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dear dad

Thursday, April 05, 2012

Dear Dad, Today is ten years sense God decided he needed you more than we did. I swear I think i miss you more today than I did the day you left. I wish i could tell you that i have done a great job in the years that have past by however as you know that is not the case. I am doing the best I can. I find myself these thinking back to all those things you said: put ten percent of your check back so you will never be broke, better lose that weight while you are young it only gets harder, treat everyone like you want to be treated, if you raise the boys right they will turn out just fine. Well i didnt put my 10% of my check up lol you were right about the weight it is harder as you get older but i am accomplishing it one pound at a time, I think in some ways i treat people to good because it is not returned in the same way but that is their issue not mine. The boys well now that i am not so sure of these days. Your oldest Grandson is going through a divorce and fighting so very hard for his children. Some days it seems like a losing battle but he says he will never give up as long as he has a breath in him. your youngest grandson well he got himself married last Dec. to well lets just say not the kinda chick that you bring home to momma which has led to him not talking to me. I miss him so much tomorrow is his birthday he will be 20. But dad he made this fight this time and well he has to learn that he cant just act any way he wants to. I wish you and mom were here to help on days like today. I miss you and i love you and thanks for listening on this good but sad day.

your angel


she is right and wrong all at the same time

Tuesday, April 03, 2012

Yesterday while i was working outmy four year old grandson says " my mommy says it doesnt how much you work out you will always be fat." I thought about it for a while and he is right I never said i wanted to be 120 pound thin. The thing is that i am literally what they call big boned so i will never be thin the way he sees it right now, however I hope to never be this way either. I dont remember what 170 looks like so i can't tell you. All i can tell you is that at the end of this journey i may still never wear a bikini but at least i will feel better when i go to the beach with the grandsons. Yesterday also while outside playing with them we spent about 20 minutes just playing chase, this time last year i was walking with the assistance of a cane. So no thin but still a much better life. Thin isnt everything but health and well being are. I started this process last July and this week finally broke the fifty pound marker that is 50 pounds gone. That is huge to me still 11 more pounds to the first goal but i will get there without a doubt. So as they say out of the mouth of babes, this babe only has one thing to say to the mother of this child... I have learned over the past few months that people do not define me only i can do that. emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WUV2BLOVED 4/10/2012 12:35PM

    Great job on your losses so far. Sounds like you have made up your mind to get healthy. Sometimes its the words of the babes that hit the closest to home because they are so honest with us. You will get to your goal, take it one day at a time along with one pound. What kind of plan are you following, if I may ask?

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CHERRYTOMATO 4/4/2012 12:14PM


First of all, your hard work is totally paying off, and you are being an amazing role model to that little boy! He is seeing that being active and eating healthy = a fun life. Which is a huge life lesson to learn, and hopefully it will be ingrained in him for his whole life. That is an amazing gift that YOU are giving to him!

Second, I feel a little sad for a 4 year old to be so concious of someone "being fat". I hope he is also surrounded by lots of postive talk about body image from his mama and dad, and other caretakers. It is so important for his long term self esteem!

I am so glad he has such a great role model in his grandma!

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RAE_LEIGH22 4/4/2012 7:10AM

    What an incredible blog! You should be proud of yourself for knowing that you are the one that defines yourself, or at least should be.

It can be tough to hear what kids have to say. You're right, though, health = thin isn't the whole equation.

Keep up that positive attitude, girl!

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Just a note.

Saturday, March 31, 2012

It has been a decent week ending with an awful night. On Thursday i had a doctor appointment where i was put on an arthritic and anxiety med. Last night I had a reaction to one or both drugs that took me to the hospital. I was treated and released. Today I feel just sluggish and drugged. I do not believe that I will be asking the doctor for anything again to help with anxiety. I will concentrate on other ways to help relieve the anxiety. It really is not worth me feeling that bad again. This week I took a wonderful walk at sunrise and visited with my brother. Those seemed to help so I will do that some more. They have tried anti anxiety meds in the past and although i did not have the reactions that i did last night I was never able to take them. So I am done with that approach. There is a topical ointment that works on the arthritis in my ankle, I will continue to work with my doctor to get it approved by my insurance company. If necessary i will do physical therapy again. There are other options rather than taking an oral prescription. I have never had much luck with many drugs my body just doesn't like the foreign things floating around inside I guess. at any rate like I said just a note. Hope everyone is having a wonderful day.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MICKAELAP 3/31/2012 2:54PM

    Well keep your head up. I have never liked taking pills for the fact the way they make me feel. But I did find out, with losing weight, and watching what I eat, I am off all meds. It has even helped with my RA. Good luck. Stay thinking positive;-)

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God's motivation

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

I am not what one would call spirtual or religious However I do beleive that God is there. We all live in a truly high pace stressed up roller coaster ride. The pace and stress of life leads us to a place where we forget about the wonders that God gives us everyday. We forget that clouds look like something in our imagination. That flowers really are god's natural perfume for the world we live in. Sometimes when driving I look at over the river from the top of a bridge and see all the industry that is streaming all along that river, and wonder Is that what God intended for such a wonderful place. Last night I decided that this morning I would go to the beach before sunrise and walk.
This morning I did just that. It was beautiful and relaxing and calming. I was thinking about a year ago due to some health reasons I almost lost the ability to walk. Here I am a year later searching for the motivation every day to keep on the weight loss process well this morning watching the world come alive was a great motivation from God. The sun rising over the gulf of Mexico, the fish playing in the water, birds searching for the morning breakfast. There were a few other walkers and joggers however for the most part it was just silent except for God's Good Morning to the world. It made me feel new, I may never see a sunrise over a mountain, However I will always a spectecular view of The Gulf. whereever you live take a minute and enjoy the natural beauty that is around and relize as I did this morning, that if you are taking the time to change your life then take the time to get all the rewards that are there not just the one's you can buy.

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TAWANDA_IS_BACK 1/26/2013 9:54PM

    I love mornings near the Gulf. After my divorce, I would drive nearly 2 hours just to sit on the wall and soak up the view.....leaving all my problems behind, just me, the big waters, the birds and a cool breeze from God. I love those moments. Thanks for reminding me emoticon

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4ANEWME2DAY 3/27/2012 9:52AM

    WOW!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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another change

Sunday, March 25, 2012

There are things that people take for granted when they have never dealt with a severe weight issue. they never think about the clothes in the table cloth section called plus size, they never think about how shoes actually look on their feet the ability to cross their legs the proper way. Well I think about all these things and more. I see the thin beautiful people and wish that i could be like them, I know that most have a whole different set of concerns and I am not making lite of them. But to see a lady sitting with her legs crossed the proper way well that has been out of my reach for a while now. well Today i was sitting and talking with my son and i realized that i was sitting with my legs crossed the proper way. i know it doesnt seem a lot but it is the small changes that make this journey of mine so worth the work that i put into it. finding a new bone that was lost under fat the ability to do something that i couldnt do prior. at any rate it is a great day.

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CLOVER2 3/25/2012 9:40PM

    I know what you mean, I have found ribs again. I have found bones I had forgotten that I had. One thing I have been able to do again that I didn't think I missed until I could again was to cross my legs and then wrap one leg behind the calf of the other. I saw someone doing that in the past and I thought about it, tried it and realized I oould not do that. Funny about the things folks take for granted....

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