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Emotional times

Sunday, January 26, 2014

I had been feeling more positive and motivated recently. I have signed up for an indoor 60 minute triathlon. I was feeling very gung-ho to train for it. Then this week happened.

My best friend's father died on Thursday. I had something worrying happen at work on Friday. I only get paid once a month and the money for this month is running out. I am stressing about that too. As a result, I lost all my mo-jo. I don't want to work out anymore. I want to eat and eat and eat and eat. I was grumpy with my SD this morning. So much so that my DH called me out on it which he has never done before. I feel exhausted. I don't want to put the effort out anymore. I don't want to exercise or eat right or do parenting. I just want to sleep. It all just seems like too much any more.

It feels like I live right at the edge of my limits all the time and when something really bad happens it just tips me over the edge into the abyss.

And all the time in my head is the SHOULDS ... I SHOULD be exercising. I SHOULD be doing more around the house. I SHOULD be supporting my husband more. I SHOULD be supporting my friend in her time of grief. I SHOULD be doing better at work. I SHOULD be dieting and losing weight. SHOULD SHOULD SHOULD!!!!

What I do is never enough. I never get ahead. I am tired and I want to quit. I have had it already. I am sick of it all.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NORAB52GOOD 1/28/2014 11:05AM

    thanks everyone. these comments help me feel less alone in all this. emoticon

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2015TODAY 1/27/2014 1:42PM

    emoticon
How about turning the 'I should's into 'I may's.
You MAY do a little exercise every day. You may eat healthy foods. You may (you have the privilege of) supporting a friend, and being a parent.
But - not beyond your limits.

You're at an age that is quite demanding. Everything in life is changing, so is your body and your circumstances. Middle age means we have less energy. So spend it well. Don't be afraid to say no or set boundaries.

Also, this time of year is absolutely the worst. I just read that last week was 'Blue Monday', meaning that this day is the day on which many people are feeling depressed - more than on any other day of the year. Thankfully, that day is behind us now. Spring will come. Hang in there.

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POSITIVE41 1/27/2014 5:36AM

    It's really tough when everything is coming at you at once like that. It feels really counter intuitive, but this is exactly the time you need to eat right and continue your activity because you need it the most. It is also feels really hard and like it's not worth it.

I hope you still do your race. Good luck and hang in there!



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KITRONA 1/27/2014 12:37AM

    I hate the "SHOULDs"! So discouraging. emoticon I hope you find good ways to manage your stress and kick those stupid "shoulds" to the curb. :)

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WIFE49 1/26/2014 6:31PM

    emoticon You are not alone. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.

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FLUTTERBY1979 1/26/2014 5:39PM

    Something I try to focus on when I am overwhelmed is that the present is only temporary. That which is bothering me today will be just a memory six months from now.

If possible, try to handle each of these "upsets" individually. While supporting your friend, don't allow thoughts of work to creep in. Also, never underestimate the power of a short power walk... You may not want to exercise but a power walk is quite therapeutic and is time alone from everyone and everything else.

Remember, your Spark family is always there for you and unlike other personal friends or family, we only have your best interest at heart. emoticon

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DMEYER4 1/26/2014 5:20PM

  maybe you are just going through a bad time in your life. maybe you could talk to your doctor about stress control. we have all been there at one time or another. I hope you start feeling better soon and always remember you are not alone on this journey.

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compromise

Thursday, January 23, 2014

Struggling through a snack attack. Really want JUNK. So much of it around the office to be had today. Instead of 'white knuckling' it or giving in, I am having a hot cup of tea with almond milk in. It isn't the same but it might just do the trick.

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KITRONA 1/24/2014 12:01PM

    That's a great thought, substitute something yummy but healthier for the junk!

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STARPESCADO 1/23/2014 10:20PM

    It is hard when its all around you because then you are just thinking about it.

The tea with almond milk sounds yummy especially because it warm and should be relaxing...

