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Helping someone, whether they like it or not

Thursday, September 06, 2012

My spouse is going to give up junk food and unhealthy (constant) snacking.
There's no use in denying it; he's getting fat. And if there's one area of life in which I have plenty of expertise, it's poor eating habits and getting fat.

In truth, this is something we were both afraid of... because he QUIT SMOKING six weeks ago. Yay! But the other thing- the risk of weight gain- has turned out to be a very real concern. It seems my spouse can not stop snacking, and we already knew about his poor food choices.

So, this morning, I told him there'd be no more pastries, no more Triscuits, cheese and pepperoni, no more Cheez-its. I will still allow him to eat regular meals of pizza and pot pies, but not the snacks. Or, he could eat healthy meals prepared by me. If he had a problem with that, he could stay home when I went for groceries. He agreed. He knows he needs the help, and he knows I've been down this road before.

Quitting cigarettes was a huge step for him, and I am THRILLED at his accomplishment. I really believe the next part will be much easier for him! While he's been smoking for about 25 years, he's never had a weight problem until now. And as they say, we caught it early.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SDLOV3R 9/12/2013 9:44AM

    It's great that you're so actively helping your DH and he seems receptive to it, too! We have to take things one step at a time and that's what you're doing. Keep pressing forward. You both can do this!

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NETSUE64 9/15/2012 1:19PM

    It's great that you can help and that you've been there too!

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TARABEAR 9/6/2012 5:46PM

    WOW! That is huge! Congrats and good luck!!!

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MIZINA730 9/6/2012 3:14PM

    I'm glad he agreed. Sometimes it's difficult to help someone else. I think it's great that he quit smoking! After that, changing his eating habits should come easy for him. They say obesity is a risk factor much like smoking so I'm glad you're helping him before it gets out of hand.

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MAMAJAHMAI 9/6/2012 12:13PM

    Totally awesome. I believe everything in this life is one step at a time. Good for you guys!!!!

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PHEBESS 9/6/2012 12:10PM

    GREAT for both of you!!!!!

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MBSHAZZER 9/6/2012 12:07PM

    That's awesome and he has a wonderful coach to help him through!

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Relost the regain

Thursday, August 30, 2012

Triumph. It's gone. I'm back where I used to be, before I ditched my exercise schedule and enrolled in school full time to finish my degree. I haven't been this thin in years.
And I get to experience all the wonderful things about weight loss... along with the unpleasant. Like, people offering unsolicited opinions.
Never mind that I have been working hard to drop this weight ALL YEAR (and it's almost SEPTEMBER, yo). People don't know that. They just now noticed that I'm smaller (finally got rid of the baggy clothes). And they begin issuing ridiculous warnings: "Slow down." "Don't lose any more." This makes me want to SCREAM.
Why the H3LL shouldn't I lose anymore? Because YOU prefer me obese? You have a problem with me getting to the OVERWEIGHT range of BMI?
This coming from a woman who probably weighs a hundred thirty.
Another gem: "you're just losing weight SO FAST." Uh, WRONG. You're just slow on the uptake. It averages out to less than one-and-a-half pounds a week, genius.
I am definitely NOT one of those people who yearns for others to notice and comment on my weight loss. It is MY body and MY business. Worry about your own, and keep your opinions to yourself. I don't want, or need, your validation.
And I promise not to ask you if you've gained anything since last I saw you.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NETSUE64 9/15/2012 1:20PM

    LOL! I love this!

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MAMAJAHMAI 8/30/2012 3:52PM

    Gurl... you are healthy, you look good, haters don't get it, probably never will....

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MIZINA730 8/30/2012 3:30PM

    I agree. And I'll be prepared for any comments when I get thin enough to be noticed. Glad to know it happens - ahead of time. Otherwise I don't know what I'd do. Probably internalize it.

