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Four Scary Words

Saturday, January 21, 2012

A few days ago, when I was in the shower, a tune popped into my head and I couldn't shake it. I had no clue what it was but the the melody line kept haunting me. It was an old song, most likely remembered from my childhood days when my mother had the local easy listening station piped into our house by way of her beloved built-in intercom/radio. About an hour later, I was starting to remember a few words from the chorus and typed them into Google. Ironically, though the rest of the song has little to do with my life, the chorus echoes my current sentiments exactly:

"On and on / She just keeps on trying / And she smiles when she feels like crying / On and on, On and on, On and on"

Yesterday I went to my family doctor to get the test results from my biopsy and received a piece of paper with the four scariest words that I have seen apply to me in my life so far: Malignant: Papillary Thyroid Carcinoma. These four words. Printed black on white in no less than bold, all-cap letters. I lasted 10 minutes in the frame of mind of logic and strength before the tears started running down my face. Oh god. Cancer. What now?

Now comes the questions... the growth is large. Very large. 5.5cm large. Which apparently is not good in the way of prognosis. The specialist already told me that if it came back as malignant that they would be removing the entire thyroid. My family doctor carefully explained to me that if it's isolated in the thyroid we *should* be fine. It can also spread however and they will be doing a battery of tests before, during, and after surgery to find out how invasive it might be. They are telling me about it being the "good" kind of cancer as it's very rarely fatal. Rarely. Thank you. It was also a 95% chance that this nodule was supposed to be benign.

It's so hard not to be pessimistic and terrified. I have to believe that everything will be okay. I have to remember to breathe through this. I need to remember how impressive "cancer survivor" looks on a bio...

I will have more information after speaking to the surgeon on Monday. In the mean time, I'm just trying to keep it together. After the appointment on Monday I can reassemble my "health team" and go from there - see what the options are, what I can do to help my chances of recovery and victory over this.

I can use all the help I can get right now. Words of encouragement, prayers, healing light... if you have any to spare, I would be grateful. The hardest part is battling the fear but I will get through this - even if I have to kick and scream to do it.

** Stephen Bishop, wherever you are, you wrote a beautiful song. For being stuck in my head for days now, it has been calming and in a way a strange lullaby. Thank you for writing something that came to me some thirty odd years later to help me find some strength in such a strange time of need.

"Got the sun on my shoulders / and my toes in the sand / my woman's left me for some other man / Aw, but I don't care / I'll just dream and stay tan / toss up my heart to see where it lands / on and on / I just keep on trying / and I smile when I feel like dying / on and on, on and on, on and on..."

www.youtube.com/watch?v=3oByMiF4hPg

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHASITYJOE 3/7/2012 5:03PM

    God will everything will work out for you. I just have faith that it will. Stand tall and be brave. I can't imagine ehow hard this must be for you. I hope you have good friends and family to help and support you. If not you have lots of sparkpeople that are more than willing to step in ands step up to teh task. JUst give any of us a shout if you need an ear, a pray or anyhting else. Take care hun. God Bless.

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FLUFFY22801 2/27/2012 7:49AM

    Hi darling. My ex husband had the same thing. He had two rounds of the cancer treatment over a few years and is 100% cancer free now. I will suggest the book the"Thyroid Solution" by Mary Solomon. She also had thyroid cancer and talks about the treatment.
The good thing (forgive me, as if there is a good thing) is that thyroid cancer cells are VERY unique. thyroid is susceptible to iodine...loves the stuff! Even if the thyroid cancer cell travelled to someplace else in your body. So thyroid cancer cells play packman and eat iodine. They will dose you with radioactive iodine and your cancer cells will gobble it up and *poof*, cancer is no more. Sometimes it takes a couple of times. His cancer was not a "nice" type, but it is/was still highly treatable. The people who don't do well with thyroid cancer are usually elderly people.
Hope this helps a little bit! HUGS

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XPHOENIX 1/30/2012 3:44PM

    Wow darling :( I just saw the SparkMail where you were telling me about this. I HATE that I am so busy that I missed this!!!! You are in my thoughts and prayers. Keep your head up and keep that sun on your shoulders and your toes in the sand. You are a DONE Girl and nothing stops us! :) XOXOXOXXO

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THEWEIGHINN 1/28/2012 12:47PM

    Keeping you in my thoughts!

