NIKI778   36,443
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Talking Myself off the Ledge

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

I am slowly slipping backwards, I can feel it, in my thighs, I am at that point where I have been making awesome progress, so I think this isn’t so hard, become a little bit lax with my measuring, workout just a little bit less intensely, start to eat just a little bit more, and then oh no, what happens the results stop, and eventually I stop even trying because I get discouraged that I see no progress.


I could feel it coming on for a few days now, I haven’t been making the best choices, still in range, but still eating a bunch of junk, which leads to wanting more junk, and skipping on good meals so I can eat more junk. I am putting the kibosh on it today!!! I am not going to slide into my black hole where I justify stuffing my face with whatever I want and sitting on my behind all day long. If I really want to change my life and reach my goals I have to keep pushing myself beyond this point I have to recommit today, I have to remind myself why I want this, why I deserve this I have to keep pushing forward, no matter how hard it is, how much easier it would just be to say, I can only do well for a while and then I have no will power to keep going. I think I am scared to really push myself, but that is what I will have to do if I want to achieve my goals, push harder than I have before. No one can do this for me, no one can make me change but myself.

I had the realization this morning what was happening and how I was “playing” the system, by the numbers everything appears that I should be losing weight, but I am setting myself up for that to stop happening, and I need to fix it NOW.

Bring out the measuring spoons and measuring cups! Everything I am eating today is being measured! I am putting more thought into my nutrition choices today, feeling like I am slowly changing the thoughts in my head, and refocusing. I think I might be winning the battle today. I need to continue to listen to those “bad” voices and notice the bad patterns when they start so I can continue to fight with myself. I am not going to have a start over event again, because this time I am not going to stop! I have made commitments to myself and my 5% challenge team; I am going to keep those commitments!

I think it is important that I am noticing the self-sabotage before it shows up on the scale, it means I am evolving. Once I stop see progress, I know that is when I stop trying to make progress happening, but if I think I am doing things that should bring me results, and they do not, then I say to myself, what is the point, I am doing my best and it isn’t working, so why bother trying.

The truth I am noticing though is that I may not have been really giving it my best, and just going through the motions, so that when I fail I can say, well I did the best I could, now I might as well going on an eating spree instead of trying so hard to do something that is never going to happen.

I AM NOT going to fall into this rabbit hole, I am rebooting some of my eating habits now before I get discouraged. I am going to keep pushing myself, because I CAN do it! I CAN be at my goal weight.

Today’s plan:
• Eat the food I packed for lunch and snacks
• Eat the healthy dinner I planned
• Go for a walk at lunch and enjoy some crisp fall air
• 20 min workout after dinner
• Sewing for the rest of evening to keep my hands busy(and finish Halloween costumes)

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

2WHEELER 10/26/2013 8:07AM

    You're doing great! Facing up to your weaknesses makes you a very strong person. It's so much easier to pretend we don't notice what's happening. Your message really hit home this morning--last week I was a slug and even though I know that inertia breeds more inertia, I ignored it. That ends this morning! Time to get moving. Thanks.

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GYPSYGOTH 10/24/2013 6:20PM

    Great plans! Hope it's going great.
It's so easy to "fall off" and so hard to get back again, so catching yourself as you're slipping is terrific. emoticon

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JANTWO 10/24/2013 12:35AM

    You can do it!!!! Hey you don't like rabbit holes anyway!!!! LOL

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BABY_GIRL69 10/23/2013 9:48PM

    I can relate but I keep coming back to Spark for more encouragement & inspiration....

God bless & let's make it happen.....


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SHERYLDS 10/23/2013 1:35PM

    “Everyone faces defeat.
It may be a stepping-stone or a stumbling block,
depending on the mental attitude with which it is faced.” ~Napoleon Hill
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ADVENTURESEEKER 10/23/2013 12:40AM

    Sounds like you have your goals set straight. Stop the madness before it goes any further. Good thing you did before it went further! That is always the spot I struggle with. The stopping of the way way off track eating. blah. Good job for grabbing hold of the reigns.

