NORAKENO   22,552
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Time Flies

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

I didn't realize it has been so long since I did an update here. I am still bouncing up and down 395-410 lbs. It's frustrating. I went to my monthly doctor appointment and will meet with a team of bariatric specialists. I didn't even know my local hospital has a 'weight treatment center' including dieticians, fitness trainers, a fitness center, and aquatic classes. I have an appointment to meet with them and see if my insurance will cover any of their services. I'm hoping so as it would be good for me to get my big butt moving in some type of formal exercise. That is probably going to be key for me.

My body is now having to make a big adjustment. After more than a year of working overnight shift (10 PM - 8 AM) I have made the leap to day shift (7:30 AM - 3:30 PM). I now will have every other weekend off and then one weekend midweek off. I'm so used to only getting 4-5 hours sleep that my sleep cycle is all messed up. I fell asleep in my recliner last night about 9:30 PM and woke up at 4:00 AM. I was wide awake so I just got up. This means I'm going to need a nap mid-afternoon. Good thing I'm off work today.

Haven't been doing so well with tracking my calories. One of my goals for February is to track my foods here every day. It is one of the many tools I know I need to rely on and use. Another is to increase my activity level. Sure hope that center in the hospital can help me with that.

Other than that, I'm doing okay. I still really want to focus and be under 400 by March 1st. And I don't mean to be under by a couple pounds. I'd like to be at least 5-7 lbs under by then. At least then I 'd feel like I was being successful again. I'm going to baby step my way there. I can do this, right? *grins*

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

REDIS279 2/4/2008 4:57PM

    Absolutely you can do it! I hope that your insurance covers most of the weight treatment costs.

I've been bouncing between 309 -284 for a long time now. By March I want to be near 275. You've helped me set a goal, thanks!

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ATRANSFORMATION 1/29/2008 11:58PM

    Congrats on getting back to a "normal" cycle! Working day shift should be really helpful in getting control of your eating. Things make sense....and good luck with the weight center. I am sure hoping these changes will bring you closer to your goal!

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JUDYSPOSITIVE 1/29/2008 6:17PM

    Karon,
That would be wonderful for you if your hospital can help. Good for you for checking it out. So glad to hear you got a day shift, you sure have been doing a lot of overnight. I'm sure your body will adjust eventually to the new sleep pattern. Good luck, I'm always checking to see how your doing.
Judy

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The ugly truth

Saturday, January 05, 2008

So I finally weighed in this morning and the ugly truth is that in just two months I've managed to pack back on 20 pounds. What in the heck is wrong with me?! I've been here before and I don't want to go back. I have to get a grip on this.

I did get some great menu ideas and have a plan. I will be eating three healthy meals per day and two snacks of fresh fruit. I will exercise a minimum of ten minutes every day. I will keep my calories in the 1500-1800 calorie range. According to one website I was reading I need 3318 per day to maintain my weight. I hate to think how many calories I've consumed to gain back 20 lbs! But NO MORE. I will think about what I am eating. I will focus on moving. I will continue to drink my water. And I will track my calories here at SP so I am certain that I am in my range every day. I know I can do this. I have to think about me. Already I can feel the difference in how I move being 20 pounds heavier. I'm not liking myself much right now.

But I have a plan and I will stick with it. My goal is to be back under 400 lbs by March 1st. I will then re-evaluate and keep going. I want so badly to lose another 100 pounds this year. I did it before and I know in my soul I can do it again. Time to focus on me and just 'git 'er done'!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

VICKIINPA 1/28/2008 4:33PM

    Glad to have you back and working on yourself. You are the most important person in your life. If you weren't, how could others have you?

Talk soon!

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KITT52 1/8/2008 7:04PM

    Karon I'm so proud of you for sticking with it.
I'm here to give you all the support you need.
You helped me so much when I first got started and I'd love to help you too.
The howdy group is hoping you come and let all of us support you and you can helps us too. Its a circle of support here.

Hope the family is doing good.


Kitt

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LARAINE 1/7/2008 9:19PM

    Oh girl I know your plight all to well my self after doing so well for 21 month I took a nose dive off the wagon and gain back 30 pounds my self we can do this together I know we can hold that head up high and keep thinking I know I can, I know I can, I know I can!!!!

PS I love the tree pic on your profile!

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ATRANSFORMATION 1/7/2008 1:27PM

    I have decided it is the curse of being on my page as a "friend" Everyone I know gained weight these past few months....my question. Did we always? or are we just more aware of it now? Karon. You can do this. JOIN me in what I have dubbed the GSO. (The great start over) My personal GSO (I also gained back 19) started 1/3.

