NEZAB24   34,506
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Long day

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

The started off with a staff meeting (which by the way I hate going to) that was mandatory. Half way through the meeting someone set down a huge platter of bagels and cream cheese. This has always been one of my favorite breakfasts. I tried hard not to stare at them and keep my mind on the business at hand but I failed miserably as my eyes locked on them and wouldn't move! But I won out as I never touched them...yay! I had my protein bar instead and then left the meeting room in a hurry as soon as I could. LOL...

I've been surprised how tired I am after seeing a patient. My job is not strenuous at all. My patient today was especially trying. I love her to death and have been seeing her for several years...but she talks nonstop from the time you get there until you leave and never comes up for air. I know it is just because she misses female friendship....but really, it got to me today. I couldn't wait for her infusion to finish so I could go home for some quiet time!

I know I will sit in my recliner in a bit and probably fall fast asleep! Have to get some more protein in first!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BSYWOMAN 2/2/2012 10:49PM

    Kudos to you for not touching the bagels and cream cheese...your work is showing in your go girl!

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LISAKMT 1/31/2012 6:01PM

  Good work!! Yeah for will power. I feel for you, my coworker that sits next to me eats all day long. Keep up the good work.

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ANDIEBM71 1/31/2012 5:50PM

    Yay for not eating the bagels and cream cheese!! I hate it when my co-workers bring food in and announce that it is in the breakroom! I stay away:)

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I am slowly winning the battle

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

I just spent time reading my blogs from June of last year when this journey started for me. I had the gastric bypass done on Dec 14 2011, that was just another tool to help me along the way. Since last June, I have lost 59 lbs. I don't really have a goal of where I want to be, but I know I need to lose at least another 50 lbs. Since the surgery, I have started an exercise routine at the local YMCA. While I am still participating in the arthritis water aerobics class, I have also added the treadmill, recumbent bike, and some weight equipment to the routine. I try to exercise from 3-5 days a week.

I meet with the nutritionist tomorrow and look forward to hearing how she thinks I am doing on my meals and any suggestions she can add. Heavier foods I can only eat about 1/4 to 1/3 cup, while soups and lighter meals I can eat about 1/2 cup. Wow, what a change from the amount I was eating preoperative.

The hardest part I have found is just cooking so little for just one person. Sometimes I actually think "why bother"? At the rate I am filling up my freezer with left overs, I may not have to cook again for months! Hhmmm, wonder what I will do with all that extra time?

I've come a long way since those early days last June and I feel I can almost see the light at the end of the tunnel! I know I already feel better, my knee pain is gone! I can walk 30 mins on the treadmill now at 2.8 mph. I haven't walked steady for 30 mins in years! I ride the bike 30 mins. I've dropped from a size 26 jeans to a size 20 ( and they are getting loose). I've gone from a size 3X top to an XL.

Yes, I think I have made some smart decisions this past year. The gastric bypass has really helped and I have had no complications post op. I think I am finally ready to finish off this battle!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BSYWOMAN 2/2/2012 10:57PM

    Love to see the pictures you post on definitely ARE losing the weight and it is showing up in the pictures...keep up the good work, I know you can do it.

I've started once again doing some of the exercises for those of us who have arthritis and I'm trying to incorporate a few from "Yoga for Arthritis" by Loren Fishman, MD and Ellen Saltonstall. I think it's helped a little...they tell you how to know when you are trying to do too much and how to correct that.

Time will tell if it's going to help a lot or a little...I'm only exercising a couple of days a week but since I live on the second floor, I take the stairs when I go down to check the mail and of course, we always do a lot of walking when we go grocery shopping with Avery, that's a trip! But I love every minute.

Glad to hear that you feel you have made the right decisions for you...keep it up! emoticon

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Sunday, June 12, 2011

Change on the outside will have no effect on your happiness or fulfillment unless you change on the inside, too - Healthy Reflection 6-12-11

I have to disagree with this one sentence. Having lived the last 20 years of my life being not just obese, but morbidly obese, I know what carrying the weight will do to you inside. It greatly lowered my confidence in myself and my self-esteem. It is embarrassing to have to struggle to walk, get up out of a chair, wonder what other people are saying when they see you eat. It becomes easier to just stay at home and let the world come to you instead of going out to greet the world head on.

