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Revelations of my 30th year.

Sunday, January 12, 2014

Ok yea I have only been 30 for a few months but I feel like I have made the most progress in my journey in those last few months. But first a few updates since they dear with my mental journey:

In the family realm, things are finally getting better. For the last six months or so (to be fair to all parties involved) the most important male figure in my life struggled with alcohol problems. His excuse was all the pain he was in or my motherís health. So for the last few months I have mostly stayed away from him because I was afraid I would probably lose it with all his nasty comments about me or my mother. He had the nerve to call me fat on Christmas Day, the happiest day of the year and I almost walked out. It is quite amazing how far a few deep breaths will get you. I think deep breathing is the only reason I have survived the last few months. While all this went on my mother had a serious cancer scare. Some tests and things with her gyn did not look so pretty. Her gyn had the nerve to schedule tests on the day before Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve. I am not a big fan of his right now. After a biopsy and more tests we have found out she does not have cancer, thankfully. She has recommitted herself to looking after herself better. With the stress I feared going back to 150 lbs, luckily I stayed around 146. It was during these months I finally saw how strong my mother really is. Dear god it is amazing how much I really am like her.

Away from family, I woke up one morning and could not move my right leg. When I finally got either leg to move the pain just pulsed up and down my entire body. I thought it was arthritis so I took meds and kept going and much as I could. Luckily it hurt less the more I moved. Good motivation to move. To top it off I caught the worst cold I think I have had in years. I was down with it for three weeks. I am finally seeing the ends of it. Finally went to urgent care to get my right knee looked at since I keep having problems with it and after a night of walking around the house with a walker. After a few x-rays turns out I managed to sprain my knee. How that happens when I have not moved or exercised in a while I do not know. But now even that is on the mend.

So what revelations are there? Mine have mostly been about really seeing things. Like seeing my motherís inner strength. I had so much gratification seeing this growth, I have always known her being meek and mild. Growth in others is so amazing. Also seeing how much help and inspiration the male figure in my life really needs. I have also seen how the weight loss part of my journey is going to end. I started my journey in 2012 thinking of the weight others had told me I needed to lose. For the last two years I had an almost mythical number in my head that I thought was my goal. In the last few months I have begun to look at myself, really look. When I first started my journey I had some image in my head of what I would look like. The me I kept thinking of was very lean and toned and slender. I also saw a nice hourglass form. Now looking at myself I see how unrealistic that original image really is. My body is not built to look the way I had originally imaged myself. I have a wide rib cage and a wide pelvis. When I poke at my sides there is little fat there, its bone. When I poke around my hips there is a bit more there I can lose but it isnít long until I find the outline of my pelvis. I, like the rest of my family, was built stocky. I still have places the 24-34 lbs can come from but really, how far do I really need to go? Lately I have been letting my body talk to me. It tells me when a food is not playing nice with the lactose intolerance and it also tells me when I need a snack to increase my blood sugar. It has also been telling me what work I still need to do. It has warned me about going too far and losing more muscle than fat.

So I think in my 30th year, the year I finally meet my health goal, I will listen to my body and no unnecessary outside sources. I will research vitamins, minerals and the things I need to maintain my body. It is my body and I am the one in control of it and the care of it. My family was built stocky, perhaps that means that we are hard to break. Come on world, try to break me. I dare you.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LOSINGLINNDY 1/12/2014 8:56PM


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JINLYNN 1/12/2014 5:50PM

    That you have overcome some very big obstacles and survived the stressful uncertainty of your Mother's health issues & Christmas just shows how strong you are!

I think that 2014 will be your best year yet!!

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As if life wasn't chaotic enough...

Saturday, August 17, 2013

In family news my father goes in for his 10th heart cath on Monday...I won't even begin to explain the chaos that involves. Just lots of my father apologizing for feeling bad which really didn't think he needed to be sorry for...

So now I finally get to throw my own wench in. Finally made it to the doctor's office for my physical exam. From the results from my bloodwork I have nothing to worry about far as cholestrol, blood pressure and my heart. My blood sugar on the tests turned out to be 85. I told him about my passing out after the blood work and the other episodes that week. From my symptoms he determined I do indeed suffer from low blood sugar, so now I'm under orders to eat complex carbs and to eat 5 small meals a day. I barely eat three so theres my challenge for this month. To add the cherry on top, I'm also lactose intolerant, since me and some cheese and milk don't get along.