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JUDYSPOSITIVE 1/6/2008 4:28PM

    Karon,
Don't be hard on yourself, we all struggle at some point. I also put on weight, about 17lbs and I just sat back and said to myself, you can do this, you've done it before. So I look forward to being a much better year. We can do this! I will be thinking of you and wishing you luck on your goal.
Judy

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GEORGIA_KAY 1/6/2008 9:01AM

    I've gained back some of the weight I had lost too my friend, and I know how easily it can depress us--if we let it. I just keep telling myself that it could be a lot worse, I mean after all, I didn't gain it all back-and neither did you. You're right. we do know how we lost it, it was damned hard work too, but then we knew it wouldn't be easy losing this much weight. So what we will do now is just not dwell on it, take every day as it comes. Stick to our meal plan, log in our food intake...you know the routine! *smile* and keep our spirits up. The days are gonna pass anyway---whether we lose weight or not--and I know it would be SOO much better if we have a weight loss to show for those days. I know the way we look is important to us--and how we feel is doubly, no triply important! inside and out. So lets just get up, and start over my friend--and remember you are not alone in this!

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HAPPY1604 1/5/2008 11:40AM

    wooohooo!!! Lets do this, Karen!!!! I think I can, I think I can.....I think I can, I think I can.....I think I can, I think I can..... Thats half of the battle.... but we KNOW we can.... we've done it before..... I KNOW we both can lose 100#s this year!!!
Hugs

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PPHOLLAND 1/5/2008 10:11AM

  Narakeno,

Don't dwell on the negative!

Remeber how you lost the weight and repeatthe process. Remember how it felt? Concentrate on the positive and think about how it is going to feel when you loose the next 100.

PPH

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Getting back on track

Thursday, January 03, 2008

I am ready to get back at it. I cannot believe I let an entire year (actually two now) go by without doing anything about all this fat. It really saddens me to be no further than I was at the end of 2005. It makes me feel like a big fat failure.

And before you all go on telling me about how I've maintained and that's positive, let me acknowledge that I am in a better place than I was when 2005 started and I weighed 530 pounds. I know that, but it doesn't make me feel much better.

If I had done what I knew worked, I would have been at or near my goal of just under 200 pounds by now. I HAVE to get back to taking care of me. I am working on coming up with a plan that will work for me.

Speaking of work, my transfer to days is on hold yet again. In July I was told to be patient. A new staff had been hired and was supposed to work two day shifts every weekend and two overnight shifts. It ended up she was on days full-time until she quit in November. She was supposed to be pulled down and I was supposed to get her day shift, but it never happened.

Then I was told when another staff retired, I would move to days. Her last day was Dec 31st yet I am still on the overnight schedule. *sigh* And just yesterday before I left work I was told that I was going to have to be patient because she still needs me on nights. Yet, she is pulling someone from the evening shift to work days every single day. There is no justice there and I'm tired of waiting. So I'm searching for a new job. I've had it!

I'm going to work on posting, at the least, an update here weekly. I'll be weighing in on Saturdays. Not exactly the best day for me but I have to pick a day and stick with it.

Wishing all who read a Happy New Year!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FAERIECHIC27 1/3/2008 8:49PM

    Honey, I think that you are awesome and you are such an inspiration. I know you may feel like you have failed, but honestly the only failure is not coming back and realizing that you have hit a bump in your progress.

I too have hit many bumps and I am trying(struggling) to get back on track. It is so easy to lose motivation and just throw it all to the wind. Its so hard to be patient when you know that you can do better, but feel like there is no point because there is always someone or something out there determined to prove themselves without paying no mind to the others around them.

Honey, its time for you to step up and put YOU first. You are such a strong willed woman and you are beautiful. Nobody can take that away from you. Hang in there and good will come your way!!

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HAPPY1604 1/3/2008 4:41PM

    Karen,

I think you are just absolutely amazing! Really!!! Been a rough year for me as well... I thought about beating myself up over the time I let go by doing nothing... but that doesn't accomplish anything. I'm over it! Whatever "it" was.... moving forward!!! I'm rootin for ya too!!! You were one of the first sparkpages I came across when I joined.... I gained sooo much inspiration from you!! Sending you {{{{{HUGS}}}}}
We can and will do this... one baby step at a time!
Happy

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IAMSUCCEEDING 1/3/2008 12:55PM

    Perisitance is key...not perfection! Little steps still get us all to the same destination, some of us it just takes a little longer is all.

I for one am rooting you on and are so encouraged by how far you HAVE come and know you absolutely will meet your goals!

Trish

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More Exercise

Friday, December 07, 2007

No fitness center yesterday. I did loads of walking at three local superstores and the local dollar store. My knees were screaming and I figured I got enough exercise with all the walking. It was a good day and I was happy with the walking I did.

