Saturday, September 23, 2006
Hi everyone ...
More drama added to my story today. I keep praying it's all going to end, and then more gets dumped into my lap.
Fell asleep for a few minutes yesterday afternoon in my chair, sitting up. When I woke up, I had this tightness in my chest. I figured it was my medicine stuck in my throat (you all can probably relate to the feeling of something lodged just below your breastbone). I went on to work and when I walked in felt terrible. Met the therapist in the office who demanded I call the campus nurse. She wanted me to call 911 as she thought I might be having a heart attack. I managed to drive myself to urgent care where they checked me out, ran an EKG, gave me baby asprin, and called the ambulance. Off to the hospital I was raced.
Called Tim upon arrival to alert him of the situation. Had blood drawn to check cardiac enzymes. Had a chest x-ray. Spoke to the ER doc and then a cardiologist who advised me the tests were fine but they were keeping me overnight to monitor my heart.
Tim arrived (having taken a taxi, bless his heart) and I was taken upstairs. Tim eventually reached my friend Barb and she came and took him home. She also brought him back today, picked me up, and took us back to our car at urgent care.
Today I spoke with the doctor on call for my doctor's office. He said he feels many over reacted, but at least my heart seems to be okay. Always better to be safe than to be sorry. Then I had an echocardiogram. Spoke with the cardiologis who said that my heart seems to be just fine. To be sure, I have to call and set up an appointment to have a nuclear stress test done. Oh goody! Then he goes on to tell me the chest x-ray shows an enlarged nodule which may be nothing but I'll have to see a pulmonary specialist. That person showed up a bit later and said he feels the nodule is a calcium deposit, but it will have to be checked out further. I'll need a CAT scan. It can wait 3-4 weeks while I deal with the leg situation. Thanks for the small things!
I've been discharged and am at home now. Spoke to the manager at work and work was a living hell yesterday with many staff not showing up or having some sort of problem. The campus site director had to work in our home along with the clinical director. I say good enough for them to have to get involved and see how things really are than to sit in their offices always telling us what we're doing wrong. At any rate, I don't go back to work until Tuesday afternoon. *sigh*
I'm pretty tired. They had to poke me many times. The IV the paramedic started in the ambulance blew the vein. Then the IV therapis had a difficult time establishing a new IV. It was very frustrating and I have a HUGE purple bruise on my left forearm now. Also had to have shots in the tummy (blood anti-coagulant). Was not in a private room this time and the older woman (age 72) was restless and kept me awake. I did take a nap with Tim a bit ago.
Anyway ... I still have to see the surgeon on Wednesady. Have to call the cardiologist on Monday to set up the stress test and eventually call the pulmonary specialist for the CAT scan follow-up. One fun thing after another, it seems.
Sunday, September 03, 2006
From the beginning of my journey, I've met new friends. Many would ask, "Should I start today or wait until Sunday?" My reply was always why put it off? Start today. I'm a firm believer in not putting things off. There's no time like the present and why give yourself the chance to not do what you want to do and know you should do but waiting?
That said, I'm putting my weight loss on hold except to maintain. Since May when I got a job, went to training for two weeks, moved, and started to work, I've bounced up and down the same ten pounds from 390-400. I'll admit I've not tried to stop the bounce and move the scale lower but only a couple times. All in all, I feel good about where I'm at right now though. It is a sign that come the end of my journey and arrival at my goal weight, I'll be able to maintain the loss. That's a huge positive in my book!
I'm kind of caught up right now in this whole surgery thing. When the thing came up on my leg, I didn't give it a lot of thought. I trusted a doctor who didn't know what he was talking about. It is indeed filled with fluid, but it's not lymph edema. The doctors haven't really said what it is, except that it's not cancerous and it's filled with fluid. I guess I'll have to wait and see what they say once they cut it off.
I know the weight loss the surgery is going to provide is going to catapult my motivation. It's already starting to get me excited about losing again. I know I'm going to do this. I've said it from the beginning and I say it now. I've come too far to give up now. Shoot, I'm almost half-way to my goal!
I'll be laid up for a time after the surgery, so what better time to get back with it than then? (See, the old me would have said the better time is now but I just can't bring myself to push myself about it right now.) I'll be homebound for a time, I'm sure. Remember I'm the only one in the house that drives so we won't be going out anywhere. I'm going to stock the pantry and fridge before the surgery so we'll have plenty of fresh and frozen goodies when I get home.
