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The emotional eater ... prepared

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Yesterday was that day of the week that I hate ... Wednesday !!! As it goes that day is always bad been that way for years. It was especially bad because me and my husband had a huge fight. Most know he is working out of town so a fight that spans two states is never good. I wont go into specifics about it lets just say it isnt over yet. Having trouble sleeping last night i was laying in bed thinking ok what are you going to in the morning. I am alone without the grand kids this week which is not good. As an emotional eater the first thing I taught me was to have a plan for those days. I am a high stressed depressed emotional eater. So I keep a list posted so that i will not spend my day in bed under the covers, crying eating very little or to much. So this morning i did the morning check in with the spark and a friend online and then took a hot shower ... and kicked my butt into high cleaning mode. emptying the cabinets in the kitchen and cleaning them, then i fixed breakfast. Next is to do the daily workout. The whole time my phone was chiming email messages. i just kept doing my thing in the kitchen and then when done i came to see what the heck was going on with my phone. Like i said i am alone today and that is difficult in my state of mind, everything has to be a focused effort. There are a lot conversation with the inner me that I can do this, we have goals, June is right around the corner you can make it through this morning the afternoon will be better.

Back to the chiming on my phone. the first email was that email from Xphoenix of the " done being the fat girl" team ... i know this email it is the one that tells us who is the DGOTD ( Done Girl Of the Day) email #2 said a had a new comment on my spark page ... Oh i love comments on my spark page so yea i went there to see which of my spark friends was saying good morning ... I became overwhelmed when it was Xphoenix congratulating me on be the DGOTD. I just sat there looking at it. I write blogs about my issues in life to get them out of my brain not to have people pitty me. I would never ask for anything from anyone, I truly believe that I am strong enough to handle anything by myself. So on the worst day that I have had in a while, something somewhere sent for help for me. There is no worst feeling that fighting morbid obesity alone, except maybe being depressed while you do it. And somebody somewhere somehow said I will help today. Even as I write this blog my email is still chiming that i have spark comments. You will never know how much I appreciate this today. You all are a wonderful group of ladies. I could have never prepared for this today thank you so much for the honor and the support.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CITYZOZO 5/12/2012 11:35AM

    go go go!

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ILOVEPEOPLE 5/10/2012 9:50PM

    You're emoticon

Comment edited on: 5/10/2012 9:50:38 PM

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FLY0NTHEWAL1 5/10/2012 5:49PM

    Getting comments on my page and blogs makes me feel really good too. It motivates me to keep going to see that other people are rooting for me even when I don't feel like rooting for myself, or when I get down on myself because results aren't occurring as quickly as I wanted or expected, or even if I make a total mess of things for a couple days.

It's good that you have this check list. Maybe I'll give that a go. I have a hard time on weekends because there is no structure and my eating is equally haphazard.

Truly sorry about the fight with your husband. It's especially tough when they aren't physically there to work it out with you.

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KAKAKALI4 5/10/2012 11:56AM

    So happy this reached out to you when you really needed it! You are doing great and we have issues, it is great you are willing to share yours and get support, keeping things inside can make for all kinds of other problems. Keep up the great work on you! keep inspiring and reaching out to others, it helps us all! :)

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XPHOENIX 5/10/2012 9:58AM

    Every time you pour your heart out about your difficulties, bad days, achievements, anything it teaches US and supports US also. You are venting and not asking for help, but it shows us that we are not alone, that others have the same problems and struggles we have, and that you are truly human like us.

I think its amazing that it happened to you on a day when you needed it most. I believe that when we need things the most, it is sent to us. I'm so glad you are so honored and happy. You truly deserve the honor. I have seen you commenting, encouraging, inspiring, and loving your fellow DONE Sisters and doing that while you are fighting for yourself (and against others). You are an amazing woman and if that is what it took for you to realize, I wish I could make you DGOTD everyday ;)

Enjoy your day. You truly deserve it. Keep up the amazing work, you are really doing so great and deserve it! You rock! XOXOXO

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DAREDEVILME 5/10/2012 9:46AM

    Enjoy your day....and remember, you're not in this alone!!
Done Girls are the best!

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LOVEANANIMAL 5/10/2012 9:21AM

    You totally deserve to be the Done Girl! Your writings not only help you, but they help us too! Looking forward to future readings from you! Wishing you a great day!
PS.Crank up some of your favorite music as you zoom through your chores, & if you feel stressed, send us another blog, even if you need to write 5 x daily. : ) Wishing you a Happy Mother's Day this Sunday!

Comment edited on: 5/10/2012 9:22:28 AM

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TELFERS01 5/10/2012 8:52AM

  Great job!

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Moving again

Tuesday, May 08, 2012

After three weeks at 310.2, this morning when I weighed I broke the plateau I am now at 309.6. I know shocked as it may be this is big for me. I didnt give up I didnt fall back into the old ways of sabotaging myself so yea I see it is as a victory. However I do have to move my 299 goal from May 15th to June 15th. This is the third time i have moved it since I joined sparkpeople in January. This has been on my mind morning all morning since I stepped off the scale. I did my Leslie Sasone walking DVD 3 miles and then i went to the walking track and did my two miles.

