NJMACK  
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Life is Going Along!

Tuesday, December 08, 2009

Life was going along pretty while the last few months until the holidays got close! And of course I got sick! And now the energy that I've had for 4 months has gone out the window and I'm chasing after it with everything I have.

Felt much better today! Got up at 6:50am WITHOUT an alarm, which is a good sign as I've been getting up between 5 and 6:30am for the last 3 months. Bouncing out of bed, with energy to spare. After the last 7 years of sitting at the table or on the couch reading, the loss of energy the last 2 weeks has been pretty scary, but I've decided NOT to panic since both hubby and daughter now have the same garbage I've had with the same complaints of ZERO energy and feeling death warmed over would be an improvement! I know I'm a horrible person to be somewhat happy that the 2 of them feel like I did last week! BUT
I've been very concerned the last few days that it was a return of the old me instead of a nasty old virus!

God answered my prayers in a unique way, but He did answer them in a reassuring manner that leaves little doubt that it's NOT a return of the old me, just a virus that refuses to leave the comfort of my body! UGH!!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WALNUT5612 7/18/2011 10:37AM

    emoticon

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LYNNOTT 12/9/2009 11:12AM

    Goes to show God has a sense of humor! Hope you, hubby & daughter are feeling tip top soon!

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TRIGFROST 12/8/2009 8:47PM

    Flesh does catch everything and anything...Welcome back to life
from the dead...Ha,Ha. Some Humor is Good..God indeed has a way of turning things around....

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Does One Laugh or Cry?

Saturday, June 20, 2009

I've have spent the majority of my life trying to make friends and keeping them. Most end up of making some strong bonds with each other and I end up being the one with her face pressed against the window looking in and wishing I too could be one of them. It never happens but I keep trying!

For the 3 years I've been meeting with a group of mothers of of kids that my son graduated with in 2006. The kids are still very close and had felt that I was creating a bond with them. I should of known when I kept hearing conversations of things that had been happening that others already knew that the others had created a much stronger bond that did not include me. I kept plugging away HOPING that I would eventually be accepted as the rest had been. I have finally accepted that it won't happen especially as I have out and out been lied to when I tried to express my feelings in an email to them this past week.

I've cried a few times over this. Railed over it. And cried some more and sometime came to the conclusion that if I have to fight to be accepted it's not worth it. I want to be accepted because of WHO I am not because of who my son is! Also I do not want to harm in any way the relationship they have with my son. The two relationships are totally separate and it's up to Kevin to decide how he wants to deal with them from today on not me!

I have FOUR graduation parties today and my girlfriend is going with me as my husband is out of town for the weekend. She has been there for me for 15 years! No matter what, no matter the situation she has ALWAYS be there! I may not have many friends but the ones I do have STICK and are long standing and solid!

I have decided to LAUGH today and swim in the kind and laughter of Sue's friendship! It's been steady and wonderful and I couldn't ask for a bonding that was stronger or more enduring!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SMILINGEYES2 7/14/2009 1:49PM

    From my Brownie days, I recall a song we would do around campfires--"Make new friends, but keep the old, one is silver and the other gold." Cherish that golden friendship that you have. As you establish the silver ones, some of these may turn out to be golden under the silver. Best wishes always.

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WALNUT5612 6/24/2009 9:42AM

    Stick to the friends that work for you!!!

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JILLWILSON2102 6/22/2009 10:40AM

    Norma you are absolutely right that if you have to fight to have a friendship it isn't worth having. Good for you and Sue. We need close people such as this. Good for you at being so insightful of yourself and these relationships. Its very empowering to have that kind of knowledge about yourself and others. Yeah!!

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LKWQUILTER 6/21/2009 3:02PM

    I agree with everything you wrote. It is certainly the truth. Cherish your friendship with Sue and the others--don't fret about them. Remember the old saying, what goes around comes around. In other words, they will reap what that have sown. They are the loosers and you are a winner. It is hard to accept at times but I've been there and know that is the truth. Laughing about things burns calories too and you don't get the red-eye, red face look either. (((HUGS))) to a great friend, Linda Kay

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DOREENKNIGHT64 6/21/2009 4:44AM

    It took me a long time to learn the hard lesson that you can't be friends with everyone. A few really good friends beat a huge number of acquaintances any day.

PS Laughing beats crying too - I'd go for that.

Comment edited on: 6/21/2009 4:45:47 AM

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NANCY1204 6/20/2009 8:58PM

    I know how you feel. emoticon But, you are blessed with your friendship to Sue emoticon

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LYNNOTT 6/20/2009 6:32PM

    Hi Norma! Jenni is right! You have a great supportive friend, cherish her, and don't worry about the others. They aren't worth struggling for a friendship that won't be. You're a wonderful person, and it's their loss. Have a great time at your parties with Sue!

