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NEWTINK's Recent Blog Entries

You make me smile .. thank you

Saturday, May 12, 2012

The blog I posted yesterday " come a little ... I have a secret to tell you" has been making its way around the spark today. As i have stated in previous blogs I write primarily for me because it helps me get out and well if some catches a laugh or a smile from my ramblings and smart a** wit then i feel like it is a win win ... I have been truly humbled by the response that blog. I am not that I don't have bad days because oh baby they come all the time I just do what ever i can to beat them down .. I have smiled all day with all the responses to the blog and so happy that there are so many wonderful people that maybe now will see that they are so much than a number on the scale ... Thank all of you for the support and the encouragement ... A special thanks to all my team mates of the teams that i belong for helping share this ... Hugs to each everyone ...

Ps I really prefer to thank each one of individually however I cant keep up ... it is amazing

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FLY0NTHEWAL1 5/14/2012 9:49PM

    That was a great post, and it was a great reminder to everyone that we aren't JUST whatever our body is, big or small, fat or fit, etc. I'm glad you're getting so much love! : )

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XPHOENIX 5/12/2012 9:06PM

    So cool that you are trying to respond to everyone as they comment. So encouraging, isnt it? Makes me want to do better when people are driven by my words. Its like you WANT to do better for THEM also, right? I love it! SP is the best thing in the world, besides rainbows, water, and kisses. :D hehe You deserve that. ((HUGS)) to you, too, babe! XO

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Come on a little close ... i have a secret to tell you

Friday, May 11, 2012

* finger curled motioning you closer
* this is important so come on a little closer

What i am about to tell you will shock you and for that well I can not applogize for but hopefully you will understand. Last night during a conversation with my son it happened something I dearly hate ... He knows this because before he says that horrible thing he says " no offense mom" ( in my head i am screaming no dont say it ) then he says it ... She is your size she is big like you ... he keeps trying to clean up to make it sound better ... I said oh stop it ... you mean she is "fat" he said well yea i am sorry i shouldnt say that mom ... I said i understand However come here and let me let you in on a secret " i am not fat " Oh i no the horror right there i am weighing 309.6 and I dare say " i am not Fat" ... So here let me let you in on this secret ....

I am the product of two wonderful parents
I am the sister two a wonderful brother
I am a wife to at most times a good man
I am the parent of two great sons
I am the grand mother two awesome grandsons
I am smart
I am funny
I am a fighter
I am a survivor
I am honorable
I am honest
I am a good friend
I am a force to be reckoned with
I am a b*tch ( only when pushed that way)
I am a respectable member of society
I am caring
I am trusting
I am so much more than most will ever see because all you see is that i am fat ... here is the secret .... I am not fat my body is fat ... there is no government index that measures me .. I am the only one that defines who i am not the world ... My body weighs 309.6 but who I am weighs so much more than that and that I will never lose . now just to be fair I will tell you the last thing that i told him about who i am ... I am one perpetual eye roll from unleashing more attitude on you than you will ever want to see ... So the next time you want to compare somebody to me make sure they truly live up to who I am .... I dont buy into the whole say something nice about yourself or self praise however sometimes the world needs to do as I do and look past the numbers that flash on a scale...

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JOANNHUNT 2/14/2013 10:47AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon RIGHT ON WELL SAID AND SO TRUE KEEP PUSHING

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KRISTINWISHON 5/26/2012 2:53PM

    Well said!

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JEANNINEMM68 5/26/2012 11:47AM

    This is a great blog!!!!! There is so much more that defines us then our weight.

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BAREFOOTMTNGIRL 5/25/2012 9:47PM

    Hell to the ya!

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LIVIN2BEFIT 5/24/2012 9:47AM

    This blog was so amazing and truly it has blessed my spirit on today..... This makes me smile emoticon

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THEIS58 5/21/2012 4:58AM

    Great blog!

