beat. I immediately envisioned her in soft layers, a la Leslie Stahl. Or even... dare I say it... Ellen Degeneres.
I dunno... they are just both looking a little 'Knots Landing' to me.
Maybe I just need to get some sleep. I really don't know what's come over me.
Friday, June 20, 2008
I think I figured out where the bleeding was coming from- Chippy was up on the top shelf in her cage, and I was able to see her from underneath. I saw a little wound on the bottom of her chin, and another on her left elbow. I hope that's all; I couldn't see her tail/groin/thigh area well but there may be something there too.
Anyway, these injuries didn't seem severe enough for me to worry about, and the fact that Chippy refuses to eat anything but nuts and seeds (she didn't touch the peanut butter smeared dog biscuit) and she's looking a little thin to me, AND she's getting around much better, lead me to decide it was time to take her outside.
We loaded her cage into the back of the car and drove to the park. We took the cage out and set it on the ground, on a grassy spot a few feet away from a row of cedar trees. Now, by this time Chip is really getting excited and hopping all around. I open the door.
In a flash, Chippy darts out the cage and runs for a tree... except she's not really running, it's more like a very fast stagger. She climbs about a foot and a half up the tree, and falls to the ground. I rush to her, she panics, and repeats this scenario another half dozen times, before I plead with my husband to throw the towel over her. He did, and I scooped her up and returned her to her cage with a heavy heart.
I thought she was doing so much better.
Really, she IS doing so much better, but obviously not well enough.
She wants to be free so badly, but there is just no way she'd live a day. She'd be killed by a cat, or a dog, or a hawk, or maybe even another squirrel, within hours. It just breaks my heart.
After we'd gotten her safely back home, we went to PetSmart and bought her more rodent stuff: another log house, to replace the one she's chewed to a nub; a woven nesting ball, a half-log hut (a domed section of hollowed natural wood log). And more seed treats, since she loves them and I want her to be fatter.
I guess we'll try again in a couple more weeks, but I wonder how much improving she'll do, cooped up the way she is.
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