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SHINNINGSTARR 1/26/2012 12:51AM

    I am so sorry you are having to face this challenge in your life. It is no fun, for sure. Having the "good" kind of cancer is *(^%&%*(. Excuse my language. You have every right to be scared and upset. I faced that same prognosis in 2010 only my lump was 3 cm not 5+. I had two surgeries (first to remove 1/2 of my thyroid and the second to remove the other half after I was diagnosed with Papillary thyroid cancer. Then I had the radio-active iodine treatment. After that they did a body scan and found that all the thyroid tissue was gone and therefore no more cancer in my body. You, too, will probably go through a similar process. It is not as easy as this sounds, but very doable.

I wish you all the best and will keep an eye out for your blogs and keep you in my prayers. I found my SparkFriends had lots of good advice and support. They really got me through this process. Keep in touch. There are many of us out here who feel for you and want to help all we can.

You deserve the very best in support as you go through this drama. Hang in there and be strong.

Your new SparkFriend

ShinningStarr emoticon

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ZANNBEE 1/25/2012 9:53AM

    Been offline for a while. Just read this now. So sorry about the prognosis. Praying for you.

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LITTLEBJANET 1/24/2012 10:45PM

    I am so sorry that you had such terrifying news regarding your health. I am praying for your recovery and holding on to the hope in the words that it is very rarely fatal. I can't share your pain, but I can pray for you.
Janet

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1GR8FULGAL 1/24/2012 12:48PM

    Thanks for the friend add! I wish you all the best.
Some of my best advice is: try to take things one step at a time and not worry about 'later, I will have to...' (I KNOW this is hard, just do your best to 'cross each bridge as you come to it;' reach out and ask for whatever you need/want--so often, others do not know what to do, say, etc; LET them help you!!; seek out resources, there are many you don't even know about. PLS contact me if I canbe of any more help at all!! God bless, take good care, pamper yourself as much as possible!! HUGS

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KLPEFFERS 1/24/2012 11:23AM

    Keeping you in my thoughts. Not much else I can say, other than it sucks....

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EWEINHISPASTURE 1/24/2012 11:22AM

    I am praying for you.
emoticonfrom Ruthie

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JGMK55 1/24/2012 11:10AM

    Sending hugs and prayers your way. emoticon

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LUNADRAGON 1/24/2012 9:58AM

    Hugs and prayers. Thinking of you prayerfully, and Prayer IS powerful.

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DOLPHIN9600 1/23/2012 6:23PM

    Sorry to hear about the prognosis. Just remember, God never gives you more than you can handle. You were chosen because he believes in you and the power you possess inside. Stay strong, stay positive and keep moving forward. You are in my thoughts and if you need someone to talk to, or just need someone to listen, I am here.



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KMAEFRANKS 1/23/2012 4:38PM

    We will keep you in our prayers. If you even need someone to talk to, I have two ears to hear, or eyes rather to read :)

Everything happens for a reason, be strong!

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-POLEDANCEGIRL- 1/23/2012 4:37PM

    emoticon and prayers for you

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WOLFSPIRITMOM 1/23/2012 3:53PM

    Will be thinking good thoughts for you. emoticon

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ANNSKA 1/23/2012 8:54AM

    Hi
New-Caz asked me to stop by thinking of you for Monday emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 1/23/2012 8:56:28 AM

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EUPHRATES 1/23/2012 4:39AM

    I got teary just reading the lyrics (yeah, I remember that one too...and we ALSO had a radio/intercom thingie all through the house).

Prayers/warm thoughts on the way.
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IAMWINNING 1/22/2012 10:56PM

    Michelle, Lori also told me about you. Know that I'm praying for you. First, that you know the Lord as your Savior; but right behind that, that you will be healed with the surgery.

God has not given us the spirit of fear, but of His power, love, and a sound mind. That's found in the book of Second Timothy, chapter 1, verse 7. God gives peace, and I pray for peace for you.

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KLASSIE 1/22/2012 10:03PM

    I'm praying that you will be able to look back some years from now and remember how you felt when you received the diagnosis, and then say "thank God I beat this thing." This is the time to cry and then realize that you want to be okay and set your mind like flint on becoming well. The mind is powerful and you can train it to assist in your healing. There is a wonderful book called The Healer Within that I read from time to time. It's about the power of one's mind to create healing in the body. You can get a used copy on Amazon. Meanwhile I pray that whatever treatment is offered will be effective. May God bless you.

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TXGRANDMA 1/22/2012 9:47PM

    I am so sorry! Lori told me about you and I just have to say that I will be praying for you and your complete healing.
emoticon
I cannot imagine hearing those words, but can imagine that they would reduce anyone to tears. Thank goodness that you have a team ready to go to work with you to beat this thing!

We are here for you, my dear............ emoticon

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YATMAMA 1/22/2012 8:50PM

    My prayer is for total and complete healing throughout your body, for peace and strength throughout your soul, for assurance and hope throughout your spirit, in Jesus' mighty name.