I have also lived in the thin world...ok, maybe not for long, but I was there once. LOL....and the difference in your whole demeanor is amazing. You walk with your head up and a little attitude. You know inside that you can take on the world and win just because you have more pride in yourself. When you walk it is with a swish in your hips not a waddle on your feet. People no longer avoid your gaze, they return your smile.

I don't know why large people are treated different ... large people are just as smart as the next person and can have wonderful personalities and are just as loving as thin people. But from experience I have found the treatment is different.

I look forward to the day that I can be looked at as a real part of my society. I look forward to making those people that couldn 't meet my gaze, wish that they had. I look forward to running to the future instead of waddling toward it.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BSYWOMAN 6/20/2012 8:18PM

    Knowing you as I do, I know that you will make your final goal and never mind how long it took you to get there.

I lived with a morbidly obese mother so I understand where you are coming from. She, as well as you, wondered the same things. Toward the end of her life, she only went out to go her doctors visits. I never asked, but now looking back on it, I think she was ashamed of how she looked. To all 4 of her children, with me being the oldest, she was just Mama, and we all 4 got into plenty of fights defending her honor, if you will. There were a lot of boys that soon found out you don't say mean things about MY mama and not wear a whipping, especially from a girl who wore glasses...yep, I had my own cross to bear...heard everything from ole cross-eyes (which I'm not) to 4-eyes to everything in between. At the time it hurt but in the long run, it made me a better person, or I like to think it did.

Keep on doing what you're doing and you WILL win your race and I hope to be able to be there when you do. emoticon

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    I know. I am glad that you return to a central focus once in awhile and keep working at it. Me too! One day we will figure this out! Why? Because of persistence, determination, and a refusal to give up or give in!!!

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Over coming negative thoughts

Sunday, June 05, 2011

A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse.

- Stephen Dolley Jr.

Do you see possibilities or problems?

It's been said that some of the smartest people around would make lousy entrepreneurs. How can that be? The fact is, some people are so smart they can easily see all of the problems, roadblocks, and snafus that they'll need to overcome to succeed. They can think of all kinds of reasons why their idea won't work. This knowledge can overwhelm any thoughts of possibilities or dreams. When you think of your goals, do you focus on the positives of making it happen, or the negatives of potential barriers? To reach your goals, you gotta really want them. More importantly, you gotta really believe that you can do it. Think more about why you CAN make it happen instead of why you can't. No more excuses. HR 6-5-11

I think this paragraph does apply to me. I have always been accused of either thinking the decision through too carefully or not thinking through at all. Never a happy medium with me about anything.

Already I have been thinking of all the negatives about my decision for the gastric bypass. Out of pocket expenses will some months push me over the edge; money lost from being out of work although it is possible I can reschedule everyone around my surgery. I think about the fact I have never been successful for very long on any diet...I may lose for a while but I end up gaining it all back plus some. Lack of willpower is a huge problem for me...I have a difficult time saying no to all the things I shouldn't or can't be eating.

My parents always accused me of never finishing anything I started. I remember how proud I was when I graduated nursing school, because for once they couldn't say that about me anymore. I so badly want to be proud of myself once again for something I accomplished besides finishing a book, movie or cleaning my plate!

I try to think positive. By the time my surgery date comes up I will be a year out from Mom's death and the day I quit smoking. I should have worked through both of those major events. I have all summer to get used to cooking for just myself in small single serve quantities. This summer when I can veges from the garden, I will accomplish this with smaller single size jars rather than the quart jars I normally use.

I will be able to come off my diabetic medications after the surgery saving me tons of money in the long run.There is a strong possibility my feet, knees and hips won't hurt anymore. I'll be able to see my toes and perform my own foot care. I hope I will be able to walk and hike again...I really miss doing this. My gardening won't be so hard and I can enjoy it once again.

While I can write down all the positives and get excited, a little voice in the back of my mind says "but what if all these things don't happen, will the surgery still be worth it?". Negative thoughts are a constant struggle with me.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NENATO2 6/16/2011 11:13AM

    I hate the implication that you have not done your research. Who in their right mind would not find out all the positives and ALL the negatives?