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SUSANMYERS1 5/18/2012 12:18PM

    You are totally correct. You have to admit people can be so cruel. You are correct all they see is the obesity. Hey I am the same person inside. Thanks for putting it into perspective. I actually have men speak to me now that would not have given me the time of day before. Alot of people are so Superfical. Thanks for sharing!

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BRAVEHEART4ME 5/18/2012 11:01AM

  Great blog and so accurate! Good for you! emoticon

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VICKIEALEXANDER 5/17/2012 7:18PM

    Amen, Sister!

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JSTHIESS 5/17/2012 12:35PM

    Thanks for such an amazing perspective shift! You are just SO RIGHT! I don't look at other people and compare them that way, but i do treat myself that way, so for me to start thinking of myself as i really am and not what i weigh... THANKS AGAIN!!!

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PRAYINGSUZIE 5/17/2012 12:32AM

    Thank you! This is exactly what I needed to read! I get told all the time that I am fat and I know that I get looks that say the same thing! I am so glad that you gave the list of what you are! I am going to do a list too! Thank you so much!

Suzie

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CRINKLYMONKEY 5/16/2012 3:01PM

    That was an awesome come back! emoticon

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MEESHINTHEUK 5/16/2012 9:30AM

    I feel like there should be a loud "boo-ya" and fireworks at the end of your blog.

Love it, thank you!!!

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JXOCASIO 5/15/2012 10:39PM

  You're a an excellent reminder to look past the cover and with 'tude. :)

Loved it.












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DIAMONDP21 5/15/2012 9:58PM

    I loved this one -- you tell 'em girl.... emoticon

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THE_NEW_MELISSA 5/15/2012 5:10PM

    You're dang skippy! That's right!

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DENISE474 5/15/2012 4:53PM

    emoticon
emoticon emoticon

You just said it all so brilliantly ! I would be proud to have you as a spark friend. Ive added you feel free to add me! I loved everything you said!!!

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MSLOVELY87 5/15/2012 3:53PM

    I love this!!! you completely made my day ! YOU GO GIRL!!!

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LILLILYNN 5/15/2012 3:35PM

    Truely inspiring!

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CATHERINE514 5/15/2012 3:03PM

  I LOVE your blog post NEWTINK, especially " I am not fat my body is fat". You are a wonderful inspiration and have seen past your body to your mind and soul. I needed to read this today...thank you for sharing your wisdom and insight. emoticon

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MARIANNELK 5/15/2012 2:51PM

    I really enjoyed your blog and also the comment from IZONPRIZE. What the world "thinks" it sees is usually so much less than all the parts.

Really prize the "inner" values & "outer" skills that we have in ourselves and then do the same for those we encounter. Our world could than be headed toward a richer, better place.

PS-I'm losing weight not for other's eyes but for how it makes me feel: more energy, less stress & a wardrobe that I don't have to keep replacing!

emoticon

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MRSGOAT9699 5/15/2012 1:19PM

    Hear, Hear!! emoticon

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JESSU2008 5/15/2012 12:54PM

    I totally agree. That's just awesome! Thanks a million. It's such a great perspective!

emoticon

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SCUNNINGHAM2002 5/15/2012 12:51PM

    I couldn't put it better!!! Right On!! emoticon

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DOTTY7267 5/15/2012 11:48AM

    This is great! We are all more than what appears to be seen.

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CIARANICOLE85 5/15/2012 11:25AM

    Wish I could think more like that. Great words of inspiration.

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IZONPRIZE 5/15/2012 11:16AM

    I LOVE your blog. I have a little book I read over and over to my 3 year old granddaughter called "WHO AM I". It is basically saying we are not what we do. Just because I do good things, does not make me a "good person". Just because I do bad things sometimes does not make me a "bad person", just because I can swim like a fish does not mean I am a fish. Who we are is not what we do or how we look. We forget that we are spirit first, soul, THEN body. This is just an "Earth Suit" that is a container of the REAL US. When we judge ANYONE (Thin or Fat or In-Between) by their Earth Suit, then we are being VERY shallow and VERY narrow-minded and are limiting who we choose to be friends with by their cover. Some of the best "books" I have ever read were very old, dusty and dog-earred. If our world would stop judging one another (and stop judging ourselves as well), by the appearance of the outer container and start really looking "inside", we just might begin to really LIVE. Thank you for sharing your heart. You are beautiful!