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SLIMPAM23 1/22/2012 8:47PM

    There will be NO pessimism - although fear is definitely allowed on your end. How could you NOT be afraid??? But trust in the Lord - and those professionals that are on top of things....and know that you have people that you will probably never meet - praying without end for you. And it will be all right. This may be your toughest battle - but you can do this!! Please keep us posted - and we will keep praying!!

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MYHUBBYISMYHERO 1/22/2012 8:17PM

    Praying for you as you head to the doctor tomorrow and the "Land of Many Unknowns."

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LUCKYDOGFARM 1/22/2012 8:11PM

    Hi NIXY72! Nan asked me to stop by. i just want you to know that I'm praying for you and your doctors and medical team.

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FEELINGGREAT38 1/22/2012 6:39PM

    Michelle,
I can empathesize with your fear and uncertainty. It isn't easy to hear any medical diagnosis, but cancer must be the scariest. I will be here if you need me. And I will pray for a quick, painless recovery. Take comfort in the thought that everything happens for a reason, and every trial we go through makes us a stronger person. When this is all over, you will have the strength to move mountains. Keep us in the loop and remember we are all here for you. emoticon

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JANTWO 1/22/2012 5:53PM

    Lori told me about you and I want to say that God heals and I will pray for you. Take care and try to stay positive. emoticon emoticon

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DEBSZOO74 1/22/2012 5:37PM

    Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. emoticon

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SEDONACAT 1/22/2012 5:34PM

    emoticon emoticon

And prayers.
Deena

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CHLOE453 1/22/2012 5:04PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SMILEYBABS 1/22/2012 4:51PM

    I am a Spark friend of Lori Little and she let me know of your current situation. We used to say in medical training that if we had to get some kind of cancer, we'd prefer to have papillary thyroid cancer due to its high cure rate and low potential for mortality. Of course, no one ever wants cancer. In researching cancerous conditions, I always go to MD Anderson's website. They are the #1 cancer hospital in the US. Here is a link to their thyroid patient education. I hope you find it helpful as you as you make your way through initial treatment and beyond. Please realize that nothing is a substitute for the advise of your own doctor who knows all the particulars of your individual case.
http://www.mdanderson.org/
patient-and-cancer-information/
cancer-information/cancer-types
/thyroid-cancer/education-resou
rces/index.html
All the best to you,
Barbara

Comment edited on: 1/22/2012 4:52:17 PM

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PONYFARMER 1/22/2012 4:31PM

    Prayer changes things. You do your job, let the doctors do theirs and we will all pray this right the heck out of you.

Loved the song, remembered every word of the song, just did not remember him. Great trip down memory lane. Thank you for that!

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JANETRIS 1/22/2012 4:30PM

    You are in my thoughts and prayers! emoticon emoticonKeep us posted .... emoticon

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NANHBH 1/22/2012 4:24PM

    Michelle,

Those have to be the scariest words someone could hear. Know that you have a team of people praying for your successful surgery and speedy recovery. if it is any consolation, my sister-in-law, who is also named Michele, had her thyroid removed many years ago due to cancer. She is alive and well and doing fine. I don't know what the size of her tumor was, but just wanted to share a survivor story with you. I wish you the peace of God as you assemble your healing team.
emoticon emoticon

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BELLALUCIA 1/22/2012 4:14PM

    Prayer will heal you and I will pray for you! God bless!

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STARTINGINLIMBO 1/22/2012 3:59PM

    Lori Little told me about you and what you're going through. I want you to know that I will be praying for you, for strength and quietness especially, during this time when your emotions are likely tempted to be chaotic. Praying in various ways for you.-Michelle/Goingto

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ALLISON145 1/22/2012 3:28PM

    emoticon emoticon

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EDWINA172 1/22/2012 3:18PM

    I will be praying for you. Sending love, hugs and light. God bless you.

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IBSHAUN 1/22/2012 3:18PM

    Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. One of the most important "things" people need when facing any crisis is a support system. Very glad to be here as a part of your Spark People world offering you support and encouragement. emoticon

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MSLZZY 1/22/2012 3:07PM

    I will be praying that all intervention will be
sucessful and that this is completely contained.
Prayers and hugs to you!


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PRUPLEBEAR 1/22/2012 2:59PM

    I will be thinking of you! HUGS

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FANGFACEKITTY 1/22/2012 2:55PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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PARAEAST 1/22/2012 2:35PM

    I will keep you in my prayers. May you feel God's arms around you too. I know my sister, my aunt and dh's aunt both do not have a whole thyroid. So that part can be good.
Praying for all and wisdom too.
God will help you!

