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1/10/13 day 10 : Happy Anniversary !!!

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Dear Spark People .. Happy Anniversary !!! one year ago today I became a sparker and well it has been a tough year but it was a lot better with you than without you. I have learned how to eat better and certainly how to make the most of my exercise. When I first started I was like well this is never going to be different but I was wrong. This is so different than any other weight loss program or site that I have been part of. I think it is because we do things the natural way here. You learn to search for answers and how to live life the right way. There is no magic pills, meals or wonderful surgeries . No you wont find any of that here . What I found here for free is something that I have paid a lot of money for in the past with no results. Acceptance for who I am. Acceptance that my journey is as difficult but different than the next person. Acceptance that I am not always perfect but my spark friends are in the respect that they are there to help me find my way. Knowledge that if I want to know there is an answer here somewhere. Perseverance through the tough times will only enrich the easy times. Friends that actually notice that you have done great or that you have fallen . What you find here is a complete support system to aid you in making a healthy life not just loosing weight . I found the love for who I am right now not to wait till I reach goal weight . I found strength to make some hard decisions .. for all these things and so much more I say thank you .

On the list of questions for my blogs today was what is the hardest thing you have given up ? Well for me that answer is nothing. I live my life making decisions that I can do for the rest of my life. I am not going to buy special meals or pills, no surgeries . I put this on one pound at a time and that is exactly how it will come off and in a fashion that I can live with for ever. I constantly search for new recipes and have found that if you look hard enough you can find a healthy version of anything .

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TAWANDA_IS_BACK 1/22/2013 9:12PM

    I love your naked truth here. It's honest. That's something you can't buy either. You can pay to use the gym, have your own personal trainer, but the naked truth, you can't get there. Thank you for being honest. Thank you for revealing yourself so that newbies like myself will know that there is hope in this journey. We can know that it is doable.....we just have to be willing to do it emoticon emoticon emoticon (I hope that one is a cheerleader LOL)

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COOKIE_AT_51 1/14/2013 7:00AM

    Happy emoticon and congratulations on all you have accomplished emoticon

Keep sparking my friend, you are emoticon and so worthy of all you are doing to better your health.

emoticon emoticon

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WIZKEY 1/11/2013 9:10PM

    Congratulations on your Sparkaversary!!

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LJR4HEALTH 1/11/2013 8:56PM

    Happy emoticon

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MSCARCHICK 1/11/2013 9:29AM

    Happy Sparkaversary !!

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CYALE76 1/11/2013 8:01AM

    Happy Sparkaversary !! emoticon You have done amazing in the past year and I'm sure you will do just as great in the year to come. I love that your answer to the hardest thing you had to give up was nothing, this journey is about a life style change and moderation is the key to staying on track !

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ZOORHO 1/10/2013 11:57PM

    Congrats. And I too love Sparkpeople. it has been a great place to learn and get healthy

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1/9/13 Day 9 : Fatty fatty two by four

Wednesday, January 09, 2013

The question today is Has any one ever made negative comments about your weight?

Hmmm is there a word limit on this blog .. "fatty fatty two by four cant get through the kitchen door" oh you have to love my little brother's rhyming ability at an early age. Then there was Earl Campbell yes I know he is a retired football player ... that was the first nickname besides Tink that I ever remember having . I can still remember watching the game the first time I realized who he was. I was watching with my dad and there he was a massive african american running back. I started to cry and my dad said why are you crying I said that is what the kids call me outside. He said well Angel your fat and unless you loose weight then you should grow thicker skin because people are going to make fun of you . He said it isnt right but it is life so suck it up .

Defining moments that put one hell of a chip on my shoulder. I became so inner closed off to these types of things . Until I got older then I realized that I could demand respect and command it once I got it. I am a force to be reckoned with and most will tell you that I am very intimidating. I am also one of the nicest people you will ever meet once you rip through all my walls. but pack a lunch because it will take you a while to get through the walls that the ones before put there. Dad was right it is life and I can laugh it with the best over weight but there is a limit to my madness ... I deal with Negativity as it comes and try to remember that the things they are making fun of or being negative about I am changing but their rudeness and ignorance well if they havent fixed it by now in their life they probably wont .. Besides I dont do stupid well and dont argue with unarmed people. There is no way to list all the negative that has been said to me in my life I can tell you doesnt happen as much now ... If there was ever one thing I would want to tell an obese child that is hang in there because one day it really does get better might not be all at once but it does happen ...