I don't necessarily make bad food choices right now. But I'm not really exercising, I don't count my calories, I don't make sure I'm getting the right foods every day. I'm eating too many carbs. I do watch portion sizes and am getting good at realizing I've eaten enough and pushing the food away. That's been a HUGE accomplishment for me. In the past, I'd eat until I was sick to my stomach and be miserably full for an hour or more. Not true of me anymore and I'm proud of that.
I try to come and post daily here but some days I just can't seem to make the time. I try to read blogs of my friends and am falling short there as well. I know while I'm laid up, I'll have so much time on my hands I'll build new habits. Also, with the change in work shift, I'm hoping to access the internet via wireless access at work. Woo hoo ... it will be so much more satisfying for me than the limited time I have right now.
Thanks to everyone for continuing to come and check on me. It's great to check and see how many still visit my blog daily. Those of you who leave comments keep me going, when I've wanted to quit. And yes, I've honestly wanted to say to hell with it and just quit. Then there's the niggling at the back of my mind that tells me I can do this. I will do this. I am doing this. I will reach my goal. Hang in there and continue watch as I make my journey forward.
Monday, April 17, 2006
Marianne, here at Sparkpeople asked us in one of the threads I post in, to define ourselves without saying we are a wife, mother, sister, etc. This is my definition of who I am right now. It has definitely changed over the years. Once you finish reading who I am, why not tell me who you are? Just click the link to my Community Journal and tell me who you are.
WHO AM I?
I am a tender soul with a sweet spirit. I am a loyal and supportive friend. I am sensitive and caring. I am educated and smart. I am a good listener. I am a woman with a mission, determined to lose the fat that has kept me hidden from the world. I am a work in progress.
Monday, April 17, 2006
(I was asked in a Sparkpeople thread this morning the following question ... "I ended up on a gastric bypass post and I am concerned because I watched a special on TLC that said the same thing a young lady was saying. That all obese that have a lot to lose can't keep it off. I have a lot to lose. How do you not get discouraged when you hear stuff like that. You are doing such a great job. You inspire many people and I just had to say that and because of that I had to ask that. Thanks, Michelle" --NOSMIRGROT ... This is my reply and I felt it worth sharing with others who may not read that particular thread so have copied it here.)
I get so irritated by the weight loss industry and those who say the only way a morbidly obese person can lose weight and keep it off is through surgery. I don't believe that and I'm not going to accept it! Personally, I know quite a few people who have lost over 100 pounds without surgery and have kept it off for 2-6 years already and still going strong. Yes, they go up and down on the scale five or ten pounds but they ARE maintaining.
I intend to prove wrong those who say you can't lose a lot of weight and keep it off unless you have surgery. The next is my rant and my opinion about surgery for weight loss. I apologize in advance if it offends anyone. I know for some it is the only option other than death and in those instances, it is the way to go. But for the majority of us, we have the basic health and ability to do the work and lose the weight by learning more about ourselves.
Losing weight rapidly is not healthy. Every weight loss program out there, with the exception of those supporting gastric bypass, will tell you losing more than an average of two pounds per week can cause health related problems. It also makes the sagging skin issue a much more pressing matter as the skin cannot keep up with the weight loss.
I much prefer learning how to eat right for the rest of my life. So many who've had gastric bypass surgery re-gain their weight, too. Look around here at Sparkpeople and you'll find several who had the surgery and gained weight and are now working at losing the weight again. How sad that they spent all that money and are back where they started because of whatever reason.
Losing weight is about so much more than getting rid of the pounds and ugly fat. It's about making ourselves emotionally healthy, figuring out why we got the way we are in the first place. It's about exploring the "why" and coming up with an alternative plan to cope. It's about learning what foods to eat in the right combination and proper portion sizes. It's about changing the way we look at food.
Food is nothing more than the fuel our bodies need to keep going every day. If we put junk food into our bodies, we are going to start to run sluggish, get ill, and feel horrid. If we put quality food into our bodies, the machine that it is will take what's needed and get rid of the rest, functioning as it was intended to function.
Don't get me wrong. It's not that I don't get discouraged. I have my moments and even days sometimes. But in the long run, I believe in myself. I know that I can and will lose the weight and I will be healthier, more fit, and happier because I'll be able to join in living life instead of sitting on the sidelines while others live life and have fun.
It is also because I have so many who believe in me, are motivated by me, are inspired by me and my story that I cannot and will not give up. I have met so many wonderful people on my weight loss journey, many who I now consider friends and a few that I consider family. I can't let them down anymore than I can let myself down.
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