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DONNAGRACE1164 1/22/2012 2:17PM

    I'll keep you in my prayers...

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CINDYYB 1/22/2012 2:07PM

    Praying and remembering you before God...your positive attitude will work wonders, watch and see!

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WHISPERINGPINE6 1/22/2012 2:01PM

    My thoughts and prayers go out to you my sparkfriend. Miracles are happening everyday. I know it is hard to think positive at this time but please try your best. We are here to support you and to lend a shoulder to lean on. Hugs emoticon

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STRIPEDTIGER 1/22/2012 2:00PM

    I'm so sorry to hear you are having to fight this battle. My sister fought pancreatic cancer. They gave her a 30% chance but guess what. . .SHE BEAT IT!! She beat that pancreatic cancer and her doctors were shocked that she did.
http://www.sparkpeople.com/
resource/motivation_articles.as
p?id=349
Don't let them set what you can and can't do. You decide.

I read when I'm facing something scary. I read to learn how other people have handled something. I read to learn about what I'm facing. I read to feel more in control of my options and what the future may entail. I hesitate to mention this because I haven't read it yet and I don't know what it contains but I bought a book because I thought it would give some insight into the battle someone with cancer goes through and how they can maintain themselves in the middle of the battle. The book is called "Enjoy Every Sandwich" by Lee Lipsenthal, MD. It's about a doctor who had "preached" an enjoy every moment way of life then was diagnosed with cancer. He had to "put up or shut up".

I'm a little out of it because I had surgery on Friday so please forgive me if I've said anything stupid but when I read your blog I HAD to try to offer some encouragement. You aren't alone. SP is a great place to be honest about your feelings and get some encouragement. I'll be thinking of you.

You have a great attitude and I hope you are able to sustain it because your attitude will make a HUGE difference. Bless you!!

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CHERIRIDDELL 1/22/2012 1:52PM

    You are in my thoughts and prayers .The C word is so very scary but so much progress is being made in the treatment of this disrase.

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RAINBOWANGEL99 1/22/2012 1:46PM

    Thinking of YOU at this difficult time emoticon

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SHEENADEE 1/22/2012 1:44PM

    Sending you all the good vibes and prayers I can. You are right to focus on the "positive" aspects of this type of cancer and pray for the best. It sounds like you have a great theme song to use as your mantra throughout this.

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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The Hopefully-Anti-Surgery Box Has Arrived.

Monday, January 09, 2012

First, thank you so much to everyone who sent me messages, goodies, and commented on my blog in the past week. It's meant the world to me to have so much support and well-wishes/prayer/energy/light sent in my direction. I cannot thank you enough. You are all so wonderful. :)

emoticon

As you probably know, my biopsy was on Friday morning. Three small holes and a bunch of needle prodding into my thyroid later, and the waiting begins. What I don't understand is why this quite simple and mostly painless procedure took so much out of me? I can only assume it was the build up of stress, anxiety, and/or waiting that did it. Or possibly could the brain think there was that much trauma caused? Or did I have a strange reaction to the Lidocaine? Whatever the reason was, I spent pretty much all of Friday (post-biopsy), Saturday afternoon/evening, and all day Sunday on the couch watching reruns of the Simpsons (brought over by a friend) and organizing my paperwork and receipts for my accountant as I couldn't focus on much else.

Today was the first day where I'm starting to feel more like myself again. And today is also the day when my hopefully-anti-surgery box arrived.



Let me just say that I do not have luck with medical doctors. They are usually utterly stumped by the various ailments that I come down with and I always seem to have an adverse reaction (or no reaction at all) to whatever they might prescribe. I have never **knock on wood** been life-threateningly ill but I have had my share of bewildering accidents/issues. And usually the response is now a shake of the head by my family doctor and then me going off to research, and hopefully fix the issue either by myself or with the help of the natural health community.

After I heard from the specialist a couple weeks ago that at least half of my thyroid would have to surgically be removed whether it was benign or not, I started on my research and called in my "team". My team consists of my incredible naturopath here in Ontario and the owner of a fabulous hormone replacement/vitamin store out in B.C., who just happens to be a nurse specializing in female hormone/health issues. After several appointments and phone calls, we have a plan. Both the nurse and naturopath believe that it may be very possible to stop the growth of the incredibly large (5.5cm!!) mass and even possibly reduce the size of it naturally. I will have to go for a few more tests to check my iodine levels to confirm a theory or two, but in the meantime I am filling up on Vitamin D, Omega 3 fatty acids, Immune balance boosters and Selenium. None of which can do harm, but may do a world of good! If I can avoid surgery, I will. I see no reason to cut as long as the mass isn't malignant or causing anguish somehow. But right now, **again, knock on wood** it seems to be asymptomatic, at least until the test results come back which will most likely be in another 2 to 3 weeks.

