NORAKENO   22,555
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Thursday, November 29, 2007

So yesterday the hubby went to our rental office and got a key for the fitness center. It is located in the building right next to our apartment. We went and checked it out last night. They have three treadmills, two ellipticals, a bike, and a stair-stepper. They also have free handweights and a weight machine.

Out of curiosity, I stepped onto the elliptical and gave it a whirl. I think it's actually something I might like, given time and determination. I lasted only about two minutes before I felt like I was going to collapse, but it was two minutes at a pretty good stride rate. Or so I thought until the darn machine told me to "stride faster"! WHATEVER!

I tried to get on the bike as that used to be one of my favorite things to do to get exercise. I had a bike of my own until my oversized body (many pounds less than I am right now, actually) managed to bend the sprocket and it couldn't be fixed. I got onto the seat and next was to try to get my feet into the stirrups on the pedals. No go! I think that hubby put the seat too low. It hurt my legs to bend that much. I'll give it another whirl next time. Thankfully, no one else was there to witness my humiliation!

I just have to make myself walk over there and do it. I know that I don't move my body enough. I'm hoping I can commit to this and make it work as well as track the calories in. It would be nice to have someone other than the hubby to go with but oh well. He's better than going alone.

Afterwards, they also have a sauna and a whirlpool/hottub. I tried out a sauna in college with my friend and thought I was gonna die. I couldn't breathe in there. And I'm not all that fond of hottubs. All I can think about is bacteria and germs and how that stuff grows with heat. Fungus among us! UGH I know that the heat is logically probably high enough to kill stuff and they put chemicals in it, but it still grosses me out. Hubby loves the hottub, though. He'll probably go over there with me and spend much of his time in there! LOL

Anyway, I'm on a quest to find out about what I should eat before working out. I know I read somewhere at some time that one should eat something. I think I read eat protein, but can't for the life of me remember. I was going to ask on the fitness boards, but everyone there seems so fit and it really made me feel like crap. I miss the old 100+ forum where I would have thought nothing about asking this question, but that's my hang-up to deal with. I've accepted that area is gone and admit the hang-up is mine and mine alone. Wise words from Coach Dean made me see and acknowledge this. I don't want to hold myself back, but I cannot ask fitness questions in an area where people seem pretty darn fit to me!

So if you have knowledge or an opinion about eating before working out, please do share. I searched the Sparkpeople articles about fitness and found nothing. I did find eating something like half a sandwich made with tuna or turkey after working out is a good idea but nothing about before. Help me out, guys!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WATERJEN 11/29/2007 3:13PM

  Generally speaking, you want to have some water and a mix of protein & carbs before working out. The carbs are the quick fuel, and the protein helps keep you going. Cheese & crackers, apple slices with peanut butter, 1/2 a sandwich. And drink a full glass of water at least, maybe two.

The other thing is just to watch yourself. Your body is not used to exerting itself so you want to see how you react. Take a glass or bottle of water with you so you can sip water between each thing.

Go slow, and hang in there!

Do they have weights? I use dumbbells for arms and my body weight for the rest (crunches, leg lifts, stairs, and squat-down-pick-up-a-book-rise-up). Where the machines might be good is if you're not up to squats.

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Friday, November 16, 2007

Why does my first thought out of bed in the morning revolve around food? Why is it that I finish a meal and am already thinking about what the next one will be? Why must I be fixated on food all the time?

I'm so tired of thinking about food. I'm so tired of trying to figure out the right combinations of foods to eat, at the right times, in the right portions. It seems to be the focus of my entire day, every day.

I went to a dietician. What I wanted was for her to help me to come up with a month or two of menu plans so I would have all of that figured out for me. The plans here at Sparkpeople have been no help to me at all. There are too many substitutions, too many things on there that I've either never eaten or will never eat. I just don't get it. Isn't there a plan somewhere that will just lay it all out for me?

I guess I'm going to have to return to the exchanges and count the calories to ensure I'm getting enough. It's just aggravating to have to constantly think about what I'm going to eat. I suppose part of the thinking about it all the time is making sure I have the things I need to actually follow whatever I plan. One day, if ever I get down to a "normal" weight, I want to sit down with someone and just come up with menus that are inexpensive yet will allow others to just pick and eat. Yes, that's kind of what Nutrisystem allowed, but the sodium in that food alone can kill someone. I want to prepare my own food and enjoy it.

That's my rant for today.

And now ... in honor of being thankful this month, I am thankful to be alive today. I have a couple friends who have loved ones in the hospital. One is definitely not going to make it as they have a terminal illness. The other, I don't know much about yet. I'm thankful for my health and the health of my family.