I have confidence in you to know that you have done your research and that you are making an informed decision.

Wishing you the best and you are doing what is best for you.

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ANGIE_JCFD520 6/5/2011 9:11PM

    SusanB_Miller~ as a good friend of Jan's, I can tell you that she is not taking this decision lightly, it was nice of you to offer thoughts to her, but she has been doing her research. Hang in Jan, you will make the right choice for you. ;) You can do this!

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NEZAB24 6/5/2011 8:15PM

    Thank you for the link...I did go there but did not see anything I had already been either told by my surgeon's office in the initial interview or as an RN I already knew. Talking to people who have actually had the surgery and have had some of the complications has helped me a lot also.

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GREENTHUMB234 6/5/2011 7:57PM

  I know several people that had a gastric bypass and nearly all ran into post-surgery digestive problems. So I would take my time and not rush into things.

Here is some info you might want to check out with facts and figures about the possible complications people that have gastric bypass can encounter. It's good to know all sides of the issue, and not just the side the medical people that are trying to sell you on the idea want you to know.


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NEZAB24 6/5/2011 7:57PM

    Both my parents are deceased. I have only myself to prove things to now. I am aware I can change my mind up to the last minute, however, for my health I need to follow through with this. I have been researching and talking to people for several years. I am not rushing into anything. I have realized something must be done though or I won't be here a year from now to be discussing this.

Thanks for reading my blog.

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GREENTHUMB234 6/5/2011 7:33PM

  With something as life changing as gastric bypass, it is important to weigh all the options and issues. I have read where many people have a lot of complications with digestion after the surgery and don't feel good for a long time.

Like everything else, there are no guarantees as to how things will turn out.. And there is certainly no shame in changing your mind if you decide not to go through with it.

But if you do decide to have the surgery, please don't just do it to prove your parents wrong. Their are much less painful ways to prove your parents wrong than to go through surgery.

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ANGIE_JCFD520 6/5/2011 11:32AM

    Jan, I think that all of us who struggle with weight have the same negative voice talking to us. Just know that you aren't alone and you can't change your eating habits overnight (which I know we all want the weight gone NOW!). When you are feeling the negatives overcome the positives, log on to spark and go to the blogs and read all the success stories. I have been doing this lately and they all struggle too, but they have come so far! You can do this! I'm just sorry to hear that your parents put some of the negative voices in your head! Just listen to your inner voice who says you CAN do this!
Hugs girlfriend!

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BRENDALEE235 6/5/2011 11:24AM

    Thank you for the blog, I too suffer from the same kind of negative thinking. Are mom's great, my mother always told me the same thing "you never finish anything you start" so my attitude was why try. I have worked on changing that and I have one more semester this fall and I will have a BA in leadership and education. I droped out of high school in the tenth grade. So I need to be proud of myself and remember those are my mother's issues not mine.
I am having the surgery in a couple of weeks and I need to stay focused on the postive other wise that little voice wants to see this as a failure or weekness. It is nice to know I am not the only one with the battle. thanks again.

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One meal short

Thursday, June 02, 2011

I'm rather pleased, I only went over by 200 calories and 20 carbs today. Not too bad for the first day of really trying and I was very honest when I logged in the food. Yesterday I just gave up trying to log was that bad! I am proud that I have talked myself out of a milkshake or sundae two days in a row now...that is my weakness once it gets hot. I'm still working on my water...I am getting some down but not even close to enough.

I only managed two meals today since I was working. Hard to eat at a patient's house though I told her next time I would have to bring something with me....or try and schedule my visits between breakfast and lunch

Cut my first yellow squash and zucchini out of the garden today and will probably cut some lettuce and radishes tomorrow. Maybe some grilled fish and veges tomorrow for lunch or dinner.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ANGIE_JCFD520 6/2/2011 9:08PM

    Great job Jan! I'm sure that once you get with the flow, you won't crave the ice cream...GREAT job talking yourself out of it. And keep working on the is a hard thing to drink that much some days! Hopefully, before we know it, we will be reaching for water without even thinking about it. :)

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