I feel so much more in control now that I can do SOMETHING to hopefully help my situation. The worst possible thing for me to do is just wait and inevitably worry. And given the fact that in my medical history, most of the major issues in my life were solved by the right knowledge of natural products and not pharmaceuticals, even my doctor has started taking notes. She fully admits that there is so much that they never learn about and is always amazed and thrilled at the huge changes that happen when I am able to change my health naturally.

So I am hopeful and trying to be positive. Everything seems to hinge on these test results but until they arrive, I am doing everything I can to make sure I get as far from the surgical table as possible.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHASITYJOE 3/7/2012 5:10PM

    I think what you are doing is fantastic. You are doing the best thing you can right now and thats being educated and aware of your options. Why sit on the sideline when it comes to your own health? I applaud you for getting involved and exsporing your options. God Bless and best wishes.

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JIBBIE49 1/22/2012 9:25AM

    emoticon

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SWEET_OCTOBER 1/15/2012 3:17PM

    You're in my thoughts and I'm keeping my fingers crossed for good news! emoticon
I love and admire your attitude, you rock!

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CGARR442 1/13/2012 7:35PM

    I look forward to hearing what happens with your growth. I am very interested in hearing if you can avoid surgery. I am keeping my fingers crossed and saying a prayer that this all ends up being nothing and you can move on with no complications.
Best of luck to you!
emoticon

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LAURELINMO 1/13/2012 12:08PM

    You are heading in the right direction being proactive! Keeping you in my prayers! emoticon

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GINILEE4 1/10/2012 7:37PM

    You have a wonderful attitude and I am hopeful that the outcome is positive and you can again solve this naturally. Keep your head up,

Gini emoticon

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LOSINIT36 1/10/2012 7:30PM

    I think a positive attitude helps tremendously! I'm keeping you in my thoughts for good results!

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TALVARADO6 1/10/2012 6:41PM

    I hope you are able to find a non-surgical way to get it taken care of. It sounds like you are doing the right thing, it must be so frustrating though to have to do all the research yourself! Keep positive and stay motivated!

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SHEPHEARD 1/10/2012 4:51PM

    Best of luck in your treatment. I'm of the same mind, self-healing, but have not yet found a naturopath. Sending healing energy your way. emoticon

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LITTLEFARMMOMMA 1/10/2012 9:05AM

    I sure hope you get better quickly! I hope the biopsy report comes back with great news! emoticon

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MARKSTIPANOVSKY 1/10/2012 6:55AM

    Good luck with getting better and "believe in better" is half the battle. The body and mind are very powerful when in alignment so will say a little prayer on your behalf. +Mark

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NEW-CAZ 1/10/2012 3:29AM

    What a wonderful positive attitude to have, you're doing all you can to take care of yourself.
Keep your peckeer up (A British phrase for staying positive), hope all works out for you emoticon

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EVER-HOPEFUL 1/10/2012 1:57AM

    great i dea and as you said it canīt harm and might make all the differance so what have you got to loose good luck emoticon emoticon emoticon

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BHIGGINS25 1/9/2012 10:48PM

    You are so positive! Way to be! Hope all goes well for you emoticon

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ANGELA12372 1/9/2012 10:11PM

    My thoughts and prayers go out to you!!! You are amazing keeping such a positive attitude through this!! You are and can be an inspiration to a lot of people!! Stay positive, keep your chin up!! I truly hope for the best!! emoticon

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It's So Hard to Admit Our Shortcomings... (Health Update)

Thursday, January 05, 2012

We all believe we are Wonder Woman - able to finish what we start and in record time. Today was a lesson in priorities and humility... and licking a few self-imposed wounds.



I own my own business as a wedding photographer and I edit all my own photos. So there is a lot of time that is taken up by sorting, editing, and artistically processing people's photo packages. The timeline I gave myself to do so got eaten up this year by two things: one, a technical bug in a piece of editing software that consumed (and nastily spit back out) about three weeks of work this fall (grrrrr), and dealing with this so-far-undiagnosed health issue that I discovered in October this year.

I don't usually like to ask for "extensions" especially with people's photos but it was inevitable to save my sanity. I only hope that they will all understand.