Best wishes,
Lynn

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JENNIW70 6/20/2009 11:30AM

    Norma, you hit the nail on the head -- it's not worth it if you have to fight and struggle to be accepted. I know. I struggle with that too. On the other hand, the Lord has blessed you with a wonderful supportive friend who does accept you for Who you Are. What a blessing! Jenni, CWF team

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Life Sucks and Then You Gain Weight!

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

There is nothing worse than having bits and pieces of your life fall apart and then instead of losing weight find out you've added another 20 pounds and NONE of your summer clothes fit! Then on top of that your daughter is graduating high school AND has broken up with her boyfriend of 10 months and is disintegrating right before your eyes! AND to and the cherry on top of all this misery the neurologist informs you that there's no nerve issues causing the numbness and pins and needles in your fingers and hand and go back to your doctor. Idiot doesn't get within 10 feet and doesn't even do a physical check of the hand yet says it maybe tendinitis but go to your doctor and find out!

I joined Sparks in late November. Did really well until just before Christmas when I had a MAJOR reaction to Cymbalta. OF course my reaction can't be a NORMAL one. Ohhh nooooo! Mine wasn't even listed! Ended up with super swollen feet. Turns out my blood vessels would close and not open properly to allow the blood to circulate. Ended up having to have my feet raised above my heart for 5 days. There goes the exercising and of course I never got back on track!

Then I hit the doldrums. This time I was smart. Decided to crochet instead of reading! Made two afghans for my couch and love seat in 3 weeks, Started another one and my pinkie and ring finger on my left hand including half the palm went numb, times pins and needles or extreme pain. Stopped crocheting until the EMG in late March. No nerve damage. Neurologist was a**! Said it maybe tendinitis and go back to my doctor. Didn't physically check the hand and give the diagnosis. Oh nooo that would have meant actually touching me!
Since then I have finished two afghans and almost have two more done! And NO I haven't been back to the doctor and YES still having problems with the hand. Figure since I have fibro and it's been progressive and aggressive the last few years it's just ONE MORE THING TO ADD TO THE LIST OF MYSTERIOUS THINGS THAT HAVE GONE WRONG!!!!!!!!!

My beautiful, wonderful, happy daughter is no more! She broke up with her boyfriend in March and has fallen apart in front of my eyes and there is NOTHING I can do! She graduated from high school June 6th and we and her party June 7th. The week before half the time I couldn't even reach her on the cell phone! She was NO help with planning or prepping for the party! In September we had planned to do all this together and when the time came she was no where to be found. Body, spirit and soul where in mourning! Finally last week I had it out with her. Asked her if torturing herself and drinking herself stupid was working for her! Also let her know that the knowing one she was punishing was herself because HER certainly didn't care or even know she was doing it! Also told her I loved her very much and would ALWAYS love her, but I didn't have to always LIKE her and at that moment in time and the weeks prior I didn't like her or what she had become!Asked her if she even liked herself or who she was becoming. She surprised me when she said NO! She's much better this week and is actually starting to put herself back together! Hopefully this is a start to a new Kelly and not just a reprieve!!!! emoticon emoticon

They increased my Neurotin last winter and I GAINED 20 pounds on top of what I already weighed! Then to top it off I'm having a MAJOR problem with water weight gain! We were getting ready to go to a number of grad parties on Saturday. I looked in the mirror and FREAKED when I saw my arms! They were HUGE!!! Then on Sunday I looked again and they had SHRUNK and yesterday they had shrunk even more! Of course my right foot is still TWICE has big as my left and I will have to wear those dang elastic stockings and it's HUMID in Minnesota!

That's just the highlights of the last 6 months! Haven't even hit the low lights! BUT I now have my head out of my *** which is a good thing and will write another blog on the low lights!