I am having a hard time with sweets and it is driving me insane, so I feel for you :)

Wishing us both the best in winning this struggle - We can do it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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GINA180847 1/23/2014 5:38PM

    Good idea! Think positive!

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5 years of Sparking

Friday, January 17, 2014

My 5 year anniversary was yesterday. Time does fly. Feel like I am starting all over again this year. I lost the weight, maintained for a long time, and now have regained almost all of the weight I lost. emoticon But I am back at it now. Doing my best to eat well and exercise more. I am a little worried my 5K days are behind me but you never know. It is all feels a little bittersweet. Let's see what this year brings. emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SWEETNEEY 1/17/2014 1:10PM

    Congratulations. Your 5K days are not behind you - you can walk it and you can walk it quite quickly.

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Not sure if I am crazy or lazy

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

So much for the positive self talk. emoticon Anyway, I am having a problem these days. Life is different for me than it has been in many years. I am post residency (thank all that is Holy!). I am working in a real job. I am married. I have a step daughter. Life is good. Great even. But it is different.

Finding time to workout has been a challenge. I choose not to workout after work. I get out of work at variable times and it is often late. I am tired and hungry. I choose to have dinner with my family and spend time with them. I don't want to cut into family time. Weekends are busy these days as well and I rarely manage a workout. I have found that the best time for me to workout is in the mornings. I get up at 5:30 AM and that gives me time for about a 30 or 45 minute work out before it is time to get the family up and moving. We have a small gym in our apartment complex. It is small but more than sufficient for my needs. I can go there and get in about 30-35 minutes on the treadmill plus some stretching. Or I can stay home and do 1 to 2 strength or cardio SP video.

Here is my dilema. I HATE going to the gym! I hate going out in the cold and the dark even for the 3 minute walk it takes to get to the gym. I dread it! I am nervous walking in the parking lot of our complex alone in the dark when most of the buildings are still dark. It scares me. We live in a safe neighborhood and a safe complex. But still, it makes me nervous. I don't like it. I am nervous the whole time. Looking over my shoulder. Obviously, I make it to the gym just fine. Usually there is one or two people there which makes me feel better. I work out. By the time I am walking back it is light and people are up and moving. No problem.

I know that I need to do cardio. I know that I burn more calories on the treadmill than I do working out at home doing strength training or whatever. I know I need to do it. But I don't want to. I would MUCH rather stay home and do a 1 or 2 videos, drink coffee, pet the cat, and have a few more minutes of time to myself.

Today I wimped out this morning going to the gym and did a video at home. I got out of my conference early and had time to go to the gym this afternoon. And I did. 30 mins on the treadmill. Done.

SO am I just being lazy? I don't really want to work out so I use my fear not to workout. Am I being silly to be afraid of the dark?

Can I find a way to work out at home that is as effective as 30 minutes on the treadmill and save myself the scary walk in the dark? emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GINA180847 1/17/2014 12:04PM

    Honey, you know the answer to that question better than anyone else. If this was easy we would all be thin. The rest of your life sounds lovely though: you have good looks, smarts, a wonderful career, nice husband, sweet stepdaughter and your health. Step up and do the best for yourself.

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FITFRIT 1/15/2014 10:08PM

    You are working out from the sounds of what you did today, but there is something to be said for adding in some strength training. It really helps to boost the metabolism which can really improve the attitude about the whole thing as well.