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FLUFFYSUE1 10/22/2013 4:23PM

    I'm going through the same thing i could of wrote this blog myself. I think watching patterns and making smaller changes is where i'v been going wrong. Good luck in changing those thoughts and habits.

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    This is about the MOST HONEST blog I've read today !! TY SO MUCHERS ! And TY SO Much For being SO HONEST w/urself and I NEED TO ALSO be !!! This is a GREAT Remindah of where it is we are GOING and TO NOT STOP !!

I DID Hit the "LIKE BLOG" and HOPE others will ALSO !!! this IS GREAT !!

Hugs !!!

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JAXMOMMY 10/22/2013 3:55PM

    Go, go, go! I believe awareness is half the battle, but it is not all of it! Win this battle, then the next and the next after that and before you know it you will have won the war! But, we can't stop then either! I've struggled with the same stuff as you.... We must keep battling and know that even if the scale doesn't tell us we won this week's battle, know we have just by eating healthier and working out! I remember reading on SP once that if you forgot to brush your teeth one day you wouldn't just stop and never brush your teeth again, so why do we do that if we eat one wrong thing? I keep that mind! Push on! Yu can do it and we are all here cheering you on! PS so cool you are making Halloween costumes!

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KNYAGENYA 10/22/2013 2:59PM

    You can do it...I have faith in you.

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GOULDSGRANITE 10/22/2013 2:06PM

    Taming the "bad voices"! Woo Hoo! I have learned in my Spark Journey, they are like exercise. The more you practice overriding the negative self talk the easier it gets. Like everything, ive noticed the negative can always crop up, it just gets easier the more you drown it out with better stuff! And here you are - Woo Hoo! Turning the bus around way before usual! You are aweome. Keep Pushing - you can do it! We Can Do it! We all need your message, be it, today or tomorrow! We are strong and can do this thing.

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MSHEL7 10/22/2013 12:40PM

    I am so proud of you for noticing this before it got too out of hand, that is a great feat!! You have a great plan in place and you are strong and can do this. Look back at your blog as needed, you have a great motivator right here.

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MTAL203 10/22/2013 11:24AM

  sounds like you have your head on straight and are exactly in the right mind frame to make this happen!!!! You can do it, and I believe you will. There is a great message in your blog for me too - I think I have also fallen into the "going through the motions" trap. . .so I am going to take your advice and push myself to work harder. I too, deserve this, but it's up to me (and you) to do it for ourselves!!! Thank you.

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5% Fall Challenge Triggers (Warning this is LONG!)

