Tuesday, October 15, 2013
It's been quite a while since I blogged. Life has gotten in the way again. My doctor keeps telling me I need to start putting myself ahead of others. That's just not the way I was raised so it's very difficult putting myself first.
Two weeks ago last Sunday, my daughter gave birth to a sweet little boy - our miracle baby - since she wasn't suppose to be able to carry to full term after having cervical cancer. Ryder is so much fun! Ryder was born 3 days after Mackenzie's (his sister's) 8th birthday.
I've been doing a lot of pondering - lots of extra time on my hands with insomnia. I DO want to be around to see Mackenzie and Ryder grow up and be an active part of their lives. If I don't get my weight and diabetes under control - that's not going to happen. I am blessed to have a husband who is very supportive and 2 daughters who worry about me - I just wish I had the motivation and willpower to stick with losing weight, making better food choices and exercising. I do really good for a while - they miss a day then two which turns into three and so on. I know when I'm on SparkPeople daily logging my food and blood sugars, reading articles, etc - I do a lot better. I NEED to stick with it and not fall off the wagon.
I work for my doctor who is AWESOME! He is very supportive. I am extremely blessed to work for him! I have my annual physical coming up in about 2 weeks and I've been doing research on insulin pumps. Talking with a few people who have them and they tell me they will never go back to the multiple daily injections. Being the control freak that I am - it's very hard to ask for help - I feel like I've failed, but I'm going to "suck it up" and ask for the insulin pump at my appointment. If I can get control of my diabetes then hopefully the weight loss will fall in place.
Starting tonight, I'm going to begin cooking meals again instead of being lazy eating out or using the "pop it in the microwave" cooking. I really enjoy cooking and trying new recipes - so I need to get off the couch and get back to cooking healthy meals. Roger will eat anything I cook - he's not the picky eater than I am. I am going to make Homemade Pizza - a meal I haven't made in an extremely long time because I was too lazy to cut up the veggies, meats, mix up the sauce and pizza dough.
I forgot how calming it is to blog just typing randem thoughts - putting into writing what I'm feeling inside. It's frustrating when I verbalize how I'm feeling - my family thinks I need to have my depression medication increased. It's times like this I really miss my Dad. I could tell him anything and he wouldn't judge, but listen. - then tell me to give it a few days and I may feel differently. Rog wants to fix it when I just need someone to listen. After verbalizing the feeling, I do start feeling better and can look at differently.
Well, since it is almost 2am, I should try to get some sleep before Jackie Lynn brings Ryder around 7am.
Monday, October 22, 2012
Just finished watching the Spark Coach video on how to tell you're on the right track without the scale as a guide. I have noticed that I am making better choices when it comes to food. I am choosing fruit over a sugary snack. I am also noticing my clothes becoming loose. It' s a GREAT feeling! It is hard, though, not seeing the scale move. I need to stop depending so much on the scale and focus on how I'm feeling, how my clothes are fitting better and my overall energy level.
Saturday, October 20, 2012
Yesterday was NOT a good day!!! After struggling for a week of getting my blood sugar back in the acceptable range my 6 month hemoglobin A1C came back a tenth of a point higher at 10.3. It really depressed me! My co-worker is awesome!!!! She reminded me that I've only been exercising for less than a month and really watching and logging what I've been eating. She's right - if I keep exercising and logging what I eat it will come down. I was really hoping that it would be below 10.
I fell off the wagon last week after a conference dinner blew my blood sugar. It was NOT a diabetic friendly meal and the way the line was set - the salad, raw vegetables and fruit were at the end of the line with a small plate instead at the beginning where I could have exchanged plates and taken more salad. The planners chose a pasta bar. White pasta shoots by blood sugar sky high. I tried to estimate the number of carbs I was taking & took my insulin to accommodate, but an hour later by blood sugar was 396. To which I took more insulin. My fasting blood sugar the next morning was still 314 and I fought all week to get it back down. Finally, Thursday morning I had a 113.
Today . . . my resolve is back! Although my fasting blood sugar is 265, I will not let that deter me from my goal of an A1C of 7 or below in January 2013. I also need to get back to training for the Virtual 5K. I will not complete it by Halloween as planned, but I will complete the race even if I am a week or 2 late.
My brother-in-law and his wife are doing a late birthday party for Gary's son, Austin. So, I need to be really conscious and plan what I eat today to compensate for the cake and ice cream tonight. They will probably be doing hot dogs (not my favorite food unless they are all beef), so I probably should take my own sandwich, fruit, and scale to weigh an ounce of chips. It's really interesting that Gary & Michelle's kids usually want what I'm eating. They love fresh fruit as much as I do.
The morning is just flying by! Can't believe I slept in until 8:30am. Sure beats 4:30am when my husband gets up. i need to get breakfast and get to my office to get orders out the door today.
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