As an update, in October, I found a rather huge mass in my throat. Turns out it was a 5.5cm (2"+) nodule on my thyroid. I saw a specialist (surgeon) who wants to cut it out, which means that at least half of my thyroid will be removed according to him. That's assuming that it's benign. If it's malignant, they will have to take out the entire thyroid and go from there.

Tomorrow morning is my biopsy appointment. I can't help but feeling worried and nervous... I know it won't help matters, but my mind is hard to keep control of at this moment. So instead, I wrote a nice email to my clients briefly explaining the situation and am partially dreading the response. It's hard when you can't live up to your self-imposed image/demands, and I just always expect the worst when it comes to things like this. Perhaps it is a defence mechanism so I'm not shocked by the bad when I intrinsically want to expect the best in people.

In the meantime, I have been using most of my time to not do work, but instead research my condition. With the hope and expectation that the nodule/mass is benign, I now have a possible non-surgical plan to stop the growth of the nodule and hopefully even shrink it thanks to two wonderful women, my naturopath and a nurse that specializes in women's hormone issues and alternative health. I will also go back and consult my family doctor as well as the specialist as soon as I can get an appointment. The natural health information has calmed me down a lot as there is a distinct possibility that I may not have to go "under the knife" however, this is all assuming that there is no malignancy.

They tell me that the test results can take up to three weeks. So until I know for sure, I will start on the supplements and vitamins that both natural health practitioners have agreed upon (they agreed on everything, so that made me feel better). None of the supplements can hurt anything so hopefully I can get a jump start on dealing with this issue.

Should anyone feel like sending along some white light/prayer/positive energy, I will be eternally grateful. My biopsy is at 9:30am tomorrow morning (friday) and I am doing my best to not be too hard on myself in the meantime.

Hugs to you all for reading this and thank you in advance for any comments, energy, or knowledge you might impart.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BHIGGINS25 1/9/2012 8:54PM

    Hope everything turns out alright. Stay strong emoticon

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SPESHULSNOFLAKE 1/9/2012 8:53PM

    I'm sorry that you're going through such a stressful time. :( Hope things turn out okay!

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SMWALLS89 1/9/2012 4:24PM

    I had 3 nodules and also had to have a biopsy, so I know how nerve wrecking it can be. I'll keep you in my thoughts!

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JADA385 1/9/2012 8:44AM

  Sending prayer and warm thoughts. emoticon

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LITTLEFARMMOMMA 1/7/2012 9:55PM

    Oh, I sure hope your biopsy goes well! Please keep us posted! Will be praying for you, my friend! emoticonPeople really should understand the delay, under the circumstances! emoticon

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GINILEE4 1/7/2012 7:56PM

    Sending warm and friendly emoticon your way. Be nice to yourself, no matter what.

Gini

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EVER-HOPEFUL 1/6/2012 11:36AM

    hi love,sorry i didnßīt read this yesturday to wish you luck before the evant.how did it go?if it helps my sister had cancer of the throught and had to have her thyroid removed.she has to take hormone replacements the rest of her life but other than that there is no other lasting damange though it took her a while too find the right hrt medicine and dosage.it was basically a life saver for her.hopeasnd prayer it is not cancerous.you are in my thoughts and prayers love.let us know how you got on emoticon emoticon emoticon

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NIXY72 1/6/2012 11:35AM

    Thanks everyone for all of your wonderful comments. I just got home from the biopsy. What a WEIRD experience. The radiologist and tech were super nice though and took good care of me. She said that the results normally take a couple weeks so my fingers are crossed that everything will be benign and that I can try to go ahead and do as much as I can to reduce the mass naturally instead of needing to go through surgery.

All of your well wishes, light, prayer and energy are very much appreciated and I thank you for your continued thoughts of health and well being.

Hugs to all of you! Thank you for being here for me.

emoticon emoticon

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C-JONESY 1/6/2012 11:14AM

    Hope all went well Michelle. Know that I have been thinking of you often. See you Skype!

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LAURI39 1/6/2012 10:30AM

    Sending you huge positive vibes and prayers....I understand your concern re:your clients but they will understand as well - it is basic humanity.
It's good that you are researching and informing yourself on thyroid issues - I also know how terrifying that can be.
You ARE a WONDERful Woman - Stay strong!



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MICHELEKNY 1/6/2012 9:53AM

    Sending positive thoughts your way...
emoticon

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WORKINGSTIFF 1/6/2012 8:43AM

    I am wishing you nothing but a positive outcome with your thyroid condition.

Take care.