I went to the fitness center this afternoon and there was a buff fit young man (well he was young compared to me in his mid 20s to early 30s) and I just couldn't make myself go in. Had it been a female, I KNOW I would have bit the bullet and went on in. I just couldn't do it with him there. So, my dear hubby made me go to the mall and walk the upper level. UGH!

I doubt I've ever mentioned it but I HATE the mall. I hate the crowds. I hate all the stupid staring kids. I hate all the dumb arse teenagers who run around and think nothing of taking up every place there is to sit and rest and refuse to give it up to an older fat lady. And to go to the mall on a Friday evening, well ... I forgot it was Friday or it NEVER would have happened.

I hated EVERY second we were there. I had to sit down three times to make it through, but I did it. No browsing, just look straight ahead and keep walking. Sweat, push through the throbbing in my front upper thighs, my stiff calves, the jarring in my ankles. Push through, focus on getting through this corridor and move on. I did it, as I knew I would. I mean, you start in one place and HAVE to end up back there in order to get back to your car! No choice. I did it and that's my exercise for today.

Tomorrow, I'll be putting Leslie in and walking my 19 minute mile, or as much of it as I can do. It will be the first time I've done it since surgery last year so it will be interesting to see how much I can do standing up instead of sitting down. Then, I will make another stab at going to the fitness center. I will push myself to go every day and one day I won't care who is there and will just do what I need to do. For now, I'm just not that brave!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ATRANSFORMATION 12/15/2007 11:15AM

    You are one BRAVE lady! I think any one of us that has ever been stared at, heard the comments, etc can relate. It is painful and humiliating. But you rose above it, and kudos to you. When you go to the gym? Just do what you did at the mall. Look ahead. See yourself buff and beautiful. You are...and only wearing a fat jacket. (19 minute mile? wow. I'm impressed!)

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VASLIMMING 12/8/2007 9:11AM

    WTG! I went to the Mall last week and you know those teenagers? Well I let a group of um have it, all 410 pounds of me LOL My husband just stood there smirking LOL I looked at them and said what is your problem? Some days you just get tired of dealing with somebody elses misbehaving kids ! And honestly, I wasn't going to let the group of them get away with ridiculing me for a laugh ...so I let them have it right there in the mall to their faces. No matter what their reaction...I know one thing..they will think twice before they behave like that towards another human being in a public place LOL Was fun :P Anyway, you will get where you want to go Nora..just hang in there...Im saying that to myself at the same time ! You're keeping one foot in front of the other and you are walking...thats something.. I also wanted to say THANK GOD For the men who love us, married us and are along with us on this trip LOL I asked my hubby what was he thinking when I started letting the kids have it in the mall..He said " dear...I was ready to punch one of um out if they made one step towards you" ROFLMAO...Here I was thinking he would be humiliated or something, he was ready to get in and fist fight for me LOL Gotta love those men :)

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UGH!

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

UMPH!

That's the sound of me as I shoveled snow this morning. First, I spent about ten minutes shoveling off the walk at work. Then when it was time for me to come home, I had to clear off my car and then dig it out from the darned snowplows that kept pushing the snow in front of my car through the night. I was pretty darned aggravated about it, let me tell you. I was muttering some not very ladylike things as I spent thirty minutes shoveling!

I got home and told Tim I had already had my exercise for the day and wouldn't need to go to the fitness center. He wasn't having it. He said I have to do ten minutes on the elliptical.

Okay, so Tim and I go over to the fitness center and it was pretty much my worst nightmare come true. There was a twenty-something twig running on one of the treadmills. I was hoping she was near the end of her regimen and sat down on a weight bench to wait. I did not want to embarrass myself in front of her. I know I should just get over it, but it's really hard for me.

Ten minutes go by and she finishes running. She then gets down on the floor and proceeds to do crunches. Meanwhile, Tim has climbed onto the bike and is riding away. I sit.

She gets up and heads toward the stairmaster. Tim has finished riding by now and has sat down beside me. She says hello and I make a comment about not knowing how to use things and not wanting to look stupid as it's my first time there. She said it's her first time there too. I said I was afraid to work out next to a thin young thing and she indicated she doesn't think she's thin. Mind you, this girl was about 5 ft 7 and maybe weighed 120 lbs. Yeah, right!

So I decide I may as well walk on the treadmill as she seems to not be leaving anytime soon. I get on and push start. Nothing really happens. I start to walk, well, I tried. Why is it so hard to walk on a treadmill that whirs and makes you think that walking on it will be easy?

I managed to last about six minutes on there. According to the treadmill I was walking at a rate of about 0.5 miles per hour. In the six minutes I was on there, I walked (if that's what you want to call it) 0.05 mi. PATHETIC! And my arms were hurting more than my legs when I gave up. I felt like I was walking tipped forward and pulling with my arms. I know I had to be doing it all wrong and all I could think of was lil miss twiggy running merrily along. Dang!

