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My Dragon

Friday, May 09, 2008

I am having very mixed feelings today In fact over the past few days on what to do about this continous pain that just doesn't want to relent no matter what I do! I fight and fight going from day to day doing what I do living life ignoring it and doing anyway. But lately it is I hate to admitt it getting the better of me. I have been SERIOUSLY considering disability pension because even working part time is becoming too much. I odn't know what to do! I don't want to stop working because then I feel as though I'm giving into the Fibro and giving up. But I do know one thing and that is if this pain continues and I keep going the way I'm going it's going to end up crippling me and that's the last thign I want or need! I'm too young I'm far to independant and stubborn. But the work i'm doing; this heavy lifting and being on my feet seven hours and more a day is killing me I can feel it. I don't want to acknowledge it or admit it. I vowed I would never let it get the best of me! This is my dragon biting at my heels I haven't let him catch me yet but he is very close behind me now. emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TAMMYP123 5/10/2008 7:57AM

    Yep....I agree with Billie. Quit being stubborn and do what your body is screaming for you to do. You can generate income other ways without manual labor if the price you pay for it is continuous pain. Life is too short and there are no guarantees of tomorrow. Seriously evaluate your priorities and make a decision from there.

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BILLIERYAN 5/9/2008 3:58PM

    Wow! Look at it as taking care of yourself. Fibro will not be getting the best of you, 'You' will be getting the best of it, if you listen to your body and do what it's asking you to do. You are such a fighter, which is a good thing. Please take are of yourself and know that it would not be giving up if you quit your job. It will be giving your body the rest that it needs so that you can move on to other things that you are meant to do, without crippling yourself. Stay strong, but please....please don't hurt yourself out of pride.....YOU are a WINNER no matter what.

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This my tomorrow Plan

Friday, May 09, 2008

There is no lesson for today. I am giving myself permission to stop thinking for a moment and just enjoy myself. No looking at my computer. Instead I'm going to go look at the world; rediscover the natural wonders that I walk past every day; mu back yard. How can there possibly be that many shades of green? I'm going to let my mind be grateful for a break. No thinking invovled, no brain strain. I just want to close my eyes and try to smell the sunshine and listen to my heart beat in my ears. If it's raining, I'll simply smile at the thought of the flowers that will soon follow. And I'll thank whomever I thank for the chance to even be here. For a moment today, don't worry about being better. Just be me.

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JENIFIREHARP 5/9/2008 1:12PM

    Beautiful sentiment... Thank You NMS.

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The wall of shame

Thursday, May 08, 2008

I had a strange thing happen during the night last night while I slept! I went to bed with a ring on my right baby fibnger but when I woke up this morning it was on my left ring finger! My dreams telling me something again?
And yesterday was certainly an off day for me I didn't have time to eat right either! And I mean I didn't eat right! I had my energy bar for breakfast and you're all going to holler at me for this one and rightly so but i grabbed a half dozen oreo cookies and a glass of milk for my lunch! That's all i had time for! . It was all go at work and no time for anything routine! It was so busy yesterday that I didn't even get my scheduled break!Supper was a bit better I had baked potato and pork chop. So the entire day wasn't lost. But hten I succumed to my ice cream for dessert. So I guess you all have the right to give my butt a kick around the block! My name belongs on the wall of shame for yesterday!
Today I right back on the wagon! I have the day off today and believe me this body needs the rest!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GROSSARAMA 5/8/2008 10:25AM

    Hey sister- no worries about one day- in fact Body for Life say's one day off a week is a neccesary tool to keep on track!

I stock Eddy's Slow Churned icecream- for those nights you just need it :)

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Persistance is KEY!

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

This really menas me today I've been at this for what seems forever now and still have yet to see real results! I've had very little and next to none in fact!
And I keep hearing about how persistence is often the key to success. But what do I do when I've been striving for so long that it seems like my goal is never going to see light? How do you deal with the frustration that I feel that I'm failing? I certianly haven't set myself up to fail? Is it really that simple. Give it just one more shot And then one more. And then I think about the sweat and time I've committed already. I've come this far, I'd be unfair to myself if I quit without a fight. Even if the odds are way out of my favor and I can't see how it can possibly help, I'm still reaching out and take one last swing. I never know what will happen. Big, meaningful achievements don't just happen when everything goes my way.I know that. How many times have I watched tennis players make miraculous winning shots while lunging for a ball that seemed impossible to reach? Sometimes, one can find victory in the effort.
And i'm certainly NOT a quitter!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ABSOLUTE8 5/7/2008 10:50AM

  I understand your frustration- I also go through this same frustration quite often. You feel as though if you are working hard constantly you should see this. But here is something to keep in mind in times of frustration, weight loss is imperceptible but it is still occurring. What I mean by this is that even though you are consistently creating a calorie deficit it might take a long time for that change to lead to a pound lost on the scale but it WILL happen if you keep going (and everyone disregards how much a pound is). I have have had weeks and weeks go by where basically I just fluctuate around the same number but eventually my body gives up a few pounds and the scale goes down. You have the right attitude with being persistence and I know that you can reach your goal with this attitude!

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Monday, May 05, 2008

"This is the beginning of a new day. I have been given this day to use as I will. I can waste it or use it for good. What I do today is important because I am exchanging a day of my life for it. When tomorrow comes, this day will be gone forever; in its place is something that I have left behind...let it be something good."

But what do you do when you get feeling the way I do today! I don't know how to describe it even I feel as though there is something in the air Like something is going to happen but i'm not sure what! It makes me restless and aprhensive almost. My emotions go all over the place I can't concentrate on one thing at a time I'm all over the place doing numerous things at the same time! I've got laundry on the go, I'm running around town doing errands, I come home and I paint for awhile get restless and clean something, go back to painting, on the computer, go back to painting, I'm a nervous wreck inside! My stomach is all butterflies! It's a wonder my hands are steady enough to paint today especially doing the intriquit (sp) work I'm doing with this picture! I'm all over the place Can't sit still for more than ten fifteen minutes at a time! AAAAAAAAAAARRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!
The good thing? It's not effecting my daily program I don't want ot eat anything I shouldn't or more than I am suppose to It's just what pent up energy?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LEIDEEBUG 5/6/2008 2:48PM


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TAMMYP123 5/6/2008 7:49AM

    It sounds like you need to take a nice long walk in the park and get settled down. I don't know what your prayer life is like, but it would definitely be a good time to spend time with the Lord. There may be something coming you need to be prepared for. may just be a distraction to keep you unbalanced. Whatever it is, I will pray for you to have peace.

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