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TAWANDA_IS_BACK 1/22/2013 9:26PM

    You know, reading this brought me back in time to places I thought I'd forgotten. Maybe I'll blog on that later, but for now, I seemed to catch the hurtful remarks from the people that mattered most. The ones that were supposed to love and protect us. Like, believe it or not, my Grandmother....she looked at me one day and told me that if I gained any more weight, I'd have to wear a potatoe sack for underwear! Really?! My own Grandmother. Yes, really.

Then there was the time when an elderly black man in a wheelchair looked at me and literally started laughing. I said what's so funny? He said, Sugar, I just don't see how those tiny feet of yours hold up something so big! And laughed even more. I just walked off...for 2 reasons, 1) respect your elders matter how much it makes you want to tip the chair over and 2) I was so shocked, hurt, embarrassed, humiliated (my 13 y/o son was standing there).....

Of course there are other times but those 2 come to mind the quickest. I hope I can find a way of turning those negatives into positives. Besides, I've been told more times than not, for every negative, there is a positive and vice versa.

Wow, now this was and in your face emoticon It's what helps us heal and move forward though, so, let the healing begin! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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JSELLINGTON 1/12/2013 12:19AM

    First I have to say I love the quote from the original movie Hairspray with Ricki Lake.

You are a true force to be reckoned with.

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LJR4HEALTH 1/10/2013 6:40PM

    Those negative sure does get a hold of us and we hold on to them longer then we do when some one says something nice about us. I feel for you I was in the Air Force and had nothing but negative said to me when I gained weight back then Just ot share and this was an adult who told me that my thigh was the size of a ham that could feed a family of 12 for week. Yup very mean spirited that SGt was to me


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KBRADFORD88 1/10/2013 3:19PM

    I am so happy that you are taking time to walk through this. Looking inside is hard whether it is because of weight or not. When the weight is gone, the names are still in there. Be good to you and let others be good to you too. Blessings

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NGCHILD 1/10/2013 12:41PM

    Two instances stand out in my mind -- like they happened yesterday. I developed earlier than other girls in my class and as a result, my softball uniform no longer fit. I was made fun of for that by the mean girls on my team. I think I was around 12 at the time.

When I was about 18 my grandfather walked up to me and put his arm around my shoulders and said, "Us fatties have to stick together!" He had no idea how that affected me. I can even remember what I was wearing and where we were when he said it.

They still hurt a bit but I have grown thicker skin. Most things just roll off my back but I too feel I am one of the nicest people you will meet, I just make you work to get to know me. Not sure why that is. ....I'm a Libra. LOL

I am slowly turning comments and thoughts like these towards reaching my goal. It's adding fuel to my recently lit fire!


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COOKIE_AT_51 1/10/2013 8:12AM

    I started to reply to your blog this morning on my phone (I always peruse my messages while still in bed) and I thought, I need to reply to this on my desktop because I was thinking of my past and all the "hate" I have encountered but like you said there is not enough "space" emoticon

It is amazing how we are "molded" and "defined" by the things that happen to us in life. It is unfortunate that there are "haters" (I guess that is what they are called now according to my sons instead of prejudiced). I don't see an end to "hate" but I know that individually we can turn it around (when it happens to us) and use it to strengthen ourselves. emoticon

"The bird that would soar above the level plain of tradition and prejudice must have strong wings." ~ KATE CHOPIN, The Awakening

emoticon to you my emoticon be strong!

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DRKEYEZ820 1/9/2013 11:29PM

    Mmmm I remember being called hippo..... and ALTHOUGH most don't hear it as often when they become adults, words can be just as devastating as physical abuse if not more. I remember when I lost the weight the first time..... my husband would touch me and I would shutter away and say "don't touch my fat".... its not that I was anymore..... it was because that's who I was......not physically but mentally. I can sympathize with any child being over weight, and shame on any parent who doesn't encourage their child to like people for who they are. That's why we have many children committing suicide , or going to schools and doing ungodly things. They don't ALL have a mental illness, and if u gotta wonder who made this child depressed in the first place. As a whole, our country needs a lot of help. In any which way possible. I don't want my child to ever look like I did, or FEEL like I did... she has my blood, shes identical to me, and it gets me SO MAD that my husband who is an over grown bully to begin with, to help with her bad eating habits.
He knows it hurts to be called "fat" names, but he still calls me them... I use it as fuel to become more determined to work harder towards my goal.

ps. Im sorry my paragraph is a mix bag. lol. they seemed to coincide.

