Monday, November 14, 2011
Hey! I had a fight with my husband tonight and I wasn't sure where to post this question. I'm not sure which of my blog readers will understand my sitaution. I think it will vary. However I'm depressed and I wanted to talk about it anyway.
I married a man from Oregon. He's a wonderful man! I've seen and heard how some husbands can be and I'm thankful I don't have someone who puts me down or has some strange addicition or worse. However the fight we had tonight is a tough one to solve.
We live in GA. He misses Oregon terribly. He's lived here several years because of the military. His intentions were to return to Oregon after he was done with the military. However he met me on eharmony and sent me an invitation to chat. We hit it off and the rest is history. We've always talked about Oregon. He wants to move back. He's always given me the hypothetical five years story. He's shown me homes and places he wants to live which is maybe 15 miles from where his parents are located. He misses his parents and he says he misses his home. He's never declared GA to be his home. His mom, dad and sister live in Oregon. His dad has MS and Josh also feels guilty for not being there to help his mom. All of his parent's extended family live in UT. The families see each other two to three times per year back and forth.
I live in GA. Lived here all my life. My parents and friends and extended family are all here. When I married Josh I told him that I would be willing to move back with him. However, my mother, other relatives and my close friends have made me feel guilty about it. I can't deny that I'm afraid to be such a great distance from them. I hate to fly but I'm willing to do it to see my family as often as I can. My parents are terrified of flying and they don't have a lot of money for travel. And I would still willingly do this traveling myself to see them.
So my mom was giving me another guilt trip again. Telling me that I would not have a support system out West. She and my dad financially give more to Josh and I than his parents. She said the girl should be close to her family....you know basically everything she can to make me feel bad. I told her that I don't want Josh to not have more time with his parents. I told her it would be fair for us to move there a while. Unless they decide to leave Oregon, we would be their support system.
So I got to talking to Josh about it tonight. He gets angry with my parents about this discussion. He's called us selfish about this before. He says he needs to be there for his dad. I understand and support this. I told him that I would willingly go. However, for how long? I asked him how long we would be there. He mentioned maybe from the time our child reached 5....(5 years until college) or whatnot....All hypothetical.
So I told him this would be fine but I wanted to spend more than one week a year visiting relatives in GA. I would be leaving everything behind for who knows long. I mentioned that maybe I could come one month every summer while Joey was young to spend with family in GA. I want Joey to know his GA family the way he will his Oregon family.
Josh thinks I'm being irrational. His arguement is that he's gone years without seeing his folks. He thinks a month is too long to spend without him and he says I'm making decisions without him. He says he can't just spend a month now in Oregon when he wants to. My arguement was the fact that if we move in five years, he will get everyday with them, since he wants to live close by them, like ten minutes down the road. I only get once every month or two months with my parents now. He thinks I'm being unfair to want this for me and for my son. He says he was mad because he wants to be included but I was only thinking if his vacations were only one week out of the year, I would like to extend my visiting time in GA for longer. I can't just agree to one time per year, if I'm leaving my parents when they are 60 and when our son will finally be old enough to establish a relationship with his GA grandparents.
I know I'm possibly thinking too far ahead and I blame my mother for bringing this up but I feel like she is making me choose between my husband and them and I feel like my husband is making me choose between him and them. If I'm going to be ten minutes away from my in-laws in five years. I told him I would willingly go. However I feel like I'm cutting everything off just to please him. Why can't he compromise a little with me? Am I being irrational?
I have a job that works around my schedule by the way, which is why I have not mentioned my work being a problem for me because it would not.