Tuesday, October 08, 2013

Food Triggers
1. Chips & Salsa (also a huge craving of mine always)
2. Pepsi
3. Cookies
4. Certain candy, like starbursts, and skittles
5. Cake
6. Dorito’s
Situational Triggers
1. Boredom
2. Low days
3. Stress
4. Parties/Gatherings
5. Restaurants
6. After dinner
7. Watching TV
8. Working Late
9. Holidays & Celebrations
10. TOM
How do I combat them?
Food triggers are usually easy to prevent, I don’t buy or bring into the house the things that are my biggest triggers, like Pepsi and candy. I only have cake in the house for the kids b-days. Chips and Salsa is one of my favorite snacks, and I do keep that in the house, but always measure the chips and stop when my allotted amount is gone (sometimes this is harder than others). For me the food triggers are really easy to avoid, it is the situations that I really need to create and follow concrete plans, and these are my biggest failures, in general one of these triggers is always what will start a back slide into not caring, not trying and just stopping any forward progess and usually cause large slips backwards.
How can I plan for them?
Boredom: Probably my biggest trigger, I am bored so I am going to turn on the TV and eat something while I watch, never good, even if I measure out a portion of a snack, I often still go back for a second or third measured portion. I need to break the watching TV means I much be eating cycle in my head. Growing up, my dad always sat down after dinner in his chair with a bag of chips, or popcorn, or peanuts, or something as his evening entertainment, this just became part of what I did growing up, and now I still have such urges that watching TV equals snacking, that I often eat when I am not even hungry just because they go together.
Low Days : are just days when I feel blah, and usually all I want to do is curl up on the couch and watch TV, or sleep, or maybe curl up with a good book and tune the rest of the world out. I just don’t have my normal level of energy and have a hard time self-motivating, on these days. I really don’t know how to combat them, sometimes I can feel them coming in advance and make plans to prevent myself sitting alone feeling sorry for myself, but very often they hit out of nowhere, I wake up feeling fine, and then bam that all changes in the blink of an eye, just as fast as they came, they can leave, or sometimes they can linger for longer. I do my best to fight them off, but I just don’t know how to plan well for them.
Stress is a trigger, when I get stressed I want to eat, part of the way to combat that is make healthier snack choices and focus on only eating when I am hungry, which can help with a lot of these trigger problems, however, many times my trigger over rides my intentions and I don’t know how to myself off the ledge. Sometimes it feels so much better to eat my feelings away. The great thing is that lately I don’t have a whole lot of stress in my life, I have an awesome job that I love that does not provide me with any stress. My home life is great no stress there, we can pay our bills, afford to eat, and even have some extra money for fun things, so I have no finical stress. This might be the first time in the last 7 years that I have no real stressors in my life, so I currently do not foresee a huge problem with my stress trigger.
Parties, Holidays, Celebrations, Gatherings: Hello tons of yummy food, and everyone around you indulging. It is hard not to, but I am slowly working on planning a head and packing healthy things to eat, so that I can still feel included, for instance this Sunday I went to a bday party where the only food they were serving was pizza, I packed a healthy salad and ate that first then had just one slice of pizza. I had two cupcakes, but I am not perfect, could have been much worse and cakes are one of my weaknesses this is why I never make them because I will eat the whole thing. If I can continue to make even small changes like this for these types of occasions, I am winning.
Working late just tends to make me want to pick up quick food because I am tired and don’t feel like cooking. I can combat this by have Tim help more with food prep (he does quite a bit of this right now), also by using the crockpot more so that dinner is ready when I walk in the door and there are no excuses about being too tired to cook. My next freezer cooking event will also help with this…
TOM: I just want to eat everything and lots of it. I am always hungry during this time. Simple, workout more so that I can eat more, choose healthier things to eat more as well. Make sure to eat only when hungry and not for any of those other reasons.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JAXMOMMY 10/10/2013 11:07AM

    I feel ba dthat I've missed so many of your blogs this past week! This sounds like you have solid plans for all of your triggers and that is simply awesome! I envy your stress free job and life right now! Great job at the pizza party! Yes, all those small changes make huge differences! I'm proud of you! Keep up the great work! ~Melissa

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KELLIEBEAN 10/9/2013 8:04AM

    That is great that you pinpointed everything. You have a good plan to follow.

I share all of your triggers.

You've got this!

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POLYANNA2 10/8/2013 9:03PM

    You know yourself well, and therefore have the knowledge you need to formulate and execute your plan effectively. Enjoy your trip to goal!!!

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MARYANNSQUEST 10/8/2013 7:07PM

    The fantastic thing is you know the triggers, and you are combating them. That's the great part of being aware of the things around you. Niki, you are doing great!
emoticon emoticon

emoticon emoticon

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SHERYLDS 10/8/2013 6:18PM

    “The future is always beginning now.” ~Mark Strand

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Monday Funday!!

Monday, October 07, 2013

I am very proud of myself this today!! Here are the awesome things I have done right today and over the weekend.

1) Woke up and did 45 minute kickboxing workout, haven't done that one in almost a year and it felt super awesome! I can feel it all over my body and I am sure I will be sore tomorrow, but happy I pushed through and made it to the end! Oh even more amazing is that today is the first day of my Auntie Flow's visit, and usually I am exhausted and use that as an excuse to not do anything.

2) I packed an amazingly healthy breakfast and lunch!! Plus brought fresh fruit for snacks. I had greek yogurt with 1/2 cup of go lean crunch for breakfast. A large salad, with mixed baby greens, mushrooms, carrots grape tomatoes, provolone cheese and lean deli ham with salsa for dressing!! Super yummy and super filling.