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BACKATITAMY 5/15/2012 10:29AM

  emoticon You go momma!!! You are also so AWESOME!!!! I love it!

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WILSON425 5/15/2012 9:38AM

    Well said!

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JLEMUS1 5/15/2012 7:26AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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PSYCHOPIXI 5/15/2012 5:55AM

    Exactly what i needed to hear. Thank you :)

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THEIS58 5/15/2012 5:32AM

    You go!

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SERAPHGYRL 5/14/2012 7:46PM

    Well said indeed! Oh, I put on a good show and I tell myself I'm fabulous but, I have been dragging myself through life feeling badly about myself most of my life and, as I put on the pounds, my self esteem took a nose-dive. Lots of people are so judgemental. I found Sparks and am on my way to having a fit and healthy body. I got an extra bonus when I joined SP though. I found a whole community of beautiful people. People who teach me to love who I am. Thank you :)

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GROWNINOP 5/14/2012 12:16PM

  Wow! You said it all wonderfully!

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YULLABELLE 5/14/2012 10:00AM

    emoticon

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WRITINGDIVA1 5/14/2012 1:36AM

    emoticon

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POPCORNCARLA 5/13/2012 10:18AM

  YOU GO GIRL! I absolutely agree with you 100%. I am on my weight loss journey because I want to be, my choice, not because I don't/didn't fit what society told me I should be. I was comfortable in my own skin and it made me sad that others didn't see me for who I was and not what I looked at. I have 2 beautiful grandaughters ages 2 & 6 and I hope to show them how to be happy and healthy.

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TURNINGTABLES21 5/13/2012 7:45AM

  Great perspective!

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BLUEJEAN99 5/13/2012 3:42AM

    emoticon

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NASFKAB 5/13/2012 2:06AM

  great TRUTH

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ALASKAN 5/12/2012 11:40PM

    emoticon article emoticon

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**RENEE** 5/12/2012 6:13PM

    Amen!

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MYSTERY-LADY1 5/12/2012 5:37PM

    emoticon

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WORLDSERIES11 5/12/2012 4:05PM

    You go girl!!! emoticon

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TERRIJ7 5/12/2012 3:02PM

    I think you taught your son some valuable lessons right there! Hopefully, he'll chew on that for a while and be a little wiser for it!

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LAURALOVESSPARK 5/12/2012 2:03PM

    emoticon emoticon

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FARIS71 5/12/2012 1:59PM

    Preach it sister!!

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AVANDREA_ 5/12/2012 12:20PM

    Way to keep on track!! emoticon

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JUSGETTENBY42 5/12/2012 12:16PM

    emoticon

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TERRRI 5/12/2012 11:51AM

    Great blog! Love it!

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The emotional eater ... prepared

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Yesterday was that day of the week that I hate ... Wednesday !!! As it goes that day is always bad been that way for years. It was especially bad because me and my husband had a huge fight. Most know he is working out of town so a fight that spans two states is never good. I wont go into specifics about it lets just say it isnt over yet. Having trouble sleeping last night i was laying in bed thinking ok what are you going to in the morning. I am alone without the grand kids this week which is not good. As an emotional eater the first thing I taught me was to have a plan for those days. I am a high stressed depressed emotional eater. So I keep a list posted so that i will not spend my day in bed under the covers, crying eating very little or to much. So this morning i did the morning check in with the spark and a friend online and then took a hot shower ... and kicked my butt into high cleaning mode. emptying the cabinets in the kitchen and cleaning them, then i fixed breakfast. Next is to do the daily workout. The whole time my phone was chiming email messages. i just kept doing my thing in the kitchen and then when done i came to see what the heck was going on with my phone. Like i said i am alone today and that is difficult in my state of mind, everything has to be a focused effort. There are a lot conversation with the inner me that I can do this, we have goals, June is right around the corner you can make it through this morning the afternoon will be better.