I get off and go sit back down on the bench. I do a few stretches and peer at the girl. She has moved from the stairstepper to the elliptical and is happily striding away. I bet that darn contraption never once told her to "stride faster". Darn machine anyways!

She finishes and moves on to the weight machine. At this point, I step onto the elliptical. I managed to eeek out about a minute at 75 strides per minute according to the monitor. It said I burned a whopping six calories. Uh huh! WHATEVER!!! By now, I'm feeling totally frustrated and whipped.

I climb off and decide to stretch a bit more to cool down. The sweat is pouring off me. Twiggy is happy back to doing crunches without a drop of sweat. Dang!

Tim and I head home and all I can think is what a total failure the trip was. I know there are some who will say it wasn't a failed trip, but that's not how I feel. I know that I did six minutes of exercise, if you can call it that. Big freaking deal! I probably burned off more calories shoveling snow before leaving work than I did in that fitness center. Maybe I should just go back to Richard Simmons and walking with Leslie Sansone. At least I used to feel good about my progress with those darn dvd programs. I dunno. I'll probably give it another shot. We'll see.

So ... that's my experience with exercise. You know the line from the movie "A Few Good Men" where Jack Nicholson says to Tom Cruise "You want the truth?" and Tom responds "Yes"? Jack replies to him, "You can't handle the truth!" That's pretty much how I felt. I wanted to know if I could handle a workout in a gym and now I know the truth and I can't handle it.

Tomorrow will be another day.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MASLIN 12/6/2007 7:55PM

    Yep, that really sucks. Whew, when I see a twig, I use her as motivation though. I say, yeah, well, I will be able to do that next year too! I dunno, it makes me smile to think how fit I will be later on. By this time next year, you'll have forgotten all about the twig and someone will be thinking of you that way!!! Love and light.

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KITT52 12/6/2007 5:56PM

    Karon hugs sweetie. You did it, you made it to the gym and you did your best. Don't give twiggy another thought. You are doing this for yourself, not anyone else. I'm proud of you for going. I have yet to get the courage to go. I'm happier to workout at home by myself.
I'm hoping to get the courage to go to TOPS , so far I have not gotten there.
Please keep trying you will do better and better.

Take care.

Kitt

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VASLIMMING 12/6/2007 2:21AM

    ROFL Im sorry for laughing but you have summed up each and every persons experience when they start exercising and you cannot compare yourself to twig head LOL Love that name. And that maching is full of CRAP because that machine doesn't know how much you weigh or anything...you burned a hell of a lot more then six calories LOL Listen, it's all mathematical..It takes less energy to push a 120 pound twig across the room then a 300 pound twig across.. Calories are energy ! Your six minutes was probably equal to her half hour to forty five.. So forget it and give yourself SOME credit LOL Also realize that when you first start out on any exercise there is a honeymoon period where you are adjusting to movements, learning the best ways for your body etc.. and its always more difficult.. Dont give up! Stick with it...who cares it was six minutes...it was better then NOTHING right? And btw Damn that snow anyway !

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CONCON8802 12/6/2007 12:20AM

    OMG!!! its like you wrote about me....lol.....i know you feel like it was a waste and worth nothing....but try it again....and keep going.....and (excuse my language here) F^ck them twigs...you are there for you.....if you think that shoveling was a better exercise than them damn machines....then go shovel.....if you think the tapes are better for you then do those....if you want to try the gym again.....just put your blinders on and do what YOU need to do and try your hardest to forget them twigs(i know its easier said than done....im still working on it).....at the YMCA that i go to they have a mini workout room in the ladies locker room.....and i go over there and check it out b4 i go to my locker....if there are other women in there i usually dont go....unless they are bigger women....lol....if they are twigs i just go into the pool and do laps.....if they are bigger i go and do at least 2 sets on the strength trainer machines......i dont do treadmill cuz i hate that machine.....i would rather walk somewhere than walk on a machine and go nowhere.....i do the eliptical(im up to 3 minutes on there now) and i ride the bike(3 minutes on there too) mostly i just do the swimming and water aerobics....in the water you cant really see my fat body so i like it better than exercising on land.....lol....just keep trying thats about all i can say(i know just tell me to shut up....i ramble a lot) and im done now....lol....Huggs Conifer

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ARITHBK 12/5/2007 11:00PM

    I've been exercising for 3 weeks and I still can't stand exercising around other people. I even hate it if I'm doing some walking outside and people see me working up a sweat. Maybe you could start with things you could do at home? SP has some good online workout videos. You could try something that needs minimal equipment like resistance bands or step aerobics. I got a pedometer and that actually encouraged me to walk since the numbers gave me a concrete goal. Sounds like you have a bit too much snow to try that though!

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