Sunday, December 16, 2012
Well, I wrote last night about planning for a Christmas party challenge. And yes, the good news is that I passed that test with flying colors. One small sparerib with BBQ sauce scraped off as much as possible. Estimated 1.5 oz of skinless grilled chicken breast. Three Little Smokies. One unfrosted tree-shaped sugar cookie. One chocolate covered strawberry. I came home happy and almost 100 calories under my max.
I was pleased as punch, delighted that I'd finally gone to a buffet and not pigged out. I didn't even go near the "munchy" end of the table - all the crackers, chips, and dips. Paul had scoped out the dessert area, and he brought me back that strawberry (a typically romantic gesture). He also told me what my choices would be and where each was located so that I could decide in advance, pick up one cookie, and leave.
Unfortunately, I also came home proud and self-absorbed. I (yes I-I-I!) had done it!!! Did I thank my husband for helping? No. Did I thank God for strength and wisdom when it came to those food choices? No. It was all about me, and there begins the rest of the tale.
I spent all evening in a smug session of self-congratulating. In retrospect, I think that let me consciously and subconsciously spend the evening thinking about food and my super handling of it. So, no, none of us should be surprised that I set myself up for a fall of equally grand proportion.
So Saturday night continued as "normal." I stayed up to pick my adult son up at midnight from work. I got home a bit before 12:30, took the dogs out, sat down for a bit of SparkTime and maybe some reading to unwind and to be in bed within an hour.
Instead, I got out the butter and some English muffin bread to toast. I also fixed myself another holiday treat - eggnog with Southern Comfort. It tasted so good I just went ahead and fixed myself more of each! Now I don't eat white bread, and I certainly don't eat English muffin bread, because I know I will simply slather it with butter. And I couldn't tell you when I last had two drinks in one day. So that was the bad.
And now for the ugly - the stopping eating, going to bed with a too full stomach and a too heavy heart. The waking up knowing I needed to do some major soul-searching. The scariness of knowing that somehow I would need to find the strength to put this out in front of you.
So where do things stand now? I haven't been particularly hard on myself over the binge per se. That was a mistake, pure and simple. And now I just need to start over. But what led to the binge, the emphasis on myself and my good works at the party - that's what I needed to confess to God and to my husband.
Both, of course, have forgiven me. But sin has consequences, and here are some of them. I have to examine where the initial self-centeredness led me. Did I reward myself with food for my good behavior at the party? Did I have a pity party and console myself with comfort food? Did I sabotage myself because success with SparkPeople is in some ways scary as well as exciting?
Yes, yes, and yes.
I also have to figure out what, when, and how I will eat for the rest of the day. I will have to either go over on calories or sacrifice nutrition. I'm opting for the former, but that means all vegetables and no fruit. It means deciding whether to eat some whole grain (a goal) or not be within carbs (also a goal). It means deciding whether to put the healthy fat of olive oil on some salad (a goal) or limit fat severely for the rest of the day to stay within range there (also a goal). And the matter of protein means I need to scrap today's menu plan and seek out my best sources of low-fat, low-carb foods.
But I will also stand tall as a Princess, a daughter of the King of Kings. And I will consider this the first day of the rest of my life.
Saturday, December 15, 2012
Tonight is the family Christmas Party at the assisted living center where my Dad lives. It's at 5:30, which is supper time for me. It's not for a meal, though; the invitation says "finger foods and holiday treats." So I've made my plan and decided to share it with you.
This morning was my usual type of breakfast, including plenty of protein, one fruit and one vegetable, and a whole grain serving. I ate a late lunch today, so I won't be particularly hungry in just four hours. I fixed a BIG salad, with three veggies and a fruit. Added in sesame seeds and plenty of low-fat cheese protein. As you can tell, I'm not expecting much in the way of unadulterated fruits or vegetables tonight!
Now I can keep an eye out for relatively high protein finger foods and maybe some more (whole grain?) carbs. I'll be sticking with water to drink during the party. And that will leave me room for one holiday treat. A cookie? A peppermint brownie? I'll have to decide after I get there, and I can count on my husband Paul's support for my choice of just one treat.
Then I can track after I get home and see where the holes are. I have plain nonfat Greek yogurt and other possibilities if I come home needing anything in particular, I always have fruits and vegetables around if I find myself short on calories or just needing a snack before bed.
So now I'm off for a nap, a warm shower, and plenty of time to dress and do makeup. Planning to feel rested, look great, and have a wonderful time - and all with knowing that I'll still be within the calorie and nutrition goals of my food plan!
Monday, November 12, 2012
Well, I had outlined a possible first blog, but...
Paul woke me this morning to tell me I HAD to come and see something outside. So I headed out, and heard the strangest squawking cacophony. All I could think as I went toward the lake was , "What on earth?!?" As I got out beyond our trees, I could see the source. Morningside Lake was absolutely COVERED with geese! Body to body, shore to shore, COVERED with geese.
Paul went to get his camera; and, as soon as he lifted it to his face, I guess that goose instinct kicked in and said, "He's got a gun!!!" They started at the shore closest to us, and wave after wave of them took wing. I ran for my I-Pad and got a video and then some stills.
My first impression had been that there might have been a thousand geese. But after I considered it, I'd have to triple that or more. They came up perhaps a hundred or more at a time, one wave after another! And even after we left the lake and went back to our deck, they kept lifting off. At first, they had gone south, off to our right. Once we got to the deck, though, the waves were coming west over the tree in our back yard. I tried several pictures, and this one might be one that shows the incredible number of them through the branches.
I have never in my life been blessed by God to witness such an amazing mix of sight and sound!
A half hour later, this was the much more typical - beautiful - morning by our lake.
Thank you, Lord, for your creation!
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