Congratulations on the results of your dedication! Enjoy it and know that you've helped others who are on the same path you are and understand where you've come from. Now you can forget what the others had to say. I'm glad to know what may be coming down the pipe! A great blog.

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MBSHAZZER 8/30/2012 11:30AM

    Awesome news!! And I agree, other people need to just keep their opinions to themselves. FWIW, I get it all the time, too. People always seem to have a comment about what I'm eating or not eating. Seriously, GET A LIFE!!

Anyway, nice job on the weight loss!

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PHEBESS 8/30/2012 11:07AM

    YAY on the re-lost! And yes, moving to smaller clothes suddenly SHOWS the loss - and yes, it elicits unwanted comments from people who don't know how to give a compliment. (No idea what to say to shut them up!)

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GOOSIEMOON 8/30/2012 9:37AM

    You know how you're doing, and that's ALL that matters!

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I love the Olympics, but I've seen enough Olympic wedgies

Wednesday, August 08, 2012

WHY oh WHY are female athletes forced to wear these demeaning, tiny, buttock-baring outfits?
The men don't have to! WTF.
Excuse my outrage for a moment.
Water polo is a good example. Beach Volleyball is a better one. Or even gymnastics. Aw, heck, it's probably more than half the damned events.
If men can play and compete and win wearing shorts and a tank top, HOW in the world is it justifiable to put women in (almost) a thong?

These pictures don't tell the whole story. I can't post those!

This is nothing more than blatant sexual objectification. The women are made into objects, but the men get to be... just athletes.
Am I the only one who finds this unnecessarily gratuitous and demeaning of women?
Related blog here:

hoydenabouttown.com//?p=13

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HHOLT6 8/29/2012 9:13PM

    I agree with your post here. I was talking with my friends about this too. Yes, it is objectifying women. Although I would not mind if the men wore less clothes all the time. It would certainly be interesting! emoticon

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BEEKERBOYY 8/15/2012 8:49AM

    I agree with you! but the Olympics sure kept my motivation up, seeing healthy people!

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_UMAMI_ 8/8/2012 10:23PM

    I wonder if it has more to do with what gets the most "hits" or viewership. I also wonder if the women get to choose, or if the sponsor gets to choose? Sadly, with our winning Beach Volleyball team, I suspect they chose their outfits for "hits" (or clicks, or ad money, or however you want to put it) and not to, say, make their kids proud of them. (Well, the one that has kids....)

But yeah, the guys, except for the swimmers (and I don't mind some Lochte eye-candy!), aren't expected to "grin and BARE it" like the women are.

Unfair.

Sexist.

DATED!

(am I being sexist to say I like watching Lochte?!)


Comment edited on: 8/8/2012 10:26:00 PM

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PHEBESS 8/8/2012 5:04PM

    Couldn't agree with you more!!!!

I just signed a thank you to Nike, who has a series of commercials focusing on the training of the women athletes - as opposed to the hair and outfits, which seem to be the focus of most news commentators.

There is a definite double standard - apparently established by men.

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MAMAJAHMAI 8/8/2012 5:02PM

    Do you think the women get to choose, the sponsors choose, the coaches and the women choose.......wow....

I am editing this comment to add that I just saw the USA olympic volleyball duo in action with the thong panties on....VERY GROSS....the pic displayed on the news media was very graphic- so dissapointed!!

Comment edited on: 8/9/2012 6:18:51 PM

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NOTBLUSHING 8/8/2012 4:32PM

    CHEETARA- there is NO event where men display bare buttocks and wedgies. NONE. Their butts are covered always.
And I don't dispute that the rules of womens gymnastics are very specific about what kind of leotard they must wear, that is the entire point of this blog. If male gymnasts can wear shorts and a tank top, WHY can't women? WHY is it different? That is my whole rant. If there is no NEED, the attire shouldn't be different.

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MAMAJAHMAI 8/8/2012 3:21PM

    Food for thought.....