Helen

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NEW-CAZ 1/6/2012 8:15AM

    Sending positive energy hun, take it a little at a time and you'll get through this.
I'll be thinking of you emoticon

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SUNFLOWER135 1/6/2012 6:57AM

    Sending positive thoughts to you! emoticon

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DONNAM99 1/6/2012 12:07AM

    I am sending well wishes and some glory light to you. Always remember you can get more than one opinion, I work in one of the top Cancer sites in the country and I see positive and benign conditions all the time. Positive thoughts of healing and well being will go along way, My thoughts are with you. And my mother had a large one on her thyroid a few years ago. She removed it and left a small piece of the healthy one and she is doing well. The tumor was benign and that little piece is doing the work..


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SAMMYDIZZLE81 1/5/2012 11:50PM

    My dad had the same situation. His was benign and luckily overtime it went down no surgery needed. You will be in my thoughts. Sending you positive energy and hugs!

emoticon

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LOSINIT36 1/5/2012 11:33PM

    *sending positive enery to you now* More to come tomorrow as well!!

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LOSINGFORME82 1/5/2012 10:39PM

    Thoughts and prayers for everything to go smoothly, and for good results.

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CGARR442 1/5/2012 9:55PM

    Sending positive thoughts your way. I understand the stress you are going through and hope everything goes well for you! I'm glad you have found the naturopath and the nurse to help ease your worries and stress at least a little bit.
I will be going for my own biopsies (3) on the 25th but on my breast so I really can relate to the all encompassing worry that happens. Try your best to put it aside for the three week wait (I know it's hard).
I'll be waiting to hear what the results are with my fingers crossed.
emoticon emoticon

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ROSIESNOW 1/5/2012 8:53PM

    My prayers and thoughts are with you.

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MSKIMBOLINA 1/5/2012 6:02PM

    My heart goes out to you, that is a heavy weight to be carrying on your shoulders. Good for you for doing your own research to get a better understanding of what is going on. I will be thinking of you tomorrow and please do keep us SP friends updated.

*BIG HUGS*


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It's just a waiting game, five long weeks to find out what's going on.

Friday, December 23, 2011

I am calm. Really. I guess because right now there is no answer - at least not one that I am privy to. I saw the nose, ears, & throat specialist yesterday. My blood tests all came back without issue - my thyroid is otherwise functioning fine except for this eensy-weensy nodule on it... Right. Change eensy weensy to a a 5.5cm/2 inch enormous lump in my throat. As my doctor puts it, I have l large sized egg sitting on my right thyroid. Lovely.

So the only choice apparently is removal. But the kicker is, is that I have to wait another two weeks before I can have a biopsy to find out if this egg is hatching more than just a metaphorical chicken. It could be hatching a dragon. After the biopsy, three more weeks go by before I can find out the results of the test. Either way, they either have to take out the right hand side of my thyroid and possibly the whole thing. The waiting game, to be blunt, sucks.

Apparently over 30% of women develop thyroid nodules. They surgically remove those over 3.5cm. I've been reading articles on the internet and should really stop. I have had hormone imbalances my entire life and have just gotten them under control in the past year. I'd hate to have to start all over again. Meds and I don't usually get along so hopefully there is something natural that I can take instead if need be.

If anyone has had experience with thyroid removal, please let me know. Otherwise, I will be grateful for any positive energy, well wishes, prayer, or white light that you have to spare.

Five weeks.... hopefully they go by really really fast.

  
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JIBBIE49 1/22/2012 9:25AM

    emoticon

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LAURELINMO 1/7/2012 4:14PM

    Hang in there. I'm a champion worrier so know where you are coming from. I have a friend who had her thyroid removed (both sides) and she is doing great, now 5 years later. Hope it proves to be nothing (and quit reading the internet - we only post about the bad things it could be - no fun posting about a benign lump). emoticon

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DONNAM99 1/7/2012 1:16PM

    Posted the same thing twice. bleep on me. HA HA Stay positive and I am glad that you are getting other opinions. Go with your gut!! Positive thinking can heal more than just the mind!

Comment edited on: 1/7/2012 1:22:41 PM

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JANELAINE3 12/30/2011 9:04AM

    My mother in law had her's removed when she was in her 30s. She said she just takes her thyroid med and never had a problem. I hope that helps. Let us know how you do. I do know what the waiting game is like. I had to play it myself a few years ago. You are smart to focus on positive that is what pulls you through. Bad jokes help too. Let me know how you do, sending you tons of positive thoughts. Take care.

