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5/29 personal inventory

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

It is Tuesday for me that means weigh in day. No matter what if I am with my scales on Tuesday we weigh. This morning I weighed and well for a moment I was disappointed in myself. I weighed 304.4 that is a loss of over two pounds for the week. However I am reminded again that another month will end I will not be at that goal of 299.

Yea so I cried, it is emotional doing this program week after week. Some weeks are high weeks some are low weeks and well some are just weeks. I try not to get wrapped up in the numbers but a goal is a goal. This marks ten months I have been on this journey now. I joined Spark people in January so that is about five months.

So where are we now ..
Fitness goal for the year was set at 4320 minutes I busted that goal this morning and had to reset another one.

Weight goal ..... Well I started here at 332 pounds and now I am 304 that is a loss of 28 pounds. I have consistently loss 1 to 2 pounds a week.

Nutrition ... I am learning to eat better portions and healthier ways to prepare food. I don't deprive myself of anything I just find what i want in a healthier way.

In the grand scheme of things 28 pounds sounds great however I am taking a non spark moment here I am down 61 pounds in ten months I think that is pretty great. This is just my personal inventory on a disappointing day. I may not be at 299 yet ( i will get there before June 25 though) What I have already accomplished is more than most do in a lifetime. So no more beating myself up today just smiles and sweat from here.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MARIANNELK 5/31/2012 5:05PM

    Great job, kiddo! Be proud. You certainly earned.

The longest journey starts with one step. And tomorrow, another step will occur! emoticon

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CITYZOZO 5/30/2012 6:49AM

    nice work.. you will soon see 299..keep doing just what you are doing.. it took me a year to lose 10 lbs and that was such a milestone for me..

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ALDNJPD1 5/29/2012 8:25PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
You are doing an amazing job! I am proud of you!!!

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KATYDID412 5/29/2012 7:58PM

    28 pounds gone is awesome! Don't undervalue that. Try to take it one step at a time - literally.


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STOP-IT-KNOW 5/29/2012 7:57PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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RAE_LEIGH22 5/29/2012 7:44PM

    Oh my goodness, I had no idea how far you've come! I haven't chatted with you in a while, and I didn't realize the incredible progress you've made.

I am so proud of you. Forget that silly 299! Soon enough, it'll be yours.

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THINNYGINNY 5/29/2012 4:04PM

    You have accomplished so much!!! It is like turning the titanic around - no that is not a comment about weight - lol! Just an analogy about how difficult it is to change long time bad habits and go against our culture which pushes us to excess. You have put yourself on a new path that leads to health and weight loss and well being - and you are MILES down the path's just more miles to go. We will both do it - in whatever time it takes. Proud of you!!!

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walking through pain

Monday, May 28, 2012

I love football, we should get that out of the way right now. I suppose everyone when watching such things as sports has one thing that keeps them coming back to them. For me it is one thing, the run. I love when that running back drops down and hits the sideline for the stretch. I wait entire games to see that one play when it is one player against all the rest. He is full of adrenaline, focused and he is moving that ball. This move doesn't happen every game but when it does in my mind I am running with him on that field I know hilarious thought.

My favorite player is Mark Ingram. I watched him all through his time with Alabama and I root for him still to this day. Although I have never been lucky enough to meet him I really idolize him well more importantly his legs. The have done profound studies on his movements on the field. It is amazing what he can do. I watch with sheer joy. I know this blog is making no sense right now so let me get to it.

I would love to run. In my heart I want to run. I want to feel that wind against my skin, I want to know if the sweat is different. I am not talking that running with the children outside, I am talking I want to feel that stretch run. That being said I am also very much aware that this will probably never happen. Most days it is an effort to walk. However I am know quieter either .

Early on I had to learn to walk through the pain for exercise. When you walk through the pain you must go some where else, you must not think of that pain. When I first learned this it was Mark Ingram that centered me in my mind. I could get through one mile alright the beginning of the second mile is where the problem would come into play.

Here on Sparkpeople I have learned that what I do is called visualizing. I have not had to have Mark along side with me in a few months now but this morning while walking when I came to the last 1/4 mile. I almost stopped and I was standing bent at the waist hands on knees thinking I cant go on it hurts. Mark appeared in my head and said come on do the stretch. So I took one step at a time first slowly and then i went to that football. I had to walk through the pain and Mark was right there saying catch me if you can. So I know none of this makes sense but the point is when trying to lose this much weight and start over you have some truly insane moments.This is one of mine. One day I will catch Mark even if it is only in my mind but for now he can just help me get through one more mile one step at a time. emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MSCARCHICK 6/6/2012 7:23PM

    That's an awesome tip. I just had to buy an ankle brace so that I could push through the pain.