Norma

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BELIEVINGISEING 6/19/2009 3:20PM

    I really know about medicines LOL. I have been on 3 different diabetes medicines . All but the last one made me really sick. My doctor said , It's not the medicine.
I also gained 9 pounds in about a week. He says , Its not the medicine. Finally this 3rd medicine is doing better and I lost those 9 pounds in 2 days. I read on the internet that this medicine is the only diabetic medicine that does not make you gain weight but he still says It's not the medicine. All you can do is talk to the doctor and fight the disease so you can get off the medicine . Needless to say, I am the one that did this to myself and now, I have to be the one to remedy it, with the help of the medicine, until I can get it under control and get off it. You know that stress can make you gain too. But, I am through using excuses, I think, so I just have to do it. We can do this. We just have to never give up. Believe in yourself and your daughter will find someone. Just give her time to readjust. Have a great day. Pam

Comment edited on: 6/19/2009 3:21:28 PM

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JILLWILSON2102 6/17/2009 3:58PM

    Norma - what else is there to say? emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LKWQUILTER 6/17/2009 12:42PM

    The is you haven't given up. Life can be a B##### but we keep on keeping on. I think some specialists need to take a class in patient care and manners. Some think they are GOD and we are just peons, suppose to do what they say, when they say, and never bother to try to explain in our language what is wrong, why we need to do so-so, and just show a little compassion. If you have hit bottom, the only way you can go now is UP!! Sending good vibes and prayers your way that things will work out. (((HUGS))) Linda Kay

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JENNIW70 6/16/2009 1:57PM

    Hi Norma, wow! You have been through the ringer! I hope things will begin to look better for you and your daughter! Praying for you to see brighter days ahead. Could you have carpal tunnel syndrome in your hands? From so much crocheting? Blessings, Jenni, CWF team

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LYNNOTT 6/16/2009 1:14PM

    Wow, Norma, you've had a lot happen to you in the last 6 months! I hope you find out what causing the numbness, I think I would change neurologists though. Congrats on your daughter graduating, sounds like she's coming out of her funk.

Here's wishing you start feeling better soon and can return to exercising. Keep us informed!

Hugs,
Lynn

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DEMURALIST 6/16/2009 11:57AM

    This is a great place to be able to rant, but you may want to balance it with some of the good stuff. I believe we get what we focus on and if all of your focus is on the bad stuff you are likely to attract more of the bad stuff. So Now that you got it off your chest, try having your next blog be about the good stuff. good luck Chris

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EILAROSE1 6/16/2009 11:36AM

    Hi Sweetie,
I know exactly how you feel, my meds cause quite alot of weight gain. Due to the fact that I deal with depression, and epilepsy ,I am on a continous battle of pain ,weight gain and frustration. I crochet also and my hands are constantly swelling up on me, because of the meds, so I do crosswords or zigsaw puzzles to keep some of the frustration down. If you just need some one to shout out to I'm always here emoticon

Comment edited on: 6/16/2009 11:37:11 AM

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SMILINGEYES2 6/16/2009 11:31AM

    My--you have been through so much during this time. Hope that you are able to get back to what you need. One bright spot that I saw was that your daughter graduated--too many drop out. Also, she did come to the event. When your heart is breaking, one does not always make the best decisions. Hopefully, she will get back on track.

Another bright spot is that you used your creativivity to make those apghans. Also, you do seek medical help when you need.



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CLAIRESML 6/16/2009 11:21AM

    Hi there. I joined in mid May and turned 50 in june. I just gained three pounds over the weekend due to my birthday....ugh.
i wanted to let you know that I HAD ulnar neuropathy which was pins and needles and numbness in my right hand (4th and 5th fingers). Surgeon told me to try B6 200mg per day. He said it cures about half of the people who have this. It worked for me after about 90 days it was slowly going away. In about six months it is gone. has been gone now for about a year. I must take B6 every day. You may want to try this! emoticon

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Holidays and Extended Families

Monday, December 29, 2008

We started the holidays on Tuesday on my side of the family. What a disaster! My sister in law of 27 years told my brother that she didn't want to be there becuase of ME! Now it's a loooong story of her controlling the family and ruing many Christmas's. This years she decided to blame me for it! Now I am unaware of this for half the evening. I just knew she was in her bitch mode and that it was best for me to stay away from her so I did. I helped my little niece and nephew pass out presents and the gave the presents from my daughter who couldn't be there because she had to work. She had given all the uncles and the grandparents grad pics. When I passed them out the SIL from hell gave me a dirty look. Of course I was the only one who saw with possibly her daughter who will never admit it! I made the comment to her she could accept or ignore it it was up to her! I then went outside so that I wouldn't have a negative impact on my parents. My husband, son and I had already been ignored the majority of the evening which was already bothering me, then my brother grabs me and starts shaking me trying to get me to take the blame for his wife's attitude!
I have pretty much kept my mouth shut for 27 years at the request of my mother so I have no idea where she's getting that she wanted to stay home because of ME!
I do know I'm tired of feeling like a nobody in my own family!They make sure that any family events are mentioned to my folks and passed on to us too late for us to attend. We have never received invitations to my young niece and nephew's birthday parties. Yes we live 3.5 hours away but I still considered us family. Though my kids have mentioned that the last few years that when we go up that they feel ignored and not accepted as part of the family.
It hurts to know that one person can have so much control over a family! I can't even talk to my mom about it because she always defends the SIL!
I have to find positive things to do and work my way through this because there is NO ONE in my family I can go to. Which I find even sadder and makes the hurt even worse.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GYPSYHEART 1/6/2009 3:53PM

    Sorry about the relationship with the SIL. Years ago I heard a radio shrink say concerning relatives: Ask yourself, would choose to spend time with this person if you were not related to them (or in a relationship due to a relative). If the answer is "No" then why are you spending time with them now?