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MBSHAZZER 8/8/2012 3:08PM

    I don't know if I want to see the guys in Speedos! :D Just sayin'....

The BF was asking about the female runners "bun huggers" though - he said he would come to more of my races if the ladies dressed like that. HA!

On a related note, the Olympics make me feel like a lazy slob!

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CHEETARA79 8/8/2012 2:11PM

    The male divers wear the tiny bathing suits too. I don't see it as objectifying women, personally. The rules for the women's gymnastics are very specific about what kind of leotards they are allowed to wear.

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MELANIERAPES 8/8/2012 2:11PM

    I actually just read today that they are now allowing women's beach volleyball players to wear shorts and t-shirts instead. I was surprised that they are just now allowing it. Pretty crazy!

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The healthier I eat, the more my spouse's diet bothers me

Thursday, July 26, 2012

I'm happy to report that I'm starting to look thinner (to myself) again. When I look in the mirror, I see thinner arms and a thinner face. When lying in bed, I see thinner FEET.
I don't see thinner legs and butt, because I don't see them a lot (most of my mirror gazing is shoulders-up), but I *FEEL* loser pants (LOVE that!).
I worked my tail off yesterday, so hubbs was on his own. But when left to his own devices, his diet is AWFUL. He eats like a 10-year old. Yesterday, he chose mac n' cheese, 2 bowls of cereal (with half & half!!! not milk!) and potato chips with sour cream & onion dip. This is no exaggeration, this was exactly what he ate yesterday, everything all day, in order of consumption.
When we talked about it, I asked him why he would eat this way. He shugged and said sheepishly "I don't have anything else". I reminded him that on our last trip to the grocery store (TOGETHER) we just bought about 10 preportioned servings of frozen fish, and frozen vegetables. Good, healthy food, to which he can add any type of sauce or spice he wished. We are well stocked.
He said "That's YOUR food. I can't eat YOUR food!"
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I assured him I'd rather he ate "MY" food than what he did eat. We can buy more. And even though we have only one car now, he can certainly drive it to the store and buy something for dinner.
The problem is, we always seem to fall into this mother-child paradigm where I buy healthy foods that I want us both to eat, and HE buys junk food or "treats" like chips, ice cream, pastries... anything other than what would be considered part of a healthy, planned meal. Like that part is MY job exclusively.
In frustration, I asked him what he would do if he lived on his own. He grinned and looked a little embarrassed... even though it was a serious question.

Folks, the guy is over 40, never exercises, and smokes. He doesn't get medical or dental checkups. If I were being kind, I'd describe it as "Spartan"; if I were being funny, I'd say "caveman".
In actuality, it is serious. And not good. And I feel helpless to change him.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PIICHII 8/13/2012 12:30PM

    I feel like you are talking about my husband. We always fall into the mother-child crap. It's been 3 years of marriage. Sadly I am thinking it may need to stop. I can't change him and I don't want him to make me into a Mother for him when he has his own.

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EMMAEKAY 7/28/2012 7:22PM

    We are powerless to change others - we can either inspire them or leave them to their own devices.

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KAYLA0041 7/28/2012 12:11PM

    the only person you can change is you - we all want those around us to be healthy but unfortunately they have to want it for themselves.

I have no idea how to get past the frustration caused by the need to have them be healthy and their lack of desire to try - I need to lose 10 lbs my DH needs to lose 50-80 or more (he refuses to get on a scale) and I am the one busting my butt at the gym everyday and eating healthy while he makes peanut butter cookies for dinner and tries to convince me to watch tv with him instead of going to the gym.

Maybe if he sees your progress it will drive him to become a healthier person for you...that is the dream I am clinging to.

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MBSHAZZER 7/27/2012 3:09PM

    Oh, yeah, that is irritating. I am in a similar situation. We were once going out to dinner with a friend and BF cooked a steak less than an hour before we left the house! He cannot go 30 minutes without eating! Sometimes it's healthy, but just toooooo much. Other times it's just plain not healthy.