So my past few nights at work I've been doing research into how to get calcium because by the way I also have had a mild case of rheumatoid arthritis since I was 12. Thankfully there are veggies like kale that I haven't tried yet that I can use to get some of my calcium back. I've also experimented with nut butters and nut milks lately. My cashew milk experiment might have been better if I had a nut bag to strain the nutty bits. For a few recipes I used hemp milk that I made myself since no where here sells it. I haven't drank it straight yet but the recipes taste so much more delicious. I think my next venture will be making yogurt with coconut milk.

From all my experiments I keep finding online one of my coworkers joked that I need to start a food blog. I think I might and it will just be my adventures (and misadventures) trying to adjust to a new diet and hopefully not killing myself. My best friend told me I need a tally score or something for each entry indicating if I died or not.

Well back to meal #4 or 5 and hopefully not dying....

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FEMISLIM 8/18/2013 3:31PM

    It is well with you

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If you never fall, you'll never know what it's like to get back up again.

Sunday, July 21, 2013

So for the past few months/days/years etc. I've been tee-totering in the mid to upper 140s. Considering I started my journey January 2011 at 162, 140s even upper end should be amazing. However, I was at my lowest by December 2011 at 137. Seeing the 130s, it kinda sucks being stuck in the 140s for so long...2011? wow. Silly holidays, I watched points and how much I ate but I got back to lazy habits. But today is a new day and I vowed to myself I'd NEVER see 160s again. Even 150 is unacceptable. Speaking of today, I weighed in at 145.6 the lowest I've been since 2011. I'm considering this a huge victory. I am now only 2 lbs away from my first mini goal of 143.

Yesterday I prepped for a long weekend of work by cooking. Yes it was in the upper 90s and I heated up the kitchen hehe. First I marinated some salmon in maple syrup and garlic. While that marinated I fixed Brown Sugar glazed Garlic Chicken (which by the way is AMAZING). Also some pasta with asparagus. Then once the salmon was done marinating I put it on a broiler pan in a foil packet and baked it along with some tilapia for lunch. For breakfast today my mom was a sweetheart and gave me some leftover fried potatoes and sausage patties. The patties are actually pretty lean for premade so I enjoyed them. Once I took a bite of the potatoes I couldn't finish them. They had no real flavor to them. First bite I tasted grease or oil and the second bite I just tasted starch. I love my mother dearly but I just couldn't eat more potatoes. My pallette is looking for flavor.

I'm attributing the 1 lb lost to amazing food. Fixing good things can be its own sort of magic. This weekend has been proof that once in awhile you have to fall in order to pick yourself back up again and realize what it is you want and need.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JINLYNN 7/23/2013 1:42AM

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TIMOTHYNOHE 7/23/2013 12:42AM

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FATHINSN 7/21/2013 7:59PM

    Good luck with keeping under 150 lbs, YOU CAN DO THIS!

I like the sound of your marinated food, I've never try that as I think I probably lose my patience of waiting, hehe.

It always amaze me how food take quite a big role with losing pounds. You can do lots of exercises till you sweat blood but if in the end you consume unhealthy diet, you will still meet plateaus. Now, I'm balancing my food with my workout, which seems to work nicely, and next is trying to get quality sleep!

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A week from the darkest abyss.

Friday, July 12, 2013

I've been a little too quiet lately. Usually I post a lot more but I've been absent for the past month.

For once its me thats has had the problems. Two weeks ago I got blood drawn for my yearly physical. Everything was going well enough, my veins hate needles so they had to take it out of my hand. Nothing new there, I'm tiny and I've always had problems getting blood drawn. Well I get back into the car with my dad and we chit chat as we go up the road. All of the sudden I started to not feel well. I was dizzy and nauseous. Then I remember my dad shaking me because I had passed out. We made it home, for once dad led me into the house instead of the other way around. He fixed breakfast while I sipped on some coffee. Both of us still clueless about why I passed out. We ate and I felt a little better but was still feeling like I had everything knocked out of me. So I slept until I had to go to work.

