Wednesday, March 10, 2010
I cannot believe it's really been that long since I had my gastric bypass. I really need to post new photos as I haven't taken any or posted new ones since July of last year. I think I need them to get myself motivated and going once again.
Saw my surgeon and on his scale my weight was up 5 lbs since July. He was not amused; neither am I! I have honestly been having a LOT of issues with food. I have been stress eating and that means eating whatever I can get my hands on. Unfortunately, at work that means things like chips, cookies, chocolate (I don't even like chocolate, really), etc. I tried sticking gum in my mouth, it just makes me want to eat more. I am eating all day long and it has to stop. I need better coping skills, especially at work. This is why I need a need a new therapist. The one I have now is not addressing any of the food issues and that's why I started going to therapy in the first place. The nurse gave me a card for a doctor that they send people to for psych clearance prior to surgery. I will call today to find out if my insurance will pay for him. If so, I'm going to switch and see where it leads. This doctor is experienced in treating people pre and post op for bariatric issues.
As for the lump in my leg, the surgeon was surprised by the ortho doctor's assessment. He still totally disagrees and says it is a cyst that needs to be traced to the joint but he is not going to fight the ortho doc on it. He said there is no reason that it HAS to come out. I can watch it. If it seems to be getting larger, becames tender or painful, or there is any issue with it, I will let him know and he will go back in and remove it again. No guarantees that it will not continue to come back so ... I am opting to leave it in right now. It is not affecting my quality of life. He feels there is no danger of it becoming cancerous. It does not hurt and is barely noticeable most of the time. I'm okay with leaving it alone for now.
As for the tummy surgery, he suggested I sock away $500 a month to pay for it next year. His fee is $3500 and the hospital would be about $300 he claims. Yeah, right! He may have that kind of extra money, being a doctor and all, but I certainly don't. I'm going to have to try to get my PCP to help me prove it is medically necessary. That's the only way insurance will pick it up. I think this will be a hard battle to win. I don't have rashes, at least not any that are that bad. I do have back pain and the inability to stand up straight because of the stomach weight causing me to lean forward. It flops around and is really annoying, especially when I'm exercising and really irritating in my water aerobics class. Seriously, I need Dr. Phil, Oprah, or even Maury to become my best friend and pay for the surgery! Guess I'd better start looking for a really good girdle and learn how to roll and tuck. *sigh*
Went to my exercise class last night. It was good. My muscles ache a little bit. I like that. It means I worked hard. Water aerobics tonight. It's raining outside so no walk outside tonight. I'm not committed enough to walk in the rain. One day maybe I will buy rain gear so I can and will but not today. I am going to start walking as soon as I get home from work every night. The rain and gloom pretty much matches my mood right now.
That's about it for me. I try to focus on how far I've come and tell myself I will get where I am going. Like all things I want, I want it now! I have done well. I need to re-focus and get my head back where it belongs. My surgeon told me he knows I will be a complete success story keeping the weight off because one day I will be ticked at myself and just get it done! He's pretty much right on the money. That's how I started this whole process. I'm getting close to being there once again and maybe anger at myself is what I need to push me forward. No looking back. Get through each day without eating all day and eating the things I don't need and I'll be okay.
God bless you all. I read here at SP and it helps me to stay encouraged and does motivate me. Without all my friends here, I would be hard pressed to keep going.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
I am still going up and down on the blasted scale. I have been doing this since July. It's frustrating. Talk at my support group meeting last night about this issue by many and the consensus is that now, 18 months post op, it is more a mind game than anything. I have to make a more conscious effort to stay away from the old habits of eating to comfort myself and eating the things that piled on the pounds in the first place. Healthy foods, like fresh fruit (which I love) is just so expensive. Then again, I can get my beloved raspberries or a box of 100 calorie snacks for the same price. Hmmmm ... but the snacks last days. I eat all the raspberries in one sitting. LOL It IS about choices, no?
I am staying within calorie range. I am burning calories daily so that I end up the day actually eating about 1000 net calories. I feel like I'm doing this all wrong now. I will talk with the nutritionist about this next month when I go for my 18 month post op visit with my surgeon. I sometimes wonder if I am not taking in enough calories. Then again, maybe I eat too many carbs. It doesn't seem like I am but ... something isn't working for me. I hope the NUT can get to the bottom of it. I would really like to lose another 40 lbs before my body decides is it done. OR has it already already done that seeing as how I have not lost anything really in six months? I dunno.
I am seriously considering doing this 'walk to run' program that runs for ten weeks starting in April. It meets on Saturday mornings. The first week you walk four mins and run for two (or as much of the two as you can). You build on that as you go, and by the end of ten weeks, you are supposed to be able to run for thirty mins. I dunno. Maybe I'd like running if I am not on a treadmill. I absoluetly HATE running on the treadmill. I'm always afraid I'll trip and fall. Is it worth a shot? What do you think? I still don't think I'll be able to do it. I am my own worst enemy.