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STOP-IT-KNOW 5/29/2012 8:00PM

    I have pain 24/7 if it wasn't for my treadmill i wouldn't be able to walk but we will over come this pain. emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 5/29/2012 8:01:29 PM

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JUSTYNA7 5/29/2012 12:03PM

    Whatever it takes. Hurray for your walk. I am afraid to walk any distance right now because of my knee becoming unstable. Love my walking poles for those moments which I should remind myself of. I can get around the block with those.

I wish I could lend you my adult tricylce! Get that wind in your face feeling.

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MARIANNELK 5/29/2012 8:14AM

    I used to do an imitation of a runner. I enrolled in a lot of 5K races and usually finished in about 35-40 minutes.

But running hurt my ankles. My feet objected even more! I won't even get into how my knees felt.

So then I changed to race walking. My time for the 5K was almost as good as my running time. Nothing hurt. I was breathing with a reason! I was enjoying my 5Ks again.

Lesson learned? Listen to my body. I can visualize the late Olympic lady runner with the flowing hair, beautiful nails & interesting costumes. But that's not me. And thank God because she died much too early in life.

Sooo just be me. Race walk, or walk...doesn't matter. What matters is doing, being, and never giving up.

But perhaps a new walking outfit is just something I can add to make the walk more interesting. Do you think so? emoticon emoticon

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JAIRIE813 5/28/2012 8:56PM

    Way to go!! That is great that you have something you can use to help you get through!

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One less pound One less pain

Friday, May 25, 2012

Here I sit on the very couch that started the process of changing my life. This couch was my best friend for several months as my right foot became so bad that walking the 5 feet to the bathroom was a chore. The rail road spike of a plantar wart that was in my heel at the past surgical site was unbearable to say the least. The surgery was scary and new to me and my doctor. He went in and removed a skin graph on the right heel, the incision started at the middle of my heel and went to the middle of the arch. It had 21 stitches that stayed in two weeks. Long days on this couch. I did everything I was suppose to do. I didn't move more than i had to, i didn't go any where with the aid of those crutches and that cane. it took months before I could wear regular tennis shoes again. Half way through the recovery time i started wondering would it be this bad if i didn't weigh over 300 lbs. Then i promised myself and my foot that I would do every thing in my power to take off the weigh that if this worked then I would work hard to insure that my foot never hurt that bad again.

The days past and the knowledge started to grow. I started researching everything i could get my hands and I devised what I believe to be the best plan for me. I want it more than anything . And finally released from the prison of This Couch. I had to get muscle back after all it was 10 weeks here. I scheduled the yearly check up to make sure I was healthy and yes I am thank god. That was 11 months ago.

Two months ago i felt the twinge of pain in that heel. Fear grew and I thought there is no way we cut it out again. We burnt the nerves. No it is is a phantom pain it inst real. But it was real and it was back with a vengeance. Everyday brought a little more pain. It hurts I walk despite it. I go to a cloudy filled sky and for 40 minutes i push harder than any one person should ever have to. Every step I say this step will lead to less pain just keep walking on less pound one less pain. Two weeks ago came the talks to the foot where i have to concentrate on the foot to make it move and convince it that we can do this one step at a time.

So back to the doctor. He really is wonderful and he is working so very hard to help. I prepared myself because it was going to be ugly. Yesterday was back to the doctor day. I went he touched the foot squeezed the foot and yes x-rayed the foot. there is the plantar wart in the heel, a huge heel spur and there is something going on with ankle and ankle joints. He was as disappointed as me that this thing was back. I have to have an MRI and have to see another type of Doctor thanks to a blog that I found here on So we have more options.
I hate the word hopeless because I really believe that you can find hope if you look hard enough. But last night for the first time in 10 months i felt hopeless. I had to walk with the cane because of all that was done yesterday afternoon to the foot. I cant tell you where exactly this morning it hurts it is just shooting pain off in every direction. I keep repeating one less pound one less pain but it isn't working this morning ... However I will take that walk before this day is out ... I will walk that two miles even it takes me two hours or longer I will move past this pain... yea this is whining at its best ... If this morning you can walk with no pain or moderate pain then you do it so that you never feel this way in your life. Make the pledge to yourself One Less Pound One less Pain.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MARIANNELK 5/28/2012 12:23PM

    My thoughts & prayers are with you during this horrible, painful time. I'm wishing & hoping that the Doctor will help you get back to your pain-free days. It's a real setback in your weight program but it will pass and make you stronger than before. I can just feel it!

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IMAREADER 5/26/2012 1:59PM

    I can certainly relate and hope that you get a good resolution to this problem. I'm having issues with my knees (the left one, mainly) and can feel it 'go out from under me' now and then (I use a cane for occasional support). I'm really trying to lose weight, because I read somewhere that for every pound you lose, you take four pounds of stress off of your knees and ankles. I, too, feel like I'm walking on glass--being so careful of how I take every step. (I can remember not that many years ago trotting up and down stairs like it was nothing. I'm hoping to someday be able to walk fairly easily up the stairs and to bypass the elevator!) I can walk a little on my treadmill and can do a few minutes on my stationary or regular bike, but I need to find a local pool for water exercises.