Back to the chiming on my phone. the first email was that email from Xphoenix of the " done being the fat girl" team ... i know this email it is the one that tells us who is the DGOTD ( Done Girl Of the Day) email #2 said a had a new comment on my spark page ... Oh i love comments on my spark page so yea i went there to see which of my spark friends was saying good morning ... I became overwhelmed when it was Xphoenix congratulating me on be the DGOTD. I just sat there looking at it. I write blogs about my issues in life to get them out of my brain not to have people pitty me. I would never ask for anything from anyone, I truly believe that I am strong enough to handle anything by myself. So on the worst day that I have had in a while, something somewhere sent for help for me. There is no worst feeling that fighting morbid obesity alone, except maybe being depressed while you do it. And somebody somewhere somehow said I will help today. Even as I write this blog my email is still chiming that i have spark comments. You will never know how much I appreciate this today. You all are a wonderful group of ladies. I could have never prepared for this today thank you so much for the honor and the support.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CITYZOZO 5/12/2012 11:35AM

    go go go!

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ILOVEPEOPLE 5/10/2012 9:50PM

    You're emoticon

Comment edited on: 5/10/2012 9:50:38 PM

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FLY0NTHEWAL1 5/10/2012 5:49PM

    Getting comments on my page and blogs makes me feel really good too. It motivates me to keep going to see that other people are rooting for me even when I don't feel like rooting for myself, or when I get down on myself because results aren't occurring as quickly as I wanted or expected, or even if I make a total mess of things for a couple days.

It's good that you have this check list. Maybe I'll give that a go. I have a hard time on weekends because there is no structure and my eating is equally haphazard.

Truly sorry about the fight with your husband. It's especially tough when they aren't physically there to work it out with you.

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KAKAKALI4 5/10/2012 11:56AM

    So happy this reached out to you when you really needed it! You are doing great and we have issues, it is great you are willing to share yours and get support, keeping things inside can make for all kinds of other problems. Keep up the great work on you! keep inspiring and reaching out to others, it helps us all! :)

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XPHOENIX 5/10/2012 9:58AM

    Every time you pour your heart out about your difficulties, bad days, achievements, anything it teaches US and supports US also. You are venting and not asking for help, but it shows us that we are not alone, that others have the same problems and struggles we have, and that you are truly human like us.

I think its amazing that it happened to you on a day when you needed it most. I believe that when we need things the most, it is sent to us. I'm so glad you are so honored and happy. You truly deserve the honor. I have seen you commenting, encouraging, inspiring, and loving your fellow DONE Sisters and doing that while you are fighting for yourself (and against others). You are an amazing woman and if that is what it took for you to realize, I wish I could make you DGOTD everyday ;)

Enjoy your day. You truly deserve it. Keep up the amazing work, you are really doing so great and deserve it! You rock! XOXOXO

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DAREDEVILME 5/10/2012 9:46AM

    Enjoy your day....and remember, you're not in this alone!!
Done Girls are the best!


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LOVEANANIMAL 5/10/2012 9:21AM

    You totally deserve to be the Done Girl! Your writings not only help you, but they help us too! Looking forward to future readings from you! Wishing you a great day!
PS.Crank up some of your favorite music as you zoom through your chores, & if you feel stressed, send us another blog, even if you need to write 5 x daily. : ) Wishing you a Happy Mother's Day this Sunday!

Comment edited on: 5/10/2012 9:22:28 AM

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TELFERS01 5/10/2012 8:52AM

  Great job!