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SAVANNAHROSE87 1/15/2014 9:28PM

    I don't think you are being lazy at all, you still decided to get up this morning and move your body even if you didn't hit the gym. I have been working out for the past 3 months strictly here in my home and have lost 22lbs, I just watch videos and bought myself weights and there are plenty of cardio HIIT workouts you can find online. There is also bodyweight workouts you can do that have seriously kept me losing the weight.... You do what makes you feel comfortable, if that means more time at home but still moving your body I say go for it girl!! You don't need a gym to lose weight that has become very clear to me

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Re-Entry

Sunday, January 12, 2014

So my husband is ready to make some significant changes in his diet and activity. Which is wonderful and commendable. We have always eaten badly together. We eat out a lot. We eat comfort foods a lot. And now he is ready to make some changes. Overhaul his lifestyle. Eat healthy and exercise! Wonderful!!! Trouble is ... am I ready??!?! I have been off the rails for so long now. Regained so much weight. Fallen back into my old unhealthy habits. Stopped jogging. Stopping doing much exercise at all. The only thing I can bring myself to do these days is strength training. Which is ironic because that is the stuff I used to loath doing. I don't know if I am ready to change. I want to support him. I want to be encouraging. I want to create a healthy living environment but jeez, I am not sure I want all the hassle that comes along with weighing, measuring, and obsessively tracking my food.. I am not ready to go there again. Is there another way for me to lose weight?

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

STARPESCADO 1/12/2014 10:40PM

    Maybe this time it will be easier because you both are doing it together, and you can support each other. Just like you both ate out a lot or comfort food, you can switch it to something a little healthier :)

I am in the same boat as you and my Honey is actually motivating me, which is awesome and new :) because usually it is me doing it.

We are trying to just make a few little changes here and there and hopefully they will become habits and come naturally.

We both have a sweet tooth and instead of eating junk, we are eating fruit with yogurt and I just jazz it up on the plate so it looks super yummy, lol.

I wish you & your Hubby all the best - You are worth it, Sweety!

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THINFITFEMINIST 1/12/2014 7:56PM

    There are truthfully many ways of losing weight. Most of them DO indeed center around being conscious of what we are putting into our mouths and making better choices.

With you on the fence about this I would be honest with your DH. Even if you go through the motions, he'll feel it and not feel truly supported.

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ALWICA01 1/12/2014 7:10PM

  You will find even making heathier choices is way easier when your partner is on the same page. I'm glad that your husband and you can be a team together. Having a support Can really help success without all the tracking and stuff. I finally got my wife on track too... And life has been MUCH easier! Good luck to You both than doing it teamwork is easier alone :)

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POSITIVEHOPE 1/12/2014 7:07PM

    Hey. First, this is meant as positive encouragement. Feeding your own words back to you.
You regained 22 lbs. Your clothes don't fit. You're so out of shape You can no longer jog a 5K. You feel embarrassed and angry and sad & Disappointed in yourself. You don't know if you're ready to start the journey again. You don't want the hassle of weighing, measuring and tracking. Is there another way?
Well, I am a restarter myself so I am here to give you some positive encouragement and hope. As a restarter, I suggest you remember how good you felt when you first started this journey. Remember how good it feels to eat healthy and within your calorie range. It feels so good you think you can do anything! You can do this because you already have and you can do it again!
Instead of weighing and measuring everything, can you try eyeballing it 6 of the 7 days a week. You probably already know what healthy portions look like and in time your tracking will help you refine those estimates. Eyeballing it really cuts down on the work of the journey.
Tracking is so much easier when you use food groupings in the tracker. Put all the ingredients for a salad into a group and you have only one entry to make. It's easier to delete items (if you didn't have tomatoes for example) than to enter them one by one. I have a chicken burrito, chicken fajitas, stir fry and baked potatoes with toppings in mine.
I also add SP recipes that are similar to my recipes to my favorites. Example my homemade Spaghetti sauce has 12 ingredients. That's a lot to calculate and enter. A SP recipe for 1 serving that is really close to mine is 1 click from my favorites. I only track on the computer once a day but I jot down what I eat throughout the day because it's too easy to forget. Tracking lets you know where you're at. I try to think of tracking as reassurance and guidance as I make choices at the end of the day which is my toughest time. I enjoy that snack more when I know it doesn't wreck my day.
Sorry, I went on too long here but I have the fanaticism of a newbie!
Just DO it for a day.






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