Thinking good thoughts for all of us with our 'muscle and joint' issues! We can do it!

Comment edited on: 5/26/2012 2:01:19 PM

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JUSTYNA7 5/25/2012 9:03AM

    You are fearfless. I am very proud. I know when my knees started to get too bad to walk I could for a while bike on a stationary bike. Then when that got too hard I started walking in the pool. Did you know that walking in the pool is 3x more work (at chest height) than walking on land? It works all the large muscles without putting stress on the joints... or the ankle. When I got my knee replacement I was so astonished at the lack of pain. Yes, the post surgery pain... but gone was the constant agony. Now my right knee has it's bad moments. I have a handicap parking pass that I was about to not renew when that knee "slipped out of joint" for the day. Suddenly I remembered all the pain and instability. Like walking on glass and no confidence that it could support me. It was a couple of days walking with my cane again and grimacing with every time I had to get out of my chair (your couch's cousin). I am grateful, reading your blog today that the pain is less and I was able to swim in the pool this morning and walk around the house with only the occassional worry of it giving out. It is time for the knee replacement for that one BEFORE it is constant pain all the time. For you at least you know it worked. You know there is an answer. If you have a pool available I suggest you change to that rather than land walking. Take your pain meds. Have faith. Justyna

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It isnt enough

Friday, May 18, 2012

I read a blog earlier ON2Victory ... In the blog he states that you can't think of food as bad and he is right. As a recovering emotional eater, I say it that way because in a lot of ways I have been addicted to food, I can tell you that is not enough. It wasn't for me any way. Just as when you finally grow up you have to cut some ties with your parents, You have to do the same with food to continue to move forward in this process. For me I had to remove all emotion from food. Food is neither good or bad. I don't love or hate any food. There are foods that I know I can not eat because I can not say no to that particular food. Growing up in the South and talking with people all around the world, I have realized that I was taught a lot about food that well just doesn't fit in with this way of life. There are no foods I will not eat, there are just choices so that I can eat what I want when I want it.

In his blog Robert uses the dough nut as the bad food. What about the celebration party for the promotion or the birthday parties these are good, Right? Well like everyone else I prepare for those events;however, I do not and nor do I let anyone else reward me with food. I do not take days off from my eating plan, I designed the way I eat so I don't have to. I love the way Robert writes and this not to discount what he is saying it is merely to add to it. To conquer emotional eating I had to remove every emotion from my eating habits. It was not easy and I am sure that every person that deals with is thankful now that part has been done as far as the whining and complaining goes but it was accomplished. So the next time that you say I have been good all week so it is Saturday I am going to get a burger remember you have to work three times as hard to get that one off than you did at the beginning of your journey ... You have to work for today because you are getting back on track , you have to work for yesterday because you ate that burger and now you are tired from the grease and fat and you have to work for tomorrow because you have to get the body back regulated again so tomorrow it will not be so hard again. I know this sounds extreme but when you are my weight everything is extreme and has to be lose it. So just have the healthy to start with it is just easier in the long run.

I hope everyone has a wonderful day ...

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

STOP-IT-KNOW 5/29/2012 8:07PM

    I'm also a emotional/compulsive eater.Been trying to make healthier food choices and daily exercise.Want to make friends with other emotional eaters. I had a bad day today went way over my calories. but did my daily workout I'm also from the south and everything is fried and fried again LOL but now I don't fry. boy this health eating is hard but we can do it. emoticon emoticon

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FLY0NTHEWAL1 5/19/2012 2:28PM

    For me, the "bad food" is bread (or pretty much anything with flour in it, like pasta). Most days I don't eat anything with flour in it at all, and I do just fine. Once I introduce flour into my day it's like a switch is thrown. Yesterday I went out to purchase some cold remedies for my person and came home and ate a sandwich. For most people this would just be lunch. For me, this was the end of my tracking for the day. I spent the rest of the day noshing and didn't measure nearly a thing.
I don't know what makes me this way, and I was REALLY hoping I could have some more "relaxed" days, but I don't think I will ever really be able to. And I have to make that ok, because while I am envious of those people that don't have to work to be thin or healthy, if this is what it takes for me to maintain my health then that is what I will do.