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Moving again

Tuesday, May 08, 2012

After three weeks at 310.2, this morning when I weighed I broke the plateau I am now at 309.6. I know shocked as it may be this is big for me. I didnt give up I didnt fall back into the old ways of sabotaging myself so yea I see it is as a victory. However I do have to move my 299 goal from May 15th to June 15th. This is the third time i have moved it since I joined sparkpeople in January. This has been on my mind morning all morning since I stepped off the scale. I did my Leslie Sasone walking DVD 3 miles and then i went to the walking track and did my two miles.

The track is a quarter mile around so i have to eight laps ( 4 one way the 4 the other way with interval speed changes). I was starting lap five when another walker arrived at the park and started his walk. He was like 6'5 maybe 180 pounds and i am being generous here. He quickly caught up and passed by me. i watched him all the way around. When i made it 1/2 way around for lap seven he was more than half the track around me. I thought to myself when i get back to my car i am going home i cant keep up with him ... at 3/4 around my car in sight I was looking at it and then i thought I dont know him, we didnt come here together, the only person i have to compete with is myself. besides girl you had a mile in before he ever started so who cares if he walks around you . So i made my way on around and i finished the two miles. when i was stretching at my car he passed by and said I am glad you decided to walk today. I said thank you and i am glad you did to.... Just a nice man who really was sincere in his thought. The moral here is sometimes we make it worst on ourselves living up to some standard of living that is not true to us. So what if i move the goal again at least I am moving it and not just forgetting it all together. So yay a victory in the defeat!!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

IMAREADER 5/18/2012 3:47PM

    That's great! It's amazing how just a pound or two can make you feel good. I've been yoyo-ing over the same 5 pounds for a while. I've been really eating right and exercising this past week and I weigh tomorrow. I hope that the scales show it. If I've lost some of that 5 pound 'anchor', I'll be happy. I just want to get down into that next 'level' of weight (under 200). That'll be a great day!

I think we're all doing great and we'll get there one day!


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PANDASUE2 5/10/2012 10:32AM

    Great job! Keep up the hard work and you'll see those 2's before ya know it!

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LOVEANANIMAL 5/10/2012 8:25AM

    Great blog! Proud of you for realizing you were not there to compete with the gentleman walker, and you kept going for YOU! Congrats for breaking the ceiling on the scale! I totally understand where you are coming from...many of us do. Thank you so much for sharing!

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THEFLORIDAFAIRY 5/9/2012 11:03AM

    Good for you to keep on walking! emoticon

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fear... trying to get over it

Sunday, May 06, 2012

In the world sometimes we percieve ourselves worst than others do. I have an intense fear of not meeting expectations along with many other fears lol. I hide a lot of feelings inside and i a m that ultimate strong female. There is nothing that I cant handle except when I disappoint people. Once back when i was in my twenties I met this person who had seen only a face shot of me and when they met me well although they were very polite you could tell that i didnt look like they had expected so this set up the fear of pictures. There are some and i mean a very few people who actually get that whole body shot and getting the face shot out of me is really like pulling teeth. i keep up the two pictures on Sparkpeople as a reminder of what i look like to others. Although I never feel as much as I weigh. I am very lucky I am very tall at 5'9" and if it wasnt for my stomach I would say i look pretty good. While i was walking today at the track ... I was thinking why is that I hide from pictures of me? Why is it that I look at a picture and i automatically change my own perception of my self. The whole bottom line here ... that I am a human being a woman a lady that has a weight problem. And before i can get the rest of the world to respect that I have to first. I am going to face that fear and put that full body shot out there for the world to see...

This is me at 310.2 pounds ... just as an update i am much better than my last blog... my husband made a surprise trip home for our anniversary . Hope you all have a wonderful day ...

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

THEFLORIDAFAIRY 5/7/2012 10:20AM

    great job! We all need a little soul searching from time to time and you made some very valuable points! emoticon

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VICKI-B--56 5/6/2012 6:24PM

  Don't be so hard on yourself. Hope you have a marvalous anniversary!! emoticon

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