If you two cannot get along when together then don't be there. Spend Christmas Eve at your mom's instead of Christmas day or arrive earlier than your brother and the SIL and leave when they arrive. Hug your brother, tell him you love him, but that whatever has been bothering his wife all these years is causing you too much pain and that you are now leaving. Let your mom, husband and children know that this is the plan in advance. Hold your head up with dignity and just leave.

Dr. Phil's "Life Strategies" #9: "We teach people how to treat us".
Page 185 from "life Strategies": "If the people in your life treat you in an undesirable way, you're going to want to figure out what you are doing to reinforce, elicit, or allow that treatment."

Change the behavior that allows this treatment from your SIL. Imagine the look on her face when YOU are the one taking control of the situation, not her. When YOU are the one showing by YOUR actions that YOU do not want to be there because of HER. Seize your strength.


Comment edited on: 1/6/2009 3:57:27 PM

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MAXFOCUS 1/6/2009 11:54AM

    Sorry to hear that your holiday was ruined by your SIL. Sounds like the two of you need to sit down and talk about this. I'm not a fan of the letter writing unless that is the only way she will let you express yourself. We have a similar situation in our family with my aunt. She is a control freak and it has ruined our family gatherings for over 30 years. I hope the rest of your holidays were enjoyable.

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LYNNOTT 12/30/2008 12:36PM

    Sadly, the old saying, "You can pick your friends, but not your family" is so true. I'm sorry you had a bad time with your family. I hope the rest of your Christmas holiday was better. I agree with JOYTOBEFREE, you need to find out what the problem is so you can have closure. Good luck!

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JILLWILSON2102 12/30/2008 9:45AM

    Norma - you know how I feel about it. You have so much to give and are such a POSITIVE role model. Don't succomb to that negative pressure. We are here for you!!

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JOYTOBEFREEE 12/29/2008 9:23PM

    You deserve so much better then that my dear friend. Have you ever tried to talk to SIL about what her problem with you is? From the sounds of it she probably has no idea anymore just knows she is supposedly upset with you. I would try to write her a letter then put it aside for a few days read it and if you feel comfortable with what you wrote send it. Because as you said you need to clear this up.
I am here for you any time hun.
Susie emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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The True Meaning of Support

Saturday, November 29, 2008

I have been looking for a some kind of support system for years. One that doesn't pick and choose according to who you're friends are or your personality traits, but according to your needs and hopefully something that I can offer in return. And I have a lot to offer. I'm not a truly needy person, just sometimes I do need to have to vent or just have someone "listen" while I ramble because that's the way I sometimes solve problems.

In my many attempts of reaching out I have shot down, found wanting or just down right ignored. Have never figured out how that was considered supportive. See I didn't have the right credential:friends,connnections,personalit
y or characteristics that the people in these groups were looking for to connect with. Now in my naiveté I've always thought that the main goal was to reach out. Not true. Until NOW!

Since joining Sparks I have finally found what I've been looking for years. The support that I need and the ability to give the support that I also need. For me it's a two way street. I need to be able to do both. Sparks has so many support groups and so many people that there's no way I could possibly be overlooked because there's someone out there that I will connect with or will connect with me. It's a win-win all the way around.

What makes it possible is the shear magnitude of people who are involved with Sparks and their diverse interests. I have found groups with the same health issues, hobbies and reading habits. People who are struggling with getting into a new mind set regarding exercise and how to ease the body into it when dealing with physical limitations without any prejudgement! And that is a very refreshing notion!