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MRSCLARK 5/19/2012 1:49AM

    I'm also a emotional/compulsive eater.Been trying to make healthier food choices and daily exercise.Want to make friends with other emotional eaters .Like your site background

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XPHOENIX 5/18/2012 7:07PM

    So very true! Sometimes people are like "Oh, you are doing so great, just have this" and I'm like "No, I have my food planned for today and not enough calories left for that thing you call a treat, nor do I really want it." On days I want to "splurge" I eat lighter in the morning or whatever to compensate for what I want and eat in the right portion range so that I can keep with my goals. I DO sometimes go over on my calories but I think that is normal and its a range to shoot for and I almost always hit my mark. I feel like I am a success (to myself) because I plan and think and care. And that is half the battle :) Great post!

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WINTERHARTT 5/18/2012 2:49PM

    This is sooo very true. If you think about our society and how we reward our children? (I was just as bad.) They are good..they get a treat...usually some sort of unhealthy food. We encourage our children to finish all the food on their plates. They go to school and are rewarded the same way. Candy, cupcakes, chips, crackers...all unhealthy but yet they associate these "treats" with good behavior, outstanding work and we inadvertently train them that rewarding oneself with food is the acceptable way.

As I've been "rewiring" my brain I've also been working on my daughter. She's 15 and I am hoping the damage I caused can be fixed now! Now when she is rewarded it is with something she really wants. A song on iTune, a cd, makeup, nailpolish or some material thing that she wants. Many times the reward will be her choice on the activity for the day, words of praise, hugs and hi 5's. She still glows and she still feels good...but this kind of reward builds character...not fat cells.

Wonderful blog my friend!

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Now that is better...

Thursday, May 17, 2012

This is one of those weeks. The boys are here so life is limited because they are so small. Last week I spoke with my son and let him know when he gets in from work I really have to go to the walking track in the evenings, this wasn't a problem just trying to get everything in line to do so. However up at 4 am and going for most of the day till he gets home from work between 5 and 5:30 pm I have found that I have not had the energy to go to the track. It takes me 40 minutes to walk 2 miles but it is the arthritis in my right ankle at that is making the evening decision.

This morning I was more agitated than grumpy. I go to the track in the morning because it seems to help me clear my head and get the day started right. That is where I take time for me, to think out what is going right or wrong. I have not had the energy since Monday when the children arrived to go. I did the aerobic DVD this morning and it didnt really help much with the mood.

I was thinking while i fed them lunch I wish I could just do my walk outside. Playing outside with them is one thing however it is different when it is just me. Well here is what I decided to do lol . I own an acre of land and most of it is wide open. So when i was sure they were down asleep for their nap. I went out and walked my yard ( had the baby monitor on the table where i could hear them if they needed me). I wore my pedometer To make sure my steps stayed the same as the track. Now i feel like i can breath again lol, refreshed and energized.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JCDROLSHAGEN 5/22/2012 5:11PM


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MARIANNELK 5/18/2012 12:21AM

    Sometime we have to just think outside the box. You succeeded valiantly on your exercise dilemma, as well as using the baby monitor to allow you to keep on task. An A+ for using the pedometer to show you what you accomplished walking on your acre of land.

Arthritis can really be a hindrance. Our mind "says" one thing but our illness yells, "Stop...or at least slow down until I tell you to move!"

Be proud of yourself! Like cream, you rose to the top!!!! Thank you so much for sharing. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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JUSTYNA7 5/17/2012 3:50PM

    From a young age I took my kids hiking. We are lucky because there is a nice set of trails nearby that have chickadees so we could take sunflower seeds and the kids had them eating out of their hands. It did not occur to me that they could not do this but recently I walked some of the trails we used to do and for the first time was awed about what they managed. We usually had a plan like counting squirrels or collecting fall leaves or seeing the progress on a beaver dam. Now at least 2 of the three girls are "outdoor" kids. One has become a white water canoe counselor and the other enjoys canoe trips and walks. I like to think that my influence helped. Of course yours are much smaller. I think your walk with the moniter was a great plan. Keep your goals in the forefront!

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ELLEJAY7 5/17/2012 3:30PM

    Great way to improvise. I have found that my walking is as good for my mind and soul too. Not the same if you have to take kids,...
BTW, I too have arthritis in my hips and knees. I would be so sore just standing for an hour in the kitchen. Really sore if I went to mall or walked...I found an OTC drug my Dr recommended. It's called Trigosamine and is available at Walmart for about $20 for a month's supply. No joke - it has changed my life! I am walking now without pain. I just want to share with everyone because it has had such a great effect on me! Good Luck.

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LOVEANANIMAL 5/17/2012 2:51PM

    Good for you!!!!

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LDRICHEL 5/17/2012 2:47PM

    Wow. This is really amazing!! Look at you finding ways to make fitness work for your life! This is a skill that many never learn and, if you can master this, will be unstoppable.

Yes, there is something about being's just cleansing for the soul! I LOVE it!!! I'm on a rest day right now...but this makes me REALLLLY excited for my 6am walk that I've got scheduled for tomorrow!!!

Thanks for sharing. This will help so many people.

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