Tuesday, May 15, 2012
My apologies for being my first blog since January and it has to be a subject that is very sensitive to me. I should let you know that there are 2 sides to every story, and my side seems to be the one that gets shot down every time. But I am here to relieve my head of this so I can move on to better things.
This past weekend was Mother's Day, and it was a beautiful day at that. Saturday I spent the day with my MIL and SIL. The SIL is due next week with her 2nd son. It was lovely to see them... and they were happy to see me. We greeted each other with hugs.. because the last time we saw each other was Easter.
On Sunday, my husband gave me my gift and card... and my daughter gave me her gift. She had to go to work, so while she was at work, Hubby and I went to the trail and I did my long run. Nice run though it was... and in the afternoon, my daughter and I went out for lunch and went to visit my mom. I found out that my Mother (of all people) had mother's day breakfast with my sisters and their families... didn't even ask me and my family if we wanted to go. The excuse I got was "I thought you would have been busy". I'm sorry... it still would have been nice to be asked... and I WASN'T busy! I cried knowing that my mother didn't want me to have breakfast with her. So I just ended up giving her a generic Mother's Day card.
Ever since I began my journey - my own mother has never said how proud she is of me loosing the weight and getting healthy. She has shot me down several times saying I am being selfish. But on the other hand, my MIL and FIL have been the complete opposite. They come to my races and support me to cheer for me.
Anymore recently, I have to say that I love my mother, and she will always be my mother... but I will NEVER be close to her like my sisters are. I am always left out of family functions... I have to find out 3rd party or by gossip. I am tired of playing that game. It is too hard to ask that I have somewhat of approval or appreciation from my family?!?!?! Guess not. Because anything I post on Facebook, a picture or status, about anything... my daughter, me, my husband... they don't comment, or even "like" it... but when it comes to my sisters... they are all over it! My MIL and FIL even SIL treat me better than my own family! Now that is sad!
I feel a little bit better now that I got that out... but I know it will be still lingering because my neice has a birthday coming up... wonder if we will get invited.
Thanks for reading, if you read all the way through...
Friday, December 02, 2011
Yep - That is what I say...I need to listen to myself and do as I say! I'm not going to put the blame on anything/anyone but ME! I'm not really proud of myself, and I am going to have to do something about it! I have been dormant for a while... since the summer. And here is my story...I need to get it out, forget about it and MOVE ON!
As of August 1, 2011 I was just 11lbs away from my goal! I was fighting with myself because those last few lbs are the hardest to lose. I was frustrated with myself because whatever I did wasn't working... Turbo Jam, Biking, running… I hadn’t done my walking at work because that has been so demanding of my time. Then I realized that I didn't really have the finances and time to add in there swimming, or go to a gym with an elliptical just to change up my routine. So then because I was trying SO hard to get my metabolism up and to burn more calories, I got stressed and incurred an injury... While hubby and I went out for our yearly biking trip, I stepped off my bike and twisted my ankle. From there it just SNOWBALLED into more issues.
I then couldn’t run until the ankle was healed, and I was feeling like I was losing a battle with myself. I lost my energy to get up early in the morning to do my strength training and then I was trying to be to work early in the mornings so I could get home early to do something like I did the previous summer… but that didn’t work either… Then school started. Beth is a senior in High School, and this is the year that she has a lot of planning to do. And I want to be part of that... again frustrated that there is not enough time in the day for me to make time for me, work, and be there for my family. Between helping her get her license, going to her bowling on Saturday mornings and being a regular house wife, I just got frustrated with myself even more…
My old habits started in again…and my depression was lingering longer... I lost my spark, I lost my focus on my goal. I really was bummed... because I KNEW that the walking was going to keep me going, I KNEW that trying to stay positive was going to help me stay on track! So I weighed again in September and I had gained a few lbs... I was up to 180 something. I wasn’t honest with myself and didn’t track it in SP. I figured I was ok because I wasn’t in my daily routine and slacking off on the exercise is what contributed to my weight gain. I kept telling myself that I will get back down to the 177.... I just loved how I felt, and how my clothes fit me. That was the same weight I was when I stopped Jenny Craig… and I wasn’t going to have another repeat! I fought with myself to get started again.
Since early October, I have had a problem with my right hip. The week after my daughter and I had a weekend of College Tours, I got on the treadmill and began my running again… I was upset with myself that I haven’t made my goal YET! I should have made it a long time ago… but didn’t. I understand each person is different… but try telling my heart that. So anyway… after running that week, my right hip would be stiff and sore! I could barely walk. As long as I am being honest with myself, I have to admit that I was feeling something in the hip about a month ago. I just ignored it, thinking it was growing pains. I went to the doc to see what it could be and found out I have beginning stages of Arthritis or Tendonitis started, and I rather not let that go into Bursitis. So I began taking Glucosamine, Vitamin D, B-Complex, Vitamin C and Omega 3, 6, 9 every day! After a few weeks (by Thanksgiving) I was feeling better mentally! I still have arguments with myself… but I am beginning to see the goal again…
Then my friend Comfort was asking me about some ideas to help her keep her momentum going.. she had lost 15 lbs and wants to lose more before next April. I told her about Coach Nicole’s DVD’s that I did every day when I started out in my journey. Just by talking to her I see how much I inspired her to get back on track.