I had almost given up finding people who accept me for just being me. Then I answered a My Points point value. I'm mean what could it hurt! I'd earn 25 points for signing up and there was nothing that said I had to do anything with it. The sign up was free. So I signed up thinking I' just ignore like I have so many other things I've signed up for just to earn My Points. then i started surfing threw! Changed my mind pretty quickly when I saw that a diet and exercise plan was set up for me and that I had to keep my accountable. And there were CHALLENGES! And the SUPPORT groups! Oh my! Took me hours! So I signed up thinking I'd just get the customary form welcome. Oh was I surprised to see welcomes on My Spark page and GOODIES!I've been here a week and my goodies have grown and my comment are now 28! And to me that is awesome because that means people are seeing my posts and commenting on my page and I'm accepted for being ME! I even wrote a Blog. Wrote it to put my thoughts down regarding goals, hoping it would touch others, not really counting on it as my thoughts haven't mattered to others on support groups in the past. OH BOY! YOU READ IT!!! AND LIKED IT! I was surprised and amazed at the responses to the Blog!

In closing I just want to say THANK YOU for all the support and reaching out that you do to all those on SparkPeople! You have shown me that my eternal optimism was not misplaced and that it was possible to find the kind of support system that I had always dreamed of but had never found until now!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHERIE55 12/28/2008 2:42PM

    I love the support here at SP. And I learn something new about 3 times a day. I just found the community journal a few days ago. So I have started journaling my goals.

I hope you get to feeling better soon.

Good blog, emoticon Hugs, Cherie

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MIMAWELIZABETH 12/17/2008 1:54PM

    This is exactly what I found and what I felt when I found Spark! Thank you for my candles... where else but SP could a lady in MI "meet" a lady in CA and find they have so much in common?
emoticonTry to sneak in a hug with your son for me, okay? Take care, and best wishes on your Spark journey!

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TAKINGMEBACK 12/12/2008 10:11AM

    I have found the support here to be awesome. it's so great that we can access it any time day or night and not just wait until a weekly meeting of some kind. I'm glad you are finding the support you need. You deserve it.

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HAPPYTOSTART 12/6/2008 1:58PM

    what you said here hits home so perfectly. It is so hard to find a good support group, and Sparks is awsome. I can spend hours on this site.I am pretty new to using computers so sometimes it takes me awhile to find everything , even on this site. But every week I find how to get somewhere new here, in fact just the other day I discoverd the blogs area. Anyway, thanks for sharing with me. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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NODUH60 12/5/2008 11:57AM

    You have put into words what i feel about being in Sparks.... It gives us so much we could search the world over and still might miss not being in the right place at the right time....

thanks.
Lin
(
noduh)
emoticon

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MAXFOCUS 12/2/2008 1:25AM

    I smiled all through your blog. I know what you mean about the wonderful support here. I found SparkPeople via MyPoints as well. I had clicked on the offer back in Aug. '07 but didn't do anything with it. Then in Feb '08 I took the time to go through the site and was just amazed with all it had to offer and to think I could have started this months earlier. I'm so glad you are here and look forward to reading your posts and meeting up with you at a SparkMinneapolis/St. Paul meet and greet.

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VALORIEK1 12/1/2008 8:12PM

    I enjoyed your blog. I have stayed a little in the dark about a lot of things on the internet including blogs. I think this may have been the first one I have ever read. It definitely helped me to understand blogs a little more and the message you gave was really great.
Thanks,
Valorie emoticon

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LEIDEEBUG 11/30/2008 2:37PM

    Hey NJ..

I can totally relate to your blog..I am truly happy for you that you've found what you've been searching for! This site has so many supportive & motivating members!

I wish you all the best in your weight loss journey!
Bug
emoticon

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ADAPTABLE_ELLEN 11/30/2008 11:04AM

    Thanks for putting your thoughts into words and I completely agree. I just sort of stumbled onto this website while surfing and voila, my whole life has changed. Keep up the posts, I love reading them.
-Ellen

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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JILLWILSON2102 11/29/2008 10:44PM

    I couldn't agree more. I'm so glad to have you as part of our team!! Jill

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LYNNOTT 11/29/2008 5:19PM

    I'm a changed person since joining SparkPeople - and I don't mean just weight-wise! I'm so glad you've found the support you were looking for, I have always been supported, encouraged and motivated by the people on this site. Glad you agree!

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MIMZY08 11/29/2008 12:19PM

    I think Sparkpeople is amazing as well. I'm so glad you signed up and can celebrate YOU! emoticon

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NJMACK 11/29/2008 11:49AM

    My best friend keeps reminding me that I'm a wonderful person. It's been tough lately to believe her as she's the only one outside of my family that believes that! Now I'm surrounded by people who celebrate the wonderful concept of being yourself instead of who society has deemed you should be!

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MOMMA_GRIZZ 11/29/2008 11:25AM

    I love SparkPages too! It's a great place to celebrate being ME and the support is fantastic! Glad you are enjoying your journey. Hope to talk with you again soon.

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