NORCALCAT   51,366
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Mom is so amazing...

Saturday, November 09, 2013

She is just taking this well...my dad is a mess! It is so strange to see my strong as an ox Dad fall apart...he never fell apart like this when his mom died. He has been talking t me about how his life will be so empty after mom goes. They have been best friends since July 20th, 1962(the day the were married). To see one is to see the other - inseparable. I am worried about him, but I know that he will be okay - we all will.

My brother is coming to their house after Christmas to be with mom. We will have Christmas late this year - so that we can all be together. I have timeshare close to my house - so they will be there(mom, dad and brother). We are prepared for any eventuality. We do not know if mom will be with us next Christmas - we just will look forward to this Christmas and make memories to last us forever.

Thank you Spark Friends for always being there with hugs and words of wisdom....you are AMAZING and WONDERFUL to me....

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FISHER011 11/13/2013 4:18PM

    emoticon Bless you & yours! emoticon Making memories are wonderful ways to be in the moment & love all you can today & always.
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CATLADY52 11/10/2013 2:09PM

    emoticon Take the time to be together.

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MJ7DM33 11/10/2013 12:26AM

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INNERJETTIC 11/9/2013 10:15PM

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JUNEAU2010 11/9/2013 9:08PM

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MTNGRL 11/9/2013 8:50PM

    Continue to make wonderful memories with your Mom and family. Each one is precious, to be tucked away for the future.Mine have gotten me through some hard patches.When my Mom was very ill we attended a seminar, and of all the things I learned in life, this one sentence sums it up. "Make Today Count!" It made each day a treasure not to be wasted and to this day I feel that way. I know you are making your time with your Mom count. Hugs and God Bless you.

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DJ4HEALTH 11/9/2013 8:35PM

    Yes spend as much time as possible because you never know when someone you love will go. Remember to tell them that you love them always. emoticon

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NAMAARIA 11/9/2013 8:18PM

    Hugs to you. emoticon emoticon

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ROCKPORT9 11/9/2013 7:47PM

    May you continue to make wonderful family memories. Hugs, Laurel

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I just wish

Friday, November 08, 2013

That I could stop eating....that my mom was not dying...that my marriage was good....

Mom started palliative care this week. I am trying to take it all in. She is my buddy, my pal....we talk everyday. Who will I laugh with over my dad's silliness. Mom....my mom. Pain and intense sadness have become roommates for now. I know that I will get over this...just not now...

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CARLYG8 11/9/2013 8:51PM

    I am so sorry. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

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BARCLE 11/9/2013 6:40PM

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DRROON 11/9/2013 2:10PM

    Enjoy the moments that are to make beautiful memories for when those moments are no longer possible. Sendind psychic squeezes (mental hugs) your way!

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RORYLYONS 11/9/2013 2:56AM

    Keeping you in my prayers emoticon

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INNERJETTIC 11/9/2013 12:36AM

    emoticon I feel as though anything I would say would be so insignificant but I care that your heart hurts.

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5BADDOGS 11/8/2013 11:28PM

    Sending thoughts and prayers for you and your mother your way. Try not to let worry about what will come rob you of the chance to find joy in the here and now. Be well.
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BOBINVA 11/8/2013 10:06PM

    In everyone's life challenges come. What is in our character is how we deal with those challenges. The only thing we have control over is ourselves and our actions. I am so sorry to hear about your Mom and marriage. Please take care of you.

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MARIANNMC 11/8/2013 10:05PM

    I am holding you -- and your mom (and your husband) -- in prayer. Keep writing about the pain and sadness. Let us know how things go with your mom. We care about YOU.

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KRITTEN1 11/8/2013 9:51PM

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LALMEIDA 11/8/2013 9:22PM

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BEATLETOT 11/8/2013 9:20PM

    I am so sorry. My heart breaks for you. You'll be in my thoughts.