Then a co-worker who started to lose his weight had came to a plateau and gained again. Just recently I saw him and he has lost over 50lbs and LOOKS GREAT! I am very proud of him. He said that with me stopping by his work area just to tell him where I was in my journey helped him get back on track. I asked him what he was doing.. he said he hasn’t started exercising yet.. but have been counting his calories. I said yes… counting calories helps ALOT!!!
So here I am today… December… almost 6 months after my bout of depression and I told myself that I have to continue! Besides the size 14’s I have are getting very SNUG… and this past summer they were very LOOSE! The hip is still in the healing process. On a good day I try pushing it a bit, and come to find out later in the day, that I really can’t do that. so I have tried to stay active somehow. Doc says that when the hip is consistently feeling better, then I can start my exercise again SLOWLY! So my goal is to stay active, someway. My eating habits haven't gotten any better either... Not tracking my food was a problem.
As of December 1, 2011 I am starting over! I joined a group on facebook with a health coach… holding myself accountable to exercise. There are others there that are also posting positive things… a lot of whom are in the area. I also weighed myself… from August 1st to now, I gained 16lbs. I’m not proud of myself for that… but only one to blame is me. So I even logged it into SP. I am back to 193 and at my halfway from my start weight.
I still have other frustrations that I am working through… one is by end of winter, since I can’t do much lower body workout… is to totally DECLUTTER my house. I’ve already started with my bedroom. And it feels great to have a clean and organized room to sleep in. When my next frustration comes, if you don’t mind, I will blog about it to get it out… just so that I can move on! I may have to start out slow again, but I am ready to start new and make it to my goal!
Thank you for reading! Have a sparking bright day!
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Oka y - I am begining to get back into my exercise routine one step at a time. For some reason, I get in these unexplainable moods. I've had to deal with depression in my past, and had a rough first marriage... and I am not using that as an excuse. I've learned to move on with my life and accept things as they are. It's just that some times that "mood" comes around and it takes me a while to get out of it. I've been on meds for it and I refuse to take them again. Because I am never really "me".
So what I usually do when I get into these mood swings is to do my best to stay in control of my life. Yes - I can NOT handle stress, life changes or surprises. I know my life is no worse than the next person... I just tend to handle my problems in my own way... and hope that my friends can understand that I am going through a phase.
One reason that is helping me return is seeing the people I motivated, who I inspired to get healthy have started to post their accomplishments of walking, running or just exercising. They are, in a way, motivating me too :)
So since I have not done one exercise in over 3 weeks, I have to ease into it... I started my ST today and a little bit of waking and running on the treadmill for 30 minutes. I have to give my body time to transition back into my normal routine. So... I figure a little at a time, I will increase the exercise and I should be back to normal again soon.
All in all... I am asking for motivation... it took just a little bit to get the ball started, and now I need to get it rolling and keep rolling... I have a goal to get a new HRM too.. I am about ready to toss my current one!
So, thank you for stopping by and reading my blog... I will be around again soon!
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
As some of you may know, I see a Chiropracator regularly. Mostly because of my lower back and right hip. Since I was 6 months old. The muscle that holds my right hip tends to rotate my hip outward. You see, when standing, my toes should both be facing forward... when my hip is out, my right toe is facing off to the right. When this happens, my lower back and hip hurt every time I walk.
This past week it has flared up something aweful! I usually see my Chiro every 2 weeks, but I have had to see him the past two weeks in a row. Monday morning I woke up and immediatly had pain in my lower back and hip every time I took a step. Then when I sat down, I could feel the pain... so I had to see the doc again... less than a week from the last appointment.
My hip was more than 3/4 of an inch out of place. When it's that far, my siatic nerve hurts something aweful... and I can't do ANYTHING without pain. He asked me if I did some running, biking or "falling".... lol and I said no. I have done nothing.... so the next thing was the way I slept... and it could possibly be the position I was sleeping in. He suggested that I have a small pillow between my knees while I sleep to keep the hips straight.
Last night I did that for the first time and I felt better. Today I had a goal to go for a bike ride after work. As long as the lower back and hips were good, then I would try it. All day I made the consious effort to keep the back straight and not to twist it. It was a bit sore, but I could walk with ease. I got to work around 6:00 this morning, and by 3:30 I was just about ready to go home and ride... when a problem arose and I had to solve the issue before I could leave. I didn't get out of there till 4:45.
The back was getting sore, and I started to limp because the hip hurt. URGH... You can't imagine how frustrated I am,. I have been dealing with this issue all of my life, and I wish it could just go away. Thinking that loosing 50 lbs would help. NOPE.
So I get home around 5:10 and realize that I have to get some groceries. Jon wasn't home yet.. so much for my bike ride! I just hate to get a late start on my exercise and by the time I eat dinner it's after 8:00. So frustrating... this is one of my battles.
Now I am sitting on the couch typing this, waiting for the motrin to kick in. I feel that this summer has been totally not what I had planned and it is just about over! I need to start running again because there is another 5k race I want to run..
Okay - that's enough of my problems now... gonna get some sleep and hope tomorrow is a better day and I can get some riding done.
Get An Email Alert Each Time NIKANN7493 Posts