Fast forward to this past week. Monday I was off so I ran errands with my mom, which mostly consisted of going to the grocery store. Soon as we left I had that dizzy, nauseous feeling again. Thankfully we don't live too far from the store. Got home drank water and ate a banana. About another half an hour later I ate a sandwich. Finally at that point I was feeling better. Well in the afternoon we had cold cut night with friends. While the parentals got stuff together I worked on setting up our friend's Kindle. Well as files trasferred I had that dizzy feeling again. This time everyone started asking questions and checking stuff. Mom told me to check my blood pressure. 112/69, so not that. Our friend is a diabetic (and so is my dad) so she said to check my blood sugar....77....hmmm yea thats probably it. So I wobbled to the table and fixed myself a sandwich and my blood sugar increased to 137.

NOW my health is a concern. Tuesday while at work my sugar dropped way low again, but I was prepared with foods that usually help my dad. Course I took the humorous route and told my coworkers if I'm not back in five minutes come find the body. Mind you I have a very active job. Always moving checking trailers and paperwork and yea lots of walking.

NOW I'm paying attention. I've learned this week that when I wake up I need to eat. I've been paying a lot more attention to WHEN I eat just WHAT I eat.

Starting this past Tuesday I've recommitted to myself. What I've accomplished in the past will be noted and appreciated but its what I do NOW that keeps me off my family's path of health. I keep trying to help them eat better but no one listens to me.

So now its me. I will not be defeated. By myself or anyone else.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LOSINGLINNDY 7/13/2013 11:18PM

    Thank goodness you found the cause of your problem. It would still be a good idea to talk it over with your doctor next time you go in.

Keep eating.

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TERRY0217 7/13/2013 11:35AM

    i'm glad you found the problem...scary....however, as far as getting your family to eat better...sometimes it's just better to lead by example..
best of luck to you emoticon

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Its funny how the little things...

Saturday, June 22, 2013

So this evening I was handed a dime. In fact about 20 minutes ago. Right now that dime means more than the ten cents the federal reserve has placed on it.

For some backstory:
In 2000, my dad's health began to decline. In 2004 he had a quadruple bypass. The surgeon actually destroyed part of his heart, not being able to reconnect an artery. In 2007 he had gastric bypass surgery to save his life. If he hadn't had that done he wouldn't have made it a year. His kidneys had already begun to fail. Around 2008 or 9 he begun having strokes and mini heartattacks. Linked to problems his excess weight had been covering up.

Fast forward to recently, he's been passing out. In fact Monday while I was recovering from a weekend of third shifts he passed out in our front lawn. The one time he needed me and I wasn't there. Luckily he had been talking to a neighbor when he passed out and she was there to get him help. His current cardiologist doesn't think its heart related but wants to do a heart cath to make sure. Its been 2 years since his last one but he's had somewhere close to 7 since 2007. For the past few years he's been running (barely) on 20% of his heart. He's scared to get this one done, thinking he may not make it off the table. But that's what they told him when he had his gastric bypass done, he wasn't suppose to make it but he did. Since 2004 I've been so worried about which time I'm going to lose him. I want him to get the cath done to prove to the cardiologist that it is heart related but I share some of my dad's fears. He's in pain constantly and he sleeps more than he's awake.

So back to the dime...a friend of ours shared a belief she had that when someone close to you passes on they let you know they are thinking of you by a dime appearing. Mind you this only became noticable in my family when her mother died whom we were all close to. Each time my father has been sick I've found a dime in the most random places. Either in a suitcase I hadn't used in years or moving something or whatever. Today a truck driver handed me a dime that he said was sitting outside my guard house window and it wasn't his.

What the...really? Now? First thing I did was text my parents. Maybe its something my dad needed to see or hear. He's hoping Monday he can go see his doctor to get a second opinion on yet another heart cath. But yea and on top of that I have my mother six months after a knee replacement. She's also in pain and depends on me to do things for her that she's suppose to be able to do herself. There's so much I want to do for me but when I wake up there is so much other stuff that needs to be done. Monday I'm hoping to finally start the Spark Solution. We'll see how this goes...I refuse to be defeated...

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JINLYNN 6/23/2013 5:54PM

    Interesting story about the dime. I hadn't heard that before, but I like it. It is a struggle to support parents with major health concerns - puts you under a lot of stress. Just know that you are in my thoughts and prayers, as are your precious parents.

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THEEXERCISER 6/23/2013 11:22AM

    great blog good luck with your parents

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