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NIXXI118's Recent Blog Entries
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Friday, May 10, 2013
So I did it. I asked Jay if he would help me stay accountable and not only did he agree, he actually seems excited to do this! Yesterday we went bike riding at the park. We only 5 miles before I tapped out but I know if he hadn't have been there I would have stopped at 3. The spot right above my knees were burning and my butt is still sore but I hung in there. He wants to go again today and do 10 miles this time. I think 10 mayb be ambitious considering how sore I still am but I will go. I'd forgotten how much I love riding my bike.
Yesterday, when we were on our 4th mile and things were starting to hurt and I was starting to slow down, I hated feeling like I was holding him back. Jay was having a blast. He could have easily done 10 miles without even breaking a sweat. It was me that tapped out after 5. I hate that I'm too fat to be much fun. It's not just on the bikes. We went to a ball game a week ago. His dad is the fire captain so he has preferred seats. Only they are seat seats and not just benches like in the nose bleeds. I almost didn't fit in the seats. I was so uncomfortable. The whole time the sides were just digging into my hips until I was sure there was going to be a bruise. Jay kept asking if I was okay and I just smiled and giggled by the whole time I was just humiliated. Especially with his parents there. Jay comes from a reasonably healthy, average weighted family while just about everyone in my family is heavy. I hate that they had to see me wedged into that seat like that. Even though Jay assures me that his family likes me, I can't help but feel compared to his brother's wife, Elana. She's beautiful, funny, incredibly nice, tan, and yes, thin. Talk about a tough act to follow. His family may like me but they LOVE Elana. Next to her I'm this pale blobby hobbit with a potty mouth and red hair. I hate feeling that way. It took therapy and years of concentrated effort for me not to feel that way all the time but just an afternoon with Jay's family I'm that self-conscious teenager again. It's nothing that they are doing. They are fantastic and supportive. I just fear that behind the smiles and encouragement they worry that I'm not good enough for their son. Hell, I worry that myself but my weight does not define me.
I know that there is more to me than this weight. I have met way too many miserable skinny women to ever think that something as petty as size could equal value. I do want to lose this weight and I will even let those bad experiences motivate me but the point isn't to be skinny because I think that it will make me a better person. I'm a great person. The point is being healthy. The point is to get to that place where I'm not too big to sit in the chairs at a baseball game. Where I'm not too fat to fly or go skydiving or climb a mountain. There is a whole world of fun stuff out there just waiting for me to try it. I just have to lose this weight first.
Monday, January 28, 2013
THE GOOD: My cold is offically over! Huzzah! My nose and lips are still chapped but I'll take that over teary-eyed, runny nosed, sneezing death. I've even been sleeping through the whole night. I just wish I weren't still so tired when I woke up this morning.
More in the good column is that I saw Hansel and Gretel 3D this weekend. I liked it. It didn't change my life or anything. It was no Avengers but it was good and even Jay liked it (Versus the 3 day rant you all were spared after we saw Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter). The characters were cool. The dialog was funny. It didn't take itself too seriously. And it left itself open if they wanted to tie in any other folklore/fairytale spinoff sequels in the future. Plus, it was the first 3D movie I've seen in years. I'm not really much for the whole 3D thing. Never have been. Still not, even if this movie was pretty cool. This movie would have been fine in good old fashioned 2D. However, there were a few times it made me jump.
THE BAD: I work in the SC Aquarium and today in our staff meeting we were told that the Aquarium, an establishment that has never taken a stance politically in the past, will be standing up against any future offshore drilling and any use of seismic airgun tests which they plan to start as early as NEXT YEAR; 2014. Obviously, since the Aquarium is heavily invested in both the area wildlife and local tourism this is a subject that would hit us on both fronts. However, I'm surprised that I haven't heard more about this in the media. This state brings in about 16 billion dollars in tourism every year, most of which from the beach communities. Even if you don't care about the rammifications this could have on the wildlife (thousands of fish, including the endangered Right Whale, would be displaced, injured, and killed from the seismic tests alone), I would hope that the people that live in this state would protest against any political decisions that could put our home and economy at risk.
If you are as passionate as I am about this issue, I hope you shoot an email to your local representatives. If you aren't that motivated but you would still like to do something, please sign this petition:
http://oceana.org/en/our-work/climate-en
ergy/offshore-drilling/stop-the-drill
THE UGLY: Thanks to illness, general inactivity, girlie time cravings and eating out over the weekend I'm sure I've packed a few of those hard earned pounds back on. I haven't weighed myself yet but I'm sure when I do my 12 lbs will be over. Not all my choices were bad so I'm hoping I don't have all my weight back but I really wouldn't be surprised if like half were back. I typically can gain 5 lbs. just by staring too intently at someone else's dessert. Worst super power ever. The big thing this week is going to be exercise.
I don't want to end this on a bad note. So I'll tell you guys about something else good that happened today. Something that might restore a little faith in humainty. Today I got a call at the Aquarium from a cab driver in NYC. One of our members left her purse in his cab. He found her membership card and called us to track her down so we could give her his number so that she could call and get her purse back. Long distance efforts, across 6 states, to return this lady's purse. And they say people in NYC aren't nice. This cabbie certainly proved otherwise.
Monday, January 21, 2013
Okay cold, you can release your deathgrip on me now. You've stolen my entire weekend. Two beautiful days of perfect weather and all I wanted to do was sleep thanks to you. So now that I'm stuck back at work, couldn't you at least let me work without the fever and chills, the hacking cough, the sneezing, and the dibilitating fatigue. Please.
Friday, January 18, 2013
So I was mentioning that I wished there was a way I could calculate how many calories are burned during sex and a friend of mine sent me this:
http://www.healthstatus.com/cgi-bin/calc
/calculator.cgi
Sex and Foreplay are on the list. 
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Sorry you felt so bad 
Member Comments About This Blog Post:
LOL. You can do this though. Don't give up. I'm sure its not as bad as you think.