Saturday, December 11, 2010
This is the last week that I wear the Cardio Net. The nurse told me she is impressed with what she has seen on the monitor. I don't really wake with a racing heart. So all in all I've made some progress but I don't feel out of the water. I still have these firings PAC's PVC's....all things the doc says is normal. They get worse with exercise so I don't exercise. They get worse with certain meals so I try not to move too much after eating. I never know when it's going to be bad. I'm doing my best to eliminate certain problems foods although I haven't completely.
Today sucked because I went in for an MRI. I drank a bit of hemp milk with some sugar in it before the procedure. I had taken a klonopin and I felt good. I'm not even claustrophobic. However I went in and at the same time during the MRI, I began getting PVC's. I told her to pull me out and I could not go through with it. Everyone is blaming me being claustrophobic and anxious but I wasn't. I had taken a sedative! I could not control what happened and it happened during the same point in the MRI. I told her I would try and reschedule later and take a bit more of my beta blocker, hoping that will help. I don't know. I cried afterward. I swear it was the machine. I haven't had anymore PAC's PVC's all day even though I've been depressed about it.
So I see the Cardio Wednesday for my result. I guess he's gonna say I'm fine and live with it but, these have gotten progressively worse over the years. It's getting harder to just live with flutters and PVC's especially since I get them doing just about everything I enjoy. Eating, Exercising, Sex. If it were just anxiety, wouldn't I have them during more tense moments? I don't know what to do.
Everyone says I just need to change how I change my attitude about them and they'll go away. That's not true because I'm on a beta blocker, a benzo for anxiety and I still get all sorts of strange flutters. I'm usually not in a terrible state of mind. Just beyone annoyed because I don't know how to get over this.
So I'm sorry for not being sparkable. I'm just not. I don't know when I will be again. This is just my journey right now, my bend in the road. I've lost 50 pounds and feel less healthy.
I plan to log in and read blogs. Maybe write but know that I'm not going to be much of a motivator anytime soon until I can either come to terms with what is going on or until I can find a solution. With the holidays coming, I'll be a way until the end of the month anyway. Flying to Utah. Not sure how I'm going to get through that either.
I hope to make a resolution to lose more weight at the beginning of the year. My wedding is in March and I'm ready to get it over with, mostly because I'm not supposed to drink, eat cake or any of the catered food I've ordered. Oh trust me I'll eat it but I'm sure I'll regret it later, like always.
So I'm sorry for being a debbie downer. I'll end my blog here and just wish all of you a Merry Christmas, hoping you all have a great holiday.