NJAQUAHOLIC   675
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Under a dark winter's cloud

Thursday, February 07, 2013

This is one of the worst winter depressions I've suffered in years. Last year the warmer winter temps allowed me to get outside a lot more. This month and the end of Jan has been too cold. If only I could get out under the open sky and breathe the fresh air. That's not all. The new job has me leaving before sunlight and coming back after sunset. So coming and going in the dark each way is so depressing. I don't get to see my own house in daylight M-F! I just know I'll feel 1000x's better when I can come home and sit on my deck and watch the sunset!

But for now I am completely usurped by winter's dark cloud. I have no energy. I am struggling horribly with my eating. Workouts give me a temp high but it doesn't last long enough. I just can't shake it. It is to the point where I thought about going to the doctor. But with no health insurance I just can't afford it.

I hate rushing away time at my age. But honestly, I just can NOT wait until DLS time so that at least it will still be light out when I drive home at night. I just wish I could get out from under this cloud.

  


Back to work

Wednesday, January 02, 2013

Well, at least I can honestly say that break didn't "fly by". It was actually very nice, long and I appreciated each and everyday. Over Christmas Eve and Day that was hectic. Enjoyable though. Then the girls and I quickly broke down all the Christmas stuff in order to paint the living room. So even with the bustle of Christmas Day and with doing a decent sized project, I still felt as though I had a nice long break. But then the day comes where you have to go back to work. Quite frankly, I couldn't NOT want to be here anymore than I do. Tomorrow I am working late. Ugh, why didn't I just say no? I mean the main gripe about this assignment is the long days and ugly commute home. If the day was just an hour shorter and the commute was the usual 1/2 hour it takes to get here then I would be just dandy. But I am already putting out my feelers for a new position as I am hoping to not have to renew a second year with this family. We'll see what happens. As for my eating and workouts...didn't do what I set out to do. I fudged all week. I am really surprised at myself too. I had it all planned out and forget it. Went right out the window. Today I am back on track. Worked out for 30 minutes and ate well. But I am in a really yucky mood. Just want to get the heck home! Gosh I wish I hadn't agreed to stay late tomorrow.

  
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MARYHENNIG 1/2/2013 5:05PM

  happy new year!

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Two more days of work

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Thank God! Then off for 11 days. I'm feeling fine with eating healthy and small meals on time. I have only had a few instances of being hungry or having mild cravings and I'm noticing once I change the recording in my head I'm getting over it pretty fast.

Gosh how I crave going out and getting smaller clothes and looking and feeling good. Its been about my health all along but I'd be a big ol' liar if I said that I'm also looking forward to turning some heads right?

I mean dating is on my list of the things to get to next year. Because for the first time in a very long time 2013 gonna be all about me!

I sat at the park in the cold thinking about being a much better me in just a few months. I felt encouraged and slightly excited for the first time.

We'll see how this weekends weigh in goes!

  
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RAPUNZEL53 12/19/2012 6:22PM

  emoticon

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discouraging weigh in

Monday, December 17, 2012

I weigh in each Sunday evening around the same time. Week 1 I had lost that first rush of water weight 6lbs to be exact, which was great. Last week which was week 2 I lost 2.5. So why in the world did I stay the same this week? I know all about homeostasis and plateaus but this soon in the game? Trust me, I was on point. Walked every single day as I had been. Ate between 1200-1500 cals all week long. Got rest. Why in the name of everything that is holy did I not lose ANYTHING?? Only thing I could think of is that I could be in need of a good cleanse. So that is on the agenda the day after Christmas. I'm trying real hard not to freak out. Today when I got to work I saw that they had baked my most favorite cake: yellow cake w/ choc frosting. I actually considered eating it. Because of course the moment I see no progress I think to myself "wtf is the poing?" But I have already come to far. Starting this venture during the holiday feast season and detoxing so that things that are good for me actually taste good. I can't blow it now. Today I am adding my favorite workout video Walking Off the Pounds with Leslie Sansone, back into the mix. I'm not going to over do it though. I am going to do it 2 or 3x's a week along with my power walk with the boys on the other days. I think that the walking has gotten much easier and I have been really pushing myself. But I think its time to get some other muscles involved. With the Leslie Sansone workout there is a lot of side squats and knee lifting etc. Arms get more involved. So I am hoping that this is what I need to get a little jump start. Anyway, I really blame it on all the yo-yo-ing I've done over the last several years. I had a feeling it would not be consistent. I've probably wreaked havoc on my metabolism at this point. DANG IT!!! I am so pissed today!

  
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MELBBART 12/18/2012 9:44AM

    8.5 pounds lost in two weeks is a lot, your body is probably just playing catch up. Don't let it get you down, just stay consistent and the results WILL keep coming. You are doing great!!

The thing that I have noticed in my weight loss is that I will lose a bunch of weight all at once and then it will stay the same for a week or two. It used to get frustrating, but then I noticed that during that plateau time is when I would actually start seeing the changes when I look in the mirror.

Just keep at it, it takes a long time to lose weight the right way, but if you stay consistent, you'll be where you want to be before you know it!

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SEESKO 12/17/2012 8:49AM

    Can I suggest that you change your weigh ins to mornings. Here is why. If you drank more water yesterday or ate foods with higher water content through out the day, it could change your results. I used to weigh in at night right before bed and found really unusual weigh in results. Now I weigh in first thing in the morning each Sunday this way what I eat or drink through out the day will not give me false results.

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A better today

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Well, today was considerably better than the last 2 days back to work. I will say this, the week flies by on this job. Its great. I am officially half way through the work week and chomping at the bit for a nice, relaxing weekend full of holiday spirit. Today, dating is on my mind. I only had one semi-serious relationship since my husband died and it was just too soon. (3 years after his passing.) Not to mention that the guy was too young for me and a buffoon. So, its been 11 years since my husband passed and I had one two year relationship which I consider a complete waste of time. I guess that isn't completely true as I am the type of soul who believes that you will learn more about yourself and why you do certain things after such experiences. The really cool thing is I have been inexplicably happy being single. I've actually considered remaining single for the rest of my days as I enjoy marching to the beat of my own drum (now that the kids are grown). But lately I've been thinking about how I would very much enjoy the company of a smart, handsome nature lover. Someone to enjoy hikes and bike rides with. Someone to cuddle up with and share a bottle of wine on the deck on cool spring and fall nights. So I reactivated some dating profiles and actually got a few bites. The only thing standing in my way is this blubber. What to do, what to do? I don't really feel like meeting anyone with the weight still on. Its not who I really am. I mean I guess in a sense it has been these last several years but that wasn't really me. My thin, active, healthy self lies below this padding. Its time to let myself back out. Be vulnerable. Take a chance. So what do I do if someone I'm interested in wants to meet? Do I venture out before I lose the weight? How would you keep holding someone off just to lose weight? Sounds logically ridiculous yet every inch of me is saying "YESSS! wait to lose the weight!" I just don't know.

  
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MELBBART 12/13/2012 2:39PM

    I think anyone worth anything would find you fantastic no matter what, but I do hear what you're saying. You want to feel your best. If you do find that you want to wait and focus on yourself for now, you could always use dating as a reward for when you reach one of your goals?

That being said though, you never know when the right person will come along. Most of the time it isn't when you're looking anyways. Be careful not to push any great guys away just because you are still working on your goals.

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