3) Yesterday I did 45 minute dance/kickboxing workout. I packed a salad and water to take with me to the birthday party because I knew there was only going to be junk to eat. I did have one slice of pizza, and two small cupcakes, but I had room in my day to include those treats.

4) I accomplished all of the laundry and most of the house cleaning this weekend, plus finally went grocery shopping and made good progress on Cece's Halloween costume. Tonight I should be able to finish the top!

5) Despite Friday being a bad eating day, I had b-day cake (for my niece's b-day, and burger king for dinner), I managed to rein myself in on Saturday and Sunday!! Weekends are my hardest time for over indulging.

6) Finally finished canning all my tomatoes this weekend!!!

I feel awesome today, despite the back cramps. Dinner is already planned and will be super quick so I can get both some organizing and sewing done tonight. I really hope I can finish Cece's costume this week so I can get the last two pieces of Kaelyn's done next week. Tonight I should be able to finish Cece's top and I can start her tail to get it ready to sew onto the skirt, she is being a mermaid, the good thing is that I made this costume already last year for my oldest, so it should go pretty fast.

I woke up before my alarm even went off, which is awesome, because my body is adjusting to the earlier wake up time, which makes it easier to continue morning workouts!

I am both looking forward to and dreading my weigh in tomorrow, I want to be able to figure out my numbers for the 5% challenge, but because of TOM, I am sure that I will be up a little due to water retention and bloating that will be on the agenda for tomorrow.

That's all of my update for today.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JANTWO 10/8/2013 1:12AM

    You are doing great!!!! emoticon

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    I LOVE that ur NOT allowing "Auntie Flow" to interrupt things !! When I had her here visiting (she REFUSED TO MOVE OUT !! For QUITE some time,,,so I KICKED HER OUTTA MY LIFE (Surg). But, when she would appear at my door each month, like CLOCK WORK,,,, I'd just Exercise that MUCH morah !! it made me feel soooo GOOD !!!! SO emoticon on this !

Now I can NOT say I MISS HER !! I wish I had "Kicked HER OUT" at age 16 ,,, if ONLY I KNEW what I KNOW NOW !! LOL

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GOULDSGRANITE 10/7/2013 8:46PM

    With all the non scale victories you have had - The number on the scale is what it is. Just record it, and continue like you have been doing. Woo Hoo! Little improvements day by day! emoticon

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SHERYLDS 10/7/2013 7:16PM

    “Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out.”
~Robert J Collier

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THROOPER62 10/7/2013 5:55PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MERRYMARY42 10/7/2013 5:34PM

    busy you, and exercise always makes me feel better and more active way to go

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LARRSJ 10/7/2013 2:17PM

    Great job on being organized !!!

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JENNA3 10/7/2013 1:10PM

    Way to be prepared and own it! Keep up the great work!

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GYPSYGOTH 10/7/2013 1:09PM

    WOW. you are totally kickin' it! i am super inspired. it's so great when you do something vigorous first thing... it really sets you up for a great day. emoticon with everything!!!

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5% Fall Challenge Motivation

Monday, October 07, 2013

Why do I want to lose weight?
1. Look as good on the outside as I feel on the inside.
2. To wear awesome clothes and look fabulous
3. To be a great role model for my daughters so they never have to struggle like I am.
4. To prove to myself that “I can do it!”
5. To be able to kick someone’s ass if I ever need to, hey I live in an inner city; never know when I might need to defend myself.
6. To be able to wear a bikini that doesn’t have to cover my stomach.
7. I want to like wearing shorts again.
8. I want to have more energy.
9. I don’t want to have high blood pressure like my mom (she finally has lost enough weight to get off her meds, which is super awesome!!)
10. To make women who see me with husband jealous, instead of thinking why is he with her? (my husband is very attractive and very fit, he turns heads where ever we go)
11. Because I deserve it.
12. I want my outsides to look as awesome as I am on the inside.
13. When I reach my goal I really will have it all, and have accomplished all of my goals in life, dream house, dream job, amazing life partner , two beautiful daughters, awesome body is the only thing missing.
14. Because I have been fighting this battle for 7+ years and I finally want to WIN!!
15. I want a healthy relationship with food.
16. I want to be the hot friend.
17. I have this amazing pink fabric that I want to make these awesome pants that are in my head with, but not until I can keep them forever.
18. I want to be able to ride the zip line at Clay’s Park the whole way!
19. I want to be able to ride my bike at least 10 miles.
20. I want to be able to jog for 10 minutes straight.
21. I want well defined abs.
22. I feel best when I eat healthy food.
23. To be more active with my girls.
24. To not rely on my hubby to do all the heavy lifiting.
25. I want a toned lean body!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SHERYLDS 10/7/2013 7:17PM

