Tuesday, January 24, 2012
I just spent time reading my blogs from June of last year when this journey started for me. I had the gastric bypass done on Dec 14 2011, that was just another tool to help me along the way. Since last June, I have lost 59 lbs. I don't really have a goal of where I want to be, but I know I need to lose at least another 50 lbs. Since the surgery, I have started an exercise routine at the local YMCA. While I am still participating in the arthritis water aerobics class, I have also added the treadmill, recumbent bike, and some weight equipment to the routine. I try to exercise from 3-5 days a week.
I meet with the nutritionist tomorrow and look forward to hearing how she thinks I am doing on my meals and any suggestions she can add. Heavier foods I can only eat about 1/4 to 1/3 cup, while soups and lighter meals I can eat about 1/2 cup. Wow, what a change from the amount I was eating preoperative.
The hardest part I have found is just cooking so little for just one person. Sometimes I actually think "why bother"? At the rate I am filling up my freezer with left overs, I may not have to cook again for months! Hhmmm, wonder what I will do with all that extra time?
I've come a long way since those early days last June and I feel I can almost see the light at the end of the tunnel! I know I already feel better, my knee pain is gone! I can walk 30 mins on the treadmill now at 2.8 mph. I haven't walked steady for 30 mins in years! I ride the bike 30 mins. I've dropped from a size 26 jeans to a size 20 ( and they are getting loose). I've gone from a size 3X top to an XL.
Yes, I think I have made some smart decisions this past year. The gastric bypass has really helped and I have had no complications post op. I think I am finally ready to finish off this battle!
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Change on the outside will have no effect on your happiness or fulfillment unless you change on the inside, too - Healthy Reflection 6-12-11
I have to disagree with this one sentence. Having lived the last 20 years of my life being not just obese, but morbidly obese, I know what carrying the weight will do to you inside. It greatly lowered my confidence in myself and my self-esteem. It is embarrassing to have to struggle to walk, get up out of a chair, wonder what other people are saying when they see you eat. It becomes easier to just stay at home and let the world come to you instead of going out to greet the world head on.
I have also lived in the thin world...ok, maybe not for long, but I was there once. LOL....and the difference in your whole demeanor is amazing. You walk with your head up and a little attitude. You know inside that you can take on the world and win just because you have more pride in yourself. When you walk it is with a swish in your hips not a waddle on your feet. People no longer avoid your gaze, they return your smile.
I don't know why large people are treated different ... large people are just as smart as the next person and can have wonderful personalities and are just as loving as thin people. But from experience I have found the treatment is different.
I look forward to the day that I can be looked at as a real part of my society. I look forward to making those people that couldn 't meet my gaze, wish that they had. I look forward to running to the future instead of waddling toward it.
Sunday, June 05, 2011
A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse.
- Stephen Dolley Jr.
Do you see possibilities or problems?
It's been said that some of the smartest people around would make lousy entrepreneurs. How can that be? The fact is, some people are so smart they can easily see all of the problems, roadblocks, and snafus that they'll need to overcome to succeed. They can think of all kinds of reasons why their idea won't work. This knowledge can overwhelm any thoughts of possibilities or dreams. When you think of your goals, do you focus on the positives of making it happen, or the negatives of potential barriers? To reach your goals, you gotta really want them. More importantly, you gotta really believe that you can do it. Think more about why you CAN make it happen instead of why you can't. No more excuses. HR 6-5-11
I think this paragraph does apply to me. I have always been accused of either thinking the decision through too carefully or not thinking through at all. Never a happy medium with me about anything.
Already I have been thinking of all the negatives about my decision for the gastric bypass. Out of pocket expenses will some months push me over the edge; money lost from being out of work although it is possible I can reschedule everyone around my surgery. I think about the fact I have never been successful for very long on any diet...I may lose for a while but I end up gaining it all back plus some. Lack of willpower is a huge problem for me...I have a difficult time saying no to all the things I shouldn't or can't be eating.
My parents always accused me of never finishing anything I started. I remember how proud I was when I graduated nursing school, because for once they couldn't say that about me anymore. I so badly want to be proud of myself once again for something I accomplished besides finishing a book, movie or cleaning my plate!
I try to think positive. By the time my surgery date comes up I will be a year out from Mom's death and the day I quit smoking. I should have worked through both of those major events. I have all summer to get used to cooking for just myself again..cooking in small single serve quantities. This summer when I can veges from the garden, I will accomplish this with smaller single size jars rather than the quart jars I normally use.
I will be able to come off my diabetic medications after the surgery saving me tons of money in the long run.There is a strong possibility my feet, knees and hips won't hurt anymore. I'll be able to see my toes and perform my own foot care. I hope I will be able to walk and hike again...I really miss doing this. My gardening won't be so hard and I can enjoy it once again.
While I can write down all the positives and get excited, a little voice in the back of my mind says "but what if all these things don't happen, will the surgery still be worth it?". Negative thoughts are a constant struggle with me.
Thursday, June 02, 2011
I'm rather pleased, I only went over by 200 calories and 20 carbs today. Not too bad for the first day of really trying and I was very honest when I logged in the food. Yesterday I just gave up trying to log everything...it was that bad! I am proud that I have talked myself out of a milkshake or sundae two days in a row now...that is my weakness once it gets hot. I'm still working on my water...I am getting some down but not even close to enough.
I only managed two meals today since I was working. Hard to eat at a patient's house though I told her next time I would have to bring something with me....or try and schedule my visits between breakfast and lunch
Cut my first yellow squash and zucchini out of the garden today and will probably cut some lettuce and radishes tomorrow. Maybe some grilled fish and veges tomorrow for lunch or dinner.
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