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1/8/13 Day 8 : workout routine

Tuesday, January 08, 2013

My workout routine really depends on my mobility with my foot . I walk every day without fail. Any where from 2 to 4 miles ... Walking is my emotional release and has helped me deal with emotional eating ... I now know I will never run or jog but i am good with that as long as I can walk . I also have a neck exerciser that I use every day ... On Monday, wed and Friday I do strength training .. that consists of the following

3 sets of 10 reps each ....
Modified pushups
chest flys
bicep curls
Toe touches
various resistance band exercisers

Right now I am in the process of packing up our apartment and cleaning for the move back to Mississippi permanently . So that is also being counted as exercise.
I have PT on Wed and that is a whole other workout.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

COOKIE_AT_51 1/9/2013 9:50AM

    Hope everything went well at the doc's ... be careful moving boxes around emoticon

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1/7/13 Day 7: Support System

Monday, January 07, 2013

The actual question today was do your parents know you are trying to loose weight? Do they care? I lost my in Sept of 01 and my dad in April of 02. Yes that is right 8 months apart. If they were still with me they would know and oh yes they would care. When I started this in 2010 I quickly found out that I couldnt do this alone. I didnt want to repeat the same mistakes so a support system was needed.

Meet Randy ... he has been my Peter Pan for all 42 years of my life ..

Randy is one of the main reasons that I started this because I got so tired of him telling me of every new surgery that was going to make me smaller and save my life. He is my oldest brother. God gave me him as a brother because he knew that I needed the best in my life and he is it. Randy has Aids but made the choice last January to do work out and see if he could help his own heath issue. He has lost some 40 pounds on his own journey. He is a true hero to battle everyday like he does is amazing.

Then there is Carolyn Cook .... She is the girly girl that I can tell anything to ... and believe me she hears more than she ever wanted to I promise.

I met Carolyn in New Orleans almost 4 years ago which is funny being as we actually live like 15 minutes away from each other in MS. As far as motivators go she is a great one because you cant help but feel good around her. If she has bad days I sure havent seen them ..

Chris now he is my heart ... My oldest son. He has been through so much but he found his way into fitness and has lost some 90 pounds since January 2011 . After being estranged for years from me .. when he came back into my life he just became my best friend. We talk all the time and it is usually about diet and exercise. He calls to ask did you walk today ? knowing is story makes mine so bearable sometimes .

Since I am so far away from him lol i get these types of pictures from him ... look mom I have muscles ... you have to love the internet right ...

There are so many here on spark people that I cant begin to name them all . But this has became my support system. Every person in my life real or online in some way impacts this journey and many cant be named for a variety of reasons . But they are none less important . I would love to name a couple of others but to protect the innocent I better leave it at this lol.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

COOKIE_AT_51 1/7/2013 9:59AM

    That is wonderful that you have a great support system. I am not going to tell my mom anything until I see her this summer. Then she will SEE the results emoticon
I love the fact that your son is on board with you. My oldest actually started Crossfit today, he needs to lose weight too. So we are supportive of each other.

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ANGHARAD3 1/7/2013 8:03AM

  I think my mother would care and maybe my father but they are so involved in their own health problems now. I think getting fit would be very motivational for my daughter and my sisters.

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1/6/13 Day 6 : Do you Binge eat ?

Sunday, January 06, 2013

I had to seriously think on this one. Do I binge eat ?

Binge eating is episodes of uncontrollable eating . As a fat bodied person most think I do this type of thing all the time after all that is how we get fat right. Well no that is not how I became a fat bodied person. I was taught early in life to control my emotions with food. I had the world greatest mother really. She believed that food could fix anything, it really is just a shame that she never realized that her way of fixing things was actually causing the problem. She never realized that there is really no comfort in food and it took me years to realize that it wasnt the food that brought me comfort. It was her need to make it better that brought comfort. Her dotting over me was made things better but that always came with a food attached. Do I binge eat ? hmm after a lot of thought on this question I think I have come up with the answer.

No I dont binge eat . Actually what happens is I have bouts of depression and anxiety . When these happen I stop eating all together ( i know the horror right a fat bodied person who doesnt eat ) . What happens is I wont eat till my system crashes and then I will eat some sugar thing like a candy bar or honey bun to bring it back up . Then i am alright for a while then another crash and the cycle repeats .. So then my body thinks I am starving it and it stores up all the bad stuff. Then I see the pounds creeping back up and feel guilty and so the process repeats again till finally I decide to do the right thing again .. I have gone days without eating and then eat as few as 100 calories . which is why I am a fat bodied person, your body needs a realm of things to survive and when you dont give it what it needs then your body will take what it has to survive. So do yourself a favor stop think and eat properly that is the most important key to success ..

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CUINPARADISE 1/6/2013 11:15PM

    Binge eating is a difficult issue for many people...Including me. I started a new focus program for myself today; I'm focusing on portion control and eating three meanls plus two snacks every day. Today was my first day and it was a challenge, but I shall pervail!!! Good luck to you...I know you can overcome your obstacle too!

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