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LAURI39 12/24/2011 6:42AM

    Michelle,
I don't have any experience with thyroid issues so I am sorry I can't help you with that at all but please know that you are in my thoughts. The waiting game is awful - I am sorry you are having to go through this. Please know that we are all here for you... emoticon
Lauri

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CGARR442 12/23/2011 6:48PM

    I have had thyroid issues for the past 8 years. I am currently taking Synthroid and as the years have gone by I have had to have it adjusted numerous times. I also have nodules on mine, two on one side and one on the other. I have had a biopsy and my doctor believes they are nothing (keeping my fingers crossed).
My girlfriend had half of her thyroid removed a few years ago and ended up having cancer. She has had a few adjustments to her medication as well over the years but hasn't had any other problems with it. She wishes they would have just taken the whole thing but other than that she is fine.
I am keeping you in my prayers. I know the waiting is the worst part of all.

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NEWHEARTSTART 12/23/2011 12:41PM

    My ex husband had his thyroid removed over 30 years ago.

Maybe he was just one of the lucky ones but he never had any complications as a result of it other than weight gain.

I know weight gain sucks but before the surgery he was 6 foot 2 inches tall and weighed 140 pounds. He really needed some more weight.





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On A High...

Monday, December 19, 2011

Today is my three month SparkPeople Anniversary - and coincidentally, it is also the day that I am exactly 20 pounds down from my weight when I started this journey. This in itself makes me do a crazy happy dance around the house as I've been trying to lose this weight for the last 5 years very unsuccessfully... in fact, during most of that time I've just continued to gain more or go a few pounds down only to gain it all back.

But now the tides have turned! I am giddy, have far more energy, and - will wonders never cease - I want to jump on my rebounder and dance/bounce to fun, upbeat music! Yes, I want to exercise...Who knew this could happen?

I am so thrilled that this morning I went to assist my parents with some yoga and then my 77 year old mother and I traded on and off practicing with my pixie hoop! (for those of you not "in the know" it's an adult sized, weighted, hula hoop.) My mom can do 40 turns in a row... Wow!! But what shocked me, the girl who a few months ago could hardly do 10 rotations hit an all time high of -- are you ready? -- 210 hoop rotations!! TWO HUNDRED AND TEN!

My world is changing.

My body is changing.

I am HAPPY.

And today, I admitted openly that I've been trying to lose weight. I mean, my boyfriend knew, as did our house-mate. So did my mother and a few of my friends. But I finally took the plunge and posted the following comment on my very public Facebook page: "Michelle is officially down 20 pounds. Woot!" That's it. Seven little words. And what followed was close to an avalanche of congratulations. Come on people, it's just 20 pounds... It's not like I found the cure for cancer... but really, I've come to realize how BIG this is and how CHALLENGING it is to accomplish! And I was even more proud to tell them that I did it through SparkPeople, and did it the old fashioned way by eating well and moving instead of doing some silly fad diet or costly miracle shake.

Less than 24 hours on facebook, my tiny little comment has received 56 "likes" and 22 comments. And I cannot tell you how much that support means to me. I'm overwhelmed.

Five of these people followed my referral link and are now members of Spark. WOW! And on top of it, I won a Spread the Spark award today. Just icing on the cake, I tell you...

I still have a long way to go but the first milestone has been not only passed but has been vaulted over. I have about 50 more pounds to go until I reach my goal. But it's not just a pipe dream anymore... right now, I know it's just a matter of time before I celebrate again and let everyone know that I did it! Because, in a way, I already have. I'm here, active, and living the Spark every day. I have over 70 SparkFriends now and a community I can come to for fun, for support and for life. Thank you to all of you who have made this place and especially my journey so far, so incredible.

I believe in you all. You're all amazing stars!



Happy holiday wishes to you all, may you achieve and surpass every one of your dreams.
Michelle.


  
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TRACEYROCK 12/21/2011 10:38AM

    That is awesome! Congratulations emoticon

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BLACKROSE_222 12/20/2011 9:50AM

    Congrats! And I'm so glad you are spreading the spark! Woo hoo!!!

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LAURI39 12/20/2011 8:45AM

    Congratulations Michelle!!! What a great blog - So uplifting and inspirational! Your joy and warmth come shining through.
WOOHOO to 20 down!!!!!!!!
emoticon emoticon

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MOUSEOPOTOMUS1 12/19/2011 7:42PM

    Wow!! Your awesome!! I am so excited for you and your 20lbs forever gone!! I cant wait to do the happy dance on my first 20, the last 7 are dragging but I am not quitting!! Your an inspirations and a wonderful person to know and I cant wait to see were we end up!!

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FRANCIE11827 12/19/2011 4:02PM

    WEEEEHOOO! Congradulations! emoticon

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YDAVIS23 12/19/2011 3:43PM

    Wow! Congratulations! You are an inspiration!

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