The kicker for me is that last week, he complained that there was no food ready to eat in the fridge (I usually batch cook on the weekends but have been super busy lately). So, last Friday night, after working all week and then diving in to a HUGE pile of work for our own business, I cooked up a big pot of beans and greens at his request. We each had a bowl for dinner and then he did not touch it the rest of the week (I would have eaten it but I was sick all week). I was furious - aside from the waste of the food, which pains me, it's a HUGE waste of my TIME! GRRRR!

You've touched a nerve, clearly! :D

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OBIESMOM2 7/27/2012 10:33AM

    well...DH doesn't smoke. And he is good about going to the dr/dentist. But other than that, I have the same problem that you do.

He will eat healthy if I prepare the meal. When he's not with me, it's either Lean Cuisine or Healthy Choice (when he's 'trying to eat right') or fast food. And he always indulges in whatever...milkshakes, candy bars, chips, etc.

He can lose the weight. He got down to a healthy weight years ago, when we were just friends. He did Nutri System. So of course when he went off the pre-packaged food he gained everything back.

I agree with Miss B - until they are willing, there will be no changing them. All I can do is make healthy meals. What he does when I'm not around is out of my control.

Comment edited on: 7/27/2012 10:34:47 AM

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_UMAMI_ 7/26/2012 7:45PM

    OMG, I'm in the same situation. (except we *do* have kids and that's where the "treats" sneak in---into the house, and into me as well)
My husband claims he LOVES salads, but, left to his devices, it's three bean and cheese burritos for his dinner. Or he'll just snack on cheese and meat all day. He *does* cook for himself and us at times, but he's definitely a comfort-food-only guy much of the time.

Please advise if you figure out something that works! I'm tired of being the food cop around here, too! I have to HIDE food from him, so we'll have it for a meal I've planned.....

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MISSB8604 7/26/2012 1:23PM

    You may not be able to change him if he's unwilling. All you can do is show him by your example and do the best you can in supporting him. At the end of the day, he makes his own decisions and nagging will not make him change.

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PHEBESS 7/26/2012 11:22AM

    It's totally frustrating, isn't it? Even a burger and fries would be better than chips and dip.

I don't know what to tell you, except that DH is like that too. Well, he's the burger and fries guy - and it's a triple bacon burger, hold the lettuce and pickle.

Sounds to me like he really doesn't want to cook, so he goes for the easy and convenient food. Maybe he needs to stock up on some canned beans, or peanut butter and multigrain bread.

And they wonder why we look so good!

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LINDSEYHS31 7/26/2012 10:47AM

    Wow, this is a tough situation. My husband doesn't eat that great, drinks a little too much for my likening and refuses to go to the doctor and dentist. However, your husband's high fat diet in combination with the smoking would make me very concerned as well. Since I have started eating healthier, he knows that dinner will be. I make his lunch for him and will throw in a treat so he doesn't feel deprived. I don't know if your husband is overweight, mine is not, so it makes it a tad bit harder to convince him to eat healthier. Maybe if you explain to him that you love him and want to spend as much time as possible with him and his current behavior trends threaten that time, he will understand. Just a suggestion..... keep us all posted!
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Some surprising results from my physical