Have a blessed day!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JUDYSPOSITIVE 11/20/2007 12:05PM

I understand where you are coming from. I have had a really tough time since summer. I just couldn't find the time or energy to come up with the foods or recipes that I wanted to. Wouldn't it be nice if we could afford to have a personal chef that could make all our meals for us. Maybe someday you can make up that book of affordable, healthy, nutritious menus, I would be one of the first people to buy it. I have finally gotten it back into my head that I have to do this no matter what. I put on 23lbs from not taking care of myself, so here I go again. I quit my job because of the stress level and now I'm taking 6 months off to take care of me. My sister is in the hospital again, after just getting out a week ago. My brother in law, just had a tumor removed from his arm and needs radiation to get rid of one in his leg. I am thankful for my health and I want to keep it that way. We can do this!

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MASLIN 11/17/2007 9:43AM

    When I first started Sparks, my whole life revolved around what I was going to eat and when and how and where. Then I switched to Healthy Choice and Lean Cuisine and went from there. Its no longer an issue for me, except when I had that thyroid problem and when I just fell off the wagon entirely. Now I am back to HC and LC and its better. I would like to cook my own food too, but I am a rotten cook and its just too much trouble.

Good Luck.

ps a food addiction is hard to get over because you HAVE to eat. Take it slowly, ask yourself if you're really hungry and drink water first. I'm with you on this!

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HELP_IM_FAT 11/16/2007 10:50PM

  Hi just wanted to tell you that I think we are the same person. I wonder that myself all the time and its an everyday ongoing thing!. I am like you I usually have to subsitute my foods on the food tracker cause theyre things I cant eat and wont eat . Plus I am diabetic and I have to watch alot of what I eatand like always I slip up and eat things I dont need anyway just to satisfy my craving. So you are not along and when u find those foods that are inexpensive please lemme know, Keep up the good work, you are my hero

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What I'm thankful for ...

Thursday, November 08, 2007

In my private Sparkpeople group, I posted a vow to be thankful each and every day for something this month. I tend to complain a lot about what I don't have that I WANT. I have what I NEED and want to be satisfied with that. It isn't that I think wanting things is wrong per se, but not being thankful and giving thanks for what I have is definitely wrong in my eyes. I do have dreams and aspirations and those are not what I'm talking about. So ... here is what I posted a couple days ago there, and meant to copy to here but forgot ... and what I have posted in my personal non-Spark blog linked on my page here somewhere about what I'm thankful for today.

This is my post from a few days ago...

"Today I am thankful for Tim (my husband). He is always there to pick me up when I fall. He's there with a supportive hand when I stumble. He gives me encouragement when I feel I just can't go on any longer. He loves me unconditionally and has never stopped, even when I managed to pack on a whopping 300 pounds since marriage. He helps to guide me through this event called life. He cares when no one else does and even when I don't care myself. He supports me no matter what, even when I make stupid decisions. He doesn't criticize or belittle me. He doesn't hit me or try to hurt me. In 22 years of marriage, he's never cheated on me. He has been here and is my rock. Next to the Lord, he is my foundation and my reason for living. I just wanted to share what I'm thankful for today. Tomorrow may be a different story. He may just tick me off and then all bets are off. *giggles*"

And today's post from my blog went like this ...

"I am thankful for having a job that at least gets the bills paid and puts food in my stomach and a roof over my head. It ain't much, but it's what I've got. Sure, there never seems to be enough money but we don't need anything. We want lots, but we have what we need. There are so many out there who are homeless, haven't eaten in over 24 hours, are wearing rags, and are worrying about how they are going to stay warm and live through the coming winter. I am so blessed to not be one of those people today.

On the diet front, I'm down to 393.5 this week. I still seem to have the constipation problem, though I stopped the Meridia, the vitamins, and the calcium supplements. I don't think I'm getting enough fat in my diet, not by planning but just by how it's working out. I have to work on that. And I see the doctor today, unless they call and cancel like they did yesterday. I'll be talking with her about it and see what she says. I know it's not lack of fiber or water so it has to be the fat issue. Maybe a stool softener will be in order for a short time until things get back to normal. *chuckles*"

Oh and today is the anniversary of the day the hubby and I met on a blind date. It was 23 years ago today that we met each other! Wow, so much has happened since then. I am so blessed!

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    Thank you for your kind comment on my blog today...funny, I see YOU as an open with your successes, your failures, your struggles, your dreams. You have inspired me more than you know...Now, as far as being thankful? Are you aware of the Gratitudes thread here on Sparks? There is an entire community with an "attitude of gratitude" that posts regularly. You can access the November 2003 gratitudes thread on my spark page (favorites). It's a wonderful place of inspiration and blessings. Would love to have you joing us! Check it out.....

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MASLIN 11/8/2007 11:48AM

    Wow, 23 years ago y'all met, thats exciting! I believe we should be grateful for the things we have in life and like that song says its not having what you want its wanting what you've got. We all will always want for something, its natural to want and its good to aim for those things, it keeps up motivated. I am glad you are going down on the scale. Sorry about the back end server problems, I guess it has to happen sometimes. With love and care. Vicki

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Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Frustration has set in. I am so tired of losing 3-5 pounds and then bouncing up and down forever. The Meridia did help me to drop 12 pounds and get below 400 pounds. Since then I've been bouncing up and down 395-399. I guess I should be happy I'm remaining below 400 but I'm not really. I'm so tired!