So that is what is going on with me right now. Examining a lot of issues and learning I kind of sort of like the person I am becoming. I am also learning that I have to take care of me and everyone else is on their own.
Sunday, January 03, 2010
I started my initial weight loss journey five years ago this month. I decided that being super morbidly obese was no longer acceptable. I made the decision that carrying around 530 lbs. was no longer for me. I was tired of being tired. I was over having to ask someone to put my socks and shoes on my feet and to then tie my shoes. I was sick of having to sit down to shower, cook, and do dishes. I was ashamed of having to send my family in to do the shopping because I could no longer make it through even the smallest of grocery stores. I was done.
I am proud to say four years later I am now down to 271 pounds as of this morning. That is a total of 259 lbs gone that I know I am not going to gain back. It's been a slow process. I lost over 100 lbs and maintained that for two years. Then I lost the other 150 lbs. I've maintained that loss for six months now. I am ready to lose another 40 lbs to be near where I want to be before skin removal surgery of just my stomach. I'd like to be there by March but that seems unrealistic to me now.
Yes, I had a gastric bypass surgery to get the last 150 lbs off but it has still been work. I still have to count calories, track protein, watch my carbs, and move my body. It has been about more than just losing the pounds. I have had to change my lifestyle and it has not been an easy process. I do know that I am doing it every day and I will continue to do so. I am not going to regain the pounds I have shed and I will make it to where I am comfortable being. Not a number set by a doctor, health insurance company, surgeon, or someone else, but a weight and size I am comfortable being. My body fat is decreasing though the scales are not moving much. I am not discouraged. That is what needs to happen at some point. I want the fat to change to muscle. It's all good.
I am back at water aerobics class two nights week. I go to cardio circuit training one night a week for an hour. I also do aerobics and strength training for an hour that same night. On nights I have no scheduled fitness classes, I am going to the fitness center at my apartment complex. I am walking on the treadmill, doing a weight workout, and using the elliptical. I have a fitness ball and bands at home I use. I am considering getting myself some hand weights (eight pounds because the five pounds at the fitness center really aren't challenging me anymore and I'm not ready to move up to ten). It's all coming together.
Just wanted to do a little update. I didn't realize it had been so long since last I posted here. Take care and happy new year to all. God bless and may you find joy, peace, happiness, and prosperity in this new year!
Monday, November 23, 2009
I think I mentioned before that I now have an iPod touch and I purchased a Nike+ sensor that acts as a pedometer. I LOVE it! Went for my first walk on Saturday, using this, and walked for an hour. During that time I walked two and a half miles and burned 478 calories according to the iPod. I actually lost track of how many laps I did on the track at the park!
While walking, I reflected how just after surgery I couldn't even make it all the way around once. I had to actually cut through to make it back to the car! After that, the most laps I had accomplished was three and then I'd be too tired to continue. This time, I just listened to my music, walked, breathed, and went with it. I had no plan as to how long, how many laps, how far ... I just decided to listen to my body and go with it. And that's what I did. Sunday my knees were stiff and my upper inside thigh as well as my lower mid calf were sore but it was so worth it. I took Sunday off and will walk again tonight. Tomorrow, I will go to my two hour exercise class. Wednesday will be spent in the car ...
I have quite a week coming up. Work today through Wednesday. The girls and evening staff are hosting Thanksgiving dinner on Tuesday night. Hopefully, most of the girls will leave to visit their families on Wednesday and then I am off to travel southward to visit my own family. I will be at my little sister's for Thanksgiving Day. Friday we will shop until Jackie drops! Saturday I go to Cincinnatti with my older sister to the flea markets. Sunday we will make the trek back home so I can be at work Monday. Though you would think four days off will feel like a vacation, I know it will go by all too quickly. Time is like that and just slips away. I am going to make the most of it and have fun. I will also squeeze in a visit with the oldest daughter and her children and my brother so all the family will be covered.
I am thankful for life, for having a clear head to make the decision to have surgery, for my wonderful family, and all of my beautiful friends. Life is indeed good and very much worth living! Thank you Lord.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
I am trudging onward and will not let others have the power to keep me from achieving my goal. I tell my girls at work all the time not to give away their power. They are always blaming someone for their mistakes, faults, short comings ... I tell them to stand up and take responsibility for their actions. I tell them blaming others is giving them way too much power over them. They are letting others control how their life turns out and they need to take that power back. So ... I am working on taking back all of my own power from the many I have given it away to. I know that I can do this!
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