The track is a quarter mile around so i have to eight laps ( 4 one way the 4 the other way with interval speed changes). I was starting lap five when another walker arrived at the park and started his walk. He was like 6'5 maybe 180 pounds and i am being generous here. He quickly caught up and passed by me. i watched him all the way around. When i made it 1/2 way around for lap seven he was more than half the track around me. I thought to myself when i get back to my car i am going home i cant keep up with him ... at 3/4 around my car in sight I was looking at it and then i thought I dont know him, we didnt come here together, the only person i have to compete with is myself. besides girl you had a mile in before he ever started so who cares if he walks around you . So i made my way on around and i finished the two miles. when i was stretching at my car he passed by and said I am glad you decided to walk today. I said thank you and i am glad you did to.... Just a nice man who really was sincere in his thought. The moral here is sometimes we make it worst on ourselves living up to some standard of living that is not true to us. So what if i move the goal again at least I am moving it and not just forgetting it all together. So yay a victory in the defeat!!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

IMAREADER 5/18/2012 3:47PM

    That's great! It's amazing how just a pound or two can make you feel good. I've been yoyo-ing over the same 5 pounds for a while. I've been really eating right and exercising this past week and I weigh tomorrow. I hope that the scales show it. If I've lost some of that 5 pound 'anchor', I'll be happy. I just want to get down into that next 'level' of weight (under 200). That'll be a great day!

I think we're all doing great and we'll get there one day!

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PANDASUE2 5/10/2012 10:32AM

    Great job! Keep up the hard work and you'll see those 2's before ya know it!

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LOVEANANIMAL 5/10/2012 8:25AM

    Great blog! Proud of you for realizing you were not there to compete with the gentleman walker, and you kept going for YOU! Congrats for breaking the ceiling on the scale! I totally understand where you are coming from...many of us do. Thank you so much for sharing!

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    Good for you to keep on walking! emoticon

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fear... trying to get over it

Sunday, May 06, 2012

In the world sometimes we percieve ourselves worst than others do. I have an intense fear of not meeting expectations along with many other fears lol. I hide a lot of feelings inside and i a m that ultimate strong female. There is nothing that I cant handle except when I disappoint people. Once back when i was in my twenties I met this person who had seen only a face shot of me and when they met me well although they were very polite you could tell that i didnt look like they had expected so this set up the fear of pictures. There are some and i mean a very few people who actually get that whole body shot and getting the face shot out of me is really like pulling teeth. i keep up the two pictures on Sparkpeople as a reminder of what i look like to others. Although I never feel as much as I weigh. I am very lucky I am very tall at 5'9" and if it wasnt for my stomach I would say i look pretty good. While i was walking today at the track ... I was thinking why is that I hide from pictures of me? Why is it that I look at a picture and i automatically change my own perception of my self. The whole bottom line here ... that I am a human being a woman a lady that has a weight problem. And before i can get the rest of the world to respect that I have to first. I am going to face that fear and put that full body shot out there for the world to see...

This is me at 310.2 pounds ... just as an update i am much better than my last blog... my husband made a surprise trip home for our anniversary . Hope you all have a wonderful day ...

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


    great job! We all need a little soul searching from time to time and you made some very valuable points! emoticon

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VICKI-B--56 5/6/2012 6:24PM

  Don't be so hard on yourself. Hope you have a marvalous anniversary!! emoticon

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the broken streak ... dont read if you dont want to know

Thursday, May 03, 2012

There are twelve hours and 20 minutes left in this day... I really want to crawl under my blanket and not come out till tomorrow. I never thought we would break this streak however after 15 years today is the first anniversary that we have spent apart. It sucks, it hurts, it is depressing almost to emotional to deal with. I want chocolate, i dont want chocolate, i want french fries, i dont want french fries, I dont want to exercise but i did. When we were married 15 years ago today they said we would not last a year but we did. I am not sure that the next twelve hours are going to be great but I will do everything in my power to stay on track with my program ... This is a streak that should not have been broken..

yep i know suck it up and I will tomorrow but today it sucks .

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

STOP-IT-KNOW 5/6/2012 12:36PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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Comment edited on: 5/3/2012 4:33:08 PM

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just a day

Wednesday, May 02, 2012

This time last year I was laying litterally on my couch in New Orleans recovering from foot surgery. That was the fifth foot surgery and with each one the fear of complications grew. With this one there was a particular concern for infection and it was scary thinking I might lose my foot however the pain had grown so bad and the foot was so week that I really felt like i had no choice. I followed instructions to the letter for ten weeks and did not a thing but go to the restroom and back to the couch emoticon. this is only important in reflection to how far we have come.

Now fast forward to yesterday ... as i woke in the morning the foot was throbbing before it hit the floor but i kept pushing ... at noon i finally did my Leslie Sansone dvd 1 mile because i also had to do the biggest loser calorie knock out. one is low impact arobics the other is high impact ... after that i couldnt hardly walk so ice packs and meds here we come. Well I had told the grandsons that we would go outside when they got up from a nap.

So when they got up and saw the ice pack on my ankle my four year old grandson said you don't have to go outside mamaw you are hurt ... i said no we have to go out and play it will be alright. so back on with the Nikes and out we go ... No I didnt want to I wanted to curl up and cry but i went any way ... while outside we were running around playing and chasing bubbles. at one point a tear rolled down my face because i am not kidding it hurt pretty bad. my grandson when i went at sat the table says why do you run and play at mommy's no big people run with us ... i just sat there looking at this small face wondering what to tell him ... how to make him understand how important his play time was ... so i said ... well sweetie ... running and playing with is good for a lot of reasons. First it is fun ... i love the giggle from them it is contagious... second well that is a little more difficult but lets see ... You are helping me by running and playing ... helping me get healthier and fit... so we can play for many years ... he thought i minute and he said Well i like playing with you but well i need to rest you make me tired. He said last night ... can i help you get better tomorrow outside if it doesn't rain ? lol

this story is an accomplishment for me because a year ago i couldn't do any thing with out a cane or crutches near by ... I promised myself once i got off that couch i would do everything that i could to make me better and so far i can say with a clean conscious that I am.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

STOP-IT-KNOW 5/6/2012 12:37PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SFREY217 5/2/2012 8:09AM

    Thank you for this inspirational story. I too have issues with my feet and some days it's hard to get out of bed, but I just push through and keep going too!

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