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STEVEN_D 11/8/2013 7:59PM

    I wanted to post on FB, why couldn't I be an unemotional heartless basta## and not give a s%^&. Its because God didn't makeus that way. Pain and sadness will help you to grow if you have Christ at the center of your life. I am so in need of this, is whay I responded to your post

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ROCKPORT9 11/8/2013 7:16PM

    I am glad you are blessed with a wonderful mom! I am sorry she is so ill. I lost my wonderful mom over 3 decades ago. She remains in my thoughts and prayers. Great moms are a joy to behold. Prayers and hugs, Laurel

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MCCC75 11/8/2013 6:38PM

    You are in my thoughts and prayers. I can only imagine what you are going through. Just remember we are here to support you in any way we can. Please reach out anytime you need us. I am really sorry that you are going through such a difficult time in your life. emoticon

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Another meeting and a thought...

Saturday, October 12, 2013

I used to be able to talk to men without being an idiot. Now, I am noticing that I cannot look men in the eyes and I stumble upon my words.

I am working with a different male teacher this year and I am having a hard time looking at him and talking to him. Someone has mentioned that this is because I have become conditioned to expect to be yelled at by men. I feel as though what I have to say is crap and does not matter.

This really hurts - I used to be able to talk to men....now I am scared of them?

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

5BADDOGS 10/26/2013 11:40AM

    Hang in there... You can rebuild your self-confidence - as I am learning from personal experience - but it takes time. Be patient with yourself, and as others here suggested, just keep practicing. And just like with all the healthy eating and exercise advice given here on SP, don't beat yourself up if you aren't perfectly comfortable and chatty every time you converse with men. It will get easier the more you try.

People feel most comfortable talking about themselves - so I always try to ask questions, when I'm struggling to make convo.

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BOBINVA 10/12/2013 7:59PM

    The only thing that heals this trust issue is time.

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CATLADY52 10/12/2013 6:38PM

    emoticon It can be rough at times. emoticon

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BEATLETOT 10/12/2013 5:29PM

    A group related to the one you're going to says the first step is acknowledging the problem...now that you recognize this, you can work to change it, especially with someone safe--maybe a nice, friendly, male co-worker would be a good start. I'm always thinking of you, Cathy.

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SUEPERWOMAN 10/12/2013 4:41PM

   

It is tough to be that uncomfortable. My hope is that you don't get it into your head that now you are scared. You can force yourself to move through the uncomfortableness,
and talk even if it's not "perfect".

As someone who is always in my own head about things, I advise you not to overthink this one.

It's not easy though, I know!! Love, Ginger

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ROCKPORT9 10/12/2013 2:51PM

    I am so sorry you have to go through this. It will get better. You are reaching out and not allowing things to be as they were. Sending hugs, Laurel emoticon

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And the second meeting...

Sunday, October 06, 2013

was just as good as the first. We read from the Al-Anon book - and again - my life was in there. It just validates me...the way I feel...and the way my life has been for the past 25 years. I used to think that love was the answer to all things...misguided me.

I know now that he has no feelings in him. He told me I was pathetic. Well....everyone I have spoken to says he is the pathetic one. And.....most of our mutual friends do not like the way he treats me - they think I can do better. I know I can! And I even got this from our mailman! HA!

Thank you Spark Friends....your encouragement means everything to me.....

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BOBINVA 10/8/2013 9:21AM

    It is a great program. The only one you can change is you. Don't regret the past, but learn from it. You would not be here if it were not for the past. Take life one day at a time and make sure you take some time to take care of yourself.

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A_BIT_AT_A_TIME 10/7/2013 10:53AM

    In the category of unsolicited advice, I'll share a couple of thoughts...ignore them if they're adding to your confusion or not useful!

I went through Al-anon a few years ago - it took me several years to get out of the rut of thinking/wishing I could change my birth family (my dad, mom and brother were all alcoholics.) I had to learn to start standing up for myself as having a valid opinion . Lately I'm reapplying what I learned then to our current situation with our son and it's become a lot easier to draw the line in the sand and let him make his own choices (however stupid they might be).

Much of my own problem was that I tend to have a "helper" personality and I wanted to help "FIX" everything - birth order may play a part of that too (I'm a first-born).

I say all this to encourage you to take your time - it didn't happen overnight and it may not get solved overnight but you WILL come out a better person and a stronger role model for your children, whatever happens in your relationship with your partner.

Like Sparking, you'll have days of strength and motivation and days when you just want to curl up under a blanket and not want to have to the "strong" one. It's OK to have those days - it's normal! Just try not to make major decisions on your "down" days, decisions made out of fear are not usually the best.