    “People with clear, written goals, accomplish far more in a shorter period of time than people without them could ever imagine.”
~Brian Tracy

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LARRSJ 10/7/2013 2:14PM

    Awesome list !!!! emoticon

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MARYANNSQUEST 10/7/2013 12:04PM

    Hi Niki!

I love your list of Why you want to lose Weight! emoticon I know that seeing these goals everyday will get you there!
emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 10/7/2013 12:05:15 PM

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TONYAB2000 10/7/2013 10:56AM

    emoticon emoticon

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JERZRN 10/7/2013 9:19AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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Thursday, October 03, 2013

I am writing to keep a commitment I have made to blog daily, but today I am not sure what I am going to write about. This is a warning that this will be very random and lack any focus because I am just going to dump some of my thoughts today on this page.

I am a little bit disappointed with my dinner choice last night, I didn't want to cook, so decided on Penn Station, and then ate way too much. I was very full and uncomfortable afterwards, but I am proud of myself for not really dwelling on it today, and just moving forward and focusing on making better decisions today. I don't have a dinner plan, though and that is really going to bug me, because those are the days I say ok, lets get something from somewhere and I really want to limit that to only once a week, did that last night, so I have to come up with something for dinner tonight. It doesn't help that I really haven't grocery shopped in like 3 weeks because I have been so focused on canning, just grabbing things we need like milk, but we have no fresh fruit and very few fresh veggies in the house, which is making my plan of having fruit or veggie with every meal not really happen right now. I will be shopping tomorrow after work, so that will change.

I need to plan my menus again, I just found the sparkpeople dinner menu planner this week, and I am going to use it to pick some new things to try and help me make my shopping list for tomorrow.

I need to workout more....I got up this morning and had time to squeeze in a short workout, but instead I started cleaning, our house is a mess to the point of being depressing every time I really look at it, and my parents are coming to visit and there is so much that needs to be done before they get here. Where is my magic cleaning fairy? I think she is on strike.

I also need some major sewing time, because I wanted to be much farther along on the girls Halloween costumes than I am. Hopefully I will find some time this weekend to get going on Cece's and get the rest of Kaelyn's cut out. I just wish I could take a day off, but being new I only have 2 days left and I am saving them for xmas so I can have a whole week off.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GCARMSTRONG1977 10/6/2013 1:31PM

    I really like to embrace the concept that anything active can be exercise time. I know that doing clean up or re-organizing doesn't feel like hitting the treadmill or the elliptical machine, but anything active to achieve my daily calorie burning goal is progress. I can relate to "I need to..." I try to challenge myself to look at "Today I did this..." to give myself some credit.

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1STATEOFDENIAL 10/4/2013 2:47AM

    Prioritize and plan what needs to be done. Also, ask for help. If your daughters are old enough to help with tasks, use them. You'll get help and they'll learn skills they'll use for the rest of their lives. Even young kids can help out with simple tasks. Also, if you're willing to set up a standard weekly meal plan, having similar meals the same night of the week (Mondays are one meal, Tuesdays another, etc) then your grocery shopping will be easier, as will meal planning and tracking.

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GODZDESIGN95 10/3/2013 6:56PM

    emoticon I will loan you my magic cleaning fairy. LOL but in the morning i will need her back. emoticon

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