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

I am Vitamin D deficient!
Vitamin D is known as "the sunshine vitamin", because your skin makes it when you're exposed to sunlight. You would think that someone who spends as much time outdoors as me would not be deficient! I've always heard that it only takes 15 minutes to get the recommended daily allowance. Perhaps this is why I have never taken vitamin D supplements (and I never drink milk).
Since learning my ACTUAL blood levels, I've been doing a lot of reading. It's clear that I was very underinformed about this.
First- without adequate vitamin D, you don't absorb calcium as well. At this point I should add that my calcium levels are fine. I've been taking a calcium/mineral supplement since I was a teen (about when I gave up milk). However, without vitamin D, I was probably not utilizing it well, and jeopardizing my bones anyway.
I learned that this deficiency can lead to a condition called osteomalacia, or a weakening of bones. Not good for anyone. Definitely not good for someone who likes to jog on isolated trails, by herself. I shudder to think of the times I have tripped and sprawled myself on the dirt. I'm glad I found out about this before I broke a bone.
As I continued reading more about vitamin D deficiency and osteomalacia, I realized that I've been having osteomalacia symptoms for about SIXTEEN YEARS.
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So, what are the symptoms? When I read the words "widespread bone pain" it rang every mental alarm bell in my brain. I recall, very vividly, when this odd pain began, and at that time, wondering what could possibly cause my bones to ache. The sensation was not one I'd ever felt before, but there was definitely no other way to describe it: when your bones hurt, you know it. So for sixteen years, I've had persistant bone pain in my legs and hips, the whole time telling myself that it sucked getting older, and complaining to my husband about how much my leg bones hurt, and my hip hurt, when all I was doing was lying in bed.
I feel sooo soooo stupid to realize that this preventable condition has been progressing for so long.
My advice to everyone reading this: take a teaspoonful of cod liver oil every day. There aren't many really good food sources of vitamin D. That's why they started adding it to milk back in the 1940s (or thereabouts). You'd still have to drink a lot of milk to get enough, and even the best food sources don't supply much. But cod liver oil has TONS of vitamin D and you don't need very much, so DO IT. Please, no complaints about how bad it tastes. I promise the taste will not matter one bit when you're sixty years old and break a hip. Get past the fishiness and do this, okay? Sometimes, the old remedies are best.

So. I've decided to ask my doctor about getting a bone density test, and kind of dreading the results.
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Now... there might be some good news... the doctors don't all agree on this one.
My resting heart rate is 52. Yay, right? That means my heart is well-exercised because I regularly engage in challenging cardiovascular workouts.
Well, they have some issues with that number because until I'm below 186 lbs, my BMI is still just high enough to be in the obese range. So according to them, a resting heart rate under 60 is called "sinus bradycardia" and in heavy people, may indicate an "underlying issue". Humbug.
I'm sure it's because they just don't want an obese person with osteomalacia to faint and fall down a flight of stairs.

P.S. We're well on the way to the weight goal.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MBSHAZZER 7/25/2012 10:02AM

    Don't beat yourself up about the vitamin D issue. Only recently have they discovered the link between D and a lot of other issues (depression, cancer, calcium absorption, etc). Now you know so you can do something about it.

Also, a RHR of 52 is awesome! My RHR is extremely high, esp. for someone who exercises as much as I do. Perhaps part of the reason why yours is so low even though you are technically "obese" is that you have lost such a great deal of weight? Maybe if 186 was your normal weight, a low RHR would be a cause of concern, but since it's lower than your weight for a good deal of your adult life, in addition to being just a number on the way down, it is truly a low RHR?

At any rate, no falling down the stairs! :D

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PHEBESS 7/24/2012 8:46PM

    You know, I also show up with low D in my blood - seriously, someone who lives in the tropics and walks around outside without sunscreen is D deficient??? So I take fish liver capsules - which has the side benefit of lowering cholesterol (mine went up with menopause).

The bone density test is easy - what do they do if it turns out you have the osteomalacia thing? Is there a treatment? Good luck with all of that!

And yes, very few drs know what to do with an overweight person who is also physically fit! Because they think the weight affects EVERYTHING, when in fact some of the numbers are good because that person exercises and eats well.

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NWFL59 7/24/2012 2:23PM

    Best wishes for your regaining your Vit D back to normal levels and continued success with the other aspects of your wellness program. emoticon emoticon

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MKATE88 7/24/2012 1:51PM

    I'd heard that 15 minutes of sun was enough! Thanks for sharing your knowledge; not looking forward to the cod liver oil, but we have to take care of ourselves!

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