There will be healing - don't try to force it, it will come, maybe just a little at a time, when you're ready for it. That sounds kind of hocus-pocus but I know that's how it worked for me. I don't think I could've handled it if my outlook/worldview had changed completely overnight.

Stick with the meetings for as long as they're doing you good - you may get to a point where a different group would be advisable - not necessarily, but keep it in mind - even in our tiny little town there were two groups. It was the second group that I went to that I felt more comfortable in.

You're making the right decision to start looking after yourself in this area - again, it's like Sparking ...you ARE worth it!
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edit - sorry! didn't realize I'd written a book here!

Comment edited on: 10/7/2013 10:54:04 AM

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PATTYKLAVER 10/7/2013 10:00AM

    It's hard to see the forest from the trees most times. I have done the same thing and am learning still that I must take care of me - that I am a special person worthy of love. You are, too!

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BEATLETOT 10/7/2013 3:29AM

    You are taking care of you! I'm glad you are learning a lot at your meetings.

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BLUEROSE73 10/7/2013 12:48AM

    You can do better. I'm glad to hear you have the support you need to find your strength to deal with this issue.

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LALMEIDA 10/6/2013 9:16PM

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MTNGRL 10/6/2013 7:17PM

    emoticon Glad that your meeting went well and it validates what you are feeling.

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5BADDOGS 10/6/2013 7:15PM

    Not sure how long you've been living with an alcoholic husband... It took me about 5 years to admit that is what mine had become, and at least one more after that to grasp that I couldn't help him. A book that REALLY helped me understand what had gone so terribly wrong in our marriage was "Co-dependent No More" by Melodie Beattie. It was an epiphany! I was able to let go of my shame, my guilt, and my frustration...

Two years later, he's been thru rehab and has been sober since. We felt like strangers at first, but we've come a long way in rebuilding our marriage. It's take time and work - but we're in a good place.

My thoughts and prayers are with your family. I sincerely hope he seeks help - and you find the strength to put yours and your kids' mental and physical health at the tip-top of your priority list. Be well - be safe.

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ROCKPORT9 10/6/2013 7:01PM

    I am so glad you are receiving the support you deserve! emoticon hugs, Laurel

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Guess where I spent my 20th wedding anniversary?

Sunday, September 29, 2013

I went to Al-Anon. And I was welcomed by the most wonderful women - and I really understood where they were coming from. I will be going back next Wednesday. He is still here - threatening to leave. Go ahead...leave. No one else will put up with your crap - and we are TIRED of dealing with it. DONE - we are DONE! Go find your happy elsewhere....we are happy - just the 3 of us.

And if he wants to go - why hasn't he left? Because it is another one of his empty threats. Boo hooo - feel sorry for me....not!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MARIANNMC 11/8/2013 10:09PM

    Al-Anon and Adult Child of Alcoholics have both helped me A LOT. You deserve good things!

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RUTHXG 9/30/2013 5:45PM

    emoticon I am glad you're taking care of yourself.

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BARCLE 9/30/2013 4:53PM

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ROCKPORT9 9/30/2013 4:45PM

    I am glad you sought support and found it. Sending hugs and prayers, Laurel

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BOBINVA 9/30/2013 12:21PM

    Al Anon is a great program. Find a sponsor there to help you.

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BEATLETOT 9/30/2013 3:06AM

    You took a big step toward your own happiness. I'm happy for you in that regard and sorry you have to deal with this.

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RORYLYONS 9/30/2013 1:06AM

    emoticon to hear of your pain...Sending many emoticon

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OOLALA53 9/30/2013 12:34AM

    Stay on your own foundation.

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ELSCO55 9/29/2013 11:26PM

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SALTYCHOCOLATE 9/29/2013 10:03PM

    Stay strong, my friend. emoticon

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KELLIEBEAN 9/29/2013 9:50PM

    I'm glad you went to Al-Anon and felt welcomed. I'm just sorry it was on your anniversary.

Stay strong!

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LALMEIDA 9/29/2013 7:50PM

  Sorry! emoticon

You deserve to be happy!

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ARNETTELEE 9/29/2013 7:03PM

  Be happy!

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