Went to the dietician and she wants me to increase my carbohydrates. What? I'm not a low-carb freak, but I do some limiting of carbs. She claims that I don't get enough carbs to level out my blood glucose levels which keeps my metabolism from working at it's ultimate level. Whatever! I followed her advice for a week and it's gotten me absolutely no where!

She also wants me to increase my fiber. I don't have any issues with the 'cleansing of my body' but she claims I don't get enough fiber either. I have tried, but again, it doesn't seem to make much difference. I eat plenty of natural fruits and veggies so always figured fiber was the least of my concerns.

I started taking Centrum Silver to ensure that I'm getting the proper nutrients. I also now chew up two Viactiv chews per day to help me with calcium. I don't like milk. Most of my calcium I get from cheese. Cheese can be high in sodium, the one thing she said I get too much of. No kidding! Sodium is in EVERYTHING. Do you hear the frustration?

There are days when I just want to give up. I want to believe that the Lord doesn't want me to stay fat forever, but with each obstacle I come up against, I have to wonder. I know I've "dieted" my way to being this fat. If only I'd been happy to weigh 232 all those years ago, I'd never have yo-yoed my way up to 530 pounds. How sad is it that the one thing I wanted so desperately (to be a thin and normal person ... and yes normal is relative) would cause me to be so darned fat? I know it makes me sad and I'm oh so tired of it being the focus of all that I am. I'm working to change it though. By the grace of God, I will change it!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WATERJEN 11/7/2007 1:59PM

  "I know I've "dieted" my way to being this fat. If only I'd been happy to weigh 232 all those years ago, I'd never have yo-yoed my way up to 530 pounds."

Oh, me too, darlin', me too. I know where you are coming from. *hugs* offered.

I just posted myself - I am walking most days now, I'm walking faster and easier than I used to, stairs are easier too. Still bouncing between 408 and 402. (See, you weigh less than me now!) I keep reminding myself that I want to be stronger and more resilient, so my improvements are worthy and good on their own. The weight will come later.

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    Cleaning out comments from my blog, I ran across many notes of support from you...I miss them. I always sense, and identify with your struggles. The feelings of hope and hopelessness...I am here to help support you in anyway I can, Karon, as you have served as such a support and motivator for me along my journey. I'm feeling stong right now, so grab ahold of my hand!

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MASLIN 11/4/2007 12:48PM

    Hi Karon! I haven't spoken to you in a while. I know how frustrating it is to bounce up and down five pounds for weeks on end. All I can suggest is that you go back and do what you did before. What worked for you. You can do this and I have every faith that you will. You must be kind to yourself and patient and give yourself something for each milestone that you hit. Whether its walking further, doing extra exercise while watching tv. Give yourself something for each of those things because you deserve it. I'm wish you well. You can mail me anytime just to talk about what ever. Hang tough!

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HOLLYCO3 11/3/2007 12:58AM

    Wow. You are one amazing lady! I just read through you page, a total inspiration! I think you last blog about dieting your way up to your high weight sounds compeltely familiar to me. I was 230 and then experienced dealth in the family, and tons of school related stress and tried to DIET but gained! Now I'm 290, just 12 pounds short of my highest weight and I wish I had just had the since enough not to let myself regain all this weight. Bummer. Luckily for the both of us God has big things planned for our time here in this world and is willing to help us work toward his goals! Hope you're having a good one and please keep truckin'!!! loves-Holly

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It Seems to be Working

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

So last night work was crazy. Suffice it to say that there's going to be legal issues (and no I'm not in trouble) and some stress coming my way. It has to be and that's about all I can as I never know when someone will stumble upon this blog and I'll be in trouble for talking about my employer. Unfortunately, quite a long time ago, I named them here. I'm too lazy to go back and find where and edit it all out, though I probably could pinpoint the month if I really tried and searched.

That said, I got home and in bed about 11 AM this morning. Got up and weighed myself and could not believe my eyes. The scale is registering 395 pounds! What? Just last Thursday I weighed 407. What in the heck is going on?

I've been creeping downward a pound or two daily. I don't know if it's because I'm tracking calories more diligently or the Meridia. I honestly am not too concerned about why, really. I'm just thrilled that something is working. I'm praying that I'm now below 400 forever.

Onward and downward I charge!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


    hi you are doing great and i hope all is well fr donna sorry i haven't been here all summer but i am back so can chat anytime

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ISISSKYBLUE 10/20/2007 8:46AM

    I just wanted to say your doing a great job, I've fell off the wagon and can't seem to get back on. Alot due to personal problems and the stress of working 2 jobs. Hopefully I'll get back on track. Your an inspiration to us all and make me want to work harder. Take care and much continued sucess.

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