Sunday, March 20, 2011
Or else the the Lord may have to Get your Attention!
And boy, has He got mine!
I've had a lousy-busy-not-moving-forward New Year so far. Well, not every day. But my life has hit a Spiral Of-out-of-Control-Proportions. And I LET it happen to me.
- It starts with getting tired of fighting / nagging the boys to clean up after themselves, or finish their chores. So you "finish" everything up yourself.
- It starts with not standing up for yourself and your own opinions - which explains why there is golden oak flooring, bookcases, baseboards or any wooden purchase made in my house...I hate golden oak.
- It starts with preventing arguments, and tension, so you run yourself crazy picking up messes like plates, mugs cups, socks (inside out) wherever in the house, 'cause it's no big deal to males!
- It starts with being the good mom who volunteers & before you know it, your chairing this and secretary of that and if another parent who likes their name in the minutes "says" they volunteer to run the fundraiser, but backs out, you just carry on and do business; why bother saying anything.
- It starts with adding work outside the home to have some extras, to have fun money, but you can't spend it - gotta save it & can't agree that replacing the broken couch is a justifiable expense.
So you juggle work. You juggle getting three boys off to three different schools in an hour & a half. You do the laundry. You do the cleaning. You do the grocery shopping. You do most of the cooking and prep work and always the clean up. You do the parent signing and authorizations. You do the paperwork and the bill paying. You do everything. (Now understand that my husband does do a lot more than most. He cooks many times during the week. He cleans the bathrooms. And once in a while, he goes grocery shopping - though he leaves half stuff off the list and I go get the rest later in the week).
I guess I've let all these things fester for years because I hate confrontation. I grew up in a home where I was yelled at and degraded a lot. Unfortunately, I have allowed myself to be a door mat and I'm training my boys by my in-action.
But all of this has brought me to this lesson. Slow Down. I can't do it all. And I can't let my feelings, opinions and instructions slide in in-action or cover everyone else's mistakes by doing everything myself.
In the last three months I have been very sick three times & not well most of the new year. Twice I slept away entire weekends. And I'm not saying this as a general comment. I literally left work early on a Friday in January and a Friday in February and slept for three days. I was incapable of doing anything. I have burnt myself out so badly my body has shut down. And last week I was hospitalized for kidney stones and I slept away the rest of that week.
I've had to let go of commitments & some of my expectations. Yet my expectations have changed. The boys will and are having to finish their chores. My hubby has to clean up after himself. They have to help with grocery shopping and cleaning up. I am physically unable to do it myself.
The good Lord heard my cries for help. But he had to make me physically unable to continue, in order for me to see that my over-working was what was enabling all of my grief points.
It is a tough lesson. Please learn from me. I think I can honestly say I have a glimpse of Chronic Fatigue (or may even have it now). I have doctor appointments almost every week for the next month and a half. I'm kind a worried because in my mind, I've done this to myself. This mess of Fatigue and physical exhaustion is because of my inability to listen to the Lord and back off the doing. I didn't let consequences teach those in this home about their habits. Now the males of this house HAVE TO learn these lessons quickly, because Mom has to go lay down & nap again.
A tough lesson. But I have grown so much in it. So no matter that this lesson has been hard won over these last two decades, I praise the Lord for never leaving me nor forsaking me, for I know He has carried me.
Wednesday, March 02, 2011
Noting a few points to consider that I glanced upon today:
1) The way I talk to myself can be hurtful. Instead of saying "I can't," I need to replace it with "I wish." And as for "I'm a failure" (one of my favs), I need to say "I didn't succeed this time."
2) Be Positive - it's about focusing on what can be - rather than what is; on things will get better (really, they usually can't get worse). It's about understanding that my attitudes can directly affect outcomes.
3) Most importantly - a Grateful attitude = gratitude! It's not having what you want...It's wanting what you've got
You can complain because roses have thorns. OR you can rejoice that thorns have roses - Ziggy
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Last weekend, my husband and I enjoyed a wonderfully entertaining, and comical performance of "Stomp". This percussion group of "athletes" danced, stomped and made music by hitting, tapping, clapping, stomping, their hands, feet, sticks, brooms, barrels, garbage cans (and lids), signs, lighters, and more, for an hour and forty minutes. Wow.
It was an awesome date night! We went to the 5 o'clock show...for free. Six of the eight performers we saw we were working out at my boss's private gym/health club last week. In exchange for gym passes, the staff got tickets to the show. Because I was the main contact for their manager, my husband and I got front row - exclusive orchastra seating. I hadn't laughed and enjoyed myself that much in a long time.
And the best part was, I had wanted to see the show, it was sold out in 2 hours, and I've been praying for some new ideas and fun things to do with my hubby. A marriage is only as strong as what you put into it...and I knew we needed to make time every week for each other.
And God provided last week in an amazing way. Lord. You truly are the Great Provider.
Saturday, December 04, 2010
If I'm looking at the christmas chocolates everywhere, these are the nuggets that I need to choose to nosh on:
1) We are all manufacturers. Making good, making trouble, or making excuses - H. V. Adolt
2) To reach my goals, I have to really want them. More importantly, I have to really believe that I can do it.
3) Every priority in my life needs to justify why it's there. If I can't come up with a good reason that actually comes from me, maybe it doesn't belong.
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